


You are what you appear to be

by Disorderlyraven



Category: supercorp - Fandom
Genre: Child Abuse, More will be added when I decide what to say, Multi, Western, hidden genders, spousal abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-11-26
Packaged: 2020-03-07 03:40:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 128,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18864970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disorderlyraven/pseuds/Disorderlyraven
Summary: Zor-El wanted a son, and Alura wanted to keep her child alive. Kara Zor-El was born, but only Karson Zor-El lives. What can Karson make of the hand that was dealt.





	1. I was brought into this world And all I got was...

Wind was howling outside of the small farm house. Shutters were pulled tight to keep the wind at bay. The farm was situated a few hours off the west cost, and sometimes high winds would be swept in land from the ocean. A young brunette woman was laying on a small bed in the corner near a old stove for heat. She had green eyes a slight slender frame only marred by the very pregnant belly. The house only had one large room, and the room served every purpose. Hand made furniture was scarce, and the floor was made of dirt.

Zor-El stood near the front door waiting for the woman to finish giving birth to their first child. He was going to have a son whether his wife wanted it or not. He had no time or money to waste on a girl.

A scream of pain was heard across the room. The woman had been in tough labor for hours and she was exhausted. “Zor-El I think it’s time for you to help.” The woman called in a weak voice. 

Zor-El was tall and had a hard muscular frame. His blond hair was cut short, and blue eyes the color of hard ice. Tan skin lined with wrinkles from working in the sun all his life. Big hands with well worked calluses adorned his palms. He kneeled at the end of the bed and looked between his wife’s legs, and sure enough he saw a head covered in fluid about ready to finish coming out.

“Alright Alura looks like its time to push this boy out.” His gruff voice held little kindness for his tired wife. When they had married he knew what he wanted out of a wife. Someone to run his home, raise his sons, and warm his bed. 

Alura had been one of two daughters, and her father had not cared who wanted to marry them as long as they were no longer his responsibility. His farm was failing and he had no money to support them any longer. As much as he loved his girls better to be married then to become a whore in town because they had no where to live. Soon after his girls were married the farm was gone, and the father left to work on the railroad.

The next contraction hit and Alura started to push. It took two agonizing contractions for the child to be born. Zor-El caught the baby in an old shirt and used his knife from his boot to cut the cord. When he finally looked down at the baby.

A girl...

“This child is useless Alura it’s a girl. We can’t afford a girl and I won’t waste time on it.” Zor-El growled moving to go take the child out into the storm to get rid of it. 

“No wait please!!!” Alura called out to her husband with panic in her voice. “We will raise him as a boy no one will have to know!!” Alura was desperate she didn’t want to lose her baby. She would do anything to keep her safe.

Zor-El stopped walking “what nonsense are you speaking woman. It’s plain as day you gave me a girl.” His voice booming in the small house causing the infant to cry.

Alura’s heart clenched at the sad wale of her child. “We raise him as a boy he won’t know any differently until he is old enough to school him in the way his life will be. Their are herbs we can give him as he grows for him to not progress into anything, but a man with no penis. We raise a son, he will be a boy. Just one that will never marry.”  
Alura has Zor-El’s attention now. She had to keep it she would not lose her child.

“Children grow to be what their parents make of them, make him a man husband.”  
Alura almost sounded like she had pride in her voice for her husbands abilities. She could stroke his ego, she could win this fight.

“Very well Alura. What will we name our son?” He looked down at the squalling infant that he now wrapped carefully in a shirt. 

“Karson. Karson Zor-El “ Alura replied holding her arms out to hold her new son. Zor-El looked at the infant nodding. He handed the bundle over to his wife. “Karson it is.”

Alura held her child close to her chest. When Zor-El left to check the barn she kissed the blond hair that grew softly on the small head. “Kara Zor-El you will have a hard life, but you will live. Please forgive me daughter, but I have not the strength to let you go even if it will make your life hard in the future. I love you more then anything my little one.” 

That name would only live in her thoughts Alura promised herself she wouldn’t risk hurting her child for anything in the world. 

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

The smell of biscuits in the oven is what woke Karson from his dreams. Today was his tenth birthday, and he knew that today would be no different then any other birthday he had. Getting up he pulled on his jeans, socks and boots. Pulled one of his fathers old shirts out of a trunk against the wall, and buttoned it slowly as he walked to the small kitchen where his mother was. 

“Morning.” A yawn silting the words as they came from Karson’s mouth. 

“Morning little one your tea is on the table.” Alura smiled down at her son. “Oh and Happy birthday.” Wrapping her son in a rare hug. Zor-El has made it clear that the only way to raise a son was to not coddle the boy. So hugs and affection were only shown when Zor-El wasn’t around. 

Karson reveled in the hug his mother had given him. He hated that she would get in trouble if his father had known, but he wouldn’t turn down the affection when it was offered. He looked down at his tea with a grimace. Knowing better then to argue he chugged the foul tasting drink with a shudder. “Eghh “ 

“Come sit at the table and eat your breakfast. You don’t want to be late for your chores.” Alura pulled out a chair for her son.

No sooner had Karson sat down and lifted his fork, Zor-El walked through the door. “Best hurry up and eat so you can get to work lots to do today.” Karson nodded his head, and started to shove food in his mouth quickly so he wouldn’t anger his father. 

“Zor-El he is now the right age that he will need to go to school a couple of days a week.” Alura said quietly from across the room. 

“I don’t see what he will need school for. Working on the farm is enough.” His answer was gruff, and Alura rarely argued, but school was important. 

“Zor-El its just a couple hours a week. He needs to learn how to read, and write do basic math so he can run the farm after your gone. You will teach him well, but people can take advantage of him if he can’t do those basic things.” Alura held her breath hoping that he would maintain his temper, and listen.

“Can you not teach him those things?” Zor-El asked a growl leaving his throat. 

Alura’s hopes were dashed at giving Karson the opportunity to have friends, and a life outside of this farm.

“I can teach him, but it will take away from the time I can do things around the house.” 

Alura tried again. Still hoping to convince her husband. “Teach him at night it won’t interfere in anything then.” His answer was final and Alura just nodded. 

Karson has kept his head down, and had scarcely hoped that he would get to go to school. 

“I’m done. Going to bale hay.” Karson stood and walked out the door.

“Zor-El it’s almost time for us to tell him about himself he is old enough to bear the secret.” Alura said quietly. 

Zor-El looked at his wife “let’s see what happens when he gets old enough for him to change.” 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////

Dunking his head in the troff of water the horses drank from Karson winced at his tender eye when he wiped the excess water from his face. He was thirteen today, and he had overslept. His father had found him in bed and had not been kind. A black eye, and sore back and shoulders from his heavy strap were not uncommon, but the first day was always the worst.

“Karson come eat breakfast.” A kind voice called from the front porch of his house. Karson walked slowly stiff with pain, but knew better then to show it with how his mother would suffer if she made a big deal over it. 

Alura watched her son walk towards her. Tall for his age with short blond hair that curled around his ears, and under the brim of his tan hat. Broad shoulders and thick muscles were beginning to develop with all of the manual labor the boy did every day. She could see his stiff gate, but knew not to show she saw it or they will both feel Zor-El’s wrath.

“Good morning buddy. Happy birthday!” She pat him on the shoulder instead of hugging him because she didn’t know where her husband was. “Thanks mom.” Karson smiled up at his mom kissing her on the cheek, and walking to the table. 

Alura knew that this morning was going to be rough Zor-El had decided that it was the day to tell Karson about who he was, she hoped her son could forgive her when he finally was able to explain everything.

Zor-El walked up the porch walking past his wife without looking at her. Moving to sit at the table. 

“Karson we need to talk.” Zor-El gruffly addressed his son. Karson winced at his tone, but raised his eyes to meet his fathers. 

“What I’m going to tell you is a secret that must be kept until you die. Am I understood?” Karson nodded his head maintaining eye contact even when he wanted to stare down at his feet. Men looked people in the eye when they speak.

“If this secret gets out it can get us all in trouble, and if it hurts me I guarantee it will hurt you more.” Zor-El eyed his son his serious tone scared Karson, but he knew he had to maintain eye contact. He gripped his hands tightly together to control the shaking.

“When you were born you were born a mistake.” Alura winced, but stayed silent at Zor-El’s words.

“You were born a girl. I have no use for a girl, and was going to go out and kill you, but your mother convinced me you could be raised a son. You will stay my son.” Zor-El stared at Karson who looked on with wide eyes. “The tea you drink every day makes sure you will grow up to be a man. You will never be able to get married, and never have your own children. You will work on this farm until I die, and then this farm will be yours.” Zor-El then ate his breakfast in silence, and got up and left.

Karson had not moved since his father had finished speaking. Alura watched her son fight to maintain his emotions. Crying was not allowed ever. Men do not cry.

“Karson...” Alura waited for Karson to look up at her it took a few minutes, but Karson raised his eyes to meet his mother.

“The day you were born was not a mistake. I loved you more then I could put into words, and I couldn’t let him kill you. I had to do something. My fathers best friend growing up was the town doctor, and he knew of herbal medicines that could make you a boy in all ways but give you the plumbing. It was used for men who had trouble conceiving, but it was discovered if given to children to stop female maturity.”

Alura moves closer to her son, and reached for his hand. 

“I was desperate to save you. It’s the only thing I could think of. Please baby don’t hate me for this I just couldn’t let him kill you.” Tears running down his mothers kind face nearly broke him. He stood on shacking legs and moved to his mother. He pulled her up by her hand and hugged her tightly to him. He was already taller then her, and he could feel her shaking against him. 

“I don’t hate you mom. I hate him. I will live this way that doesn’t bother me I don’t know another way. I don’t know what being a girl would mean.” Karson held his mother while she cried against his chest.

///////////////////////////////////////////////

The shovel dug into the ground a repetitive motion and sound the only relief to the horrible ache that was throbbing in his chest. At sixteen he was digging a grave to lay his mother. He had been in the fields, and his father had gone home early to tend the new foal that had been born. Alura has been in the kitchen. Karson wasn’t sure why the old man had lost his temper this time, but the beating that had followed was too much for his mother. 

When Karson has walked in the door for dinner his mother’s absence was confusing. Zor-El walked behind him “she’s dead go dig a grave.” And walked through to his room. 

The house had changed a lot as he had grown it now had three rooms, and a front porch. His father didn’t leave his room. 

The hole was dug, but he knew his mother would want a preacher to say grace so he saddled a horse and road into town. He would pay for it later, but it was the only comfort he could give to his mother.

Karson rarely came to town because his father didn’t think he needed to go, but the few times he had he had enjoyed seeing the people come and go.

He rode to the preachers house, and got down off the horse. Combing his hair out of his face trying to look neat he knocked on the door. The pastors wife Megan Jones answered the door with a kind smile. 

“Well Karson El What brings you to town this afternoon.” She had stepped back from the door to allow the young man to enter. Megan was a short muscular woman with kind eyes and lighter brown skin. 

Karson stepped inside, and bit his lip in order to hold back his sadness. Men don’t cry he thought. “I’m sorry to bother you Mrs. Jones, but my mother died...” his voice shook, and he cleared it in order to keep him self steady. “She would want a prayer said. My dad won’t be happy with me bringing anyone home, but it’s what she would have wanted. I know it’s an imposition especially because he won’t be thanked for it, but I had hoped he would come anyway.” Karson turned his hat in his hands nervously, desperately trying to maintain his even demeanor and maintain eye contact. Men look people in the eye when they speak.

Megan looked at Karson with a sad expression everyone in town knew what kind of man Zor-El was. He was hard, mean, and ruled his house hold with a fist. 

“I’m sorry Karson. Your mom was a kind soul.” She walked forward and gave him a hug, Karson stiffened but soon melted into the hug. He was shocked when a few tears leaked out of his eyes. It had been years since he had cried. When Megan pulled away he tried to hide his moment of weakness, but the look on her face said she had seen it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to.” He choked out trying to regain his composure. 

“Shhh child I won’t tell anyone.” Her kind voice sent relief up his spine, and he subtly relaxed his shoulders. 

“Let’s go find that husband of mine.” She led him through the house and to their back porch. 

The pastors name was John. A tall imposing man that could be intimidating until you saw him smile at you. His dark skin didn’t bother Karson, or really anyone else in town. The Jones’s were kind people who worked hard, and after a few years were accepted as just another part of the town. 

Jeremiah the town doctor was sitting next to the pastor, and they seemed to be having a light hearted conversation. 

“John, young Karson El is here to see you.” Megan called out to her husband getting his attention. She looked back to Karson who still held his hat nervously in his hands.

“Go on son. I’ll see you tomorrow at the funeral.” Megan whispered to the boy.

Karson nodded his thanks for her kindness, and walked off the back porch to talk to the pastor. 

“Pastor Jones, Thank you for seeing me.” Karson said reaching out his hand to greet both men. “It’s good to see you too Doctor Danvers.”

Both men were surprised to see Karson the El’s rarely brought him to town. After they greeted the young man they waited for him to speak.

“My mother died earlier today, and I was hoping you wouldn’t mind coming out to the farm to help me give her a proper funeral. I know my father will not be kind to you for coming, but I’d hoped you would come anyway. She would want to be buried properly.” Karson rushed through his request still nervously turning his hat in his hands. 

“Oh, Karson I’m sorry to hear about your mother I liked her very much.” John said kindly.

“I wasn’t aware she was sick. I’m so sorry for your loss.” Jeremiah spoke then softly.

“She wasn’t sick, but thank you for your condolences.” Karson answered with a rasp in his voice.

“Of course I will be their tomorrow Karson. I don’t care if your father will be happy I’ll bring a few people with me so he will be less likely to chase us off.” He said quietly. 

“You won’t get into too much trouble will you son?” Dr. Danvers asked studying Karson to see how he would react. The only time he had really spoken to the boy had been when his arm had been broken when he had “fallen” from a horse.

Karson stiffened at the question, he knew the whole town knew his father was easy with his fists, but not many people asked much about it. 

“I don’t much care about the consequences, she deserves to be laid to rest correctly. I’ll pay the price for what it costs.” Karson spoke with determination, and grit shinning through blue eyes. 

Soon Karson was back on his horse riding back to the farm.

Once the boy had left John looked to his friend “I guess he finally killed her.” The sadness in his voice was mirrored in the face of his friend that stood across from him.

The next morning he woke fixed his own tea and cleaned himself so he looked nice for the funeral. His father had still not made an appearance, and Karson was grateful. Dressed in his best clothes he went to the clean laundry that was in a cedar chest in the corner. He pulled out his mothers best dress and took it to the barn where he had lay his mother. 

He cleaned her as best he could trying to help her look the best she could even covered in bruises. He dressed her, and then moved over to the coffin he had made the night before. Laying her in the small box he left the lid off to the side. 

His stomach ached. Karson didn’t know how to cook men don’t cook. He walked back into the kitchen and found a loaf of bread and some hard cheese. Eating slowly as he sat on the porch. A few minutes later he saw wagons pulling up to the property, and he walked to meet them. 

The Danvers were the first to park their wagon, followed by the Jones’s, and Cat Grant the lady who owned the general store.

Alex Danvers stepped off the wagon and looked around the farm. She had never met Karson, but when she had heard from her father that he would be coming out to help bury his mother she had asked to come along. Her mother Eliza also decided to come she had liked Alura, and was saddened by the news of her passing. 

“Thank you all for coming I truly appreciate it.” Karson shook hands with the men in greeting. Alex was the last in line and she looked at him judging he was roughly her age. He was handsome a strong jaw blond hair that had a gentle wave, and blue eyes that looked like they held all of the sadness in the world. 

“Karson, this is my wife Eliza, and my daughter Alex.” Dr. Danvers introduced his family, and Karson nodded politely. “

“This is Cat Grant. She runs the general store.” Before Karson could speak Cat spoke up for herself. “We’ve met, but thank you Jeremiah. It’s good to see you Karson I’m sorry it’s not for a better reason.”

Karson went over to Cat and shook her hand in greeting. “Thank you for coming Mrs. Grant. My mother thought very highly of you, and valued your friendship.” Cat only nodded.

Megan came over “are you ready to start or are we waiting for your father?” Karson looked at the house, and turned back to the group.

“I haven’t seen him today, and it would be best to leave him alone. We can get started.” Walking past his guests he moved over to the small coffin. Leaned in and kissed his mother’s forehead. “I love you mom. I’m sorry you were alone, and I couldn’t protect you. Please forgive me. I hope you find peace.” 

Karson walked to retrieve the lid, and placed it over the coffin nailing it into place. The other two men helped to carry the coffin to the hill that over looked the river. Under a large tree they lowered the box into the hole. Karson and Jeremiah filled in the hole together, and John prayed over the grave. 

Karson didn’t cry she would have been proud of him for being strong. The service was short, but it was what she would have wanted. 

When everyone was getting back into their wagons after saying their good byes Karson heard the voice he was hoping to avoid. 

“What is going on out here Karson.” Zor-El growled out in a loud voice. 

Karson stiffened visibly, and all the guests looked at the young man with sympathy.

Turning to face his fathers wrath which he knew was coming he looked to the man stocking toward him. 

“Giving her a proper funeral.” Karson answered looking him dead in the eye. He would not apologize for looking out for his mother. 

The fist that connected with his face staggered him a few steps, but he stood his ground. Again meeting his fathers gaze. “We do not invite people to our property.” His fist connected again.

Jeremiah and John looked at each other wanting to intervene. Alex grit her teeth hating the man that was beating his son. Karson got to his feet again knowing staying on the ground would bring a kick.

“That’s enough!!!” Cat grant spoke loudly to Zor-El. 

“Is beating your wife into the ground not enough for you that you need to beat your son too. He was doing what was right making sure she was buried the right way.”  
Cat glared at the man who stood gaping at the woman who dared to speak to him that way. 

“If I want to beat my son it is none of your concern. Now get off my land.” Zor-El moved towards his son again kicking his leg out from under him and hitting him in the jaw again to punctuate his point. 

“Karson go get your things. Your coming with me.” Cat spoke with conviction. 

Karson didn’t move looking shocked. 

“Who do you think you are? You think you can come out here bossing people around where it isn’t your place.” Zor-El barked out anger turning his face purple with rage. 

Cat got down off her wagon and walked directly into Zor-El’s personal space. Speaking quietly so only Karson and Zor-El could hear. “I’m the one that gets the medicine that boy takes and I know all your secrets. If you don’t want everyone to know your lies you will stay out here alone until you die, and that boy will stay with me until that point then he can decide for himself his future.” 

Zor-El’s face paled. He couldn’t believe that his wife would be so careless. “Fine get your shit and leave.” Zor-El spoke. Karson limped into the house grabbed his mother’s cedar chest and filled it will all he could, and walked out the door not looking back. 

—————————————————————————————-  
Cat walked into her home with Karson following closely behind with the chest he took from home held between his hands. 

When they reached the spare room above the store Cat opened the door, and stood to the side so that Karson could enter.

“I have two sons so I’m used to boys running about so don’t be shy. I know your secret, but it will stay between the two of us. I will keep getting your tea. If you stop taking it now I’m not sure it would be healthy for you anyway.” You will need to get a job, but you can keep all you earn. You will also need to make time to go to school a couple days a week to catch up.” 

Karson nodded his head not knowing what to say. Cat walked forward standing directly in front of him. “We don’t get to pick our hands we just have to play the cards dealt. You are a good boy who takes after his mother, be the man she raised not the one he did.” Karson bit his lip hard causing his lip to bleed again. He would not cry in front of Cat Grant. Men don’t cry.

“Yes Mrs. Grant. Thank you for all of this.”  
She stepped forward and hugged him gently, and left the room. 

/////////////////////////////////////////////  
The last two years had been so different. His father had become the town drunk and only made enough on his farm to survive, pay his debts, and drink himself under the table. 

Karson has followed all of Cat’s instructions. He loved school, and learned all he could. He worked all over town for anyone that needed work done. The town had taken to the young man. He worked hard kept to himself, was a man of his word, and if you hired him to do a job he would work his hardest to give you what you expected. Local farmers love having a hand around who would work, and needed no instruction.

Karson sat on the Danvers back porch drinking lemonade with Alex Danvers. They had become fast friends ever since he moved into Cat’s spare room.

“How is work going Karson?” Alex asked absently sipping her drink. 

“It’s going ok, but I think I’m only out there because Mr. Smith wants me to marry his daughter.” The frown on Karson’s face made Alex laugh. 

“You can’t blame him you are handsome, and every girl in town wants to marry you.” Alex teased her friend watching him blush.

“You know marriage isn’t in the cards for me Alex. It’s not fair for me to give any of those girls false hope.” Karson looked at Alex with a serious expression. 

Alex sighed at the serious turn the conversation had taken. She didn’t know why Karson never wanted to marry, but he had made it known that he never wanted that. Alex had always treasured their relationship because they could be friends without any expectation of being something more. Alex knew she never wanted to be with a man. Her parents knew too they were sad that she felt that way, but supported her choice. Jeremiah has started to train her to become a Doctor schools would most likely never take her, but she would be the best trained he could manage.

“I don’t know why you couldn’t marry, but if that’s what you want then that’s the way it is.” Alex said with a smile on her face. Karson always felt the need to tell Alex his secret, but every time he had the opportunity he heard his fathers voice telling him he would regret it.

A short stocky man with a mop of dark hair on his head ran into Alex’s yard. 

“Hey Winn!” Alex called out. The greeting was ignored.

“Karson you need to come with me.” The urgency in Winn’s voice caused Karson to jump to his feet.

“What’s the matter Winn?”

Karson was already moving behind Winn as he was leaving the yard. “Your farm is on fire.” 

Karson stopped moving then. “It’s not my farm Winn.” Alex stood beside her friend placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“You need to come Karson.” Winn’s voice was grave, and Karson slowly moved to the stables to grab his horse.

The ride out to the farm was quicker the he remembered, but the thick black smoke that billowed in the distance drew Karson in with a foreboding weight setting in his stomach. 

When he reached the farm his friends from town all stood watching the blaze. It was too far gone to save the house, and the barn was far enough away that it wasn’t in danger unless the grass caught on fire. It was obvious that the people that were there had started to try to help, but it was a lost cause. 

The feel of the flames licked along Karson’s skin, and he looked around to see if his father was in sight. John walked up to him a grim look on his face. 

“We are pretty sure he was in the house.” John’s voice was quiet, and Karson didn’t know how to process his words. He hated his father, and on more then one occasion wished he would have died instead of his mother, but now that he was dead he felt guilt that he had wished him dead. 

“What am I suppose to feel about that John. Because now all I can feel is guilt that I’m not sorry he’s dead.” With a bowed head Karson spoke words that filled his stomach with shame.

“You feel what you feel Karson. You didn’t kill him, you don’t need to feel guilt for not being sad. Let God make his judgment, and live your life.” John’s words settled the nausea that had weighed down his stomach.

“Thank you.” Whispered words were met with a pat on the back.

—————————————————————————————

When the flames had eaten everything the house lay in ashes. Most of the town had returned to their homes. Cat Grant, the Danvers, and the Jones’s were all that were left. 

A burned contorted body was all that remained of Zor-El, and Karson didn’t know what to do with him. Placing a tarp on the ground Karson moved what remained and drug the body to a hole on the edge of the property he was buried away from his mother, and with no ceremony. 

“This is all yours now Karson. What are you gonna do with it.” Cat’s question hung in the air. 

Karson looked around the property. The land had no more debt, and Karson had saved every dollar he had made. Did he want this land that had been such a burden to him or did he want to sell it and start over. 

“I’m gonna make it mine.”


	2. Life moving with out me

Green rolling hills, and sky’s that could be beautifully blue and clear one moment, and then welcome the light mists that scattered water through the hills the next where what Lena truly loved. 

Lena was born to a wealthy family in Ireland. She was the youngest child of a man who owned a fleet of ships that traveled all over the world trading goods. Her older brother Lex was being groomed to take over the family business, and Lena had been indulged in as much school as she wanted. 

She loved to read, to learn, and most of all to sit beneath the shade of a large tree, and watch the clouds float by. 

Lena walked back to her home once the sun showed it was nearing time for dinner. She was content with her life, and was excited to spend her sixteenth birthday in Dublin next week.

When she walked into the house she quickly got ready for dinner, and made her way to the family dining room. She was the last to enter, but no one mentioned it. 

Dinner was quiet until Lionel looked across the table to his daughter.

“I have made a deal to expand our shipping business to the Americas.” Smiling at her father she was glad the deal he had been working on had finally gone through. 

“That’s great dad. Was it the Palmers you ended up with?” 

“Yes, however part of the deal was more  
complicated then I would have liked.” 

Lionel faltered for a moment, and Lena looked at him confused. 

“What caused the complications?”  
Lena waited unsure of why her father seemed so unsure.

“To make the deal I had to agree to join our family’s through marriage.” 

Lena was shocked. “No, please tell me that’s not true.” Her pleading comment brought guilt to Lionel’s features. 

“It’s what’s best for the company Lena, and the Palmers are only the elder and his son. He wants to make sure his son has someone to give the company to. You will be sailing over next week, and married shortly after arriving.”

Lena felt tears burn down her cheeks. She was leaving Ireland behind to go live in some strange land being married off to produce heirs. Her life no longer was hers.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////  
Lena held her daughter in her arms a small bundle with dark hair and green eyes that reminded her of the hills of Ireland. She loved her child, and had learned to like her home on the east coast, but she missed her home land everyday.

Her husband Ray was a kind and smart man, but sometimes seem to lack common since. He would get so caught up in making something work that he could miss the big picture. She was constantly having to bring him back to reality. She was relieved most of the time that he was busy because even though he was kind she didn’t love him, and she found it hard to be affectionate with him. 

The best thing that had come from this marriage lay in her arms. A knock at her door signaled that Ray was home. She called for him to enter, and watched him walk into the room.

“Lena, how are you feeling today?” Ray asked, but still hadn’t looked up from what he was reading. “Fine.” Lena’s answered knowing that he wasn’t listening. 

“Hmmm good good.” Absently talking while still reading Ray sat across from his wife. Since his father had died a few months prior he had become more busy with the family shipping, and trade business.

“I received a letter from your parents, and brother today they wish you well.”

Lena hates that she didn’t get to read her own mail until after her husband had told her everything it said. She took a deep breath and focused on her daughter.

“We are thinking of expanding the business to the west coast. I’ll be making trips back and forth looking for a spot to settle, and start a business over there. Once I have found a location your brother will come run this one and we will move west. Doesn’t that sound great.” He still spoke to her as if he was really just speaking out loud. She didn’t bother to answer he wouldn’t notice anyway.

After a few minutes of silence Ray stood and walked to his study.

Lena watched him go, and hoped that she liked the west coast.

///////////////////////////////////////////////

Lex stood next to her looking out at the docks. 

“This place is falling apart. Ray has no idea what he is doing does he?”

Lena sighed holding her daughter on her hip.

“He struggles seeing the big picture.” Was her only response. 

Lex looked at his sister “are you doing ok Lee does he treat you ok?” His concern made her smile.

“He is hardly a presence brother, and to be honest if that’s what our marriage is going to be like I am fine with that.” 

Lena seemed board, but Lex couldn’t do anything to help that. 

“Well you did get my beautiful niece here out of the deal, and she looks just like her beautiful mother.”

Lena’s smile was radiant her daughter was a year and a half, and every day with her was a perfect day indeed.

“Wex “ Charlotte reaches out for her Uncle with grabby fingers, and a mischievous smile. “Yes darling that’s your silly Uncle Lex.” She smiled and handed the small little girl over to her uncle.

“Oh my little duck I’m gonna miss you when you leave next week.” Lex smiled sadly at his bundle of sunshine. 

“Quack!!” Charlotte answered with a smile causing both siblings to smile at the small girl.

“I think I’m pregnant again.” Lena spoke quietly. Lex’s head shot up and looked at his sister. “Truly?” 

“Yes, I’ve been sick most mornings this week. It’s not that I don’t want another child, but it’s not a great time moving to set up a new home, and business.” 

Lena looked worried. Lex put his free arm around her shoulders “it will be ok Lena. Did Ray fill out his will so you can take care of the business if something happens to him?” 

Lex’s question caught Lena off guard. “As far as I know he did I will ask to make sure. Why do you ask?”

Lex looked out at the water then “because it’s dangerous to not have safe guards in place if he dies you would have to remarry to keep his company, and hope whoever you chose wouldn’t try to take it from you.” 

Sometimes she hated being a woman no laws protected you from being treated like livestock being traded around, and unable to have things that were truly yours because having a husband was all that mattered.

“I will ask him.”

///////////////////////////////////////////////

The train had been the best part of the journey, and that was terrible. Sitting in a cramped space with nowhere to move to get comfortable with a grumpy toddler, and sickness that attacked it seemed every time the train lurched. Lena was sick of traveling. The train was still in the process of being built so now she was traveling by stage. Ugh, this was worse then the train. It was hot and she was squeezed against the wall , and her daughter who was upset to say the least, and her husband was no help. He couldn’t find the attention span to pay attention to their fretting daughter, or his wife that was struggling not to be sick all over the stage. 

It didn’t help that their was a man who was smoking like a chimney, and wore far to much aftershave. Lena wanted to be done traveling. Good news was they were almost there. 

They pulled up outside of a small suburb of National City it was close enough that they could be near the city without being in it. 

Lena got out of the stage coach, and reached for her daughters hand who had wanted to walk, and Lena was grateful she didn’t want to carry her until her stomach had settled. They walked together up the front porches that adorned all the buildings  
on the Main Street. She quietly appraised the little town, and loved how it seemed to feel friendly. She missed the way the small villages felt In Ireland everyone knowing who everyone was, treating people around you like family. The big city wasn’t like that. 

Lena walked towards the general store just to look giving her backside time to recuperate. Just as she was about to reach the door handle the door opened, and a tall man stood startled staring down at her. He had blond hair that fell in waves around his ears, a tan face that caused his bright blue eyes to stand out, a wide jawline that hung open for a few beats as they stared at each other. 

Karson was stunned he had never seen the young brunette before, but her piercing green eyes and fair skin had captured all of his attention. “I’m sorry ma’m I wasn’t expecting to run into anyone I apologize.”

Before Lena could answer Charlotte pulled her hand, “mama look.” Her small finger pointed to the flowers that were in the window box. “Pweety” Lena couldn’t help, but to smile at her daughter. 

“Yes darling they are.” Lenas lilting accent charmed Karson in a way he had never been before. 

“Up, up,up.” Charlotte chanted pointing at the flowers. Lena grimaced she wasn’t sure she could lift the child at the moment. Her stomach was still very unsettled, and the last thing she wanted was to be sick all over the street.

“I can’t lift you right now little duck. I’m sorry.” Lena looked at Charlotte’s big eyes that started to well with tears. “Pweese pwetty.” Charlotte tears were tearing her apart. She looked around hoping her husband would show up just so her little girls could sniff the flowers, but of course he was talking to the coach driver.

“If it wouldn’t bother you ma’m I’ll pick her up for you. I’m Karson.” Holding our his hand Lena looked into kind blue eyes , shook the calloused hand in front of her.

“I don’t want to be trouble please don’t worry about it.” Lena assures trying to let the man off the hook. 

“Up mama pweese.” Charlotte had tears running down her face then as she pointed.

“It’s no trouble may I?” Karson asked looking to the shorter woman with a kind smile. She nodded, and watched the man move. 

He knelt down to Charlotte’s level “how are you little one?” She looked up at him with a sad look and pointed. “Ah I see you want to see the flowers.” The little head nodded. 

Karson’s heart fluttered at the small girls wide green eyes that matched her mothers, and smiled at the little girl. “Can I lift you to smell them?” A small smile crossed the little girls lips, and a small nod caused curls to bounce in reply. Karson put his hands on her waist and lifted her over his head “up we go. Oh no I think we went a little too far.” Charlotte laughed as she was brought high into the air. Lena couldn’t help, but smile at Karson’s actions. “Here we are the flowers aren’t they pretty?” Charlotte reaches out to touch them.

“Oh no, darling we can’t touch we can only look.” Lena spoke to her daughter then the little girl looked grumpy that she couldn’t touch the flowers, but then Karson spoke to her. “Well your mama is right about that these flowers here are only to look at, but....” Karson a took a few steps off the porch and picked a wild flower growing from the side of the street. “This flower is all yours what do you say about that.” Charlotte clapped her hands and reached for the flower. Karson happily handed it over to the little girl who beamed up at Karson, and then leaned forward giving him a big smacking kiss on the cheek. 

Lena laughed at the blush that formed on Karson cheeks. “Well looks to me like she likes you.” Karson’s blush got darker.

“Looks that way.” Cat Grant stood in the doorway of her shop watching Karson with curiosity. She had never seen him act this way around any woman or child. His shy nature normally won out. 

Lena looked at the older woman who stood in the door way. Karson turned around still holding Charlotte oh his hip, and smiled at Cat. “Mrs. Grant this is.... umm I’m sorry ma’m I didn’t catch your name.” Karson turned to Lena with an apologetic smile. Lena turned to the woman and held out her hand. “Lena Luthor or um Palmer.” 

“Well welcome to town Lena. We are a long ways for Ireland how’d you end up here?” Cat smiled at the young woman who’s hand she shook. 

“Ah well, I was married to help grow the family business. My husband is over there .” Lena waved her hand in the general direction of her husband.

Karson’s heart took a painful lurch or course she’s married its not like you aren’t holding her child El. 

Cat saw the quick flash of disappointment shoot across Karson’s face, and was surprised, but smiled anyway. “Well please come in you have had a long journey, and I bet you could use a good cup of tea.”  
Cat turned back into her store leading the way Lena looked to Karson who just reached across to open the door.

“Karson you come too you can fix the tea while we talk.” 

Karson followed the two women in still holding Charlotte on his hip. She sat perfectly happy looking around waving her new flower in the air.

“Do you want me to take her?” Lena asked expecting him to hand her over her own husband barely carried her. 

“If you want her I’ll give her over if not take a break while I fix the tea.” Karson smiled down at her with a small smile. 

“Thank you Karson I love her, but a break would be nice.” Lena couldn’t figure out why she was so comfortable with these two people, but she felt instantly at home. 

Cat sat at a small table in the corner that she normally did her paper work from. Lena went to join her looking back to see if Karson was doing well with Charlotte. “Don’t worry that boy while shy as can be wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Cat said with a fond smile. “Oh I wasn’t worried about that I just don’t want to take advantage of his kindness.” Lena brought her attention back to Cat. “That’s just who he is believe me he won’t see it that way.” 

Lena relaxed in her chair talking to Cat about her trip. Karson soon brought tea, and then to Lena and Cat’s astonishment sat on the floor beside the table with Charlotte drawing on some brown wrapping paper with some chalk from behind Cat’s counter.

They both watched as Karson helped Charlotte hold the chalk and scribble away on the paper with a happy laugh. Karson laughed too as they colored, and the little girl bounced in place. 

Cat couldn’t help but to notice the soft look Lena was using when she looked down at the two on the floor. A bell broke the silence, and Ray walked through the door. Lena’s look went from soft to cool, and Cat just watched the interaction. 

“There you two are. We will stay here at the hotel for a couple of days, and see how it goes.” Ray spoke looking at Lena hardly noticing other people in the room. 

“Ok. I will meet you at the hotel later.” Lena said not really wanting to leave the people she was spending time with. 

Ray’s brow furrowed “why are you staying here do you need something?” Ray looked around as if the answer would jump out at him. 

“No, I am enjoying talking to Cat.” Lena said with exasperation. 

“Oh well then I will go to the saloon for a bit. I think a drink will be nice.” 

Kara spoke from the floor “I’d be careful at the saloon some new guys rode in earlier this week and they are causing a little trouble.” 

“That’s right we sent a rider to the local sheriff in National City, but he hasn’t come into town yet.” Cats words of caution seemed to flow over Ray as he dismissed them. 

“I’ll be fine. I’ll see you soon Lena.” Ray left without a backwards glance.

“I really think that’s a bad plan.” Karson looked at Cat then Lena.

Karson got up and dusting off his pants. “I’m just gonna go make sure that Lou looks out for him I’ll be right back.” Lena watched Karson walk out to follow Ray.

“Is it really that dangerous?” Lena asked Cat. 

“Not normally, but those new guys have been looking for trouble. Since they rode in.” 

Three loud pops were heard, and Cat grabbed Lena’s arm in reflex. Shouting was heard from the street, and Cat stood up running for the door. Lena with Charlotte in her arms close at her heals. The sound of horses riding away passed across Lena’s senses. Karson ran out of the saloon holding a body to his chest. “Someone call Jeremiah and Alex.” 

Karson’s shout brought everyone into motion. Cat ran forward in front of the direction Karson was traveling skirts flowing behind her. 

Karson reached the Danvers seconds behind Cat, but they were waiting to treat whatever Karson brought with him. 

Lena was close at his heals still carrying her daughter watching in shock as Ray lay motionless in Karson’s arms. 

“Bring him in.” Jeremiah spoke with urgency. Karson lay Ray on the table button down soaked with blood. Alex came rushing in with tools on a silver tray. 

“You guys wait out back we will let you know when we know something.” Cat grabbed Lena’s hand leading her out the back door. Karson grabbed some extra cloth, and followed. 

Lena sat in shock how could things move so fast they had just got into town, and already her life was upside down. Cat took Charlotte from Lena’s arms allowing the woman in front of her to process all that had happened. 

Karson went to the line grabbed a clean shirt, and moved off to the water pump. He took off his shit throwing it in a heap on the ground and used the water to wash the blood of his body. 

“Karson are you bleeding?” Cat’s voice broke the silence, and Lena turned so quickly she was lucky her back didn’t snap.  
Karson was standing off to the side scrubbing off blood. 

“It’s just a graze don’t worry.” Karson said with a shrug as he continued to wash his skin.

Lena looked at the man standing a few feet away. “Come sit let us at least bandage you up until the doctor can look at you.” 

Karson went to open his mouth, but both women looked at him, and the look they gave allowed no arguments. Karson sat on the steps in front of the two women, right arm dripping blood down his fingers. 

Lena moved to start wrapping the wound, and Cat spoke “what happened?” 

Karson looked at Lena who had stopped moving a moment to listen to the story. “I walked in, and he was already talking to one of the people I had warned him about. I walked up, but before I could talk to him to pull him away one of the guys shot him. I dove forward trying to knock him out of the way, but the damage was already done. I’m so sorry Lena I should have been more clear with my warnings.”

Karson had turned to look at Lena who was still bandaging his arm. “It’s not your fault he rarely listens.” Lena’s voice shook, and neither Karson nor Cat knew what to say. 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

It took an hour, but finally Jeremiah, and Alex came out with grim faces. 

“I’m sorry Ma’m the damage was to great.” Jeremiah spoke softly. Lena sat in stunned silence as everyone waited for her to speak. 

“I’m sure you did what you could.” 

Lena was sad that Ray died, but she couldn’t figure out how everything had gotten so messed up in such a short time. 

////////////////////////////////////////////////

Things happened so quickly. Ray was buried behind the little church, and Lena was a widow. She had used the telegraph to send a message to her brother, and she was waiting for a response. 

Karson and Cat had been a constant that Lena couldn’t imagine what she would have done without. She was sitting in Cat’s shop watching Karson play with Charlotte outside. Those two had grown so close over the past week she was some what shocked at how well they had bonded. 

With a small smile on her face she watched Karson swing her little girl into the air, and watched them laugh together. Alex the young woman who had tried to save Ray walked up to the duo and hooked her arm around Karson’s waist. Lena felt a nauseous feeling crawl into her stomach, but passed it off as morning sickness. Of course Karson would have women interested in him he was handsome, good with children, and kind.

Cat saw Lena’s face cloud from across the room, and looked to see what had caused the reaction. When she saw Alex and Karson standing close together she finally understood. She knew Lena had not chosen her marriage to Ray, and even though she didn’t want him to die she was glad to be free, but Cat wondered if she realized she had feelings for her chosen son Karson. 

“You know those two have been thick as thieves since I took that boy in.” Lena looked at Cat as she sat down. 

“Took him in?” Curiosity shining though the question. 

“I don’t normally tell people stories about others I think it’s rude, but their is enough gossip around that I’d prefer you to hear the real thing.” Cat took a sip of her tea. Lena just waited for Cat to continue. 

“His mama was married to one of the most cruel hard men that ever walked this earth. She didn’t choose him, but her father couldn’t afford to keep his two girls, and didn’t want them to end up on the street so he married them off and disappeared to find work.”

Lena felt dread start to build in her chest.

“Not long after they moved here I befriended his mama her name was Alura. Sweet, and kind Karson reminds me a lot of her. When she ended up pregnant she was so excited she wanted that baby more then she wanted to breathe, but she was worried Zor-El only wanted a boy.” 

“Well at least that worked out.” Lena commented absently waiting for the story to continue. Cat just hummed and drank her tea for a moment.

“After Karson was born we didn’t see much of the family Zor-El kept them on the farm, and rarely allowed either of the two to come to town. Alura came more then anyone, but it was still months In between visits.” 

Cat looked at the three outside the window playing with a small smile.

“It was no secret that Zor-El beat those two for any infraction. I was surprised with how kind they stayed even with all of that pain, and Alura and Karson loved each other fiercely even with all that happened.” 

Lena paled at the thought of anyone treating that kind man that way. Anger seeped into her eyes, and Cat smiled at the obvious sign of protectiveness.

“When he was 16 he road into town by himself, and asked the pastor to come give his mom a funeral. Zor-El had finally pushed too far, and killed her.”

Lena covered her mouth in horror. Cat just nodded sadly.

“Karson knew he would pay for inviting the pastor out, but he wanted what was best for his mom. The pastor brought the Danvers, and me out to the farm to the funeral hoping to stave off some of Zor-El anger long enough to have the funeral. We made it all the way through the funeral, but when we went to leave our luck ran out.” 

Lena gripped Cats hand hard drawing strength to hear the rest.

“Zor-El was spitting mad, but that boy out there stood his ground and took the beating that was coming. I just couldn’t watch him beat that boy anymore especially with his mom no longer there to help him.”

Lena just looked horrified, and sad.

“I threatened Zor-El, and brought him home to live with me. He worked and saved. When his father finally died he took back his family farm, and for the last few years has been building a lovely home.” 

Lena smiled at the happy way Cat smiled at Karson’s perseverance. 

“Those two out their have been best friends ever since they met at his mothers funeral. It’s a shame they both have chosen not to marry.” Cat said while taking a sip of her cooling tea looking for a reaction to her words, and she wasn’t disappointed. Shock passed across Lena’s face. 

“Why won’t they marry?” Lena looked out the window at the two obviously good looking, and hard working adults playing with her child.

“Karson’s choice has a lot to do with the choices his father made for him, and doesn’t believe it would be fair to marry anyone. Alex has her own reasons, but those aren’t mine to gossip about.” 

Cat was obviously finished talking, and Lena sat in silence absorbing all she had been told. What could Karson be worried about that would keep him from marrying. 

Winn walked through the general store door holding a telegram for the young widow. The message was sad, and he hoped she would be able to bounce back from her run of bad luck.

“Mrs. Palmer, here is a telegraph for you.” Winn handed the paper over, and quickly left the room 

> Lena stop  
> Sorry about Ray hope your well stop  
> He didn’t file documents to take care of your future stop  
> If you want company, and all his assets stop  
> Must remarry stop  
> I’m sorry lee let me know your choice stop  
> Love always Lex stop

Lena crumpled the paper, and squeezed her eyes shut in frustration, and worry. She couldn’t believe that Ray had still not taken care of everything even after she had hounded him for days. He had told her he would take care of it. Now she had two choices move back to the east coast, and live with her brother as a widow until they remarry her to someone else, or to marry here and hope she can build the new branch of the trading company they had come out here for.

“What’s wrong Lena?” Cat asked with worry. 

“Ray didn’t file his will allowing me to take his possessions, and his company. Now I either have to move back east or remarry so his estate will pass to me through my new husband.” 

Lena’s tone had hardened, her eyes glistened with anger. 

“This is so messed up. Why is my lively hood and ability to inherit what would be rightfully mine if I was a man held out of reach because I’m a woman.” 

Cat knew all about the way the world worked. She had to fight tooth and nail to maintain her business after her husband died. She had been pressured to remarry had to fight to be taken seriously. Women had to work 10 times harder to survive on their own.

“I know how your feeling. I had to fight for this business everyday after my husband died. You have to decide now what it is you want. Do you want to fight for your business or do you want to go home and wait for someone to tell you what to do.”

Lena sat for a moment. She knew she wanted to have control over her own life. She didn’t want to go home, and wait to be remarried, but what options did she have here when she knew four people. 

“How would I even find someone willing to marry and raise two children that are not theirs, and then let me run a business that will take more time away from everyone. No man would put up with that.” 

Cat looked out the window she was right no man would, but Karson wasn’t all man she thought.


	3. Live or flee

Cat walked Lena and her daughter up the stairs to her empty room that Karson had used when he had stayed with her. 

Lena was grateful to have Cat in her life. Cat was helping her in every way giving her support, advice, and a roof over her head until she knew what path she needed to take. 

Once Lena had shut the door Cat walked down the stairs in search of Karson. 

Karson was sitting on the Danvers porch laughing with Alex and Winn. When Cat approached Karson smiled at the woman 

“Walk with me Karson.” Was all Cat said as she moved back towards the front of the Danvers house. Karson stood and said goodbye to his friends and hurried up to meet Cat.

They walked in silence for a long while. “What’s going on Cat.” Karson finally broke the silence.

Cat sighed out a heavy breath. “When your mother was alive she confided in me about both of your lives. I knew that you would have a hard life ahead of you, but also knew you to be a kind selfless man. One your mom would have been so proud of.” Karson bit his lip and stared down the street. Men don’t cry.

Cat hooked her arm through Karson’s squeezing his arm tightly knowing he struggled with showing emotion.

“I know that you have decided to live your life alone because of the hand that you are being forced to play, but the game is changing. Their is a woman staying in your old room who’s life has been turned upside down. She is a widow to man she didn’t choose to marry. She has a toddler, and she is pregnant.” Karson’s eyes widened in surprise still listening intently to cat speak.

“Her husband died without his will being finalized, and now she has very few choices. Run back to the east coast and wait to be remarried again, or to marry here, and hope that who ever will take her and her two kids will let her run the company she can’t own without a husband.”

Karson flexed his jaw he hated how weak women’s rights were. Hated they had no say in their lives. If his mother had a choice she wouldn’t have been beaten to death.

“What is it your asking of me Cat. You know I can’t be a husband to Lena. I can’t marry her and give her the life she deserves I am not going to be what she can accept.” Karson’s voice held pain and anger, and Cat hated the sound of Karson so defeated.

“She doesn’t need a man to bed her Karson she needs a man to help take care of her kids, and support her when she needs help. You don’t need to have anything other then what you already have to be that man.” Cats argument hung in the air. 

“What do I do if she finds out about me. What do I do then?” Karson asked with heat in his voice then. Cat knew what Karson feared. He was raised to be afraid of this secret, and the consequences were real.

“You have three choices. Tell her upfront and hope that she is the person I think she is, and let her choose her future. I think that is her right to choose her future don’t you? Or you can hide it from her and hope that she doesn’t find out, and that if she does she can forgive you. The last choice is the most simple this isn’t your life in the balance, and you let her go.”

Cat looked up at Karson his jaw working with hidden emotions. “I will think about it.” Karson said quietly, and escorted Cat to her home.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

Karson walked the streets aimlessly hoping to clear his head. How could he even be considering this. He couldn’t be the husband that anyone needed. He needed advice from someone, but the only one who knew his secret was Cat, and he had already heard what she thought. 

Karson found his way back to the Danvers knowing it was late, but needing to talk to Alex. Karson climbed to the second story using the tree outside Alex’s window. When he knocked Alex opened the window, and gave Karson a confused look. “What’s the deal Karson?” 

“I need to talk to you, and I need you to hear me out all the way before you say anything, and after that i need you to keep my secret. Before we can talk I need your word that you can do all of that.” Karson looked into Alex’s eyes with a serious demeanor that Alex rarely saw from her friend anymore. 

“Let me get dressed we will talk. I promise to keep all your secrets.” Alex said squeezing Karson’s shoulders.

Alex climbed down her tree, and met Karson at the stables down the road. They took their horses, and rode to a little lake out side the city limits. They dismounted, and Alex watched Karson walk to the edge of the lake. He bent over picking up rocks to skip along the surface. Alex walked over and stood next to her friend and waited. He was a man of few words until you got him going, and she knew you could never push him. 

“When I was born I was born a girl, but my dad was going to kill me because he wanted a boy, so my mom agreed to raise me to be a man instead. They hid it from me, and hid me from every one else until I was a teenager. They have given me medicine every day of my life to make sure I stayed male. I didn’t even know I was any different until they told me I was.” Karson laughed but his laugh only held pain. Alex stayed quiet she was shocked, but she said she would listen.

“My father beat it into me that I would be a man, that I would not spill this secret. I grew up knowing if anyone found out I could be arrested or killed. My father made it known in no uncertain terms if I screwed up he would be the one doing the killing.” Karson breathed out finally bringing his eyes away from the lake. Men look you in the eyes. 

“I’m am faced with a choice, and I need your advice, but I couldn’t ask you for it while being dishonest.” 

Alex stood still a moment and then stepped forward wrapping her arms around his shoulders. “Your dad was an ass hole. It doesn’t matter to me if your a man or a woman your my best friend. I will always stand by you.” Karson’s body deflated at Alex’s words. Alex felt him relax in her embrace, and was glad that she could take some weight off his shoulders. 

“What advice do you need?” Alex’s question caused Karson to tense and pull away again. 

“I knew I could never marry because of what I am. I never even allowed the thought to cross my mind.” Karson threw a rock that skipped along the water with ease. 

“When I met Lena I was drawn to her in a way that I have never been before. I knew nothing could come of it, but it’s the only time I have ever wished for a future that I could never have.” 

Alex knew how Kara felt she knew marriage was not in the cards for her either. 

“Cat asked me to marry Lena in order to help her. She is pregnant and her husband didn’t leave a will, and she is in trouble. She is all I could want, and she comes with children I could help raise, but what do I do? Do I let all of this go? Do I offer to marry her and hide who I am hoping she will not find out my secret? Do I tell her the truth and risk everything, and let her decide both our futures? Alex what do I do?” Karson almost seemed desperate for someone to help him decide.

“Well damn Karson can’t ask me something simple huh?” Alex sat on the ground feet kicked out in front of her. Karson sat down heavily next to her. 

“I know how you feel when you never expected to marry because who you are. I know that I never want to marry a man.....” Alex looked at Karson taking a deep breath knowing he will not judge, and that he had trusted her so it goes both ways.

“Because I’m attracted to girls.” Karson only nodded his head she felt weight lift she knew he wouldn’t judge but saying it out loud was hard.

“If you think that Lena could make you happy then marry her, don’t lie to her Karson give her the chance to be the person you think she is. If it comes down to it I’ll help you hide the body to keep you safe.” Alex laughed at the last comment pulling a smile from Karson. 

“You deserve to be happy, and if all you get is a woman who is your best friend, and let’s you help raise her kids it’s still more then you had ever hoped for.” 

Karson smiled at her friend. “Thank you Alex.” Alex allowed Karson to wrap his arm around her shoulders. 

“If it goes sideways I’ll marry you to cull any rumors she may spread.” 

Karson looked at Alex with shock “I couldn’t force you to carry this secret that way.” 

“That’s not what it would be. We will protect each other, and it wouldn’t be like our lives would need to change.” 

“What would happen if you met someone?” 

 

“Then we would gain a roommate.” Alex laughed even though it held sadness. She didn’t believe that she would find someone. 

They stayed a while under the stars soaking in the silence.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Lena had to make a choice she couldn’t afford to wait she was pregnant and the longer she waited the harder it would be. She sat at the breakfast table with Cat lost in trying to come up with a plan.

A knock on the back door brought attention from both women, and one sleepy little girl. 

Cat recognized Karson’s frame through the curtain and called out for him to come in.

“Morning Cat, Lena.” Karson held his hat in his hands running it through his fingers nervously.

“Morning Karson.” They both smiled at the man standing nervously in front of the kitchen table. 

“Up Kar Up!” Charlotte’s voice rang out breaking the silence. Kara looked down at the beautiful little girl and a smile crossed his face. He placed his hat on her head and lifted her out of the chair. “Good morning little one did you sleep well?” 

Charlotte was to busy trying to pull the giant hat out of her eyes laughing as she finally knocked it off. Lena watched the two interact with a smile, and the voice in the back of her head whispered “Karson would be a good choice.” Lena shook her head to end the thought she couldn’t think that way about him yet she needed a solid plan.

“Lena would you mind going for a ride with me I’d like to talk something over with you?” The question hung in the air, and Karson’s nervous energy seemed to permeate the room. Lena couldn’t figure out why he would be nervous. 

“I’ll keep Charlotte if you want to go Lena.” Lena looked at Cat with a smile. 

Once all of it was settled, and two horses were saddled they took off down the road. They rode for a little bit. Lena looked around when they came to a fence. They kept riding until they came to a beautiful house, and barn sitting in a valley. Instead of riding to they house they took a turn and ended up by a small river. Karson got off his horse, and went to help Lena from the saddle. Lena looked down at the land, and slowly turned seeing a large tree over looking the property. Their was a stone marker sitting a little away from the tree. 

“This is my farm.” Karson said quietly “I took it over a few years ago basically had to start over.” Karson looked at Lena and saw where her eyes were focused “my mom is buried under that tree.” Lena finally brought her eyes back to the man that stood beside her. 

“It’s beautiful Karson, but why did you bring me here?” Karson took a deep breath the question seemed to make the air heavy.

“I was talking to Cat last night, and she brought up the situation you are in, and I want to help.” Lena opened her mouth to argue. 

“Please hear me out before you argue. I will respect what ever you choose.” Karson waited, and Lena nodded that she would hear him out.

“I know about the situation you are in, and the fact that you are pregnant and in a tough spot because Ray didn’t have a will. I never intended to marry, and their are very good reasons for that which I will tell you about if you think you might be interested in marrying me. I just wanted you to be aware that I was an option if you wanted it. I’ll help you raise your kids if you still want me too after you know everything. I’ll stay out of your business as well it will all stay yours.”

Karson had been rambling for a few minutes, and Lena’s head started to spin. 

“Wait. Wait a minute let’s slow down.” Lena said putting an arm out to gently grasp Karson’s forearm “ can we sit for a few minutes and talk?”

Karson nodded and led Lena to the tree who’s shade was always a nice respite.

“First off let’s talk about where we both stand.” Lena looked at Karson who sat quietly although he did look nervous. 

“Yes, I am in a tough spot I have two choices one to stay and get married, and two to go back to the east coast and wait to be remarried by my brother. I can’t afford to fight those two choices because hiring women is not a thing readily done, and hiring a widow with two small kids is worse.” 

Lena stopped talking looking out to the river. “What are you working with?” Lena turned and brought her green eyes to look at the quiet man sitting next to her.

“I have a farm with no debt, make a decent living. I’ve always intended on staying alone, I am willing to change that decision, but only if you know the whole truth. I would prefer to keep the truth to myself if you are planning on returning to the east coast.” Karson kept his eyes on the green ones in front of him. Men always look you in the eye.

Lena sat for a moment what is it she wanted. Could she marry Karson, and run a company?

“ I am interested in staying. I want to find a way to make this life work. I don’t want to go home to no choices.” Lena looked at Karson who nodded and took a deep breath.

“If you are thinking about marriage with me their are things you have to know. I would hope that you would keep my secrets even if you decided that marriage to me isn’t what you want after you hear what I have to say. It could truly hurt me if you spoke to others about it.” Karson looked off to the lake to avoid looking at his boots. He eventually turned his head, and brought his eyes to Lena.

Lena green eyes studied Karson for a long moment. “Tell me.” 

“My father was a hard man who took out all of his anger and frustrations out on my mother and me. I was raised with certain beliefs about life, and each and every lesson was taught with his fists. I didn’t know when I was growing up that the choices my parents made would effect me for the rest of my life, but they have. I carry a secret that only two people alive other then myself know about. Cat has known most of my life, and I told Alex last night because I needed advice. God, help me I’m afraid to tell you.” Karson bit his lip hard and clenched his fists. 

Lena saw him struggle, and reached out to grip his hand. “I won’t tell anyone your secrets even if it keeps us from being married, please don’t be afraid.” Lena hated that she could see so much fear behind blue eyes. Karson was a kind soul, and this secret must be huge for it to be this frightening to share.

Karson squeezed the hand back and then let go. He didn’t want to start to tell her, and her recoil from him as if he was a leper.  
Taking off his hat and placing it on his knee he ran his hands through his hair trying to calm down. 

“When I turned thirteen my life changed. I had been kept out of the city, and away from any people with very few exceptions, until that day. I didn’t realize that the reason for that was because my dad was worried about keeping a secret. When I was told the secret I was told I had to keep it or die. So I kept it.”

Karson bit his lip, but continued. “The day I was born was the day my life was decided for me. My father helped my mother give birth to me, and when he realized I wasn’t what he wanted he was going to take me out, and kill me.” 

Lena sat wide eyed in shock. 

“My father wanted a son, and had no room for anything else in his life, so when he had a daughter he thought their was only one cure.” Karson’s eyes looked to the lake again. 

“My mother couldn’t stand to let him kill me, so she convinced my father to raise me as a boy. They gave me medicine to keep me from developing any female characteristics, and my father beat any behavior out of me that he deemed unfit for a man.” 

Karson turned and looked Lena in the eye. 

“Is their more?” Lena asked looking stunned.

“I was told that I would never marry, never have children, and always be on the medicine I take because they don’t know what would happen if I stopped taking it. I grew up a man. I didn’t know I wasn’t one until they told me. I know that this secret is a big one. I won’t be able to be a functioning husband for you. It’s one of the reasons I knew I would never have a family or a wife. I want to help you, and I know that marrying me now is helpful, but it may be a burden to you later. I couldn’t let you marry me without knowing what you would be getting into.”

Karson rubbed his hands over his face. Lena sat quietly thinking over all he had told her. 

“Can I ask you a few questions?” Lena finally spoke breaking the tense silence.  
Karson just nodded still looking at the lake.

“What does the medicine do?” 

“It kept me from maturing female, and with the labor and life of a male, and the absence of anything making me female I matured male in all ways except having the basic anatomy.” 

“What happens if we still get married will you still want to help raise my children as a father figure?” 

“Yes I would raise your children as if I fathered them if you would allow me too. I know I am not technically a man, but I don’t know anything about being a woman. I think I could be a good father.” 

“Would you let me run the business I will inherent, or would you expect a wife that only ran your home?” Lena’s eyes bored into Karson’s.

“I believe the fact that you have to marry is ridiculous. Women have very few choices, and I won’t stand in your way for you to run what is rightfully yours. I only want to be your partner in life I don’t want to run your life. I could be your husband in all ways except I can’t give you any more children.” 

Lena looked at Karson she could have a good life here. Yes, the situation was unusual, but Karson was a good kind man who could stand beside her they could help give each other the lives they couldn’t have with out the other. A life of freedom for her where she could work for her own future that she could make with her own hands, with Karson helping if she asked. Karson could have a family, children, and a wife he wouldn’t have to be alone anymore.

“Ok I will marry you.” Lena said grabbing Karson hand. 

“I want to get a couple of things out in the open though.” Nodding Karson waited to hear what Lena had to say.

“I want us to be partners in all things I want to help you if you need it, and I will expect help if I ask for it.” 

“Ok.”

“I want us on equal footing. You are not beneath me for the things that have been done to you. You will be my husband in all ways that matter. I don’t want to be feeling like I am repaying a favor for you marrying me when I needed help, and I don’t want you to feel like I am settling for someone who is some how broken because it isn’t true.”

Lena stared into Karson eyes looking for any doubt. 

“Are you sure this is what you want.” Karson asked one more time. 

“Are you sure that this is what you want? For a man who was to live alone you now will have a wife, and a daughter, and hopefully a healthy future child to add to the package.” 

Lena raised her eyebrow at him waiting. “To be honest it’s all I could have hoped for if I had allowed for such a thing.” Karson answered honestly. 

Lena smiled at her future husband maybe her future was looking up. 

They spent a little while sitting on the hill, “do you want to see our house?” Lena beamed at Karson who was already putting their lives together. “That would be lovely thank you.” Karson whistled, and the two horses came trotting over. Karson helped Lena into her saddle. 

“I’ll be right back.” Karson handed Lena his reins and headed over to see his mother.

Karson reached up and took off his hat.  
“Hey mom, I found a woman who would take me knowing all their is to know. I think you would like her she is strong, smart, beautiful, and she comes with grandkids. I wish you were here to meet her. I miss you every day.” Karson kneeled down kissed her headstone “I love you mom.” Then he stood, and walked towards his future wife.

Lena watched as Karson spoke to his mother she couldn’t help but feel the ache for a boy who had lost the only constant in his life. When he got into his own saddle they rode down to the house together. 

Leaving the horses in the barn Karson walked Lena up to the house he had built. It was two stories, had a wrap around porch on top and bottom. The stairs leading to the front porch were beautifully made with hand carved railings on either side. Thin planks made up the outside walls tongue and groove boards that met nicely to allow no airflow into the house. The house was white washed, and the shudders were stained a pretty brown. When they entered the house Lena looked up a staircase that was stained the same color as the shudders. Wood planked floors that had been finished the same way as the banisters on the stairs. It must have take months of sanding and applying a waxy coat to make the floors shine the way they did. Big doorways flanked the staircase. The left led to a dining room and kitchen the right to a parlor. If you looked beyond the stairs a screened in porch was behind French doors that could be opened to allow air movement.

“This is gorgeous Karson. How on earth did you do all of this by yourself?” Lena asked with awe in her voice.

“When I moved in with Cat I had to take what ever job I could find, but taking on lots of work allowed me to learn a lot of trades.” The smile on Karson’s face showed he was proud of his accomplishments. 

They turned into the dining room where a table and chairs were in the process of being made. “I will move the projects to the barn so that Charlotte won’t get hurt.” 

“Thank you Karson.” Lena smiled he was going to be a good father. 

Walking into the kitchen Lena was surprised to see a water pump, and a deep kitchen sink. There was counters that went all the way around the room with cabinet doors that sat under all of the counters, and one wall had floor to ceiling cabinets the stove was big and sat in the corner. The flew ran up and out of the house. Their was a center table with a solid wooden top with a couple of high stools, and a dutch door that lead outside to the root cellar.

“This kitchen is amazing do you cook?” Lena asked looking around the room at all Karson had built.

“I grew up hearing men don’t cook. I’ve struggled enough to get by, but honestly I’m terrible at it and I would worry if I had to feed anyone other then me.”

Lena and Karson both laughed. They moved through the back hallway looking out the doors leading to the screened in porch. When they made it to the parlor it had a large fire place flanked by book cases that lined one whole wall, but the majority of the room was filled with furniture in different states of completion. 

“I’m sorry about the lack of furniture I was taking my time building it because I don’t use much.” 

Karson gave Lena a sheepish smile.

“Nonsense what you have done is amazing we don’t have to have everything all at once. I’m so excited for the book shelves. Do you like to read?” 

The huge smile on Lena’s face spoke of her love of books. “I didn’t get to go to school until I lived with Cat, but now I read everything I can get my hands on.” 

“I used to sit on the hills by my house reading for hours when I lived in Ireland. I miss them terribly.” 

“What is Ireland like I only know that it is known for being very green.”

Lena smiled wistfully “it’s truly a thing of beauty. Lush rolling hills with green grass everywhere. Little towns filled with people who all know every one. The sky which is so blue you could stare at it for hours, but be caught in the mist on the way home.” Karson smiled at the picture of Lena as a young girl living in her Ireland. 

“Maybe one day you could take me to see it. I’d love to see where you grew up.”

Looking at the green eyes across from him he couldn’t help but feel like she was giving him a piece of herself.

“I would love to take you there.”

They walked up the stairs together. A big landing that led to window seat that overlooked the valley. Bookshelves and a little fireplace sat along one wall. Three rooms sat around the top floor each with French doors leading to the upstairs porch. Two of the rooms were empty, but had a wash room with a tub and basin that connected the two rooms. The floors were finished the same way as the down stairs ones, and Lena couldn’t help but notice that each room seemed very quiet you could not hear any wind from outside, or the footsteps from other rooms. 

“How did you get the rooms so quiet?” Lena asked with a curious tilt of her head. 

“A mixture of sawdust sap and mud. I put an internal wall to hide it because it isn’t very nice to look at.” Karson answered. 

They walked into the master bedroom, and there was a small cot in the corner a few pieces of furniture part way built, and a wash tub and wash basin included. They walked out onto the upper balcony to find two large rocking chairs over looking the property. 

“The house is very nice Karson.” Lena said while sitting in a rocking chair.

“Thank you I don’t spend a lot of time in town. I guess old habits die hard.” Karson shrugs.

“I know their are only three bedrooms I’ll get started on furniture for Charlotte and for the baby as soon as I can. Do you want a separate room? I can set up the third bedroom just for you if you tell me what you want.”

Surprise flickered across Lena’s face she hadn’t considered that he wouldn’t force a physical relationship that was just part of being married. 

“I don’t know what our future will be together, but we might as well start it in the same room.” Lena blushed a little at this decision, but she was adamant that she was going to make the best of this marriage. She deserves to be happy, and so do her children, and Karson deserves a family.

//////////////////////////////////////////////

Walking into Cat’s store she couldn’t help, but smile at the day she had spent with Karson. She looked around the room and spotted her daughter sitting on the floor playing with paper dolls from a Sears and roebuck catalogue. Cat stood behind the counter working quietly.

“Welcome back. Did you have a nice time?”  
The gleam in Cat’s eyes told Lena she knew exactly what had happened today.

“Yes, Karson took me out to the farm. We had a nice talk, and he showed me around the house he has built it is truly beautiful.”

Being intentionally vague about the conversation that Karson and her had had just to get under the woman’s skin. She appreciated her help with Karson, and was sure that in a few years she would be more grateful then she already was now, but she doesn’t have to know that. 

Cat’s eyed the young woman trying to read what happened though body language, but she was met with a poker face like she had never seen before. She sighed “ok, I get it you don’t like meddling, but spill it do we have a wedding to plan?” 

Lena finally gave in and smiled at Cat “Yes, we have a wedding to plan.” 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////

Walking up to John and Megan’s door was so different today then it was when he had been sixteen. He raised his hand to knock, and when the door opened Megan smiled wide “Karson El what brings you to my door?” It felt like deja vue, but this time he wasn’t asking for a funeral, but a wedding.

“Hello Mrs. Jones how are you.” Karson reaches out to give the pastors wife a quick hug. “How many times do I have to ask you to call me Megan?”

With a quick grin “as always just one more time.”

They both laughed, and Megan brought the young man to the back yard to see her husband. “I’ll leave you two to talk.” Megan moves to walk away, but an hand reached out and gently grabbed her. “Please stay for a moment.”

Megan just nodded and went to sit next to her husband. Karson walked across the yard and greeted the pastor. 

“What can I do for you tonight Karson?”  
John spoke always enjoying the quiet conversation he always had with the young man.

“I’m getting married, and I’d hoped you would do it.”


	4. Making plans

The sound of sand smoothing wood was all that could be heard. The week since the decision to be married had been made was very full. Going back and forth between town and the farm was time consuming, but had been necessity. Karson would not leave all the work to set up a wedding to Lena especially with her being pregnant, and leaving everything else to the people who had become her family didn’t seem fair. 

Between having a suit made, helping with set up, and helping watch Charlotte when Lena needed a break he had not had a lot of time to take care for the farm.

It was the off season so their was not as much work to do, but there was still work. When the day was over instead of going to sleep, or reading like he normally did he was trying to make the house ready for his girls. The master bed was sitting in clamps as the joints set together, and he had already put the first coat of stain, but a bed for Charlotte was a completely new project, and he wanted her bed to be special for her. 

A voice from out in the yard startled Karson because he wasn’t expecting someone to come by so late. 

“Karson are you in the barn?” 

Karson got up to head for the double doors that led to the yard. Alex stood outside by her horse. “What are you doing here so late?” 

“I just needed some quiet, and nowhere is quite as quiet as out here.”

The look on Karson’s face was curious, but true to form he didn’t pry. If Alex wanted to talk she would. 

“Wanna come and help me with some furniture?” Alex just gave him a relieved smile, and walked in to the barn help.

It was well past midnight and they were still hard at work only occasionally talking about the project they were working on.

“I’m jealous.” Alex said quietly barely loud enough for her vocal cords to make a sound.

Karson looked up “what?” Confusion the only thing written across his face. 

“I’m jealous all my mom can talk about is the wedding, and all that’s being planned she is so excited.” Karson knew Alex wasn’t saying this because she was mad at him, but he still didn’t understand so he didn’t say anything.

“I want you to be happy, and I’m happy for you and Lena. I just won’t ever get these things. My mom being excited to plan a wedding, picking out what to wear, what she is gonna cook. I want those things, I just won’t ever get to have them.” 

Putting down the wood that was in his hands Karson went and sat beside his best friend, and pulled her into his arms. Alex cries against his chest knowing that their would be no judgement for her moment of weakness.

///////////////////////////////////////////////

Walking up the board walk to Cat’s general store Karson had to avoid several large creates. When the bell over the door alerted Cat that someone was there she smiled.

“Morning Karson.” Smiling back at Cat “What’s with all the creates?” Laughter broke out of Cat’s chest.

“They belong to your future wife. They didn’t bring all of their belongings with them, but what they did bring is sitting out front.”

Karson blinked for a moment and then shrugged “can I borrow your wagon?” 

 

Karson has just finished loading the wagon for the second time when Lena came walking towards him. Charlotte was running in front of her as fast as her little legs would travel. “Kar!! Kar!!” With a large smile Karson knelt down and opened his arms for Charlotte to run into. When she finally reached him he picked her up swinging her around with a happy laugh. 

“Hello little one I missed you!!l Karson gave the little girl a big hug. Then looked up to see Lena smiling at the two of them. 

“Hello.” 

“Hey there. Where are my girls off to today?” Karson’s big grin all of a sudden turned into a blush. “I mean well...” 

“Your girls were coming to see you actually.”   
Lena watched the smile come back across Karson’s face. “Is this all the stuff sent from the coast?”

Karson laughed “No, this is all thats left after a second trip. Would you two like to come out to the farm and see where you want things to go?” 

“I would love to.” Lena was happily loaded into the wagons seat, and Karson handed Charlotte to her mother. 

The ride to the farm took a little longer with a full wagon, but Charlotte was enjoying watching the horses. 

They pulled up to the front of the house, and Karson ran around the horses, and helped to lift the two girls down. 

Karson ran off to the barn to fine a pry bar, and a hammer, and Lena and Charlotte walked up to the front door. Lena couldn’t help but smile. The creates were all stacked neatly to one side, and the dining room and parlor had both been cleaned of all tools and partial furnisher. The floor looked to have been scrubbed clean. He kept his word about making it safe for children. 

The sound of the door opening behind her brought her attention to her future husband who walked in the door. “I didn’t open anything, but I will help you put things where ever you want them when your ready. Please don’t push too hard.” The concern he showed her made her smile at him. 

The next few hours were spent unloading he wagon, and opening create to see what was in them. Lena knew where most things would generally go so she stayed in the parlor with Charlotte giving Karson direction on what room things should go in. 

Karson was coming down the stairs when he heard movement in the kitchen following the sounds of laughter he found his girls making lunch. Or really Lena trying to make lunch with Charlotte trying to help her. 

“Charlotte are you helping your mama cook?” A happy grin and bouncing curls was his answer. “Do you have time to help me a few minutes?” Karson asked while he knelt down to her level. 

“Wanna help.” Charlotte smiled. Karson grabbed the little girls hand and sent Lena a wink as they left. Lena laughed as she heard Karson tell her all about building a book tower. 

Karson was going to be a great father,and the more that they spent time together the more Lena appreciated Karson’s presence. He was always there, when work had to be done even if she hadn’t expected it. He would give her a break with her mischievous daughter without being asked it was like he could read her mind when she needed help. 

When she was married to Ray the only time she ever had his attention was when he wanted to sleep with her. Lena had hated having his attention when she had it, and when she needed it it was like he had vanished even if he was still in the room. 

Karson looked at her when she spoke, and always seemed to give his undivided attention to her and Charlotte. The more she got to know her future husband the more she liked him.

Lena has made a light lunch, and brought it to the parlor. There sitting in a fort built out of packing creates, books and some sheets were Karson and Charlotte. She wished she had a way to capture the moment. The two were lying on their backs passed out on the floor curled together. 

Lena just laughed she knew Karson had been busy this week, and had been burning the candle at both ends, but she never expected to find him sleeping in a fort in their parlor. Lena ate in silence secretly happy for the break, and when she was done she got up to look around the house trying to figure out where things went.

She made her way upstairs, on the landing were multiple creates filled with books. Lena laughed to herself at the excited expression that had come across Karson’s face when he realized that a lot of the creates were filled with books. “Her parents had sent a lot of books with her from Ireland knowing they were her favorite, but Ray has also had quite a collection. It was a definite plus to their marriage. 

When she went to the master bed room she was surprised that this room had been cleaned as well, but also it was empty. She looked at the other rooms and like the master bedroom they were all clean and empty. 

Deciding it was time to start unpacking again she headed down stairs. Reaching the parlor she notice Karson starting to stir. 

Blinking open his eyes Karson looked to his side. Charlotte was using him as a giant pillow with one arm and leg wrapped around him, and her head in a mess off tangled curls on his shoulder.

A small laugh brought his attention outside the create fort he had created. Lena stood in the doorway a small smile on her face.

“It’s like magic isn’t it. If you sit still long enough when they are sleepy you end up taking a nap too” smiling softly Lena went to a create and stacked a few blankets on the floor to make a pallet. She then bent over and untangled the little girl and moved her over to the pallet. 

Karson got to his feet a little stiff from sleeping on the floor. Lena handed him his lunch she had made for him earlier. He sat with a happy expression on his face while he ate.

“I wanted to thank you for moving all of the building projects outside, and for helping me so much with Charlotte I am really grateful.” Lena was digging through a box when she spoke. Karson looked at her puzzled “your welcome, but I’m confused as to why your are thanking me. Is that not what I am supposed to be doing?” Karson got worried for a moment. Is that something that fathers are not supposed to do. His father had never been kind, he didn’t know how to be a normal father maybe he was doing it wrong.

Lena watched as uncertainty played across Karson’s features. “What is it you are worrying about.” Walking over to sit in front of Karson. 

“I just realized I didn’t really know how to be a father or what is considered unusual for me to do. The only father I knew... I don’t want to be like him, but he taught me everything about being a man what if I screw up because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’ve never been in a position I didn’t know what was expected of me.” 

Lena absorbed everything that Karson said. “I didn’t thank you because you did something unusual. I was so used to doing everything alone, and never expected for someone else to look out for Charlotte that I wanted to thank you.” Lena gripped Karson’s hand. 

“Ray took care of us financially, but he never really gave his time or his full attention. It was more like Charlotte didn’t exist for him. I am so glad your not like that. That does not make you unusual. I know that you are worried about not being like other men. You have had to live with that fear, but I can tell you from what I observed you have nothing to fear you are a good man. Not because of what your father taught you, but because that’s who you are.” 

Karson squeezed her hand smiling at her. “Thanks you.” His cheeks turned pink, and he tried to keep his eyes on hers, but found it hard with what she said.

_____________________________________  
Then next few hours was spent unpacking creates. Charlotte eventually woke up, and she followed Karson around every where. 

“Well I guess calling you little duck is about right huh.” Karson smiled at the little girl who was trying to carry a book to help load into the book shelf while following behind Karson. 

Lena laughed from across the room where she was resting in a chair. “I think it’s time for us to get back into town Karson.” 

Karson looked sad at the prospect of his girls leaving, but he stood and started to head to the barn to hook up the wagon.

Charlotte followed until he reached the porch. “Kar up!!” Karson smiled, and picked up the little girl.

“Can she come help?” Karson’s question was met with a shooing motion and a laugh from Lena she was thrilled that Charlotte was so attached to Karson. She wondered if it was too soon to teach her to call Karson dad.

Karson held Charlotte on his hip while he pulled the horse out of the barn. “Do you want to say hello to the horse little duck?”

“Horse!!!” A loud squeal came out of Charlotte’s mouth as her hands stretched out to touch the horse. The horse almost jumped at the noise not having heard something like it before.

“Shhhh baby you have to speak softly to horses. We don’t want to scare them do we?” Karson’s voice softened almost to a whisper to show Charlotte how to behave around the animal.

“Shhh.” Charlotte copied nodding her head seriously.

Lena walked outside, and the wagon was almost hooked up. It had taken a little longer to do because Karson was doing most things one handed, but he didn’t seem to mind. 

When they were all loaded in the wagon, and on the way back to town Charlotte leaned her head against Karson’s arm. He lifted his arm snuggling the little girl to his side, and she feel asleep. The heat of the day and the movement of the wagon made Lena sleepy as well so Karson lifted the little girl putting her against his chest cradled into his other arm that held the reins,and put his arm up so Lena could snuggle into his side if she wanted to. Much to Karson’s surprise Lena actually moved over to lean on him, and soon both oh his girls were asleep.

When they reached town Karson pulled up in front of Cat’s store. “Lena wake up we are here.” Lena blinked awake she had not expected to actually fall asleep just rest a little it had been a long day. Once she had sat up Karson climbed down with Charlotte still sleeping against his shoulder. Her reached up with one hand and wrapped it around Lena’s waist and lifted her down.

“Do you want to have some dinner before you head back out to the farm?” Lena asked looking up at the tall blond man she had spent the day with. 

“I’d love to.” They walk into the small kitchen area at the back of the general store, and Lena goes to work fixing a small supper. Karson lays Charlotte down on a arm chair in the corner.

Karson sits at the kitchen table and watches Lena move around the kitchen. “Who taught you how to cook it seems like you are a natural at it?” 

Lena turns slightly, and smiles at the question “we had a cook when I was growing up who would let me help her in the kitchen. It started with only small projects, but I loved it so she taught me everything she knew until I moved to the states.” 

“Does everyone speak the way you do in Ireland words flow so beautifully out of your mouth I’ve never heard anything quite like it.” Lena blushes at the compliment. 

“Well their are different forms of speech from the different areas kind of like how people from the east coast here sound different from people on the west coast.” 

Karson was fascinated “I didn’t realize how different things are maybe one day we could go see it all.” A wistful grin crossing his face. 

“I’d love that.” 

Dinner was quiet, and when it was done Lena started to clear the plates. Karson sat a moment watching her clean, and was torn on wether he should help or not. The voice in his head said that Lena was doing her job, and he should stay out of it, but the other didn’t want her to tire herself out because she was pregnant. 

“Would you like some help?” The question was asked quietly with an uncertain tone. 

Lena looked over her shoulder and smiled “if you would like help is always welcome.” 

Karson go to his feet and rolled up his sleeves. They quickly got through all the work, and Karson looked out seeing the sun setting.

“I should get back before I lose all the sun. Do you want me to carry her up for you?” 

“That would be great thank you Karson.”

Karson picked the still sleeping girl up. “She didn’t get any dinner, and barely ate her lunch should we worry?” 

Lena smiled at the man “sometimes kids are just not hungry. If she wakes up hungry later I’ll feed her don’t worry.” She pat him on the back and followed him up the stairs to their room. 

Karson lay the little girl on the bed and kissed her on the head, and turned to leave.  
“Good night Lena.”

Lena was still at the door , and leaned up on her toes, and kissed his cheek. Good night Karson.” His blush made her chuckle as he walked away. 

___________________________________

The barn was full of half finished projects, and Karson knew he needed to get the beds done because he was running out of time. Working late into the night was his only option. The mattresses were going to be something he needed to head to national city for, and that would take time away from all he had to do to get the house ready. He should ask Lena if she wanted to go he was sure she had things to do to set up her new business, and he was sure that she was excited to get started. 

Today had been perfect for Karson the more time he spent with the two women in his life the more excited he was about all of the things they would get to do together. 

He never thought his life would change so much so quickly. The addition of a family had brightened up his life more then he thought possible. It was truly a miracle that he had been able to find someone to spend his life with, and he was going to cherish every moment that he had with them. 

___________________________________  
It was early morning when Karson roads into town he had not slept much the night before, but he knew that today he needed to go to National city to pick up a few things. It had been a couple of days since Lena had spent the day out at the farm. 

Karson had ridden into town the next day with the idea of asking Lena to go to National City.

Lena had been so excited to go that she almost vibrated with it. 

Cat had agreed to keep Charlotte for the day. Karson smiled at how much Cat adored the little girl. Seems like Charlotte had a new grand mother.

Karson knocked on the back kitchen door right as the sun was about to crest the horizon. Lena answered with a big smile. “Good morning! Come in for a fast breakfast before we leave.” He couldn’t help but smile at how excited Lena was this morning. They made quick work of eating and cleaning the kitchen, and soon they were in the wagon headed for the city.

It was mid morning and the sun was bright and cheerful. Karson had only been to National city once for a supply run for Cat, but he had loved the trip. The city was bigger than anything he had seen before, and their was so much to explore.

Lena was excited to see where her new business was located. She knew from the paper work left behind that Ray had purchased a warehouse, but she didn’t know what all he had planned for the space.   
Once Karson and her married next week she would inherit quite a bit of money, and she would be able to get started in what she would need. She was a little worried that she lived so far from her business, but she would figure out how to work around it. 

The first thing in the list was to go get some supplies for the farm, and then look into Lena’s business because that would probably take more time then the supply shopping. Karson pulled up in front of a store front, and hopped off the wagon. After lifting Lena to the ground they walked into the store. 

“What all do we need Karson?” Lena asked quietly. 

“We need some mattresses, and some fabric to cover the chairs I’m building, but other then that I figured we could look around and get some ideas for things you might want or need. I want you to feel at home.”

“I already do, but let’s look around anyway see what we can find.” Lena’s smile warmed Karson chest, and they walked around the store. 

_____________________________________

It was past mid day when Lena found herself walking towards the property that would soon be her business. They had filled the wagon with the things they needed, and checked it into the stables instead of driving it all over town.

The building on the corner was run down to say the least. It was big, but in bad shape. Lena stopped and looked at the building with her hands on her hips. “You know the more I think about Ray’s business decisions   
the more I wonder what he was thinking when he was so absent minded.” 

Karson chuckled at Lena’s statement. “Well maybe it has good bones let’s take a look.” 

Karson opened the barn door for Lena to enter, but when he let it go the door fell off its hinges. He frowned at the door and lifted it to the side to let in some light. The walls were so badly rotted that light streamed through everywhere. “Well the walls will all have to be redone. Let’s check the support beams.” Karson walked to a near by latter and inspected it “nope” he said to himself and he walked over to some abandoned creates in the corner. 

Once on the second story he lifted a couple of loose floor boards checking the rafters. 

Lena watched as Karson moved around the building checking the structure. The more she saw of the building the less thrilled she was about it.

Karson jumped down from the second floor slightly startling the small brunette woman. “Sorry..” Lena just swatted Karson’s arm.

“Well it’s not in as bad a shape as I expected. The second story and the rafters are mostly intact if the support beams are in good shape you might just have to replace or reuse the existing boards.”

“That will cost me a fortune, finding someone to do the work and get the materials will cost more then the rest of the start up costs.” Lena said while rubbing her temples. Karson walked around a little more, and then followed Lena to the front door. They found a little hotel that served lunch and sat down to eat. Lena was very quiet. 

“Lena may I ask a personal question?” Karson waited worried he was about to step in a world of trouble. Lena looked up from her thoughts, and tilted her head in confusion. “Yes.”

“Well really it has multiple parts, but let’s start with the biggest question. How much money do you have for this project?” 

Lena’s eyebrows both rose at this question.

“The reason I’m asking is because after hiring help, and selling off the goods from my harvests I can make a profit of about 2000 dollars a seasoned if there is no drought. After buying any supplies for the next seasons planting, and living supplies I can save an average of 1500 dollars a year. With adding three more people’s needs I’ll probably be about 1000 dollars a year. So with my savings I can do a very small crop this year, and help you get this business going, but I needed to know what kind of financial cushion you have.” 

Lena looked at Karson for a minute. She had not expected the conversation to take that turn.

“It will probably take 5 years to make all of the start up costs back fully if I take a salary, but according to projections the company should make ten to fifteen thousand a year and may double if we can get the company established before the railroad reaches us. We already have a deal with the Rockefeller’s to run the train depot through this area.” 

The next hour was spent talking about the financial decisions that would need to be made. When they finally left the city headed back home Lena smiled thinking that her future was what they could build together.


	5. Marriage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let’s get married

Wedding plans were complete, and Karson was standing in front of the seamstresses mirror as she finished his suite. 

Karson had never needed a suit before, but he was trying to not nervously fidget. He was never very comfortable with people he didn’t know well being in his personal space, let alone touching him. He knew it was necessary, but it still made him nervous. 

Once the seamstress was finished he took his suit and brought it over to the Danvers. They had been nice enough to allow Karson to get ready for the wedding at their place. 

When he knocked on the door Eliza answered with a smile “Karson come in come in.” She reaches out and gave him a hug, and then led him through to the kitchen where she was baking for the following days celebration. 

“How are you holding up dear? Are you excited for tomorrow.”

“I’m excited to marry Lena, but nervous for tomorrow.” 

Eliza knew that Karson wasn’t one for big crowds, but she didn’t think that was the only reason.

“What’s the matter?” Eliza fixed Karson with the mother look, and Karson started to squirm a little under the stare. What were women given lessons in this look when they gave birth? With a sigh “I don’t know how to dance. I figure Lena will want to dance at her wedding, and I have no idea how to do it.”

Eliza laughed for a moment. “Well that easily fixed go grab Alex and Winn.” 

Karson hurried to comply with Eliza’s orders, and a few minutes later all four people stood in the Danvers back yard. Winn has brought his fiddle. Eliza pulled Alex and Karson by the hand placing them in front of each other.

“Now Karson place one hand on Alex’s hip, and the other in her hand.” 

Karson blushed, but did what he was told. Alex placed her hand in Karson’s, and one on his shoulder. “Relax its just me. Just try not to step on my feet.” Alex’s laugh only made Karson more nervous. 

“Hey loosen up this is supposed to be something fun.”

Eliza took the next few min to slowly walk Karson through the steps. Karson started to pick up the steps pretty quick he was always a fast learner. Eliza added in the music, and Karson started to lead Alex around the yard. He didn’t do to bad, but he definitely needed more practice.

“Eliza what are you all doing out here.” Cat Grant’s laughing voice was heard entering the yard. Lena and Charlotte right behind them.

Alex and Karson jumped apart, and Winn stopped playing to laugh at Alex’s and Karson’s reaction.

“Karson doesn’t know how to dance, and didn’t want to disappoint Lena if she wanted to dance tomorrow so we are doing a lesson.” Eliza walked over to Cat with a laugh. 

“Ah I see. Waiting till the last minute I see. Karson that’s some what unlike you.” Cat’s tease caused Karson to blush, but most everyone laughed. 

Lena walked by Cat gently smacking her on the arm, and handing Charlotte over to Alex “Enough of that. I’ll help teach you Karson. Don’t worry once you get the steps it all flows together easily.” Her kind voice settled Karson’s nerves, and Lena took her place in the yard. 

The back door opened before the music started again, and out walked Jeremiah, and John. “Looks like we are having a dance.” Jeremiah said with a happy smile. He walked over and offered his hand to his daughter who laughed and let her father lead her out to the floor, after she handed Charlotte to Cat.

“Winn started to play slowly. “Relax I saw that you know the steps we will move slowly. Don’t worry.” Lena stood still waiting for Karson to be ready she hated that he was nervous, but with a gentle squeeze of their joined hands he finally started to move. It took a few minutes for them to find the right rhythm, but Lena just followed Karson’s lead until he figured it out. Her easy going nature just helped him relax letting him find his feet. 

Winn kept playing while Lena and Karson danced together. John and Jeremiah continued to switch partners leading everyone around the yard. Including Charlotte who happily squealed as she was turned in fast dancing circles.

About lunch time all the dancing stopped, and Lena had to leave because the wedding would take place mid afternoon the next day and they weren’t supposed to see each other. 

“Thank you for helping me.” 

Lena just smiled at her future husband. “Always.” Karson hugged his girls before they left the yard. 

____________________________________

It was his last night of freedom, and the guys wanted to take Karson out for drinks, but he didn’t want to drink worried about being hung over. Instead he found himself roping Alex into moving the beds he had finished into the house. 

Karson had tried his best to finish unpacking all the creates around the house so that Lena would feel at home, but he hadn’t quite finished that either.

Alex walked in holding the foot board “wow there is a lot more stuff her then normal. It’s starting to look like someone actually lives here.” 

Karson just laughed and continued up the stairs with the headboard he was carrying. 

It took a few trips, but soon both beds were set up in their rooms, and Karson and Alex were again sitting in the barn. Karson was working on covering some chairs that he had finished, and Alex was sitting on an empty create. 

“So what happens after tomorrow.” 

Karson looked up from the chair he was nailing fabric onto. “Well I’m going to help Lena rebuild her wear house in National City so I will be spending a lot of time out that way for the next month or so.” 

“What’s gonna happen to the farm?” 

“Well I’m gonna have to come back and forth a lot or find someone who can come out and watch it for me.” 

Alex sat back for a few minutes. “I could move out this way while your away, and look after things in the morning until you get back full time.”

Karson turned and gave Alex his attention.  
“You know I would appreciate that, but is something else going on.”

Alex took a deep breath. “I think I just need my own space away from my parents for a bit. Living with them is nice, but if I’m not getting married I don’t want to live with them forever. I’m not a real doctor even though I know most everything Jeremiah knows, but I can’t move off and get work as an almost doctor. I need to find a way to live on my own. Maybe working on your farm will help.” 

Karson let out a deep breath. He had not really thought about Alex’s future. He respected her knowledge, and skills as a doctor, but knew that outside this town she would struggle to find work. 

“I’ll double check with Lena, but I don’t see an issue with you coming out here.”

Alex couldn’t help a hopeful smile, and watched Karson go back to work.

__________________________________

The morning was always quiet. It could seem like you were alone in the world if you could find just the right spot to sit. Lena found herself sitting quietly at the kitchen table cradling a hot mug of dark tea. She knew most people preferred coffee, but she had grown up preferring tea, and when she moved to the states couldn’t find the will to switch. Charlotte was still asleep, and the light breakfast she had cooked had been long since eaten. She missed getting the newspaper. That was one thing the east coast big cities had that the west coast smaller cities still struggled to receive. 

Today was the day that she was going to be married again. The first time she was married she was barely sixteen, and she felt like she couldn’t catch her breath. Ray was older then her by at least ten years, and the whole situation just broke her heart. She couldn’t help, but imagine what the day would have been like if she had actually fallen in love and chosen to marry like she had hoped. The idea she was going to be married off to some stranger had never even crossed her mind. She had gotten pregnant almost immediately. God and she had been afraid. What did she know about being a wife or a mother. 

Having Charlotte while wonderful had also been so overwhelming. She had been alone with an absentee husband, and had no clue how to care for a baby. She had never even held one until she held her own. 

Now she was marrying Karson. He was already proving to be a kind attentive man. He showed he cared in a hundred small actions every day. Even by something as small as listen to her when she speaks. He obviously loves Charlotte, and Charlotte has taken to him like no one she has met before. It even took time with her uncle Lex. 

 

The fact that Karson wasn’t completely a man didn’t phase her in the slightest. He was already a better man then most others she had met. Lena wasn’t even afraid of the physical side of marriage with him. She knew he would never push her into something, and if she wanted something she would have to initiate it, but their were definitely worse problems to have. 

The small voice calling out for her ended her quiet musings, and she went back upstairs to get ready for her day.

_____________________________________

Foot steps echoed in the room while Karson paced. He wore the suit that he had made, and he couldn’t seem to sit still.

Alex sat on a chair watching Karson walk back and forth nervously. “Karson come sit down your making me crazy.” 

The steps stopped, and a confused look fell across Karson’s face. “What’s making you crazy?” 

Alex opened her mouth to smart back, but realized that Karson hadn’t even realized he had been pacing. “Stop being so nervous. Their is nothing that can be changed now even if you wanted to. Just relax.”

Alex knew Karson was nervous, and realized teasing him would be mean at this point.

Jeremiah knocked at the door. “Are you two ready it’s time.”

Karson started to walk out the door when Jeremiah’s hand reached out to grip his arm. Karson tensed under the touch, but forced himself to relax. He never was very comfortable with physical touch when it was unexpected. 

“I know your nervous, but everything will be ok.” 

Karson looked Jeremiah in the eye, and nodded with a strained smile. Men always look you in the eye.

Walking down to the church Karson was greeted by most of the towns people. A wedding was almost always attended by everyone. There were so few reasons for everyone to join together that celebrations brought everyone. Karson smiled and thanked everyone who approached him, but it didn’t help his nerves to be surrounded by so many people. His high collar on his shirt was stifling, and the more nervous he became the more tight the collar seemed. 

When he reached the front of the church John was standing waiting for him. He could see Karson was struggling, but only because he had gotten to know the young man. 

“Don’t worry they will be looking at her not at you. It will be over quick.” 

Karson smiled at John for his kind words, and then he stood waiting for Lena.

___________________________________

Cat grant had never had a daughter. She had two sons, and then she had Karson which she considered to be hers as well. She had been surprised when Karson had been immediately taken with the young Irish woman, because he had never thought he would have the option to marry so he never paid women that kind of attention.

Cat had instantly taken a liking to Lena. She was smart, and strong, and didn’t fall apart when the world fell out from under her. Strong women were rare, and Lena was a strong woman. 

She knew that Lena had been living life alone without a mother figure since she was sixteen, and Cat had decided that adding one more child to her number wasn’t a bad idea. 

Lena walked out of her bedroom and down to the kitchen where Cat sat, she was wearing a beautiful dress that hid her belly that was just starting to show nicely. She had decided against white, and went with a pretty dark green. Charlotte was dressed in a pretty white sundress that made her look just adorable.

“Well don’t you two look beautiful!” 

Cat couldn’t hide the wide smile at seeing the two standing in front of her. 

“Pwetty dress.” Charlotte said as she did a slightly clumsy twirl. Both laughed and cheered the little girl on. 

Soon it was time to head to the church. Eliza had met the three walking towards the church, and they greeted her, and continued to walk. A few of the younger women in town were giving Lena the once over. Lena just met their gaze and raised an eyebrow her stare was enough to make them avert their eyes. 

“Don’t mind them Lena they are just upset that Karson turned them down, and then changed his mind about marriage to marry you. He was pretty stubborn about it until you came.” 

Eliza was Smiling in a reassuring manner, and Lena was grateful for the support, and a little bit smug that Karson had chosen her over every one else. 

______________________________________

The ceremony was started quickly once Lena entered the church. Lena and Charlotte walked down the aisle together. 

Karson couldn’t help, but to have a wide smile at the two beautiful girls walking towards him. Lena smiled and gave him a quick playful wink causing him to blush. 

“Kar! Kar! Pwetty dress.” She did a quick spin almost falling over. Lena laughed covering her mouth in the tiny church trying to stifle the noise, but Karson full belly laughed and bent over to talk to his new daughter. 

“Well you certainly are a pretty little thing, and it’s a lovely dress.” Karson picked the little girl up, and placed her on his hip. The church all laughed at the little girls behavior. It helped mask Karson’s comment to Lena.

“You sure look beautiful Lena.” Karson blushed, but was proud to see a light blush cross the fair skin of his future wife. “Thank you.” 

Once the three were standing at the alter “do you want me to take her.” Was whispered by Alex who stood off to the side. Karson looked at Charlotte who looked happy to sit in his arms, and then to Lena who just shrugged. “No she can stay.” 

John started the short ceremony the small family standing together. The vows to love honor, and cherish were sworn, and rings were exchanged. When the final pronouncement of you may kiss the bride was called out Karson’s eyes widened for a moment, but Lena raised her hand to cup his cheek. “Relax” Was whispered, and she rose to her toes and brought their lips together. Karson had never kissed anyone before, and had not given it much thought before, but the feel of Lena’s soft lips pressing firmly to his caused heat to bloom in his belly. His free hand came to squeeze her hip, and he couldn’t help but to press a little harder into the kiss. 

When Lena pulled back she felt breathless. The simple press of lips had been so much more then she had ever felt before. When both sets of eyes blinked open, and they met each other it was as if the world had shifted and something new was in its place. 

The clapping of the town brought the two out of the daze they found themselves in. Karson reaches for Lena’s hand, and happily bounced his daughter on his hip much to her delight, and they made their way out of the church.

___________________________________

The town had all gathered together for a giant pot luck in the middle of town. It seemed like every store was closed, and all all travel had stopped. People brought their tables from out of businesses and homes and set up a large line of home made food and deserts. 

Lena looked around seeing the small town come together to celebrate a wedding. She knew that most of them she had not met before, and that Karson was at best an acquaintance of, but they still came to celebrate. It made her a little homesick this piece of what she remembered. Karson looked at her wife who had a sad expression on her face.

“You ok”

“Yeah just got homesick for a few minutes. All of these people gathered together to celebrate reminded me of home.” 

Karson reached out his arm, and placed it around her shoulders. Knowing their was nothing to say, but hoping he could comfort her a little.

It took about an hour, but finally Lena had met most everyone that had come to the wedding. Charlotte was having so much fun meeting new people, and having so much attention given to how pretty she was. By the end of the night she was sure that Charlotte will have charmed half the town. 

Karson was hanging together well. Lena could tell he was uncomfortable in crowds, but he hid it well. Every once in a while Lena would reflexively reach out and brush his arm or squeeze his hand, and he would look over to her with a smile she soon realized was only hers. The smile was open and kind, and had his guard completely lowered. Lena’s heart warmed thinking that she had all of him, and he would willingly give it to her without her even having to ask.

Eventually everyone started to eat, and Kara helped feed Charlotte. Between the two of them Charlotte ate more then she normally ate, and soon fell asleep against Karson’s chest. The day had finally been too much. Cat came over and plucked the sleeping child from Karson’s lap. 

“I’ll keep an eye on her you two try to have some fun.”

The music was soon to start, and Karson held his hand out to his wife. 

“I might not be the best dancer, but I’d be happy to take you around the floor if you would like.” 

She smiled at her husband aware that dancing was something he was not confident at, but would dance for her to make her happy.

The two joined the dancers on the make shift floor. Karson lead Lena around happy to not take himself to seriously, just laugh and have a good time with his wife. Karson eventually discarded his jacket, tie, and unbuttoned the top few buttons of his high collared shirt. 

“I like the more relaxed you better. Not that you don’t look handsome, but I prefer for to be who you are.” Lena whispered into his ear as they danced around the square. Karson smiled down at his wife and kissed her on the cheek.

When night started to fall Lena was happy to call it a night. Karson had danced with her all evening, and they had both laughed and enjoyed their friends. This wedding was truly so much better then her first. 

Karson left for a few minutes to go hook the horses to the wagon, and Lena started to make her way to Cat to find her little girl.

A young woman stopped her with a hand she was a little intoxicated, and Lena didn’t like the way the woman looked at her. “How did you hook him?” Her words slurred her mouth turned into a snarl. “Did you already spread you legs for him? Is that it Irish?”

Lena felt her blood boil, but she kept a smile on her face. The smile was not kind, but cold the woman almost flinched away. 

“I would walk away if I were you.” 

The woman turned and walked away as fast as she could. Lena took a deep breath, and continued to find her girl.

____________________________________

The ride home was slow with how dark it had turned. Charlotte hadn’t woken when Lena had picked her up. When they finally reached the farm Karson lifted Lena down while she still held Charlotte. Karson walked into the house lighting the candles and walking Lena and Charlotte to the bed rooms. Once they were upstairs and could see where they were moving Karson went back out to put the wagon and horses away. 

When he finally makes it upstairs Lena is still in with Charlotte. Karson leans against the door. 

“Everything ok?” 

“Yeah I’m just worried she will wake up afraid because she doesn’t know where she is.” 

“Why not bring her into sleep with you. I can sleep somewhere else for the night.” 

Lena’s mouth dropped open. She hadn’t even considered that. 

“I am not kicking you out of bed, but would you mind her coming to share with us? Just for tonight I don’t want her to be afraid?” 

“If Your sure you don’t mind me in there too then let’s go to bed I’m exhausted.”

Karson went over and picked up Charlotte, and moved the still sleeping girl to The bigger bed. 

“I’ll let you get ready in here I’ll be back in a minute.”

Lena watched Karson leave the room. She would never have imagined having Charlotte in their bed the night of their wedding. Lena quickly changed into a nightgown, and climbed under the quilt on the bed. Lena maneuvered Charlotte to her side of the bed closest to the edge. 

Karson came back into the bedroom. He wore a plain undershirt and some short pants. 

Karson looked at the bed where Lena and Charlotte were laying. Karson couldn’t help the blush on his face.

“Are you sure you don’t mind me sleeping in here?” 

Lena just smiled at her husband.

“Get into bed Karson.”

A nod was the only response, and Karson crawled into bed next to Lena. The bed was large, but not so big that all three people in the bed wouldn’t touch if laying next to each other. Karson could feel Lena’s body pressed lightly to his side, and he couldn’t help but notice how soft she felt against his hard frame. 

“Night Lena.” Karson leaned over and kissed Lena’s cheek, and then blew out the last candle. 

“Night.”


	6. Living life

Mornings were always rough for Karson the idea of getting up with the sun had never appealed to him. His father had made it a requirement, and the fear of the consequences had always made it hard to sleep past dawn. 

This morning was different. The body next to his was moving, and having someone next to him was new. 

Lena was a morning person and always had been. Mornings were quiet uninterrupted time to get things done or to quietly read. When she had opened her eyes this morning she had found herself trapped between two bodies. 

If she moved left she would wake up Charlotte, and her quiet morning would go up in smoke. If she moved to her right she would wake up her husband, and she knew he had been getting very little sleep, and didn’t want to wake him up. To add to those issues she would have to climb over which ever person she chose to disturb.

Eventually moving became a necessity, and she sat up weighing her options. She smiled when she looked at the two sleeping in her bed. Charlotte was a wild sleeper all limbs and feet in her sleep which was half the reason she had put her on the edge of the bed so Karson wouldn’t be kicked and elbowed in the middle of the night. Charlotte was wrapped in the quilt one arm thrown across her face, and the other hanging off the bed. 

Karson was obviously the other side of that coin. He was a snuggler with one arm thrown over her waist. She had to chuckle to herself. Eventually she chose Karson, and moved his arm slightly and turned over so she could get to her knees. She had one leg most of the way over his lap when he opened his eyes. She was so startled that she nearly fell over. Karson reached out to steady her by the hips bringing her firmly onto his lap. Lena’s eyes shot wide, and Karson blushed immediately removing his hands.

Lena hurried and got off Karson’s lap, and onto the floor. 

“God I’m sorry Karson I was trying to get out of bed with out waking either of you, and then you woke up and it startled me I’m so sorry.”

Both adults were blushing brightly. Lena would have laughed if she hadn’t been so flustered.

“It’s ok Lena I didn’t mind I was just surprised at seeing you over me that’s all.”

Lena hurried from the room, and Karson decided it was time to get up anyway and dressed quickly. 

_________________________________

Lena was busy fixing breakfast when Karson walked through the back door. He had already taken care of the animals, and started a giant pot in the yard to boil so that laundry could be done today. 

“Breakfast is almost ready if you want to get cleaned up.”

The smile on Karson’s face could light the room Lena mused to herself. It was not rare for Karson to smile at her, but when food was made for him his smile was always prominent.

Karson walked over to the sink and washed his hands. When he came back to the table Lena was placing two plates on the table. Karson moves to the stove, and got the kettle and poured hot water into two mugs.  
Lena saw the confusion on Karson’s face and laughed.

“It’s for tea. Would you like me to brew some coffee for you?”

“No tea is fine if you don’t mind sharing.”

Lena just smiled and made the tea. 

“Lena I was talking to Alex the other day, and she had hoped that she could move out here while we were away, and take care of the farm.”

Lena furrowed her brow “why would she want to move out here to be a farmer? She is a doctor.”

Karson drew his hand through his hair. He had to walk a fine line between telling Lena all of Alex’s reasons, and keeping Alex’s secret.

“She loves her parents, but because she has decided that marriage isn’t in her future she would end up living at home forever. She is a great doctor, but because she is a woman she will not be taken seriously enough to get in to medical school so the only place she will be able to get a job is here. She is trying to find some independence, and I had hoped you wouldn’t mind giving her a shot out here.”

Lena listened to all Karson had to say. She was no stranger to the struggles women had to face. 

“She is always welcome Karson we could even build a little house for her out here. I just worry that she won’t be happy here.”

Karson agreed with Lena she knew Alex wouldn’t like being a farmer, but she would never turn Alex away.

“I have some things I need to wrap up the next few days on the farm. Especially now that I have to show Alex the ropes, what do you think of leaving Wednesday or Thursday to start working in National city?”

Lena was excited to get started on her new business, and was so grateful to have Karson help her with the construction of the warehouse. Finding someone to do the work would be a struggle, and she already knew Karson would do a good job. 

“That sounds good, do you need any help around the farm?”

Karson looked at Lena for a few moments. He knew finding the balance between them was something that would take time, but he was hesitant to give her things to do. He knew that she didn’t want to fall into the roll of just wife and mother. 

“There are always things to do around a farm. I don’t want you to feel like you are expected to work or take care of me. I can do both. If you see something you want to do or have time for then please feel free.”

Lena sat for a few moments thinking about what Karson said. 

“I am trying to figure out our dynamic. You say you don’t expect me to work or take care of you, but I don’t think that is what you really mean. Is it?”

Karson looked down at his hands a moment.

“When we were speaking about getting married you made it clear that you didn’t want to just be a home maker, and I promised that you could choose for yourself. I don’t want to break my promises or to give you things to do that would put you in a role you don’t want.”

Lena sighed. She thought that was the case, and Karson was being to literal about her boundaries. Of course she didn’t only want to be a home maker, and mother, but that did not mean she couldn’t be those things too. 

“Karson when I talked about what I wanted I didn’t mean that I would not take care of our home or our children. I will of course work to help build our lives together. I was more worried that you would expect only a wife and a mother, and I want to be so much more then that. So please let’s work together on our farm, our family, and the business.”

Karson smiled and nodded. “I have laundry to be done today. I have already started the water. I need to start the summer crops today, including the garden for the house. I’m not sure what kind of food you like to eat, but if their is something you want planted just let me know.”

The two sat and spoke for almost an hour about what was needed, and Lena decided that she would go to town to get supplies they would need, and talk to Alex while Karson plowed the garden, and started the fields.

______________________________________

The ride to town was uneventful, and Lena was surprised when Karson agreed to keep Charlotte with him. When she had left they had been hooking up the plow, and Karson had given Charlotte a giant hat to wear to cover her face from the sun. It truly was a sight to watch her little girl so happy. When she pulled up in front of Cat’s store she was excited to see the older woman. Cat had become a fast friend, and Lena loved spending time with the woman. 

When she entered the store Cat looked up from behind the counter with a smile. 

“Well I didn’t expect to see you here today. What brings you in.”

Cats wide smile was answered by one of Lena’s, and the two women sat to talk. 

“Karson is getting the crops planted before we go to National city, and needed a few supplies.”

“Well planting season is always a lot of work I know he is grateful for any help he can get.” 

Lena and Cat walked around the store gathering the supplies that were needed. 

“So how did last night go?” Cat looked at Lena with curiosity.

Lena looked over at the older woman shocked by the question.

“Cat Grant!! I can’t believe you just asked me that.” After a beat “yes I can I don’t even know why I’m shocked.”

Cat just chuckled at the younger woman’s embarrassment.

“That wasn’t an answer Lena.”

Lena huffed out. “Nothing happened last night other then sleep. I was worried about Charlotte sleeping in a room she had never been in before, and Karson offered up the bigger bed to us.”

Cat just smiled at how considerate Karson could be especially to those he cares for. She looked at Lena’s face who had a look of confusion on her face.

“I didn’t kick him out of his own bed, even though he offered so we all ended up sleeping together.”

Lena sat quietly for a few moments.

“What’s got you so confused?”

Cats question was gentle, and she patiently waited to for Lena to answer.

“I’ve just never met anyone like him before. I know he would never push a physical relationship. Not that I think in time that it would be unwelcome.” Once Lena realized what she said she blushed.

Cat couldn’t help but to laugh at the pink cheeks of the woman sitting across from her, and of course her laughter caused the cheeks to darken in color.

“Oh there is no reason to blush. He is an attractive man who could blame you for thinking you might enjoy spending time with him.”

Lena gently rubbed her cheeks hoping to get rid of the blush. 

“Anyway, I am just unsure of what to expect from him, and everyday he surprises me more. I am unused to being treated with such care, and kindness.”

Lena looked up to Cat and saw her soft expression. “He truly is a marvel that man. He is one of the kindest people I have ever met. I doubt you will ever truly get used to the man he is, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I have known him for awhile, and he never fails to surprise me.”

Lena smiled at how obvious Cats affection was for her husband. Soon it was time to finish her trip to town. After saying goodbye to Cat, Lena walked down to the Danvers medical clinic. When she walked in she was greeted by a happy little bell that rang when she opened the door. Alex stepped out from the back room, and a small smile crossed her face. 

“Lena, welcome. What brings you in today?”

Lena smiled at her husbands best friend, and hoped that the woman in front of her would become her friend as well.

“Karson and I talked this morning, and he mentioned that you wanted to move out to the farm while we were gone to National City. “

Alex smiled a little wider, and nodded her head.

“Well I came in for supplies, but figured you wouldn’t mind me coming to invite you out to live with us.” 

Alex’s smile widened again. “Really you don’t mind?”

Alex’s excitement was evident, and Lena couldn’t help, but to be happy with the decision to have Alex come live with them.

“Of course you are more then welcome to live out with us as long as you want. Karson and I would even have you a place built of your own if you wanted it.” 

Alex was shocked by what Lena said, but was so glad that she was going to be able to start to move forward with her life. 

“Thank you Lena. Truly you don’t know what that means to me.”

Lena smiled and moved forward to hug the young doctor.

“We both just want you to be happy Alex. Karson loves you as if you were family, and I will love you the same way. I haven’t known Karson long, but I do know that without you and Cat he would have been a much different man. I will always be grateful for him, and for you.” 

Alex’s smile was soft. She had not been able to really get to know her friends new wife, but the more time she spent with the woman the more she liked her. 

“I will get my gear and meet you out at the farm this afternoon. I know you two are wanting to leave soon, and I have a lot to learn.” 

Lena just smiled and said her goodbyes. The trip back to the farm was quiet, and Lena found herself excited to get home to her family.

_______________________________________

Karson had a busy morning. He discovered quickly that Charlotte had a very curious nature. She wanted to know what everything was, and asked ”why” more times then Karson had expected. The most surprising thing was that he had enjoyed her company even for tasks that were not entertaining. 

Plowing was hard work even with the horses doing the majority of the work. Karson realized early on that Charlotte would want to help plow, but with the speed the horses moved she couldn’t keep up with the speed, so Karson had picked the girl up and placed her on his shoulders and kept moving. The extra weight made the process a little harder, but the enjoyment Charlotte got from being included made it worth it. 

When lunch time came around Karson and Charlotte made their way into the house. Karson was starving, but cooking was something he just didn’t want to do, so bread and dried meat, and a few pieces of fruit is what the two ate. 

The hottest part of the day was nearing, and Karson didn’t want Charlotte out in the heat. He set up a little play area under a tree near the front porch, and started to wash the laundry. The water was a little too hot so he pulled in a wash bucket and scooped water into it adding cooler water. Charlotte came over wanting to help, and Karson just laughed and went to grab a bucket from the barn, and filled it with water. The little girl then sat in the shade with a few socks pretending to wash clothes. 

Karson was almost done with the sheets when he heard a wagon, and looked up with a large smile for his wife who was pulling up in front of the barn. Karson called over to Charlotte, “hey little duck look who is home.”

Charlotte looked up and yelled “mama!!!!”, and started to run towards the wagon. Karson intercepted the little girl, and walked over to help Lena down, and gave the squirming little girl to her mother. 

“Hello little one did you have fun today?”

Lena gave the little girl her attention, but when Karson started to walk away grabbed his hand holding him in place. Lena listened to Charlotte talk for a little while, and once she slowed down Lena turned to Karson. She leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek.

“It sounds like you had an eventful day. Did everything go ok?”

Karson smiled down at his wife. “Yeah we had a good time.”

Lena smiled “good! I’ll finish the laundry if you have other things to do. Oh and Alex said she would be in this afternoon.”

Karson couldn’t help, but smile it seemed like his life was really coming together. His wife was kind and made him happy. He loved his little girl. His best friend was coming to stay with them. It seemed like life was really beginning for him. 

After unloading the supplies from the wagon, and putting the horse and wagon in the barn Karson went back to work plowing the field. 

Lena looked at the laundry, and then at her daughter who was busy showing her how clean the socks were that she had washed. Lena finished the laundry, and then managed to put Charlotte down for a nap under a tree. 

Lena knew the basics of planting a garden from her time in Ireland working with the ladies that worked in the house. Her mother had never really wanted her to work in the garden, but in the end Lena had done what she had wanted. 

_____________________________________

As soon as Lena had left the office Alex gathered her things, and headed for the back porch. Her father and mother were both sitting enjoying the shade of a large tree that sat to the side. When Alex approached Jeremiah and Eliza both turned to smile at their daughter. The smiles seemed to melt a little when they saw the serious expression on Alex’s face.

“What’s the matter Alex?” Eliza asked concern written across her brow.

“I wanted to talk to you both about something.”

Alex twisted her fingers together, but then squared her shoulders. 

“I am moving out to Karson’s farm to help work it while he is in National City.”

Jeremiah looked surprised, but not really upset in any way. Eliza smiled “well that’s nice of you dear, but you don’t know much about farming. I guess just making sure it is taken care of for a few months will be easy enough.”

“It’s not just for a few months. I’m moving out permanently. I need to find a way to make a life for myself. I can’t make money being a doctor anywhere but here, and with out me being married it will be hard for me to ever have a life outside of your home.”

Jeremiah and Eliza both looked shocked. 

“Alex, why didn’t you talk to us about your concerns?”

Alex looked down at the ground then.

“Because I didn’t have a plan yet. I know that being a farmer isn’t the ideal solution, but it is a job that I can succeed at with work. I still plan to come work for dad a few days a week. I love being a doctor, but I need a future that doesn’t involve marrying someone to take care of me.”

Eliza looked sad. She had known that Alex would struggle when she found out that she had no intention to marry, but she had never thought about what Alex would need to do to have her own life. Eliza realized that she was angry at herself for not thinking of a future that didn’t include marriage for Alex. 

Jeremiah sat in silence for a few moments. 

“I know that you need to find a way to live your life your way. I sorry to say that I never considered what your future would be. You said that you would not marry, but I assumed it was just because you had not met the right person. I guess I was thinking the wrong way. I’m sorry.”

Alex bristled at the idea her parents had thought she would change her mind, and just marry because it’s what was expected, and they were just waiting for Alex to meet someone. She took a deep breath trying to calm the insult that was surging through her veins. 

“Well I have been thinking about it, and I need a way to make a new future.”

Jeremiah scratches his chin rubbing his fingers through the beard on his chin. He had never offered to pay Alex for her work at the office, but he should have. 

“Well if your still going to be working for me a few days a week we will need to have you making money for the patients that you treat. I never thought to pay you, but that was an oversight I will fix.”

Alex smiled at her father then. She knew her parents both wanted the best for her, and would help her gain a career. After saying her goodbyes to her parents Alex went and packed up her things changed into pants, and rode out to Karson’s.

_______________________________________

Alex rode up to the barn and dismounted her horse. Quickly she unsaddled her horse and started to make her way to the house. Off to the side of the house she spotted Charlotte sleeping in the shade of a tree, and further over Lena working in the garden. 

Alex dropped her bags off on the porch, and approached Lena.

“Hey Lena!”

Lena stood up and wiped her hands on her skit, and smiled up at Alex. 

“Hey Alex welcome home.”

Alex couldn’t help but to smile at Lena’s words. She looked into Lena’s face. Then she frowned slightly.

“Your getting burned Lena you might want to wear a hat or maybe some sleeves.”

Lena looked at her arms and sure enough she was red. 

“I didn’t even think thank you for the warning. I never really stayed out in direct sun for long periods of time I will be more careful.”

Alex smiled as she watched Lena walk towards the shade. Alex made her way out to the field in the distance seeing a small figure plowing the fields. When she finally reached Karson he turned and smiled at her.

“Hey Alex you ready to get started?”

_____________________________________

Lena made her way into the house, and looked in the mirror. She was burned. She shook her head in frustration, and went into the kitchen and washed her hands, face and arms in cool water. She moved over to where the tea from the morning was and wrapped the used leaves in cheese cloth, and dabbed it all over the burn to reduce the sting. After drying her skin she went to sit on the porch and rest. 

Being pregnant was not a new experience, but she was always worried about getting rest. She didn’t want to hurt her future baby, but not being able to do everything she wanted sometimes wore on her. She looked over to where Charlotte was still sleeping under a tree, and smiled to herself. 

After her break was over Lena moved over to the clothes line to see if the laundry was dry. She folded what was dry, and left the rest, and moved into the house to put the clothes away.

___________________________________

Karson and Alex worked until dusk had settled in the sky. Alex was exhausted, but she had enjoyed working with Karson.

They made there way back to the house, and smelled dinner from out in the yard.

There was still plenty of hot water in the giant pot from the morning so Karson started to fill buckets and carry them up the stairs for the bath tubs. Lena heard someone walking up and down the stairs and went to see who was home. When she saw Karson coming down the stairs carrying buckets she smiled.

“What are you up to?”

“Their was left over water from the washing basin outside I figured everyone would like a bath.”

Lena’s small smile grew “that would be wonderful thank you.” 

“Smells like dinner is almost ready do you want me to watch over Charlotte so you can get clean first, or do you want me to wash her so you can finish dinner?”

Moments like this were when she was surprised by her husband. “If you would get Charlotte clean I will grab her night gown, and then she can go to bed after dinner.”

Karson went and picked up his little girl. “What do you say little duck ready to get wet?”

Charlotte bounces In Karson’s arms smiling at him. “Quack quack.”

Karson quickly undressed the wiggling little girl and filled a smaller wash basin with hot water and cooler water to make it a comfortable temp for Charlotte. Once the little girl was clean Karson discovered he was soaked. Apparently splashing was a thing that Charlotte excelled at. Lena came into the room and laughed at the pair. “Well you look to have had a bath as well. “

Karson looked at his wife with a playful look in his eyes. “Oh no, why would you say that?Charlotte I think mama needs a big hug don’t you think?” 

Charlotte was still soaking wet, and Karson knew Lena couldn’t turn down a hug.

“Hug mama! Hug mama.”

Lena glared at Karson playfully both Charlotte and Karson wrapped Lena into a wet embrace quickly soaking into her dress. 

Now all three of them were wet, and Karson burst into laughter at the sight of Lena’s wet dress. Lena reaches out and playfully slapped Karson’s arm and quickly dressed her daughter.   
___________________________________

Dinner was quiet, Alex was tired, but forced herself to stay awake to eat. She had been grateful Lena had cooked, and even more grateful for the bath Karson had set up in her bathroom. Charlotte was dressed for bed sitting across the table long hair carefully braided down her back. Lena and Karson were talking quietly about their days.

Alex loves seeing Karson so happy, and the family he had seemed to appreciate and care for him a great deal. She couldn’t help but to feel sad she would never have the relationship that Kara and Lena had, but she would find a way to be happy, to be a fun aunt, and sister. Alex excused herself after she finished eating, and cleaned her dishes to go to bed. Tomorrow would be a longer day then today.

Once Alex left Lena smiled at her husband.

“She looks exhausted. Will she be able to do everything that needs to be done?”

Karson looked towards the stairs where Alex had just left. “It takes awhile to get used to this life, but she will get there.” He reached out a calloused hand and gently brushed his fingers along her cheek. “You got a little sun today, does it hurt?”

Lena blushed at Karson’s touch, but leaned into the feeling of his fingers against her cheek. “It stung a little this afternoon, but it feels better now.”

Karson smiled. “Good I’m glad it doesn’t hurt. We will need to get you a hat if you decide to work outside in the future.”

Lena just nodded. “I’m going to put Charlotte down for the night. Then I’ll come clean up dinner.” Karson nodded.

“Charlotte say goodnight to daddy.”  
Charlotte jumped down from her chair and ran to Karson, who’s mouth had dropped open in shock for a moment. His blue happy eyes fell on his wife who smiled softly at him. She loved making Karson happy. 

Karson picked Charlotte up in his lap giving her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Night baby.” Whispered in the little girls ear.

“Night daddy.”

Karson closed his eyes to hide his emotions, but squeezed the little girl tighter to his chest. Lena watched on, eyes slowly misting over at the look of joy written across her husbands face. He rarely showed much emotion, but she had seen the momentary lack of composure cross his features before he closed his eyes. She soon picked up the little girl and carried her up the stairs to allow Karson time to settle himself. 

Once Lena was gone Karson rubbed his hands over his face trying to get ahold of his emotions. Men don’t cry. Lena and Charlotte had both called him daddy. He had never even dreamed that he could be a father, but he was so incredibly happy at the development. Lena had given him so much in the short time that he had known the beautiful woman. He now had a wife, who he couldn’t imagine his life without, and a daughter who he loved with every beat of his heart. His life was truly full of happiness.

______________________________________

Lena was getting ready for bed the bath that Karson had made for her was heavenly. The hot water felt amazing on her body, and she loved feeling clean before going to sleep. When she had come down the stairs after putting Charlotte to bed she found all of the dishes scrapped out and sitting near by for her to wash, and Karson had gone to the barn.

He had worked outside on some furniture for about an hour, but once Lena was done with her bath she had called him in. He worked far to hard, and needed to rest like everyone else. 

She sat in bed reading by lamp light as she waited for Karson to come to bed after his bath. The sharp smell of kerosene was wafting through the room, but she ignored it so that she could continue to read even though the sun was long gone. 

Karson walked into the room from the bathroom wearing short pants, and a lose sleep shirt. His blond hair was curly with the water from the bath. He stood apart from her looking at her shyly. 

“Come to bed Karson. I know you are tired.”

Karson walked over to the bed and climbed in next to his wife. 

“What are you reading?” Karson asked with a yawn. 

“The Scarlet Letter.” Lena answered smiling down at her husband. 

“I haven’t read that one. Do you mind reading me some?” The question was asked quietly, and Lena smiled.

“Of course.” She lifted her arm in invitation Karson was a little surprised at the action, but couldn’t be happier by the invitation. He scooted over leaning against his wife’s side. When she began to read she gently scratched her fingers through his hair. It didn’t take long with her lilting voice, and calming touch to send Karson into the land of dreams. 

“Goodnight husband.” She leaned over and placed her book on the table and turned down the lamp. Kissing Karson on top of the head as she followed him into sleep.


	7. National city

The sun had just crested over the horizon when the wagon pulled away from the farm.  
Alex helped load up the wagon with Karson the night before. The wagon was more full then Lena had imagined. Karson had brought most of his tools, and then Lena had brought clothes and personal items to stay at a boarding house for at least a month.

Lena looked at Karson. He looked tired. He had pushed really hard to get the planting done before they left, so Alex didn’t have to work herself into the ground. 

“Do you want me to drive so you can sleep a little more?” 

Karson blinked a few times, but handed the reins over to Lena. He started to take the gloves off his hands, and took the reins back.

“You will get blisters without the gloves. I know they are big, but they will protect your hands.”

Lena slid on Karson’s gloves and laughed at how they swallowed her hands. Once the gloves were on she took the reins back. A few min later Karson was asleep sitting up in the seat next to her.

_____________________________________

The boarding house was only a few blocks from the wear house, so Karson stopped there first in order to drop off their personal things. Charlotte was getting antsy from sitting so long, so Karson got out and walked her around the boardwalk before they headed to the job site. 

Karson knew they would need more supplies, but wanted to get a better idea of what he would need. 

When they finally made it to the building Karson lifted the door out of the way and let Lena drive to wagon into the space. He handed Lena a piece of graphite and a spare board. Then he walked around with Charlotte using a rope from his pocket to start taking measurements. It took about an hour but Karson figured most of the materials he would need to get started. 

“Do you want me to come with you to the lumber yard and blacksmith or do you want to go haggle it out on your own?” 

Lena stood for a moment, “if you give me an idea of the prices and delivery costs should be I will go on my own.” 

Karson just nodded, and talked over prices. Then he went over to the buggy and pulled a small hand gun out from under the seat. He walked back to his wife.

“Do you know how to use a gun?” 

“Yes my father used to let me shoot with him when I lived in Ireland.” 

Karson handed the gun over, and Lena slipped it into the pocket of her dress. 

“Would you like my knife as well?”

“No I think I am covered now thank you.”

Karson pulled the horse over and helped saddle him up, and gently lifted Lena into the saddle. Once Lena was out of sight Karson took Charlotte over to the wagon, and got to work.

_______________________________________

Lena had to ask for directions a few times, but in the end she found herself at the black smith. The smith’s store front had a large variety of tools, and a huge barrel of nails sitting in the front. 

A large man came out from behind the forge wiping his hands on a large towel. 

“What can I get ya.”

Lena smiled at the man “I need a case of steal wrought nails, and 8 8in hinges, and 16 4in hinges.”

The man’s eyebrows raised in surprise, but he started to gather what she would need. 

After a few minutes Lena left the black smith pleasantly surprised that he had given her a fair price.

Lena loves the smell of fresh cut wood. The lumber mill was busy, and when she walked up to the man behind the desk she soon realized she wasn’t going to have an easy time with this man. 

The man behind that counter was tall and lean. He smiled at Lena while looking her up and down enjoying the view. “Well what brings a pretty little thing like you to the lumber yard?”

Lena raised her eyebrow at the man. “Lumber.”

The man laughed obviously not realizing that Lena was implying that he was less then intelligent. 

“Well we have plenty of that here, but surely your husband would be a better fit for doing business.”

“I assure you that I know what I need just fine.”

It took half an hour of trying to get the man on topic before Lena decided that this man was not going to help her. Lena finally went around the counter and started to walk back into the mill. 

“Wait you can’t go back there it’s dangerous!!”

Lena looked around the room quickly finally finding a short man who looked like she was running the shift. Lena walked over to the man.

“Hello my name is Lena El and I need some lumber could you please help me with what I need.”

The man looked shocked, but nodded. 

“The man behind the counter normally handles purchases.”

“I realize that, but he only wants to flirt with me or wait for my husband to show up before he will sell me anything. If I could deal with you I would appreciate it.”

The man smiled and then laughed because the man from behind the counter turned red with anger. “I’ll be happy to help you Mrs. El. My name is Steven what do you need. 

Lena started to name off all the wood she needed, and the man wrote everything down. 

After about an hour Steven had the entire order written up, and priced. 

“We will have that delivered to you tomorrow.”

As Lena walked out of the lumber mill the man behind the counter glared in her direction.  
_______________________________________

Karson started moving tools out of the wagon as soon as Lena left. Charlotte followed and obviously wanted to help. So Karson would hand her smaller things for her to carry. 

Soon Karson spied all the makings for a small broom for the little girl. He sat on the edge of the wagon and strung hay together tightly around a two foot stick. Charlotte sat beside him watching him work. Soon a little broom was made, and Karson stood bending all the way over to sweep the floor. 

“Daddy I wanna do it.” Charlotte pointed at Karson’s broom. Karson only smiled.

“I don’t know baby are you sure you want to help me?” 

“Wanna do it.” 

Handed the broom over and watched as she clumsily swept the wagon. 

With Charlotte taken care of Karson got to work reframing the barn style doors. It only took about ten minutes for Charlotte to get board of sweeping, and she climbed out of the wagon and came to stand next to Karson. 

Every project that Karson gave the little girl would give him time to work. Karson knew that he had to get the doors and windows reframed and secure so that they could leave the wear house unattended at night. 

Charlotte was a good helper, and even when she was underfoot Karson couldn’t help but to smile. The little girl would do most anything he asked, and he loved having her around. 

Lena soon returned from her trip for supplies, and when she spied Charlotte standing next to Karson as he kneeled on the floor measuring something she couldn’t help but to smile. 

“Charlotte are you being a good helper?”

Karson and Charlotte both turned and smiled at Lena. Charlotte turned and ran to her mother, and Lena leaned down and picked up the girl giving her a big hug. “Hello angel.” Charlotte gave her mom a wet kiss and happily sat on Lena’s hip. 

“How’d the shopping trip go?” Karson crossed the room giving Lena a light kiss on the cheek.

“It went alright. I got everything you asked for, and it will be delivered tomorrow.”

Soon returning to work Karson finished rehanging the doors and a few of the windows so that he could lock up the wear house for the night. 

It was late afternoon when the small family left the wear house. Instead of going straight back to the boarding house Karson wanted to walk through the center of town, and towards the docs to see if any immigrants wanted a job for a few weeks. 

The streets were busy, and Karson reached out and picked Charlotte up not wanting her to get lost in the crowds. Charlotte immediately dropped her head on his shoulder obviously sleepy from the long day. 

Lena reaches out to hold Karson’s hand. Soon they came up to a man standing on a create holding a news paper. 

“Congress to vote on states right to choose slavery laws!!”

“Fist fight breaks out on senate floor.”

“Southern states threaten to leave union!!”

Lena squeezes Karson’s hand. They walk past the man yelling the news as quickly as they can. They keep moving away from the growing crowd who all spoke about what the man was yelling.

“Do you think the other states are really thinking of separating from the union?”

Karson looked down at his wife with a worried expression.

“I think it’s very possible love. On the east coast it almost all people can talk about. It is not uncommon for people to break into fights on the streets. I don’t doubt that war will happen eventually.” 

Karson frowned he had never really payed attention to politics. The only thing he really cared about was his farm, his friends, and his family. It might be short sighted, but his life has always been relegated to a small town a small life that the problems of the world never seemed to matter.

“What do you think about it?”

Lena stopped walking and turned to look at Karson. As long as she had lived with Ray he had never asked her opinion on politics. She loved the fact Karson wanted her opinion. 

“I think that their are a lot of issues driving the states into war. I doubt that anywhere will be unaffected.”

The seriousness of the conversation caused Karson to frown, but they kept moving to the docs. 

_________________________________

Their were lots of men on the docs looking for work. Unloading ships kept people busy in the morning, but the afternoons held very little work. Karson went up to some of the men to talk about getting some labor for rebuilding the wear house. 

Everyone was eager to work, and soon Karson had a few guys to help him work for the next few days. 

After giving the new workers directions to the work site Karson lead Lena back towards their boarding house. 

_____________________________________

Walking through town was always a new experience for Karson. He was not well traveled, and so seeing shops full of things from all over the country always made him curious. 

Lena watched as Karson explored the shop windows. Every once in a while he would turn to Lena to show her what he had found, and his excitement always made Lena smile.

The sounds of the saloon were loud, and it was obvious that most everyone that was a patron of the establishment that evening were deep in their cups.

Karson frowned at the noise, and readjusted the sleeping girl on his shoulder, and took Lena’s hand.

“Let’s cross the street.”

Lena frowned at this, not because she didn’t think it was wise to get away from the saloon, but because the street was full of mud. The board walks were there for a reason, and being knee deep in mud didn’t appeal.

“Karson I really don’t want to walk in the mud.” 

Karson studied the road, and then looked at his wife. 

“Well if it isn’t that pretty little thing from the lumber yard.”

A voice from the direction of the saloon pulled both Karson and Lena’s attention. Lena squeezed Karson’s hand, but said nothing.

“Is this the husband that sent you to do his job?”

The man staggered forward words slurring as he approached. Lena looked at Karson for a moment his jaw was clenched, but he started to move forward away from the man.

Karson didn’t like the way the drunk man was looking at his wife. Jealousy was not what he felt, but protectiveness. 

“If your husband can’t do his own business he shouldn’t be sending a pretty little thing like you to handle his responsibilities. Maybe you need someone to show you what a real man is like.”

Karson stiffened and Lena felt him slow for a moment, but then continue to walk forward.  
He would not be the man his father was if he could help it, and he would not endanger his family for pride. 

“You see he is nothing, but a coward.”

The man reached forward to grip Lena’s free hand. Karson saw the movement and pulled Lena out of reach. With a sigh Karson lifted Charlotte off his shoulder, and handed her to Lena who cradled the girl against her chest. The little girl barely stirred, and was happily sleeping against Lena. 

“Keep your hands to your self.”

Karson’s voice came out a low growl that Lena had never heard before it sent shivers down her spine. She didn’t want Karson to get into a fight, but his protective nature had warmth growing in her stomach. 

“Or what? Are you gonna let your wife handle your business again.”

Karson started to turn away again, but turned and spoke over his shoulder “I probably could let her handle it, and she would be just fine.”

The drunk man lunges at Karson, but his move was sloppy, and Karson just stepped to the side stuck out his foot and allowed the man to trip face first into the mud in the street. 

Karson placed his hand on the small of Lena’s back and lead her away from the saloon. 

Lena could tell that Karson’s feathers were ruffled, but he just continued to walk towards the boarding house. 

“Karson would you mind taking Charlotte back she’s getting heavy?”

Karson stopped walking and looked down at Lena reaching for the little girl, and placing her back on his shoulder. “I’m sorry I didn’t even think.”

“Don’t be sorry.”She reached up and placed a hand on his cheek. “You did the right thing.” 

Karson felt himself lean into the hand on his face, and enjoyed the soft fingers that caressed his jaw.

“Lets get some dinner.”

Karson nodded and they made their way to the boarding house.

______________________________________

The boarding house was operated by a young woman named Iris, and when the small family entered she smiled at them.

“Wore her out today huh?”

Lena smiled at the woman “followed this one around all afternoon. It would tire anyone out.” Lena motioned to Karson with a fond smile that warmed his heart.

Iris just laughed with Lena. “Are you guys hungry dinner is ready when ever you are.”

Karson smiled then and both women laughed. “He is always ready for food.”  
Lena said with a teasing tone. 

They moved to the small dining room table, and Karson pulled out Lena’s chair helping her sit down. When he sat next to her he moved Charlotte down into his lap. Her green eyes popped open, and she blinked sleepily. 

“Hey there little duck did you have a nice nap.”

Karson looked at the little girl with adoration as she rubbed her eyes with her fist and leaned her head against his chest. 

Lena leaned forward “Hello my darling.”  
Charlotte smiled at he mother and reached both hands out to her. Lena moved to stand to pick her up, but Karson moved first, standing and moving the sleepy child to her mothers lap. Karson went to move away back to his seat, but Lena reached for his hand gently pulling him down to kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

Karson blushed, but nodded his head and sat back down. Iris came out bringing two plates full of food. 

“Oh the little on woke up does she want a plate as well?”

“No, she can share with me.” Lena answered with a smile for Iris. “Have you eaten? You are more then welcome to join us.” Lena looked at Iris with a kind smile. 

“Oh well that’s very kind, but that would leave Barry by himself.”

“Well please ask him to join us as well. If you would like.”

Iris’s smile brightened, and she went inside the kitchen again. When the two returned carrying plates they all started to eat together. 

Barry was a thin small man with blond hair and a quick smile. Iris was a thin pretty woman with beautiful light colored skin. Barry obviously adored Iris, and Lena thought the two would make a handsome couple. 

“Do you help Iris run the boarding house?”

Lena asked Barry. He looked flustered by the question, and Lena almost laughed at how much Barry reminded her of Karson.

“When she needs help I do, but mostly I do odd jobs around town. I used to run the shipping company at the docs, but they decided their son should take over when he reached the right age.”

“Do you have any experience working on buildings?”

Karson spoke for the first time looking at Barry.

“Yeah I have done quite a few projects lately.” 

“If you want some work I could use someone who knows what they are doing.”

Barry beamed at Karson, and the two men started to talk about the project. 

Lena and Iris looked at each other and laughed. Lena enjoyed Iris’s company, and was glad to have someone to talk to in town. Lena who was not extremely social was slowly realizing that having people in your life who were friends was important. 

Dinner had been over for a little while, and Lena had placed Charlotte on the floor to play with some paper and chalk. 

Karson started to yawn, and realized he was tired. He had enjoyed speaking to Barry, and was excited to get started on his project tomorrow.

“I’m gonna take Charlotte to bed. Good night Barry, and Mrs. Iris.” Karson leaned over and picked his daughter up. “Kiss mama goodnight baby.”

Karson leaned over and kissed the top of Lena’s head. “Night Lena.”

Barry soon left as well taking the dishes on the table with him. Lena and Iris sat together.

“You and Karson are a cute couple, and Charlotte is just adorable. She obviously has him wrapped around her finger.”

Lena laughed and a warm smile stayed on her face. “Yeah I’m really lucky to have found him, he is a good man.”

“He’s not her father?”

“No, I wish he was, but my first husband died.”

“Oh Lena I’m sorry.” Iris looked at Lena with sadness.

“Please don’t be sad. I know that sounds callous, but he was not my choice in husband. He was kind to me, but distant and never seemed to care for me or Charlotte. Karson has truly been a gift he cares so much for us, and I have not been happier since I left Ireland.” 

Iris smiled at Lena happy for her friend. “He does seem to care for you both very much. I would have never known that Charlotte wasn’t his if you had not told me. Most men wouldn’t raise someone else’s child with such care.” 

“Your right that is why he is such a gift, especially considering that I’m expecting another child.”

Iris looked excited by the news. “That’s wonderful news. Are you both excited about being parents again.”

“To be honest I was worried about it before I met Karson. Ray was never very helpful, but Karson, I think is going to be completely different.”

“Well we will have to go out to see if we can find something nice for your future little one. Any guesses on what it will be?”

Lena idly rubbed her hand over her stomach with a small smile. “I don’t have a guess at the moment. It feels the same as the last time, but I only started to feel movement in the last few days. I would be happy with a healthy baby regardless of what it turns out to be.”

Iris just smiled at the young mother in front of her.

“What about you and Barry?” Lena asked with a smile. Iris’s face turned sad. 

“We are not allowed to be married.” 

Lena frowned at this. “Why not?”

Iris looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry for pushing you Iris truly you don’t have to tell me. Please excuse my rudeness.”

“No Lena don’t feel bad I just....” Iris took a deep breath. You never knew how people would react. “I am a very light skinned person of color.”

“I’m sorry things are difficult for you Iris I wish it wasn’t that way for you.”

Iris smiled sadly at Lena. “I’ve told Barry he should find someone he is actually able to marry, but he won’t leave, and I don’t really want him to go. So we are both stuck in an in between. He tells people he lost his job because of the boss’s son taking over, but it was because of his involvement with me.”

Lena reached over and grabbed the woman’s hand squeezing it tightly. “I’m sorry Iris. 

____________________________________

The night ended on a sad note, and Lena made her way to bed. When she entered her room a lamp was left burning for her so she could see. She quickly used the wash basin and cleaned her skin, and then dressed for bed. 

Charlotte was tucked in, and she had already kicked off her covers. Lena leaned down and kissed the head full of wild curls, and pulled the covers back up. 

Karson was asleep against the wall of their bed. She smiled at him. He truly was very handsome even asleep. His strong jawline, tan skin, and bright blue eyes were captivating. When she had told Iris that she had wished that her children could be Karson’s she had not been lying. He would have beautiful children. It was a shame that their would be no child of his running around with blond hair and bright blue eyes, but if that were possible then Lena wouldn’t have Karson and that was not something she was willing to sacrifice.

Lena climbed into bed after turning the lamp down. She kissed Karson on the cheek, and turned away from him. Karson reached out and pulled Lena close to his body, and they both slept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t decided if I’m going to turn this into a civil war area story. This fic took a turn in my mind while I was writing it. If you wouldn’t mind giving me a little feed back. Would you feel this a bad road to take or would you keep moving forward with me if I decided to go that route?


	8. Changing expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all of the feedback. It was very helpful

It was hot. The sun was beating down, and Lena could feel sweat dripping down her back. It was days like this where she missed Ireland the most. She knew Karson would not hold it against her if she had stayed at the inn for the day and had not come to the job site, but she had wanted to help in what ever way she could.

The workers that Karson had recruited yesterday all showed up bright and early, had been working steadily through out the day. Barry had been a wonderful addition as well. He worked hard and was able to over see tasks so Karson could focus on other things. He was also meticulous, and allowed no waist in supplies. Even bent nails were straightened and reused. 

It was almost lunch, and Lena was pleasantly surprised when a few women showed up to bring their husbands food. When she heard them speak she grew excited. They spoke Gaelic. 

Lena walked to the nearest woman, and spoke to her.

“*hello, I’m Lena.”

The woman turned and smiled brightly at the young brunette woman in front of her. “*hello I’m Sara”

“*its been so long since I’ve spoken my language I just had to come speak to you I hope you don’t mind.**” 

The woman smiled brightly and invited Lena to sit with her. They spoke for a long time, trading stories about their homes, and Lena even managed to get a few recipes from the woman that she had not had before.

Karson had seen Lena sit and talk animatedly with the wife of one of the members of his crew. When he stepped closer he realized that she was speaking a different language. He stood quietly taking in the lilting sound of the words that seemed to flow out of her mouth, and enjoyed listening even though he had no idea what was said. 

Eventually the woman bid Lena a fond farewell, and when Lena turned she saw Karson sitting not to far away with Charlotte in his lap, and a happy smile on his face. They had obviously been taking a break for lunch, and Lena went over to them and sat down. 

“I knew you had a beautiful voice, but I loved listening to you speak to the other woman. What language was that?”

Lena laughed “Gaelic. It was what I spoke back home when I wanted to annoy my mother. She couldn’t speak it, and I loved to learning the language.”

Karson smiled fondly at his wife. “Why does Charlotte not speak it as well.”

Lena opened her mouth to answer, but closed it again. Karson tilted his head in confusion, but quietly waited.

“The east coast was full of immigrants from Ireland. The famine in Ireland is causing people to move here more quickly. Being Irish on the east coast is not necessarily the easiest thing. Ray was very clear when we were married that I needed to distance myself from the immigrants in order to help the business.”

Karson frown deepened, and he unconsciously squeezed charlottes shoulder. 

“He didn’t want you or Charlotte to speak your language?”

Lena just shook her head. She had wanted to get along with her husband, and realized much later she had given up too much of herself in order to get along with him.

“Lena if you want to teach our children to speak Gaelic please teach them. I might not be able to take them to Ireland any time soon, but they should known where you come from.”

Lena stood and moved closer to her husband and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. “You are truly a rare man. I truly love that about you.”

Karson blushed brightly, but instead of a teasing comment Lena just brushed her knuckles across his cheek and leaned down to pick up Charlotte to put her down for a nap. 

Karson watched Lena walk away stunned at Lena’s reaction to a simple comment. 

“You ok there Karson?”

Barry stood off to the side looking at Karson with a perplexed look.

“Yeah I’m fine. It’s just I really don’t understand my wife sometimes.”

Berry burst into laughter. “Well then I’d say you are quite normal my friend most men have no idea what the women in their life really think.”

Karson just nodded, and went back to work. 

_______________________________________

Karson stood on the second floor looking at the progress they had made on the first day.

Lena had rearranged the top floor so that she could store items all the way to the rafters, and Karson had to rearrange the floor joists in order to support the weight that would be needed. It had been a wise choice, and would allow more room for stock. 

Karson had marveled at how much for thought Lena had on this building. She had spent the morning redrawing, and rearranging the structures in the building. Karson had no doubt in his mind that given the opportunity she would be very successful.

“Let’s call it a day Barry.”

Berry nodded and called all the men together. Karson talked to each man, before he paid them. He hoped that if he developed a good relationship ship with these men they might be worth hiring for Lena’s business if she wanted them. Karson was sure if he pushed them all hard, and talked to them regularly that he could get a good measure of the type of men they were.

_____________________________________

The sun was starting to set, and Lena looked out the window looking for her husband. Lena had decided not to return to the work site that afternoon, because she needed to make some contacts with a few people in town this week, and she needed to make appointments. 

So the afternoon had been filled with hand written notes, and paying for a messenger to deliver them. 

Lena had decided on a small boy who seemed to need a job, and Lena couldn’t help, but hope that the work would help the boy. 

Lena felt a small flutter in her stomach, and her hand went to caress the swell that was getting hard to hide. A little pressure pushed out against her palm, and a soft smile crossed Lena’s face. “There you are little one.” When she looked up again she saw Karson and Barry walking up the road, and she turned to grab Charlotte to head down for dinner. 

______________________________________

Dinner was a more lively affair tonight. Karson and Barry seemed to have become fast friends, and Lena adored Iris. 

“Lena I’m going to run down to the bath house, and get cleaned up.”

Lena smiled up at Karson, and he kissed the top of her head. 

“Daddy me too?”

Karson kneeled on the floor, picking the girl up.

“Not this time little duck, but I’ll come home and put you to bed it you want.”

Charlotte pouted a little to see if he would change is mind, and if he had been going almost any where else he would have. Karson looked pained, and Lena laughed.

“Just go darling she will be just fine. Come here Charlotte daddy will be right back.”

Charlotte slid off Karson lap and ran to her mother. Lena winked at her husband, and he ran upstairs to get a change of clothes. 

Karson hated the idea of a bath house, but he also needed a hair cut so he might as well kill two birds with one stone. The local  
Barber shop had a bathing house in the back and you could get a hair cut and bath for 15 cents. 

The bell over the door jingled, and a small round man walked over. His voice was gruff, but his eyes were kind.

“What can I do for you?”

“I wanted a bath, and a hair cut please.”

The man smiled and told Karson the price, and once he was paid lead Karson to an empty room with a tub. The man disappeared, but soon returned carrying buckets of water. Once the tub was full Karson quickly stripped and sunk into the tub. The hot water felt good on his sore muscles. He would never admit it out loud, but the planting this year had been rough. He normally took a whole week to do the work he had done in three, but he had not wanted to push this trip off any longer. 

Once he was almost clean he heard a knock on the door. 

“Occupied”

Instead of the person getting the hint. The door cracked open, and a small brunette stepped inside. She had long brown hair, and a green dress that was cut just a little to low to be considered polite. 

“I heard that old frank had a customer. I thought I would ask if you were interested in a little company in your bath?”

Karson blushed but shook his head. “No, ma’m. I’m married and I’m certain that’s not something I’m interested in.”

Karson held his hands and wash rag over his crotch nervously hoping the woman would leave. 

“Are you sure? She wouldn’t have to know. Men do have needs that wives can’t always handle.” The woman’s voice was seductive, but Karson was getting agitated. 

“I’m quite sure. Please step back outside.”

The woman pouted, and Karson was sure that she was not turned down often, but she left the room. 

As soon as the door closed Karson grabbed a near by towel, and quickly dried of and dressed. When he left the bathing room, and walked to the front he skipped the hair cut and walked home.

____________________________________

Karson walked into the boarding house, and Lena’s eyebrows rose when he entered the room. 

“That was quick.”

Karson just nodded, and walked upstairs to put his dirty clothes away.

“Iris would you mind keeping an eye on Charlotte for a moment?”

Iris smiled at Lena, and agreed watching Lena follow Karson up the stairs. 

When Lena reached their room Karson was staring out the window. His shoulders were stiff, and his back was ridged. When he heard the door open and close he felt himself stiffen more. 

Lena walked behind him and lay a gentle hand between his shoulders. His first response was to stiffen, but the gentle hand didn’t move.

“What’s the matter?”

Karson grit his teeth for a moment, and debated shrugging off the question.

“Come on Karson talk to me.”

With a sigh “I went to the barber shop to get clean and a haircut.”

Lena looked up at the wet slightly long hair and raised her eyebrow. Well something kept him from cutting his hair.

“When I was almost done bathing a hooker tried to join me in the bath tub.”

Lena’s mouth dropped open. She had not expected that turn of events. Then her mind clicked.

“Well we know that you didn’t agree to her services. So what happened.”

Lena’s voice was soft, but their was an edge to it.

“I kicked her out, got dressed and left.”

Karson turned back to the window. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why he was so upset, but his temper was sitting right beneath the surface. 

Lena felt her anger rise as well. She was never one to be jealous of Ray, and she was sure that he had not been faithful. To be honest she was relieved when he rarely expected attention from her, but the idea of Karson being with someone else made her blood boil. She knew he would never do that. His secret would make that an impossibility, but also he seemed far to loyal to ever stray. Lena took a deep breath, and allowed her jealousy to subside.

The hand that was on Karson’s back soon started to rub gentle circles between his shoulders.

“Do you want me to cut your hair?”

Karson slowly turned, and looked down into kind green eyes. Some of the anger started to dissipate “please.”

“I’ll go borrow some scissors I’ll be right back.”

Karson got a chair and pulled it to the middle of the floor and waited. 

_____________________________________

Lena walked back down stairs in search of Iris. Iris was sitting on the couch with Charlotte reading a book.

“Hey Iris do you have any scissors Karson needs a haircut.”

Iris furrowed her brow. “Didn’t he just go for a haircut?” 

Lena sighed “yes, but that didn’t happen. I will explain later.”

Iris rose and handed Charlotte and the the book to Barry who happily took over reading to the little girl.

Lena followed Iris out of the parlor, and into the kitchen. She dug through a drawer, and produced a pair of scissors. 

“Thanks.”

Lena walked by a broom and dust pan and grabbed those too, and made her way back up the stairs. 

When she walked back in Karson was sitting stiffly in a chair. Lena placed the broom and dustpan in the corner, and walked over to her husband.

“Well take the shirt off at least. There is no reason to get hair all over a clean shirt.”

Karson blushed, but followed the order. Lena tried to not pay attention, but his skin was smooth and tan. His torso was long and lean. Farming had filled out all of his muscles. If she had not known that he wasn’t fully male she would not have been able to tell. He was gorgeous.

Lena tried to hide her blush and moved behind Karson. She placed the scissors on the near by table and started to gently run a brush through his thick hair. 

Karson relaxed into Lena’s touch as he always did. She made quick work of trimming his thick hair, and when she was finished she spent a few moments just enjoying running her fingers through the thick waves. 

“There all done.” Lena was about to step away from Karson when she felt a soft kick in her stomach.

“Karson give me you hand.”

The words were spoken softly, but Karson although confused, complied with the request. Lena pulled his hand and gently placed it on her stomach. Karson waited. 

A small tremor was felt below his calloused fingers. A huge smile crossed Karson’s face and he looked at Lena’s stomach with fascination. 

“Is that the baby?”

Blue eyes looked up to see a soft smile. Lena looked down at Karson’s smile and couldn’t help, but to feel a swell of happiness. Karson left his hand on Lena’s stomach. Hoping the little life would make itself known again. 

“Wow that is amazing. Do you get to feel that all day?”

Karson was excited and curious. Lena just laughed at her husband. 

“More and more recently. The farther we get the more it will move.”

Lena covered Karson’s hand with hers and moved it a few inches to the left so he could still feel the subtle movement. Lena left her hand over Karson’s and enjoyed the moment of excitement. 

“Wow! That is just so amazing.” 

He leaned forward without thought and placed a kiss on the swell of Lena’s stomach.   
When he pulled away he finally realized what he had done, and blushed. 

“God Lena I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

Karson’s panicked expression rose to meet Lena’s soft loving gaze.

“Don’t apologize love. It’s your child too and I don’t mind the affection.” 

Karson’s body relaxed a bit and he left their hands intertwined for a few more moments. 

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I never even dreamed my life could be so full of such wonderful things.”

Karson’s voice was rough, and he was struggling to rein in his emotions. Lena just stepped forward pulling him into a soft hug. Karson brought his arms around Lenas slim waist and held her tightly. He would not cry men don’t cry.

Lena ran her hands gently through the soft hair on Karson’s head. She just waited allowing him to hide his moment of what he would consider weakness, and what she would consider one of her happiest memories. The moment that he realized the wonders of being a parent.

Eventually Karson pulled back, and Lena stepped away.

“I will clean up why don’t you run down and get Charlotte. I’m sure she is ready for you to put her to bed.”

Karson smiled softly at his wife and nodded. He pulled his shirt over his head , and kissed Lena on the cheek before he walked out the door. 

Karson and Lena passed again when Karson was on his way back upstairs with a sleepy little girl resting against his shoulder. 

“Good night baby.”

Lena leaned over and kissed the top of her daughters hair. “Night mama.”

Lena continued down the stairs and found Iris in the kitchen. Lena threw the hair away and returned the scissors. “What is the story on the barber shop?”

Iris raised her eyebrows, and gave Lena a confused look, but Barry who was sitting against the far wall sighed. Lena looked over at him and waited.

“Frank let’s some of the working girls offer their services to the men who visit the baths.”

“What??”

Iris’s voice rang out through the kitchen.

Barry’s eyes widened. “I’ve never bathed there so I just know because of the other men who do.”

Iris’s eyes narrow, and she stares at Barry for a few moments finally nodding, and turning back to Lena who had bitten her lip to hide the smile at the interaction between the two.

“So that’s what had Karson so twisted up. I assume he was just embarrassed, and not all tired out.”

Lena’s jealously threatened to resurface, but she fought it off. “Yes, he was so flustered that he left with out getting a hair cut.”

Barry looked sheepish “I should have warned him before he left.”

“Yes you should have Barry Allen.”

Iris’s voice was stern, and Lena couldn’t help but to agree. 

Barry apologized, and quickly left the kitchen. Once he was out of ear shot Lena and Iris both laughed at his hasty exit. 

“Is Karson doing ok?“

“Yeah he is just incredibly shy.”

Iris smiled fondly at her friend. “Well at least you know that he is faithful you would never have known if he wasn’t.”

Lena smiled “I wasn’t worried about that he is as loyal as can be, but it is nice to know he tells me things and doesn’t keep them a secret.”

Iris smiled at the soft smile that crossed her friends face.

“He got to feel the baby move earlier, and he was so excited. I know he is wonderful with Charlotte, but I couldn’t help but to feel apprehension that he would not be excited about the second child.”

Iris walked over and sat across from Lena holding her hands in hers. Lena was fighting off happy tears, and tears of relief. She hated crying. Stupid hormones.

“That’s great news Lena.”

“It really is great. I was so alone the first time I was pregnant. Ray said he was happy he said he wanted children, but he never really seemed excited. But Karson he just beamed with excitement, and was so happy he couldn’t have hidden it if he tried.”

Iris reached over and handed Lena a handkerchief. 

“I am just so relieved that I won’t be alone this time.”

Lena dried her eyes, and met iris’s eyes with a small smile. The two women sat quietly Lena finally relaxing from the worry she had been carrying.

______________________________________

Karson was already in bed when Lena made her way upstairs. When she entered the room she smiled at her husband. 

“Do you want me to leave while you change?”

Lena just shook her head, and found her night gown. She looked at Karson who had turned over and faced the wall in order to give her privacy. She quickly changed, and then checked on Charlotte. 

“Did she go down easily?”

Lena pulled the covers over her wild child. 

“Yeah she fell asleep almost immediately.”

Lena moved to climb in bed next to Karson. 

“Do you mind if I read a little while my minds not ready to sleep yet.”

Karson just smiled and shook his head. Lena lifted her arm and allowed Karson to snuggle into her side. When she started to read quietly Karson raised his head to look up at her. 

“Ok ok.” She laughed and started to read out loud knowing he would fall asleep quickly anyway.

He snuggled into her side and sighed contentedly when the lilting voice filled the room. Lena chuckled to herself when he was asleep before she reached the end of the page. 

After a few pages she stopped reading, and looked down at her sleeping husband. She realized that she liked the feel of him resting against her. She had decided when she was married to Ray that marriage was just like any job. You had to work at it and make sacrifices in order to survive. The more time she spent with Karson the more that idea no longer fit. 

Karson made life happy in a way she never expected to feel with a husband. He never tried to control her, or to limit what Lena thought she was capable of. He just listened offered his opinion if it was needed, and helped her work towards what she wanted. The job she thought she was getting when she remarried had turned into something else. She didn’t know what it was yet, but she was excited to figure it out.


	9. Falling for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this took so long! To be honest it’s because I got caught up reading. I’m an avid reader and I got sucked in. If you have not read blood and honor by windstar and Zee it’s on the academy of bards website. I know blasphemy and all of that for a different web site, but it is honestly one of my absolute favorites they are amazing authors...... anyway enjoy the chapter

The sun had not yet risen, but both Karson and Lena were awake. Lena was still in bed, but Karson was up and getting dressed for the day. 

“What do you have planned for the day.”

Karson spoke softly so he didn’t wake Charlotte who was still sleeping in the other bed.

“I have a meeting with a man from the bank this afternoon, and a meeting with the Mayor after that.”

Karson pulled his sleeping shirt over his head, and put his arms through the shirt he would wear for the day. Leaving it unbuttoned as he sat on the side of the bed to pull on his boots. 

“What are you meeting with the Mayor for?”

“I need to find out the laws for shipping at the docs and get the paperwork started to get the business up and running.”

Karson started to untuck his pant legs from his boots, then he stood and buttoned his shirt. 

“I know that this is your business, and you don’t need my help running it, but if you want me to go to the meetings with you today to help you get your foot in the door I will. Even though I think it is stupid, it might help to have me in the room even if I’m silent.”

The silence filled the room, and Karson stopped getting dressed, and turned to look at Lena. 

“Have I overstepped? I just want to help you, not make you feel like you couldn’t handle it alone.”

Lena held her hand out to Karson, and he stepped forward to take it. She tugged gently, and he sat back on to the bed. 

“You did not over step. I was just surprised by the offer. As much as I hate to admit it I think having a man in the room will help me push past the red tape.”

Karson leaned forward and kissed Lena on the cheek. “If I come back to get dressed at lunch will that be early enough for your meeting or do I need to come back sooner?”

“Lunch will be fine. Thank you Karson.”

He smiled at her and got off the bed leaning down to kiss her cheek one more time, and then he walked over to Charlotte and pulled the covers up again. He leaned over and kissed the top of her head, and then quietly walked out of the room.

_______________________________________

Barry stood next to Karson as he started to pull off floor boards. He had only been working with Karson for two days, but he had already learned so much. His life had taken a sharp turn when he had met Iris. She was perfect for him, and he loved her dearly. The world just couldn’t except that she was no different then him, but he wouldn’t let what anyone says about them take her away. Even if he had to work odd jobs for the rest of his life. 

“We can reuse these boards we just need to chip out a small layer to fit them together. If they over lap they are stronger, and it also cuts down on noise between the floors.”

Barry shook his head in order to bring his thoughts back to the work. 

 

It was almost noon when Karson pulled Barry aside. 

“I won’t be here this afternoon Lena has some meetings that will be easier with me there. Can you take care of the job site and pay the guys today?”

Barry smiled widely at Karson it had been a while since anyone had put faith in him other then Iris.

“Of course I can, what do you want done before we leave.”

Karson looked around for a moment.

“Finish as much of the upstairs floor as you can, if you do finish they can sand it down to take off the rough edges. I know it’s extra work for a warehouse, but in the end it will look great, and I don’t like to cut corners.”

Barry nodded, and waved at Karson as he left. 

_______________________________________

The streets were full of life, and Karson loved to watch people come and go. He didn’t think he could live in a big city, but it was interesting to see how others lived. When he walked into the boarding house the first thing he heard was Charlotte. She was speaking loudly in the kitchen so he headed to see what she was up to.

Lena, Charlotte, and Iris were making lunch. Charlotte stood on a small stool in between the other two women. It looked like she was playing with dough scraps and a biscuit cutter. Karson leaned against the door observing the women work. He loved that two of those girls were his family now, and really like Iris she was a good friend to Lena.

“Well aren’t you ladies working hard.”

Charlotte head shot up “daddy!!!!”

Before either woman could react Charlotte climbed down from her stool and ran towards Karson. He kneeled down and waited for the little girl to reach him. 

“Hi baby.” He hugged the girl tight uncaring if his shirt was getting covered in flour. 

“I help with lunch.” Charlotte beamed at him.

“Wow look at that you did such a good job.”

Karson put Charlotte on his hip and moved into the kitchen. 

“You ladies doing ok?”

Iris and Lena had both stopped working to see father and daughter interact. 

“Hello Karson.” Lena leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek in greeting. Iris greeted Karson as well, and both women went back to work. 

“Do you want me to get her cleaned up?”

“That would be great then we can eat and head out. Iris agreed to sit with Charlotte while we are gone.”

Karson smiled at Iris “Thank you.” Karson then turned to Charlotte again. “Let’s go little duck it’s time to get clean so we can eat the lunch you made.”

When Karson and Charlotte left the room, Lena couldn’t help, but to smile after them. 

“Those two are just too cute.” Iris’s voice broke Lena away from her gaze that had landed on the door her two had just left from.

“They really are.”

 

Soon lunch was eaten and Karson was changing upstairs. Lena was laying Charlotte down for a nap on the couch in the parlor, so Iris could still get things done without being to far from Charlotte. 

The sound of boots walking down the stairs signaled that Karson was ready to leave, and he soon entered the parlor, but stood quietly in the door way not wanting to undo all of Lena’s progress with Charlotte.

“Good night baby sweet dreams.”

Lena kissed the top of her daughters hair and covered her with a light sheet. It was warm out, but she didn’t think the sheet would be too warm.

When Lena turned she was surprised to see a crisp ironed shirt tucked into dark slacks, and looked down to see he had cleaned his work boots. He looked quite handsome, but also professional and Lena appreciated the effort.

“Are you ready?”

Lena smiled at the question.

Let me double check how I look, but then we can go. Lena hurried to the nearest mirror and checked her appearance. She fussed with her hair a moment, but soon decided she was ready. She turned around and noticed Karson watching her.

“All better.”

“I thought you looked beautiful before you changed anything.”

Lena blushed, but smiled at her husband. “Let’s go.”

Karson reached for Lena’s arm and guided her down the boardwalk on the way to the bank. Lena gripped his arm tight in return. 

“Don’t worry you will do great.”

Lena looked up to see Karson smiling down at her. She smiled back, but said nothing. She readjusted the folder she held with the documents she would need, and soon reached the bank.

When they entered Lena looked around to see a short chubby man sitting behind a desk. He rose and started walking to them. 

“Hello I’m George Burns.” He reached out and shook Karson’s hand. 

“Hello Mr. Burns I’m Karson El. This is Lena El.” 

Karson shook the bankers hand and then motioned for the banker to shake Lena’s.

“Hello Mr. Burns. Thanks for meeting with me today.”

The banker blinked a few times, but eventually ushered his two customers to seats in front of his desk.

“What can I do for you today?” The banker looked to Karson, but Karson just turned his body and subtly gave all his attention to Lena. 

“A few months ago you and my late husband Ray spoke about him starting a business here in National city, but when we arrived he died. His estate and business have been transferred to me.”

Mr. Burns looked surprised by the information. “I’m sorry to hear of his passing. Will you be selling his estate off.”

Lena fought off a frown, instead smiling politely. “No. I will be continuing his business plans with my family who owns the other branch of our business on the east coast.”

The banker was shocked, and turned to Karson. “Will you be running the business then.”

Karson turned to the banker then. “It is Lena’s company, not mine.”

Karson then turned his attention back to his wife.

“We already have the start up costs in place we just need to open a business account so funds can flow between the two different branches.”

The banker scratched his face, and looked down at the paper work that Lena had placed in front of him. When Ray had brought this to him months ago he had been excited to get such a large trading company in the city, but the company being run by a woman was troubling.

“Are you sure you want to go through with this endeavor Mrs. El. Running a business is not light work.”

“I am quite sure Mr. Burns.” Lena was starting to lose her temper she hated the man’s condescending tone.

The banker tuned to Karson. “Surely you will be helping your wife run the business?”

Karson turned again to the banker, but his face hardened. “It is Lena’s company. She will not need my help.”

Mr. Burns flustered at Karson’s tone. “She is a woman business’s are not made for women to work in them.”

Karson just stared at the man saying nothing. The two men looked at each other for a long few moments. Finally the banker looked away. He would not turn down business even if it was a doomed pursuit. It’s not like they were asking for money.

“Ok. Let’s get the paper work in order.”

_______________________________________

When they walked into the sunlight from the bank Lena let out a long sigh. 

“I’m sorry he was so short sighted Lena.”

Lena reached her hand out and laced her arm through Karson’s.

“He was a very closed minded man, but I really appreciated your support. It would have been easy to lie and take the easier approach, but then it would never have been really mine. Everyone would assume you were pulling the strings behind the scenes.”

A frown settled itself between blond brows. Lena looked over, and stopped walking. She used her free hand and smoothed the frown away. 

“Don’t be upset. It’s the way the world works, but at least we accomplished what we needed.”

Dropping her hand when a smile had replaced the frown Lena continued to walk up the street. The Mayor’s office was in a large building in the center of the city. 

Karson walked forward and opened the door for Lena. Walking into the room it took a few moments for Lena’s eyes to adjust from the light difference, but soon she was able to see a small pretty woman sitting behind a desk. Approaching the desk with a smile. “Hello I’m Lena El I’m here to see the mayor please.”

The secretary looked though her books, and then smiled up. “I will let him know his appointment is here.”

Karson lead Lena to a small seating area, and they sat to wait. 

The secretary walked from the back of the building, and lead them to the Mayor’s office. Sitting behind the desk was a man in a tailored three piece suit, and slicked back brown hair. He stood and walked over to Karson and offered his hand. 

“I’m Kevin Smith, welcome to National City.”

Karson smiled politely and introduced himself and Lena.

When the were sitting in front of the mayors desk Karson couldn’t help, but to feel like he was being studied. 

“What brings you to my office Mr. El?”

“I am just accompanying Lena she is the one who had business with you today Mr. Smith.”

Kevin slightly frowns, but soon settles his gaze on the lovely woman sitting across from him. She was incredibly beautiful, and it couldn’t hurt to listen to her for a few minutes. A charming and flirtatious smile crossed his lips. “Ms. El?”

Lena cringed in her mind at the flirtatious attitude, but pushed it aside. 

“My late husband Ray, my family, and I own a trading business off the east coast. We were expanding to National city, when Ray died and I inherited my late husband’s estate. We already have a deal with the train lines to expand across the states, but we would also like to open trade through shipping. I was told you are the man to make that happen.”

Kevin couldn’t help, but to smile this might be a way to spend more time with the young woman in front of him. She was obviously married to the man next to her, but that didn’t mean that she wouldn’t enjoy spending time with him. After all their were far to few pretty faces out west, and she looked to be a woman of opportunity if she was already remarried so soon after the death of her first husband.

“Well I am the man that can help you with that.”

Karson sat quietly for the next hour as Lena and Mr. Smith talked about opening the ports for her use. He seemed to be helpful, and give Lena the respect she deserved, but something about the way he smiled and spoke to Lena set him on edge.

“Well thank you for your time Mayor Smith.”

Lena reached forward to shake his hand, and the Mayor reached forward and took her hand in between his and held her hand instead of shacking it. He gave a gentle squeeze 

“It was my pleasure. I look forward to working with you again soon.”

He let go of Lena’s hand and offered a nod to Karson, and soon Lena and Karson we’re back on the street. 

They walked in silence for a few minutes. 

“He was helpful.”

Karson spoke quietly, and Lena nodded. 

“He was a bit to flirtatious if you ask me, but he was helpful so I let it go.”

Karson stopped in his tracks. “Is that what that was. I couldn’t quite figure out what was rubbing me wrong, but the longer I was there the more irritated I became.”

A laugh rolled out of Lena’s mouth. The sound brought a smile to Karson’s face. Lena leaned heavily on his arm as she laughed gently wiping tears from her eyes. 

“It’s moments like this that I’m glad I didn’t have to court you to get to marry you.”

Karson looked shocked at Lena’s comment, but didn’t have to wait long to hear the explanation.

“I think we would have been old and grey before you would have realized I even liked you. He was flirting shamelessly Karson, and other then knowing something wasn’t quite right you had no clue.”

Karson just shrugged he had never really paid attention to how others interacted when they liked someone it had never really been something he needed to know. 

“Well I guess that we lucked out with how we ended up together then.”

Karson’s smile was one of contentment, and he was happy to walk slowly back to the boarding house with Lena smiling beside him.

 

_______________________________________

The warehouse was coming together quickly. With the help of Barry, and the labor Kara had found on the first day everything was happening so fast. Karson was working himself and his guys from sun up to sun down every day, and after two weeks of labor the building was really starting to shine. 

Lena and Iris were standing outside looking up. Karson and Barry were standing on the ridge of the roof obviously talking over a game plan for what needed to be done. 

“You would think they could have their chat standing on a solid surface.”

Lena huffed in annoyance. Iris nodded her head in agreement. Neither would admit it, but they were worried, and watching those two nonchalantly stand up in the air that high was making them queasy.

“Mama go to daddy?”

Lena’s eyes bulged out of her sockets, and she looked down at her little girl. “No, baby you can’t go see daddy right now.”

Charlotte face melted into a sad pout. Green eyes turned downward, and a little pink mouth pooched out a bottom lip. Lena sighed that pout would be the death of her, but she would not give into it and let her baby up on the roof. 

She looked back up to her husband, and her heart stuttered in her chest, he was bouncing across beams to get to the other side of the roof. He made it safely, but Lena was losing the battle of yelling at him to get the hell down from there.

“How is finding venders going?”

Iris was trying to distract Lena who was obviously getting more worried by the second.

“I have a lot of people interested, and Lex and I are considering starting a catalog of items that are easy to buy, but not widely known about. Then we can start letting people know what we can offer them. Just look at Karson he didn’t realize half the things he saw in the windows he passes by are things we could easily order if their was a store to order the items.”

Iris smiled as Lena got caught up talking about her business. To Iris’s relief both men climbed down off the roof, and she turned her attention back to her friend. 

“The best part of the arrangement is that the stores that use us and push ordering from us will get a percentage of the purchase as an incentive.”

Karson and Barry came walking out of the large barn doors carrying a large ladder.

“Daddy!!!!”

Charlotte pulled away from leans grasp and went running to her father. They set the ladder down and Karson picked up the little girl, giving her a hug.

“Wanna go with you.”

Karson smiled “oh baby, I’m sorry I’m going to be working so high in the air that it wouldn’t be safe for you.”

Charlottes pout was again in place and Karson’s heart squeezed in his chest.

“I’m sorry Charlotte it’s just not safe for you.”

“Pwease Daddy.”

“I’m sorry Charlotte not this time.”

Charlottes eyes welled up with tears, and they slowly fell down the angelic face.

Lena watched the interaction, and grimaced in sympathy for Karson. Sometimes telling Charlotte no was so hard. 

“Charlotte why don’t you come help me and Iris set up a picnic for Barry and daddy.”

Charlottes held her arms out for her mother, and she sadly went to help set up lunch.

“God that was rough, and the pout wasn’t even directed at me.”

Barry stood off to Karson’s right, and both men stood with sad faces as the little girl sulked in her mothers arms.

Lunch was quiet with Charlotte still sulking over not being able to go on the roof. The four adults and one little girl we’re sitting in the shade of the warehouse on two blankets. When lunch was over Karson stood to go back to work with Barry and Lena lay Charlotte down for a rest.

Once Charlotte fell asleep Lena found herself feeling sleepy as well and decided to read a book in the shade and maybe take a nap beside her daughter.

____________________________________

Karson was standing on the ridge of the roof again pulling boards up through the holes in the top. He looked down hearing a noise sounding like someone climbing a ladder, but all the guys were busy carrying boards up to him on the roof. The noise stopped, and a new set of boards were handed up to him so he turned back to his work. 

______________________________________

Lena woke from her nap, and reached out to her daughter to check and see if she was still sleeping. When her hand found nothing, but blankets she didn’t immediately worry because Karson might have taken her to let Lena get a little more rest. When she stood up and moved towards where Karson was working it dawned on her where Karson was.... The roof.

“Charlotte!!!”

_______________________________________

Karson heard Lena call out for Charlotte and he immediately started moving to the edge of the roof. He had no idea what was going on, but the fear in Lena’s voice set the hair on the back of his neck on end. He was almost to the end of the roof when he heard a shriek form a little girl, and a little head pop over the top of the roof. 

“Charlotte.”

_______________________________________

Lena looked up from the ground and sure enough her daughter was most of the way up a ladder on the way to the roof. Lena ran towards the ladder, and when she reached the bottom she called for the little girl. 

“Charlotte.”

The name didn’t have the effect that she had hoped. Charlotte startled at hearing her name from below, and she slipped just as she reached the edge of the roof.

______________________________________

Karson saw the top of Charlotte’s hair, and he started moving faster to the edge. The girl wasn’t looking at him, when she slipped, and the ladder started to slide down the edge of the building. Karson didn’t think he just reacted, he dove forward sliding the last few feet towards the edge of the roof. He grabbed hold of Charlotte by a flailing arm, but his momentum had him diving head first off of the roof. Blindly he reached for the edge hoping for a miracle.

_______________________________________

Lena screamed when she saw the ladder start to slide down the roof, and her daughter lose her grip and start to flail.  
She was so afraid that her body just stood still in fear rooted to the spot. What happened next seem to happen so slowly that movement almost stopped entirely. Karson came diving off the edge of the roof. He managed to grab Charlotte, but he was moving so quickly Lena didn’t know if he would manage to not fall off as well. Both father and daughter started to fall to the earth, but by some gift from God Karson managed to find a grip with his free hand on the edge of the roof. Lena watched in horror and they both hung on. Karson held the roof with one hand and Charlotte dangled below him by his other hand.

______________________________________

Fingertips Karson thought only fingertips. He was hanging off the edge of the roof by his finger tips while his other hand held a panicking little girl. 

Karson looked down and Charlotte looked up to him her green eyes filled with tears and fear. “Daddy!!!”

Karson tightened his grip trying to pull his daughter up to him, but her panicked kicking was causing him to lose his grip on the edge of the roof. 

“Charlotte you have to stop moving for daddy. Please baby be still.”

Karson’s arms were shaking with adrenaline. 

“Daddy?!?”

Karson’s heart clinched at the fear in her voice. “Baby please be still I need you to be still for me.”

Charlotte stopped moving, and Karson smiled in relief. He managed to pull the little girl up, and she wrapped her arms in a death grip around his neck, and legs around his waist. With his hand now free. He reached up frantically to hold on with his other hand. 

Barry’s head popped over the side. “Karson thank God! Hand her up then I will pull you up too.”

 

Barry tried to pull Charlotte loose, but she refused to unlock her arms. 

Barry tried to coax the little girl off of Karson , but she would not budge. 

“Baby look at me.”

Charlotte left her face buried in Karson’s neck. Karson felt his fingers cramp, but knew that he could not rush this he only had so much time. 

“Charlotte look at me sweetheart.”

She slowly raised her head to look at him.

“Baby you need to let Uncle Barry pull you up.”

“No!!!”

Charlotte put her head back in Karson’s neck.”

“Charlotte if you don’t let Uncle Barry help you Daddy is going to fall down and hurt himself. You don’t want that do you.”

Karson’s hands were screaming for relief, but he still spoke soothingly.

“Please baby help me.”

Charlotte looked up slowly and nodded. Barry reached down, and Charlotte allowed herself to be pulled up. Barry quickly handed Charlotte down through a hole in the roof, and then leaned back over the side to help pull Karson back onto the roof.

_____________________________________

Lena watched as Karson pulled Charlotte up into his body, and grab the roof with his other hand. She took a breath and waited. Watching Barry try to pull Charlotte up, but her not letting Karson go was excruciating. She could see Karson’s body shaking with the strain of holding them above the ground. When Charlotte was finally pulled to safety, Lena wanted to run into the building to find her daughter, but she waited until Karson was being pulled onto the roof. The second his legs disappeared over the top Lena took off at a run. 

Lena climbed the stairs two at a time to find Charlotte crying against Karson’s chest as he lay on his back on the floorboards. 

“Charlotte!”

Charlotte’s head shot up, and Lena saw the tear stained face. “Mama!!”

Charlotte moved to Lena and cried against her chest. Lena held her tight both shaking with tears. Karson just stayed on his back an arm over his eyes chest heaving from the adrenaline, and from fatigue. 

Without uncovering his eyes “Barry can you pay the guys and send them home we will get started again tomorrow.”

Barry pulled the guys away, and left the small family alone. 

Charlotte eventually stopped crying, but clung to her mother. Lena looked over at Karson who still had not moved from the floor. 

“Karson? Are you alright?”

Karson bit his lip his eyes still covered with his arm. He had been so afraid. He had never been more afraid in his life. When Charlotte was finally safe, and he had her in his arms he shook with the fear of what could have happened. Now he was desperately trying not to cry. Men do not cry!! He bit his lip, and clenched his fists, but nothing was working.

Karson nodded his head even though he did not feel “ok”.

Lena saw his shoulders hitch, and realized he was trying not to show weakness. She cursed Karson’s father in her mind. There is nothing wrong with showing emotions now. Anyone would, but Karson believed otherwise.

“Karson it’s ok to cry. I won’t tell anyone come here love.”

Karson stiffened he thought he had a better grip on himself, but Lena saw right through him. “No it’s not. I’m sorry. I’m trying.”

Karson’s voice was hoarse with holding back tears. Lena scooted forward placing her free hand against Karson’s shoulder.

“Come here Karson please.”

Karson stayed where he was arm still hiding his face body ridged.

“Please Karson.”

Karson sat up eyes cast downward. Lena held out her free arm offering her body to comfort him. He hesitated but in the end needed someone to ground him. 

Lena felt Karson move against her. He wrapped himself around her and Charlotte. His body shaking. He buried his face in her hair, and none of them moved. Lena held tight to her family. Gently running her fingers down Karson’s back trying to sooth away the fear. “Thank you Karson. You saved our little girl. I can never thank you enough.”

Lena turned her head kissing the only thing she could reach which was his shoulder. Karson just burrowed farther into Lena’s embrace.  
_______________________________________

It took a long time, but Karson eventually moved away from Lena. He moved around the room locking everything up. When he was finished he helped pull Lena up off the floor. He had not said a word, and his eyes had not met Lena’s. Charlotte has fallen asleep against her mother, and the room was quiet. 

They left the warehouse in silence, and walked back to the boarding house. Lena struggles with Charlotte, but she didn’t want to let her go. 

When they finally made it Iris rushed out to meet them. Lena smiled at the young woman who quietly fussed trying to take care of Lena. 

Karson walked over to Barry. “Thank you for your help Barry I’m not sure what I would have done if you didn’t help me.”

Barry put his arm around Karson’s shoulder. 

“I have never been so afraid seeing your feet fly over the edge after jumping after Charlotte. I’m just glad your both ok.”

Karson patted Barry on the back, and the excused himself to go up stairs. Everyone watched him go. 

“What’s the matter with Karson.”

Lena bit her lip there was no easy explanation for Karson’s mood, so Lena sighed.

“I can’t tell you much because it’s not mine to tell.”

Barry and Iris both nodded and stayed silent.

“He was brought up to not show any emotions. They were signs of weakness, and weakness was punished. After today he was upset, and I think he is beating himself up for it.”

Iris bristled what kind of person raises a child that way. Anyone would have been upset after this afternoon.

“Let me take Charlotte so you can go smooth things out.”

Lena was loath to put down her baby, but she knew Karson needed her as well. Once Iris and Barry had the sleeping girl. Lena climbed the stairs. When she reached the bedroom she opened the door. 

Karson sat on the bed his head in his hands. Lena moved to sit next to him. He stiffened, but did not move away from her. 

“Karson please don’t beat yourself up for earlier. Being afraid and upset when our daughter almost died is a normal reaction. Nothing you felt or did makes you less. Not to me. Please believe me.”

Karson nodded. He had not cried in years, and to let someone see him cry had been longer then that. He was ashamed in himself. He heard what Lena said, and he was grateful that she was trying to make him feel better, but his fathers voice was louder. 

“Men don’t cry!! Dry that up!” Karson could almost feel the beating he took the last time he had cried in front of his father. He had been beaten so badly that he had not been able to stand up straight for days. 

“I tried not to. I’m sorry.”

Lena placed her hand under Karson’s face, but the movement caused him to flinch. Lena grit her teeth. Zor-El was lucky he was dead because if he had not been Lena would fix that for him. Lena moved slower and placed her hand gently against a strong jaw. She slowly turned Karson’s head. 

“You have nothing to apologize for. I don’t blame you for showing me how afraid you were. You are not weak for being upset.”

Karson grit his teeth trying to fight off his fathers voice and listen to Lena instead. 

“I should have been watching her better, and this never would have happened. I fell asleep, and it nearly cost me everything.”

Karson saw the pain in Lena’s expression, and wrapped his arms around her. He may have been beating himself up, but he wouldn’t let Lena take the blame it had been an accident.

“Lena no one could have foreseen what would happen it’s not your fault.”

Lena scoffed. “It sure as hell is.” Lena had never really snapped at Karson before, and he silently took the anger. “I was in charge of her and she slipped away from me because I was asleep. She could have died. You both could have, and it was all my fault.”

Karson wrapped his arms around her, and held her tightly.

“This afternoon was rough, but we all made it through it. We will be ok Lena.”

Lena pulled Karson to her in a fierce hug. 

“Yes we made it through it. Because you risked everything to keep us together. You have to have faith in me like I do on you. I will not judge your moments of weakness. You are allowed to feel how you feel with me and I will support you like you support me.”

“I will try my best.”

“That’s all I can ask them.”


	10. Heat

The morning was cool and quiet, and Lena found herself sitting on the porch outside the boarding house. The sun had barely risen, and the city still slept. Holding a hot mug between her hands Lena took a small sip. Yesterday had been a terrible day. With everything that had happened at the work site coming back to the boarding house had been a welcome relief.

She thought back to her conversation with Karson before dinner. He had been beside himself for crying about what happened with Charlotte. Karson was such a kind hearted man, and was naturally affectionate. She loved that he would show his affection, and didn’t hide his caring nature. She wondered if he had to force himself to show his affectionate nature or if he had to suppress it before they had met.

The more Lena interacted with Karson the more she wondered about the things he had to live through. Every time he faulted before he acted, or closed in on himself before he spoke she wondered. She had almost asked him a few times what he had been thinking or feeling, but she didn’t want to hurt him for her curiosity. 

When they had left their room and gone down for dinner Charlotte had woken up and was quietly playing with Barry on the floor. She seemed no worse for ware and Lena couldn’t help, but to smile at the resilience of her child. Karson however had been quiet and reserved, and had only come out of himself in order to show affection to Charlotte. He had held back originally, but Charlotte had just pushed herself into his lap, and waited for the affection that she was used to. 

A smile broke out across Lena’s face it seamed that Karson had no defense against either of them. 

When it was time for bed Karson was going to let Lena put her child to sleep, but Lena knew that she needed to push just a little bit more to fully break Karson back out of his shell. 

“Karson would you mind coming to give me a hand.”

He had dutifully followed, and once Charlotte was in her night gown Lena lay next to her daughter, and handed Karson a book. 

“Will you read tonight it helps make her tired.”

Karson looked confused for a moment, but turned to start to read. He read for a moment, but when he got to the speaking parts and didn’t give a voice to Tom Sawyer Charlotte had interrupted.

“Daddy use voices.”

A crinkle came across his confused face, and looked at Lena.

“She wants you to give the characters voices darling. Make the book come to life.”

Karson frowned a moment never having read a book to anyone before, but soon he was weaving out the tale giving voices to all of the characters, and making the book come to life. 

Lena smiled and watched as Karson charmed her little girl.

 

The squeak of a screen door drew Lena’s thoughts back to the morning, and Karson walked out dressed for work. 

“Morning.”

“Morning, did you get some breakfast?”

Karson walked slowly over and sat next to Lena on the bench. 

“Yup, Iris pulled me into the kitchen when she heard me walking down the stairs.”

Lena looped her arm through his and shifted closer to absorb his warmth. They sat quietly for a few minutes. 

“I should get started if I want to finish the roof before the end of the week.”

“I doubt we will be by today. I am going to head down to the docs and see if I can meet ship captains, and find out shipping costs.”

Karson frowned he wanted to argue that being down at the docks alone was unsafe, but in the end he had to trust Lena to make the choices that she needed to make for her business and hope for the best.

“Will you please take the gun with you just in case? I will worry a little less.”

Lena squeezed the arm looped with hers. “Of course.”

She was gifted with a bright smile. “Thank you.” Standing to leave, Karson pressed a kiss to her cheek. 

_______________________________________

 

The ridge of the warehouse roof was high enough that Karson could see across most of the city. Standing on the roof today felt different then it had the day before. He had never really been nervous when it came to heights, but when he had climbed out today his hands began to sweat. 

Karson doubted that he would ever forget the helpless feeling of hanging off the side of the roof with Charlotte clinging to him, but he needed to push that all aside and get this building done. Footsteps on the latter below him brought Karson’s attention to Barry who was headed up to meet him.

“You ready to get started?

Karson nodded, and the days work began.

______________________________________

It was well past dusk when Karson sent his crew home. The day had been hot, and their had been no respite from the sun that pounded down on them from the moment it had risen. The roof was coming along, and should be finished later in the week, and then it would be finishing work on the inside. 

Barry had gone to get cleaned up when the rest of the men had gone home, but Karson had stayed behind to clean up, and get the warehouse locked down for the night. 

Karson missed the river by his house, on days like today he would spend the evening floating in the cool calm waters letting the heat flow away with the moving water. He never would complain, but the longer he was in the city the more he was ready for the quiet of his farm. Growing up so far from the noise of the city had made it hard for him to enjoy the noise of what surrounded him now. The streets were full even though the sun was down. 

The sounds of the drunk filled the air as he walked to the boarding house. The saloon was lively tonight, and Karson couldn’t help, but to feel weary of those who allowed themselves to get so far gone. A few women stood on the front porch of the Saloon calling out to the men who passed by hoping for a new patron to help keep food in their belly’s at the expense of their bodies. Karson shook his head trying to shake off the mood he was slipping into. 

When his boots hit the stairs the sounds of laugher filled his heart that had been so heavy a moment ago. Charlotte, and Lena were sitting on the floor playing, and their happy smiles reminded him of all the good the world had to bring to him lately. 

Lena heard the sound of Karson’s boots and she turned with a happy smile to see her husband walk in the door. 

“Charlotte, look who’s home.”

Charlottes head shot up and a bright smile grew on the little girls face. “Daddy!!!”

Karson felt his heart squeeze at his happy girl running to him. He couldn’t remember the last time anyone had been so excited to see him. He knelt down to the ground to give her a hug, but her momentum, and his tired body fell over at the impact. A loud laugh burst out of his chest, and the two lay laughing on the floor. Karson eventually managed to sit up holding Charlotte in his lap. 

Lena looked at her little family with a smile as she watched them lay on the floor. She moved to stand up, but realized quickly that between her dress and the baby she carried that getting off of the floor would be harder then she had thought. 

Karson eventually picked himself off the floor, but turned his attention to Lena who still sat.

“Are you comfortable down there?”

Lena huffed, but looked up at her husband. 

“I don’t think I can get up gracefully so I thought to stay down here until you left.”

Karson cracked a small smile but kneeled back on the ground. He placed his arms under her legs and behind her back, and gently got to his feet. Lena clung to his shoulders unused to being picked up.

“Don’t worry I have you.”

Lena relaxed and soon found herself on her feet. They stood very close, and Lena looked up into Karson’s face. Green eyes smiled up at him and he could not help his eyes that found her lips. 

Charlotte broke the tension when she pulled on Lena’s skirts.

“Mama I’m hungry.”

Lena takes a careful step back and let’s out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. 

“Ok baby go see Iris I’ll be right in.”

Karson was blushing, but his face was sunburned, and he hoped it hid the color in his cheeks. 

“Barry brought up some water for you to get cleaned up.”

Lena’s voice was low and neither were looking at the other.

“Thanks I’ll be right down.”

“Take your time. You look like you got a lot of sun today.”

Karson rubbed his neck trying to get rid of the blush, but then his skin burned and he winced. 

“Let me bring you something for the burn go jump in the tub.”

 

Karson found himself moving trying to put distance between himself and his wife. What had he been thinking was he really going to kiss her?

______________________________________

The tub water was cold, but Karson appreciates the way it soothes his skin.

“Karson I’m coming in cover anything you don’t want seen.”

He quickly grabbed a wash cloth and covered himself, and then Lena walked in the door carrying a bowl. 

“Do you mind me treating your sun burn or would you rather do it?”

Karson could feel the blush cover his face and continue to run down his neck and across his chest.

“If you want to I would appreciate it.”

Lena pulled a stool up to the side of the tub and used some cheese cloth with tea leaves to dab at his neck and around his ears. She then moved to the front of the tub and treated the rest of his face, and moved to his forearms. 

“How was the docs did you find the information that you were looking for?”

“No, not really. Most ships already have people they are delivering for. I think I will have to wait, and find the right opportunity.”

Karson hmmmed in response. He closed his eyes as she rubbed the tea around his face. 

“ I’m trying to get as much work done as I can before I’m showing much more. As much as people don’t like to deal with women pregnant women is that much worse. I never figured out why women needed to hide being pregnant it’s a pain.”

Karson kept his eyes closed enjoying the quiet conversation. He reached over and held her hand as she spoke.

“Well if you need help getting something done I can do whatever you need Barry and the guys can finish the roof without me.”

“I think I’ve done most everything I can do now we just have to wait until we start getting orders and supplies in...... What do you think of putting Barry on as a manager for when I’m not in town?”

Karson opened his eyes, and gave Lena his attention. 

“I think he is a hard worker who would not take advantage of you. The only worry I have is you are a new business, and people are unkind about his relationship with Iris, even if it is stupid.” 

Lena bit her lip. She had the same concern.

“ I had that concern as well, but I think I want to over look it.”

Karson closed his eyes again. 

“I will let you finish, and see you at dinner.”

Lena leaned down and kissed Karson’s wet hair. 

 

______________________________________

 

Making his way down stairs he heard everyone already sitting at the dining room table. Karson walked over to his chair, and sat as he greeted everyone who had been waiting for him to start dinner.

“I’m sorry to keep everyone waiting.”

His apology was waved off, and everyone started to fill their plates. Conversation flowed easily, and Karson was reminded how grateful he was to have found such kind people in town.

“Berry I was hoping that we could speak about the business if you didn’t mind talking about it over dinner.”

Lena spoke and gained the attention of the table. 

“Of course Lena did you need some help?”

Barry smiled kindly, and waited for Lena to bring up what she needed.

“You both know that I intend to live on the farm with Karson and our kids most of the time, so in order to run the business I will need someone to manage it for me when I am on the farm.” 

Barry grew still, and he reached under the table and gripped Iris’s hand. He would never admit it, but being fired from his other job had really been a blow to his confidence.

“I realize that it will be a lot of work, and working for a business run in such an unorthodox manner will be difficult to navigate, but I was hoping that I could hire you to help me. Is that something you might be interested in?”

Barry squeezed Iris’s hand tightly, and bit his lip trying to not yell out his answer in excitement. He needed to at least remind his friend of the dangers of hiring him even if he wanted the job desperately.

“You know why I was fired from my last job, don’t you Lena?”

Lena sighed, and looked in between her two friends. 

“I am aware of that injustice, yes. I know that we may struggle between me being a woman trying to run a business in a town where men think me incapable, and I know you managing it for me will give closed minded people more reason to balk. I just know that in my heart I can’t hold something like that against you. It might make getting started harder, and it might make us both have to put more hours in, but it is a risk I am willing to take if you are.”

A wide smile bloomed across Barry’s face and he happily nodded his head. 

“I will work as hard as I can to make sure your business is a success. Thank you Lena truly I can’t express how much this opportunity means to me.”

Lena smiled and they happily talked about how she wanted things to run. Barry excitedly listened, and added his experience from the shipping company he had helped to manage.

Karson watched the interaction from his chair happy to see how excited they were. Iris sat in much the same state. She had known how devastated Barry had been when he had lost his job. She could never express to her friends how thankful she was that they could over look what everyone else in town held over them. This small family was changing their lives, and Iris was so happy for fate to finally shine on her and Barry.

_______________________________________

The week passed quickly, and Lena had stolen Barry to help build a list of things to send to Lex in order to get started. The two had gone to most of the shops in town, and asked what items they might like to have from the east coast, and soon they had an order to send to Lex. 

Lena knew that once the railroad was completed that it would be less expensive, and faster for things to move across the country, but until that was completed she would have to use every inch of space the caravans could carry. 

Lena made her way to the warehouse, and she found herself excited to see all the progress being made. Barry had convinced Lena that the men they already had working for them would be good workers, and that the small crew would be plenty to get started. With the promise of stable work the men had been more dedicated to the warehouse project, and had seemed to work harder then they had been. 

Standing outside the large structure looking at all the work Karson had accomplished Lena smiled. When she had first seen the warehouse it had been falling apart. No door or window had been intact, and the walls were falling in on themselves. She now looked at the building finding everything looking new, and she smiled. Lena had ordered some paint when she had sent her wire to Lex. When it arrived it would be just the finishing touch the outside of the building needed.

A series of wires had been an expensive way to send her order in, but the longer that the warehouse sat empty they longer the business would not be making money. 

Lena made her way into the building, and paused on the way in the doors to allow her eyes to adjust. The inside of the building was finally being worked on. Shelves, and dividing walls were being put into place. 

Lena had gone to the black smith earlier in the day and a net work of pullies and a tracks to run them on would be delivered sometime this week.

Lena finally spotted Karson. He was working on a counter space that would serve as a place for workers to take orders from any customers coming into the warehouse. 

The sound of hammers hitting wood caused her to jump, but also seemed to wake the baby that had been peacefully sleeping. A swift kick to her stomach caused her hand to gently rub the sharp kicks.

“Don’t like the noise little one?”

A elbow hit on the other side, and Lena couldn’t help, but to chuckle at the grumpy movement she felt.

Karson’s eyes rose to see Lena standing across the room a small hand slowly rubbing her stomach. He got to his feet, and moved over to greet his wife.

“Hey.”

Karson leaned in to kiss Lena on the cheek.

“I didn’t expect to see you here today. Where is Charlotte?”

Lena felt the kicking increase where it had been slowing down before Karson had approached.

“She stayed with Iris today to do some baking. Say hello to your baby Karson, it’s apparently happy to hear your voice.”

Karson smiled “how can you tell?”

“It’s moving around more now that you came over to speak to me.”

Lena smiled widely at Karson’s happy grin. Karson kneeled down, and place his hand on the side of Lena’s stomach. 

“Hey their little one. I hear your moving around in there a lot today.”

Karson’s hand was kicked, and a large laugh erupted from his chest.

“Well I guess that you were right again Lena.”

Lena smiled down fondly at her husband’s happy face. She reached out and pushed some of his stray curls behind his ear. 

“You should know that I am always right.”

Karson laughed. “Well from what I’ve been told little one you are excited to hear from me. I can’t wait to meet you.”

Again Lena felt an eruption of movement under her skin, and she rubbed her hand over the more frantic movements. 

Karson saw Lena try to sooth the child, and wanted to help.

“Let’s give your mama a break with the kicking huh settle down a bit.”

Karson lowered his voice to a more soothing tone and gently stroked with his hand. Lena smiled down at Karson her heart thumping in her chest. A heat built in her lower belly she had never felt before.

Soon the kicking subsided a little and Lena took a deep breath. Willing her face not to flush with the sudden heat she felt. 

“Thank you Karson.”

Karson stood up and reached out to her face running his fingers along her cheek. He realized what he was doing and pulled back with a blush.

“Sorry, you were just flushed. Are you ok?”

Lena blushed a little deeper. “Yes sorry I just got over heated for a moment.” 

“Oh here let’s get you seated by the door there is a good breeze today.”

Karson hurries over to grab a stool in the corner and placed it by the door in the shade. Lena was grateful for the distraction allowing her to get her blush under control, and went to sit on the stool. 

“Is that batter?”

Karson looked concerned, and Lena reached out to squeeze his hand. 

“I’m fine please don’t worry.”

Karson only nodded. 

“How is progress going here?”

Lena hoped her question would distract Karson away from his worry because truly she was fine, but she couldn’t tell him why she had been so flushed without quite a bit of embarrassment.

“Oh everything is coming together here I think we will be done for the most part some time this weekend.”

Lena’s eyebrows rose. “That’s great news we can leave later this week and spend a little time back at the farm before the first shipment gets in. I know you have been a little homesick.”

Surprise brought Karson’s gaze to meet Lena. “How?”

“It was not just one thing, but I can’t really blame you I prefer the quiet of the country as well.”

Karson shot forward and hugged Lena to him. “Thank you I’ve missed being home.”

Lena hugged him back. 

“Me too.”


	11. The book

The melodic clomping of hooves was all that broke up the silence. The sky was still mostly in shadow, and the sun was just starting to peak over the horizon. 

Karson had wanted to get an early start home to avoid most of the heat of the day. Both of his girls were very fair skinned, and he didn’t want them being burned if he could help it. 

They had received word from Lex that the order that Lena had made would take a two to three weeks to arrive, and so Lena had decided that it was time to go home. Karson could not have been more excited. 

The wagon was full as it was on the way to National city because Karson was taking his tools home with him. Lena had offered to drive, but this time Karson was awake. Lena sat quietly reading the paper she had bought before they left, and every once in a while she would speak up to tell him some event she found interesting. 

“South Carolina is threatening to leave the Union.”

Lena’s voice was quiet, but the stillness of the morning made her voice seem much louder. 

“I wish their was a better way for this conflict to end, but I think your right war is coming.”

Lena hummed in agreement, and then a thought shot through her mind, and it twisted her insides into knots.

“You wouldn’t go sign up to go to war would you?”

Karson’s whole body stilled at the anxiety he had heard from the woman sitting next to him. He turned and made sure she knew she had his full attention. 

“No, I’m not going to go sign up. I have responsibilities here, and I won’t abandon them.”

Lena let out the breath she was holding.

“Thank God. I don’t think I want to imagine what it would be like for you to leave to go do that.”

Karson sat in silence for a long few minutes. 

“I think we need to prepare for the inevitable war. Money will be tight, and with all the men fighting no one will be tending farms. I think a time of hardship will be coming.”

Lena lowered the paper she had just started to raise. 

“What type of preparations are you considering.”

“A larger food store with a higher amount of staple products. Maybe more weapons in the house in case people come looking to take what they can’t buy.”

Lena contemplated Karson’s words. “Your probably right.”

Lena went back to reading the paper, and the rest of the trip was made in silence.   
________________________________________

Mid morning came, and the heat of the day was starting to burn off the mornings cool temperatures. Karson was excited to see his farm from the road, and the fields were starting to come to life. Green tall grass that would eventually turn gold into wheat, and rows of melons. Lena watched Karson’s face light up. He had missed being home, and honestly so had she. 

When they pulled up in front of the house Karson helped Lena and Charlotte down. 

“If you want I can empty the wagon, and we can do a supply run into town. I’m sure cat would love to see you.”

Lena stretched out her back, and tried to decide if she wanted to get back in the wagon. The longer she rode the more sore her body was, but she did want to go into town. 

“I will make a stop in the kitchen and see what we need.”

Karson smiled “Come on little duck let’s unload the wagon.”

Charlotte smiled and the two lead the horses to the barn.

Lena watched them go with a small smile. When she walked into the kitchen she was happy to see that it was mostly clean. Alex has taken care while she was cooking. Lena wandered through the shelves, and made a mental list of all she would need, and them made her way outside to wait for Karson to be ready. 

______________________________________

Driving into town both Karson and Lena felt excitement under their skin to see their friends. Lena was surprised at herself, never really having made friends when she lived on the east coast. 

When they pulled out in front of Cat’s store Karson hopped from the wagon and lifted Lena down to the board walk. When they entered the store Karson smiled at the small woman who sat behind the counter. 

“Hey Cat.”

Cats head shot up, and a large smile crossed Cats face. “Your home!”

Charlotte reached Cat first and almost barreled her over to give her a hug. “Cat!!”

“Hello my darling! I missed you.”

Karson and Lena stood back smiling at the older woman hugging their child. 

“Don’t just stand there you two come give me a hug, and tell me all about the big city.”

Lena hugged Cat and moved to the table they normally sat at when they spoke. Karson stayed silent, and enveloped Cat in a warm hug. “I missed you.” His words were quiet, and Cat knew they were hard for him to admit. “I missed you too.” She gave him a gentle pat on his side, and moved over to the table to talk to Lena. 

While the two women talked Karson moved around the store gathering supplies he knew they needed. He stopped at a small shelf that held seeds. Karson knew that with Lena going back and forth to National city that normal crops would be time consuming. The more time he spent with Lena the more he realized that he didn’t want to be sitting at home waiting for her to travel both ways, especially by herself. 

Karson frowned at the thought of Lena going back and forth with out him. In his mind he knew it was inevitable, and that she had a business to run but it still made him nervous. If he grew fruit trees then he would have less time in the fields and only certain months he would need to be home. It would take a few years to get started producing crops, but it would allow him the freedom to travel with Lena. 

Karson pulled out Cats copy of the farmers almanac, and started to read about what fruit trees would produce crops, and when they would produce them. Southern California would grow most anything, and if Karson planed it right he could have three crops one in early summer one in late, and one mid winter. 

The voices had quieted down on the other side of the room, and Karson looked up to find all three women staring at him.

“What?”

Cat and Lena both laughed, and Karson furrowed his brow in confusion. “What?”

“You were just staring so intently at the seeds we were curious what you were thinking.”

Lena’s voice was kind but still full of laughter. Cat looked between the young couple, and smiled at the obvious affection the two shared. 

“I was thinking about turning the farm into an orchard.”

Karson’s words caused Cat to focus on what Karson was saying. 

“An orchard, why now?” Cat asked with curiosity. 

“It would allow me time to go back and forth more to National city so my family wouldn’t be split up when Lena needed to work, and give me three viable crops a year. I have been letting the southern forty rest the last few years, and it would be a long term plan for me to not have to farm until I die.”

Lena was shocked at Karson’s sudden plan to change the make up of the farm, and to do it to allow more time with her and the children warmed her heart. 

“It will take years to be a viable option Karson.” 

Lena was worried that he was making a choice that would hurt him in the long run. 

“I think it is a risk, but a calculated one. I still have my other acreage that I can farm for income in the mean time, but this will help diversify our crops enough that hopefully we won’t have to struggle if we have a bad crop one year.”

Lena and cat stood stunned, Karson had decided quickly, but his arguments were sound. 

“Well if that’s what you want then I will help in any way I can.”

Karson smiled at his wife, and pulled the seeds off the shelf that he would need, and placed them on the counter. He then walked over plucked Charlotte off the floor, and turned to Lena. 

“We are gonna go find Alex.” He leaned over and kissed Lena and Cat on the cheek.

“Come on little duck were gonna find Aunt Alex.”

Lena and Cat heard the little girl cheer as they walked happily out the door. Lena watched them leave with a warm smile. Cat watched Lena smile at the door. 

“So now that I heard all about your trip from the business side of things tell me how you and Karson are doing.”

Cats eyes seems to bore into Lena’s soul, and she tried to fight off the blush that was taking over her face. 

“We are doing just fine.”

Cat sat saying nothing, her look never wavering. Lena let out a long sigh this woman knew everything. It was slightly intimidating. 

“We really are doing ok, but I think...” Lena blushed brightly, and looked down at her hands. “My feelings for him are growing more strongly then I anticipated, and I’m not sure what to do with them.”

Cat smiled to herself. “What changed?”

With a large sigh Lena looked up to her friend. “I don’t think anything really changed, it was more that we have spent more time together. Everyday he shows me something new, and I find myself wanting to know more about him.”

Cat tilted her head, “that’s not a bad thing, why does that worry you.”

“When I got married the first time the only examples of marriage I had were my parents, and the books I had read. My parents were happy, at least I think so, they never said otherwise. The books I read were full of affection, and I assumed that was what marriage was. Quite affection.”

Lena looked up at Cat to see if she understood, and Cat just smiled at her kindly.

“When I married Ray I assumed that my life would follow the pattern I had read about. Quiet affection learned over time, but the time I spent with him was so different then I thought it would be. He was absent for most of our time together, and when he was around I wished he wasn’t.”

Lena sighed and bit her lip she knew that sounded bad, but the look on Cats face was nothing but understanding. 

 

“When Ray died I was sad because it was so wasteful and unnecessary. I didn’t want to be married to him, but I didn’t want him dead. When I had to decide to get married again I hated the idea. Who would want to live a life tied to anyone when all they did was make you feel alone, or make you want to be away from them.”

Cat reached out to offer comfort to the young woman across for her. Lena took the hand and gripped it tightly. 

“When Karson and I started to form a friendship it felt so different then I expected. The feeling I had carried with me of being alone, and wanting to be that way was suddenly shifted to something else. He brought a partnership I didn’t know was possible, and a quiet companionship I didn’t know I was missing.”

A small smile crossed Lena’s lips, but a confused furrow to her brow soon over shadowed it.

“Everyday he brings some preconceived notion I had about what marriage to him would be like down. He is kind when I expect to be ignored. He is affectionate when I expect to be passed by. He is supportive of my thoughts and opinions, and never makes me feel like I have been unheard.” 

Cat smiles at the description of the man she had helped raise. 

“He is my best friend, but recently I can’t help but wonder what else we could be.”

Lena blushed and pulled her hands back into her lap to fiddle with her fingers. 

“Do you think it wrong to be attracted to him knowing all we know about who he is.”

Cats brows drew together, and she sighed. She knew eventually they would have this conversation, but she hoped that it would not put a wedge in between the two of them. She loved having a daughter, and a grand daughter.

“No, I don’t believe it’s wrong.”

Lena’s eyes shot up and hope filled her face. Cat let out a breath that she had held since she spoke. Relief filled both women. Neither wanted the other to think badly of their opinion, however unorthodox it was.

“Thank God.” Lena sighed in relief.

“I was so worried you would believe me to be a heathen or unusual, but I can’t seem to help it. Sometimes I look at him and the whole room seems to heat up with my appraisal of him... It truly is anything but quiet affection.”

Cat laughed at Lena’s explanation, and Lena realized what she said and the blush on Lena’s face darkened.

“Oh don’t blush child their is nothing wrong with attraction.”

Lena laughed nervously, but felt better for Cats approval of the situation. She rarely sought approval anymore, but Cat’s opinion mattered. 

“Do you think he feels the same way?”

Lena’s question was quiet and shy, but Cats loud laughter filled the room. 

“My dear, he looks at you like you placed the stars in the sky. I doubt he would ever deny you anything.”

“I don’t believe he would say no if it’s something that I asked for, but I don’t want him to say yes because it’s something I want , and he doesn’t want to deny me something.”

Cat smiled fondly at the young woman. 

“He is a hard man to read about most things. He is guarded, and shows little about how he feels. That was taught to him at a young age. Strong feelings of any sort were punished. Alura once told me that they had to hide giving hugs... well any affection really and she was worried about Karson not knowing how loved he truly was.”

Lena gripped her fists feeling her fingernails bite into her skin. She hated the man that had abused her husband. Cat saw the fire that ignited in Lena’s eyes and smiled sadly at her. 

“I know how you feel. When I first brought him home he was so reserved and quiet it was almost painful. He once tripped and knocked over a display of equipment, and the fear that crossed his face broke my heart.”

Lena was shaking with anger, but took a deep breath to calm herself. She knew that lost boy was now a strong man who had survived.

“I honestly don’t know how he will react to more affection from you.”

Cat smiled at Lena’s blush, but continued on.

“I think he will never push for more, and if you want something from him you will have to ask him for it.”

Lena found herself nervous, but needed the advice. 

“I’m not even sure what to ask for.”

Cat blushed then, it was light but the blush was still there. 

“I may have ordered you a book while you were gone in case that was a question I ever had to answer.”

Lena’s mouth dropped open, and both women flushed. 

“A book?!”

Cat only nodded. The things she would do to make sure her children were happy was limitless.

“Who knew books like that even existed?”

Cat just shrugged not wanting to go into details about that knowledge. She got up from the table and walked around to her safe. When she came back a small black leather bound book was in her hands. 

“If you want it it’s yours if not it never existed.”

Cat lay the book on the table, and turned to ring up the supplies on the counter. Lena sat staring at the book trying to decide if she could really read something like that. The longer she stared at it the more her curiosity was piqued. If she wanted to be with Karson someday it would be nice to not fumble so much to make the experience unpleasant. Lena slid the book into her skirt pocket and walked to the counter. Neither woman acknowledged the book missing from the table.

_____________________________________

 

Karson walked down the boardwalk towards the Danvers clinic. Karson had missed Alex more then he had expected. When he had grown up the only person in his life that he cared for had been his mother. No other had existed, and he had not known he was missing anything. When he had formed a life outside of the small farm after his mother had died, it had taken a lot for him to form bonds with others. It had been Alex and Cat who had persisted in having a relationship with him. Through those two women his life had grown from having no one but his dead mother, to having people who cared for him. 

Alex was the closest thing he had to a sister, and his life would be worse for the missing of her.

When he entered the clinic, and the small bell rang to alert his presence, Karson got excited to hear the familiar foot steps of his sister. When Alex came around the corner her eyes lit up with excitement.

“Your home!”

Karson moved forward and hugged Alex tightly, but then backed away unsure if that was the correct thing to do. Alex saw the uncertainty, and was going to comment to help sooth Karson’s unsure look, but Charlotte who sat on Karson’s hip spoke, “Lex!”

Alex reaches out and pulled the little girl too her. “I missed you did you have fun in the city.”

Charlotte nodded “fell off a ladder, Daddy caught me.”

Alex turned to look at Karson, and Karson just closed his eyes and shook his head. Of course that’s the first thing she would say. 

“Well this I have to hear about come out back so Charlotte can play while we talk.”

The three made their way through the clinic and Karson and Alex sat on the back porch while Charlotte went exploring in the grass. 

“Well?”

Karson looked at his feet, but then started to speak. Karson told Alex all about the accident, and then changed tracks to tell Alex all about the city. After about half an hour Alex just blew out a breath. 

“Well you had a fun little trip. I’m glad you are both ok.”

Karson only nodded. The time in between living the ladder incident, and now had allowed him to push his emotions farther down. 

“I’m gonna head back to the farm wanna come?”

Alex just smiled she had really enjoyed living out at the farm even though farm work wasn’t her favorite. 

“No I still have some work this afternoon. I’ll see you at home.”

Karson picked up Charlotte, and headed back to find Lena. 

______________________________________

The wagon was loaded, and the small family made their way back to the farm. Lena had been quiet, and Karson studied her with a worried expression. 

“Are you feeling ok?”

Lena turned and blushed. She was consumed by the book that was burning a hole in her pocket. She felt like she was keeping a secret, and she was excited and embarrassed by it. 

“Yes I’m fine just hot and tired.” 

Lena knew it was mostly true. 

“I could drop you at the river if you wanted to cool off for a bit there is no better place to cool off.”

“I don’t have anything to wear to swim.”

Karson just laughed. “I doubt the fish will be staring at you.”

Lena swatted his arm, but laughed.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t mind?”

“No I’ll go down to the house and grab something to eat and bring you a blanket so you can relax a bit.”

Lena smiled at Karson’s kindness. 

“Thank you.”

Karson pulled the wagon to the side of the river and jumped down walking around to help Lena down. 

“Do you want anything else.”

“No, thank you darling.”

Lena kissed his cheek. “Wanna stay with mama.” Charlotte called out.

Karson just smiled. “Oh we will come back little duck, but let’s let mama have a few minutes to cool off, and then I’ll teach you how to swim.”

Charlotte jumped up and down in the wagon seat. “Swim swim.”

Lena watched the two drive off towards the farm. She hesitated for a few min, but then stripped down. It really was hot, she stayed in her shift and slowly submerged into the water. The cool water felt good against the heat of her skin. The ache in her lower back was relieved by the water taking the weight of her growing stomach. The relief was immense. She had not realize how truly sore she had become. She lounged in the water for a long while, but eventually worked her way out to sit under the shade of the tree. Her shift was wet and translucent, but the warm breeze felt good against the wet fabric. 

Lena leaned against the tree, and pulled her dress closer to her. She couldn’t hold back any more, and dug through the pocket of her dress to retrieve the black leather bound book. No title was written on the outside, but when she flipped through the pages was shocked to see detailed illustrations of different acts taken by the characters. She immediately shut the book a blush taking over her face and upper chest. She looks over her shoulder, and sees that Karson is still not on his way, and with relief of not being caught rubs the blush from her cheeks. She was not inexperienced in sex, but some of the pictures she had seen were explicit.

After a few moments of collecting herself she turns one more time to make sure Karson is still not coming back, and then reopens the book. She immediately falls into the story of a young woman who is orphaned, and had to prostitute herself in order to survive. The more she read the more heat flowed into her face, and then far lower. When she came to the first illustration she could not help but to study the picture that had been painted in words. 

She had not known people had used their mouths for that purpose, and soon blushed when she realized that what she knew of sex must be very little compared to the short few words she had begun to read. The way the book spoke of the encounter had been one of immense pleasure, but Lena had never felt that way about any of her experiences.

Lena put the book away feeling the need to cool off once more, and made her way back into the water. The water cooled her heated face, and soothes the dull throb that had started far lower. She was unused to arousal, but was sure that was the feeling she was experiencing. 

When she made her way out of the water she sat under the tree again. This time she closed her eyes and allowed the wind and the sounds of nature relax her instead of opening the book again. 

_______________________________________

Karson drove the wagon back up to the river, and when he arrived lowered Charlotte to the ground. He pulled out a basket that he had filled with simple foods for Lena to pick through if she was hungry, a light blanket, a few spare towels and soap, a light robe if Lena wanted to cover her self more modestly, and the book that Lena had been reading. 

“Did you enjoy the water?”

Lena sat with her dress covering her chest so that the translucent material went unseen. Charlotte had bounded over to her, and sat across her shrinking lap.

“Yes the water was wonderful.”

Karson started to lay out the items he brought handing Lena the light robe he had brought, and she smiled as she pulled it on. Laying her dress to the side. After a light lunch Charlotte pointed to the water. “Swim Daddy?”

Karson looked over to Lena making sure she didn’t mind. Lena just smiled and nodded pulling Charlotte over to strip her down. Charlotte jumped up and down shouting “Swim Swim” unbothered by her nakedness, and Karson just laughed as he pulled his shirt over his head, and started to undo his belt. He looked up suddenly.

“Do you mind? I’ll keep my under shorts on.”

Lena was trying not to watch him strip, but soon met his questioning gaze with a light blush on her cheeks.

“Of course I don’t mind.”

Soon Karson was down to his under clothes, and he picked up the excited girl to take her into the river. Charlotte squeals when the cold water hit her skin, and Karson laughed loudly and then soothed the little girl.

Lena watched as the two played in the water splashing each other. Lena loved how happy her little girl had become since they had moved here. Charlotte was always a happy girl, but when she had been around Ray she was more quiet then she normally was. It was almost like she sensed she would be ignored. 

Karson was throwing the little girl in the air a few inches catching the happily laughing little girl. Lena reached out to grab the book that Karson had brought with him, and just as she opened it Karson called out to her. 

“Lena do you want to swim with us? It’s awful hot.”

Her first response was to say “no”, but both Karson and Charlotte were watching her with excited expressions. 

“Ok.”

Karson smiled with excitement not expecting Lena to agree. When Lena moved to the edge of the water and took off the robe she had worn to cover herself Karson hurried to turn around. Lena smiled at his bashfulness, and the respect he was showing to her privacy.

Once she reached the two in the water Charlotte reached for her. “Mama I Swim.”

“I see that baby. You sure are just like a little duck.”

Charlotte beamed at her mother. Karson was still looking anywhere, but at her and Lena decided it was time to push their boundaries just a little. 

“Karson you don’t have to look away. I’m mostly covered. Unless it makes you uncomfortable.”

Karson turned suddenly his face still held a light blush. “No, it’s not that I just didn’t want to see something you didn’t want me to.”

Lena moved forward pressing herself slightly against him moving up on her toes to press her lips to his jaw. 

“I don’t mind you looking at me.” 

Her voice was low, and it caused his stomach to clench. He looked down at the eyes he had become so enamored with, and his blush darkened, “ok.”

His voice was choked, and his eyes slipped to Lena’s lips again. Charlotte started to wiggle wanting to be in the water again, and both adults moved away from each other.

Karson moved to get out of the water to grab the soap, and then returned. He washed himself quickly, and then reached for Charlotte and waded a little ways away allowing Lena privacy to get clean and leave the water. While Lena dressed Karson washed Charlotte laughing at her non stop conversation.

Once Lena was dressed Karson moved out of the water again and Lena took Charlotte dressing her and loading her into the wagon. Karson hurried to pack everything else and soon they made their was back to the house. All three wore big smiles as they returned home.


	12. Dreams and their consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys this is a bit of angst, but bare with it because it helps them move forward. It does have mention of some abuse so be warned if it is something that troubles you. I don’t think you can read much of the chapter without running into it so sorry. Oh and thanks for everyone for being so patient I got caught up in an idea I couldn’t put away and so had to finish it before I got back to this.

Being home was wonderful. Lena was excited to get her business up and running, but she enjoyed the quite comfort of being at home. 

The trip to the river had been exactly what she needed. Her back and joints felt better from the weightlessness of floating in the water. Charlotte and Karson had been able to play, and the heat had been leeched from her skin. She knew that it was not unseasonably hot, but something about carrying a child just made you run hot. 

The slam of the screen door alerted Lena that Alex was finally home. When the brunette walked into the kitchen Lena smiled widely at her friend. 

Moving forward and wrapping her in a large hug, “I missed you Alex, I’m glad your home.”

A smile bloomed across Alex’s face. “I missed you too.” The two women sat and Lena asked Alex all about their time away. Alex enjoyed the company of her best friends wife, and knew that Karson had truly lucked out finding the woman in front of her. 

“Alex would you mind going out to the barn and telling them dinners almost ready?”

Alex smiled and walked to the barn. Karson was bent over a new piece of furniture. Charlotte was sitting in the hay playing with blocks of wood pretending to build something too. When Charlotte heard Alex approach her head snapped up, “Lex!!” 

Alex smiled at her little niece. “Hey duck what are you building?”

“A house.”

“Well it’s a mighty fine house indeed. Dinners ready do you think you can help me drag your father to the table?”

Charlotte nodded and got to her feet walked over to Karson, and tugged on his pant leg. 

“Daddy dinner.”

Karson looked down at the small girl with a smile. “Well then I guess we shouldn’t be keeping your mama waiting.”

Karson picked up Charlotte, and turned to Alex, and smiled brightly. “I’m planting fruit trees tomorrow you wanna help?”

Alex looked at Karson with confusion “fruit trees? Why on earth are you doing that?”

Karson only laughed, and the trio made their way back into the house.

After dinner Karson had decided that he needed to put a couple hours in with his furniture. Lena had moved into the parlor with Charlotte. 

“I’m gonna work in the barn for a bit. Do you need help putting Charlotte down for the night?”

Lena looked up from the book she had been reading to smile at her husband. “No, I can handle it. Please try not to work too late. I know you are going to be working in the fields all day tomorrow, and I don’t want you running yourself into the ground.”

Lena’s tone brokered no argument. “Ok, I’ll be in soon.”

Karson leaned down and kissed Charlotte goodnight, and then kissed Lena on the cheek and made his way to the barn. 

________________________________________

Alex walked down the stairs after getting cleaned up. Lena was sitting with Charlotte.

“Where is Karson?”

Lena looked up at Alex “wanted to work in the barn for a bit. I’m sure he’d love the company.”

Alex walked out towards the barn. Karson was shaping a piece of wood, so Alex sat to wait until he was finished. When Karson stopped working Alex stood and moved next to him.

“What are we building?”

Karson looked up from his work. “A bassinet. With all we have going on in the next few months I’m worried I won’t have time to finish it.”

“How can I help.” 

Alex and Karson worked seamlessly together. It was one of the many reasons they were so close. They both knew when to step back and take direction from the other.

“So how are things going with Lena?”

Karson fumbled the tool he had been working with, and fought off a blush. 

“Doing fine.” Karson hopes the short answer would detour Alex’s line of questioning, but with the smirk on Alex’s face he knew that would not be the case. 

“Spill it.”

Karson sighs. He really needed to work on not being so easily read. “I’m struggling a bit with my feelings for her.”

Alex’s brow furrowed. “Why would you have to hide your feelings? It’s good that you like her.”

Alex watched the war that was being fought behind Karson’s eyes, and wondered what stupid conditioning Karson was trying to fight off. “Talk to me Karson. You know I won’t judge you.”

Karson turned and pushed himself up to sit on his work table to face Alex. 

“It’s not just that I’ve grown to care for her. It’s that my attraction for her is growing as well, and I’m struggling to keep a respectful distance.”

“What do you mean by “respectful distance.””

A frustrated groan flowed out of Karson’s chest and he scrubbed his hands over his face. 

“She is just so ridiculously pretty, and sometimes when she looks at me my heart wants to beat out of my chest, and I get this heat so low in my stomach it feels like it’s gonna light me on fire. I know that nothing will ever come of it, and I need to find a way to put this away somewhere, but God help me I think I have it under control, and she will do something like raise her eyebrow at me or bite her lip, and I just want to combust.”

Alex’s mouth dropped open at Karson’s long rambling confession. When Karson saw the look of shock on Alex’s face he immediately blushed, but soon tried to close down his feelings. He hopped down from the bench, and turned to go back to work. He knew better then to express his feelings. 

Alex came out of her stunned stupor, and realized that the shocked expression she had on her face had caused Karson to believe that he had done something wrong. Damn it. 

“Karson wait a minute don’t close off. I don’t think badly of you. Nothing you feel is wrong, I was just shocked by the fact that you told me to begin with.”

Karson still didn’t turn around to face Alex. He had been out of control with his emotions lately, and he needed to find a way to start putting the distance that he had always kept back in between those around him. He had too much to lose now if he was discovered. When Alex placed a hand on his shoulder he stiffened. It wasn’t done on purpose, but he sometimes couldn’t help the response.

Alex felt Karson stiffen. It wasn’t the first time, but it had been a long while since it had happened. 

“Karson come on this isn’t us. You know me, how could I ever look down on you for feeling attraction to a woman when I feel the same way about women. Come on Karson.”

Alex gently managed to get Karson turned around again. His eyes stayed planted on the floor. Progress Alex thought.

“You know that there is nothing wrong with being attracted to Lena right. Anyone would be hard pressed not to she is gorgeous.”

Karson’s eyes left the floor, and finally met Alex’s.

“What am I going to do Alex. She isn’t ever going to feel the same way, and I can’t really be disappointed for it. We all knew what the deal was when we got married, and I can’t expect things to change just because I can’t control my attraction to her.”

Alex could see the fear and frustration in Karson’s body. “Why don’t you just talk to her about it. She seems to care for you a great deal I bet you two could come up with something together.”

Karson stiffened. “No. This is something that she won’t find out from me. Having a life with me is fine. We will raise our kids, and she will be everything there is for me, but I will never make her feel uncomfortable around me because of my inability to separate friendship from attraction.”

“Karson.” Alex’s voice was calm and sad. 

“I’ve got to finish this.” Karson turned back to his work, and was silent. 

Alex stood still watching Karson work for a moment. She knew that her friend was afraid to speak about his feelings on a good day, but this fear he had now was something that she had not seen before. She was confused, why this particular event was throwing him so badly, and then it clicked. He loved her, and was worried he was going to mess it up by not controlling himself. Alex could have smacked herself upside the head. This problem was only going to grow, and Alex worried that Karson would do more harm by trying to keep this secret then by talking to Lena.

_______________________________________

It was later then Karson meant to be when he finally made his way up the stairs. He had cleaned up outside before he came in, in order to not wake Lena when he came to bed. When he opened the door to the bed room the oil lamp was burning on low on a small table in the corner. Lena was asleep a book resting on her round stomach. 

Karson stopped to enjoy the view of Lena’s sleeping form. She was relaxed and Karson marveled at how incredibly young she looked asleep. When she was awake she radiated such confidence and energy that it’s hard to remember she was barely even twenty. 

Taking quiet steps he crossed the room and lifted the book off of her stomach, and placed it on the night stand. Moving back to the other side of the bed he got dressed for bed, and slipped under the covers of the bed. The dip in the mattress stirred Lena. 

“You worked awful late. Everything ok?” Lenas sleepy voice brought a small smile to Karson’s lips. 

“Yeah everything’s fine. Go back to sleep.”

Karson turned the lamp all the way off, and then lay flat on his back. The movement next to him caused him to turn to look at Lena, but soon his wife was draped over him. A leg was thrown over his hips, and the round belly rested against his hip and side. Lena’s warm hand rested low on his belly, and a dark head of hair fell onto his shoulder. Karson didn’t dare to move. A contented sigh was the only sound in the quiet room. How was he supposed to distance himself from this. It’s everything he could possibly dream of. He would just have to find a way to deal with the attraction because he didn’t want to lose this.

_______________________________________

The sound of a familiar humming pulled Karson out of his sleep. The day was growing bright out, and he could not figure out how he had managed to sleep so late. Moving quickly he dressed from the trunk at the end of his bed, and hustled into the kitchen. His mother turned from the stove with a smile “Good morning Karson.”

Karson frowned for a moment what was his mother doing here. He walked over to his mother stealing a hug knowing he couldn’t get caught. Her soft comfort enveloped him and he couldn’t help but to steal just a few moments more. When he pulled back he felt a lump in his throat. Karson knew he couldn’t cry because he had hugged his mother, to be honest he didn’t know why he felt the urge to.

“Eat you breakfast you don’t want to keep your father waiting.”

Karson hurries off to shove food into his mouth. The door to the small house slams open and looming in the doorway was Zor-El. 

“Your late!” Zor-El growled facing his son. 

Karson stiffened, but hurried to stand to make his way outside hoping his father would spare him the beating this time because their was so much work to do in the fields. 

“What is it that kept you son? Was it that woman you married?”

Karson stopped moving frozen in fear. Karson turned and stood across from his mother and Lena heavy pregnant with Charlotte on her hip.

“I thought I warned you that marriage was not in the cards for you. That you had to stay alone or you would be found out.”

“Father I...”

Karson’s explanation was silenced by a swift back hand. 

“Did I not tell you the penalty for being found out.” Zor-El smiled, and his face shown with a sinister happiness.

“Does every lesson I teach you have to be beaten into you boy?!”

“No sir!” Karson tried to keep himself from trembling, but the battle for control was a hard one. 

“Maybe you would learn better if you had to watch the results of your mistakes take the punishment instead.”

Karson was confused for a moment. Zor-El crossed to the women across the room. He gripped his mothers jaw. 

“She was the one that had your life spared. Does her life not matter to you?” He raised his hand striking her across the cheek. 

His mother crumbled to the ground, and Karson moved forward quickly, but when he reached her all he could see was her body that he had, had to bury. His chest burned, and a lump grew in his throat. 

“She died because of you, you know. You were always a disappointment, and she had to pay for your mistakes, and now look you dragged another woman into your mess.”

He moved over to Lena bringing his fingers under her jaw gentle raising her face to meet his gaze.

“I’ll give you this she is a pretty little thing.”

“Don’t touch her!” Karson growled out.

Zor-El smiled at his son. “Oh did you grow a back bone son. Did this pretty little thing make promises to you? Do you think you don’t disgust her? You are a means to an end. A bridge to get where she needed to go.”

Zor-El laughed at the pained expression that crossed Karson’s face.

“Did you believe her lies son. That you and her could be a family. That she would care for you?”

Karson looked over at Lena who looked on with vague interest. 

“She needed someone to get what she wanted, and to raise her children. Really she got a good deal. She got a home, freedom, security, and the only thing she has to do is pretend to like you.”

Karson clenched his fists, but said nothing. 

Zor-El crossed the room headed for the rifle rack hanging above the door. 

“I’m going to do you a favor boy, and get rid of your problem. That secret will be safe again, and you can go back to the man you are supposed to be.... free of temptation.”

Zor-El smiled widely, and pointed the gun at Lena and Charlotte. 

“NO!!!” The shot rang out, and Karson shot up in bed.

Lena woke with a start. Karson had screamed out in his sleep, and now sat trembling in bed beside her. 

“Karson darling are you ok?”

She reached for him, and he stiffened under her touch. She got to her knees and moved down the bed so she could see his face. His body was sweating, and his muscles trembled. Karson’s face was white, and his eyes and jaw were clenched shut. 

“Baby look at me! It was just a dream. Your safe.”

The door to the bedroom burst open, and Alex stood fear on her face. “What’s the matter?”

“I think it was a dream, but he hasn’t moved since he woke up.”

“I’ll get some water.” Alex said and left the room quickly.

Lena reaches forward putting her hand on his cheek. “Karson look at me. It’s ok... open your eyes see where you really are.”

It took another long few moments, but soon Lena was looking at wide eyes, afraid eyes. 

“There you go. Good. Now deep breaths love.” 

Karson finally focused on Lena’s face. Her eyes were calm, and Karson started to shake. His stomach clenched, and he jumped out of bed moving to the was basin and emptied his stomach. 

Lena managed to crawl out of bed, and pulled a cloth out of a trunk getting it wet and placing it on the back of his neck. She drew her hand up and down the tight lines of his spine. While he tried to regain his composure. 

Alex walked in behind them with a cup of water, and grimaced at the sound of Karson heaving. 

“Your ok baby try to calm down. Everything will be ok.” Lena spoke quietly trying to sooth her husband.

When he finally got control of himself again he pulled the wet cloth from around his neck, and wiped his face. 

Alex handed him the water, and then moved to take the basin out of the room.

“I’ll do that Alex.” Karson’s raspy voice tried to stop Alex’s movement.

“No, I’ve got this drink your water.” Alex left the room again, and Lena linked her hand through Karson’s still shaking fingers.

She pulled him gently to the bed, and he sat down glad to be off his rubbery legs. 

“There that’s better.” Lena noticed his breathing start to slow, but his body was still taught with tension.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lena hopes Karson would confide in her, but he only shook his head. They sat in silence Lena stroking the back of his hand with her thumb. 

Karson looked out the window, and could see it was almost dawn. “I’m going to get an early start. I’m sorry I woke you.”

Lena’s brow furrowed. “Karson , I don’t mind that you woke me. I’m worried you were so upset.”

Karson was pulling on his pants and the shirt he had dropped on the floor the previous evening. 

“I’m fine just a dream they happen...”

Karson pulled on his boots, and was about to hurry out the door when he felt a small cool hand on his forearm. 

“Yes bad dreams happen, please don’t pull away from me because of it. I want you to be able to tell me about things that scare you, you don’t have to hide from me.”

Karson looked down at the hand on his arm, and then up to his wife’s face. Her green eyes held concern, and care in them, but he was not ready for that. 

“I’m fine Lena, thank you for your concern. I’m just...”

Lena places her fingers over his lips. “Stop telling me your fine. If you don’t want to talk to me right now I get it, but please don’t lie to me.” 

Karson looked guilty, and Lena moved her fingers from his lips to his cheek. “We will talk later when you are ready. Please don’t work to hard, and grab some sort of breakfast so you aren’t working on an empty stomach.”

Karson nodded, and walked out of the room. Lena watched him go her heart clenched watching him struggle in so much pain. She knew that she wouldn’t get anymore sleep, and slowly dressed moving down to the kitchen to start some breakfast. 

The tea pot whistled loudly, and Lena poured herself the dark tea she loved. Biscuits from the previous night heated on a pan on the stove, and eggs were cooking quickly in salt pork grease. 

Alex walked in and sat at the table. Lena looked over at her and nodded in her direction. She moved to a cabinet, and cracked a couple more eggs into the pan and quickly scrambled them together. 

When both plates were on the table they sat across form each other not speaking. They both forced the food down for a few moments.

“The nightmares aren’t new, but it’s the first time that he had someone witness the hole thing.” Alex spoke quietly. 

Lena only watched her waiting for Alex to continue.

“When Karson first moved in with Cat they happened frequently, but after Cat rushed in to check on him the first time she realized that he didn’t want to be weak in front of her so she stopped going in to check on him.”

Lena sighed and took a small sip of her drink.

“Cat came to Jeremiah, and asked for anything to help him, but their isn’t much to give for something like that.”

“Is their nothing I can do to help him?”

Alex squeezed her hands together. She didn’t want to break Karson’s confidence in her, but she worried that this nightmare was linked to the conversation from the previous evening. 

“I’m worried about breaking his trust. Lena anything said between us has to stay that way. You will have to figure out how to help him without letting him know we have talked or he won’t open up to me anymore.”

Lena bit her lip. She was torn between wanting a bigger picture, and wanting to protect Karson’s privacy even from her.

“Tell me the gist, but leave the most out you can. I don’t want to break his trust either.”

Alex nodded and took a sip of her drink. 

“You are fighting off more then just bad dreams. Karson has had stupid standards for how he is supposed to act, and think beaten into him. He is always at war with himself over what he wants to say and do, and what he believes is expected of him.”

Lena clenched her jaw, but she knew Alex was right. “Did something cause this nightmare?”

“He is struggling with something,but I can’t tell you what. It’s stupid, and most likely could be fixed easily if he was less stubborn, and less afraid.” 

“Afraid? Afraid of what.” Lena looked to Alex, and could see she was at war with herself over the answer.

“After his mom died he had nothing left to lose. I doubt if he has allowed himself to care enough about anything enough to not lose it since. Don’t get me wrong he cares for his small group of friends, and people he thinks of as family, but if we were no longer there he would be sad but not broken.”

Alex didn’t finish her thought, but Lena had put the pieces together for herself. 

“He isn’t going to lose us.” Lena said quietly 

“But how does he know he can’t screw things up, and you take everything with you?” Alex’s voice was quiet.

Lena said nothing else finally getting what Alex has hinting at.

Soon breakfast was over, and Alex walked out to find Karson.

________________________________________

Karson sat on his horse over looking the unused acres on the southern half of his property. He tried to envision how to lay out the trees so they had plenty of room to grow. The quiet clop of horses hooves alerted him to no longer being alone. 

“What are we working on.” 

“Trying to decide tree layout.” 

Alex sat and waited, but soon Karson got off his horse pulling his rope down. He took the bag of seeds he carried, and used a rope to tie the sack to his belt. He had collected long thin sticks to mark the placement of each tree. He marked the first tree and planted it, and the unwound his rope and started to walk down the row. The next few hours were spent leap frogging each other, and planting trees. 

Lunch was fast approaching, and Alex waited for Karson to call a stop to the work, but none ever came. Karson was still on edge with everything that had happened that morning, and wasn’t really in the mood to be around people. Even Alex’s quiet company made him uneasy. 

It wasn’t that he was not use to the dreams. He had had them since he had moved in with Cat, but he didn’t intend for Lena to ever have to see his reaction to them. 

Not only had he been a shaking mess that barely held the tears at bay, but he had been physically sick as well. Weak in every way possible. He knew in his mind that it was not in his control, but his father’s words were so fresh. The vivid image of his mother laying on the floor looking just like she did the day she had died. 

Lena’s face so empty of all care, and feeling. Karson had felt that look like a kick to the stomach. Then when the gun had gone off, and he had been stuck in position to afraid to do anything to protect his girls. His inability to act had killed his mother, and in that moment dream or not he had not acted to defend his wife or daughter. 

Maybe his father was right. He was a coward.  
______________________________________ 

The work continued until late in the afternoon. Alex needed to eat, and Karson didn’t seem like he was slowing down. When she pulled up in front of the house Lena came out on the porch. 

“How’s he doing?” Lenas voice held worry, and Alex just grimaced.

“He’s not been very talkative today.” 

Lena walked up to take the reins of the horse. “Will you watch Charlotte for me for a bit. I think Karson and I need to have a conversation.”

Alex hopes Lena has better luck with Karson then she had, and happily went inside to spend time with Charlotte.

 

Lena rode out to the south forty, and took a few moments to admire all the work they had accomplished that day. If all the trees grew they would have a massive orchard. 

Karson worked deep in the field, and heard the sound of Alex’s horse behind him. He decided he didn’t need to turn around if Alex had come back to work then so be it.

“Karson will you please help me down.”

The sound of Lena’s voice caused his shoulders to stiffen. He had not expected her to come out, and find him. He turned slowly, and grimaced at the idea of his wife being so worried she had ridden all the way out here. He looked around and found a old oak tree a few hundred yards away.

“Let’s find you some shade first.”

Lena allowed Karson to walk the horse until they reached the tree, and then happily dismounted the horse.

She walked holding his hand to leaned against the trunk, and pulled Karson down to sit with her. 

Lena looked at Karson for a long few minutes, but he sat in silence stubbornly not looking at her. 

“Are you going to sit and pretend that we have nothing to discuss or are you going to talk to me.” Lenas voice was quiet, but the question was lined in steal. 

Karson eventually turned his head realizing that he was not going to get out of this conversation, and putting it off wasn’t helping him anyway. 

“It was just a dream Lena, a bad one I’ll give you that, but I’ll get through it, I always do.”

Lena looked into those blue eyes that were normally so expressive, and they just seemed so closed. “Please tell me about the dream. Even if you say it’s nothing I want to hear it. I want to help you through it.”

Karson grit his teeth. Anger, grief, and guilt waring with his more kind nature. “What does it matter. It’s in the past.” His words were clipped, and his tone was far more harsh then he had ever spoken to Lena before. Lena just sat unfeeling knowing that he was lashing out in fear and anger.

“If it was so far in the past that it couldn’t hurt you and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Your so stubborn.” A defeated tone in his voice.

“Well so are you.” Lena answered back gently.

“I was back in my old house. My mom was in the kitchen. She was humming. I had forgotten she did that.”

Karson’s voice held pain, and Lena reached out to hold his hand. 

“She looked, smelled, felt like I remembered and she hugged me so tight. It felt so real I had forgotten that she was dead. That she was gone.”

He bit his lip hard trying to stave off the grief that was threatening to drown him. Lena watched the battle of wills between Karson and what his father had taught him, and wished that he would let go just this once. She tugged his hand and forced him forward. 

“Lay your head down.” 

Karson fought the offer of comfort for a few moments, but in the end allowed himself to be pulled into his wife’s lap. Her fingers immediately took off his hat and ran her fingers through the damp strands.

“I had over slept, and knew that I was going to be in for a beating, but when he slammed into the room I still felt myself freeze in terror. I always felt that way around him afraid to speak, afraid to move. Always afraid.” Karson let a discussed huff leave his mouth. Lena just sat and listened, but hated that Karson was ashamed of his fear.

“He started in on me about being late, but then the dream changed.” Karson stopped then, and tried to sit up but was held in place gently. “I don’t want to finish it.”

Lena finally met the blue eyes. “I know you don’t, but nothing you say or feel will leave my lips. It can stay here between the two of us and this tree.” Karson’s eyes begged for a reprieve, but Lena could not afford to give one. Karson had to know he was safe with her. That he didn’t have to hide himself anymore. 

With a sigh Karson continued. “The dream started to meld between my life then, and my life now. He said I was late because I was spending time with you. That I knew better then to get married, and that I had been warned to not get involved because of my secret.”

Karson swallowed, and looked up again to see Lena’s reaction, but all he saw was her kind smile.

“He threatened to beat the lesson into me again, and I just stood there as he threatened me. I didn’t say anything when he told me that all of my disappointments were why my mother suffered, and then he looked me in the eye and I didn’t move as he killed her again.”

Karson closed his eyes tight his body began to shake, but then he grit his teeth willing himself into control. Lena moved her hand down to his chest adding weight to her touch so he had something to feel other then grief.

“I did nothing again, instead of helping her I didn’t even move. I just watched her crumple to the ground. Then he moved to you and Charlotte. You stood their so quiet with Charlotte on you hip. He taunted me that I let you use me for what you wanted, and the only payment I needed was for you to pretend you cared.”

Lena closed her eyes feeling the pain of those words. Feeling the sadness that flowed out of him like a river after a flood.

“He walked away from you, and I felt such relief. I didn’t want him near you, but then he told me he would take care of my mistakes, and then he shot you, and I just stood there. A coward.”

Lena’s eyes snapped open at the last words out of Karson’s mouth. 

“You believe because you were afraid of him, and didn’t protect your mother that you are a coward.” Karson didn’t look up to meet Lena’s eyes didn’t move in anyway.

“You think for one moment any of that vile pack of lies that he said about you or me had any truth to them?”

Again Karson didn’t say anything. 

Lena took a few deep breaths trying to calm the anger that flowed under her skin. Every time she heard anything about Karson’s father she felt the urge to bring him back to life to kill him again. 

“Karson I know it’s hard to believe me when I say that what happened to your mom was not your fault, but baby you have got to believe it. Your mother’s death falls solely on your father’s shoulders. If you had been standing in the room, I doubt you would have just stood there, and even if you did how do you stand against someone that had spent a lifetime with power over you.”

Karson bit his lip squeezing his eyes shut, and balling his hands into fists. 

“Did you know how much your mom loved you? Cat has told me of conversations with your mother about how much she loved you, do you think she would want you to blame yourself for actions that were not your own?”

Karson felt tears sting his eyes, and he was running out of ways to fight them off.

“Please Lena can we stop.” His voice shook, and his eyes continued to betray him.

“No darling, I’m sorry you need to hear these things. You need to take the power out of his words and fight back. He raised you to show no emotion, no tears, no fear, but if that was his idea of what a man is why are we listening to him?”

Karson sat up and buried his face in his knees. If he was going to cry Lena would not see it. Lena had other plans. She got to her knees and kneeled down in front of him.

“Nothing that he has said to you can you take as truth. Do you want to be the man your father was?” 

Karson just shook his head. He had always vowed that he would never be the same man as his father. 

“If you don’t want to be him why do you listen to his guide lines on how you should behave?” 

“I know that you believe that all of these things you are feeling right now are weaknesses, but I don’t think you are right. You are my partner in all things Karson. Not just the good, not just the prosperous. You are my partner through all of the bad, all of the horrible. You and me have to be able to hold the other one up when their is a weakness in the other. How am I supposed to support you if you hide yourself, and the things that are weaknesses from me.”

Karson finally dried his eyes on his sleeve and raised his head to look at Lena. She smiled at him bright and reassuring. 

“I know you worry that the things he said about me, about us are true, but the aren’t. Yes we married because I needed a husband, but that is never how our relationship has been. From day one you have been the type of man that I only dreamed that I could find. You give me so much of you every day, in every interaction we have.”

Lena put both hands on Karson’s knees and moved to split them. She inched forward so she could be closer to him. She lay her hands on his cheeks. 

“I could not have been more lucky to end up with you as my husband. I thank any God who will listen that you were brought into my life. This marriage might have been for necessity when it started, but now that we are in it, it has become the necessity. The thing I don’t want to live without. We may be an unorthodox couple, if everyone knew the facts, but in the end I don’t care, because you are all I want.” Lena blushed , and Karson stared at her with shock, and a deep seated hope that threatened to burst out of his chest. 

“Don’t let the words of others temper our relationship. Especially the words of your father. If you are worried about my feelings for you ask me. If you want something from me, try to let me give it to you. Just like you I would give you anything I could to make you happy. You just have to ask me.”

Karson covered Lena’s hands with his. He looked into those green eyes that held so much caring and warmth in them. 

“What happens if I ask for something you can’t give. Something that you couldn’t forgive the question.”

Lena furrowed her brow. What could he possibly want that would make him afraid of that.

“All I can tell you is I will do my best to listen, and if it is truly something I can not do we will talk about it, and move on. I’m not going to leave you because of a question, or how you feel. No weakness or fear is going to scare me away. You have to find a way to trust me.”

Karson bit his lip and tried to get the words free from his mouth. He wanted to believe Lena. Wanted to trust that she was here to stay that he was safe with her just like she was safe with him. 

“Tell me what you are so afraid to say. Give me a chance.” Lena’s voice came out as a pleading whisper. Her eyes bored into his hoping he would find what he needed to in her gaze. 

He cleared his throat. “I have developed feelings for you, and I’m trying to push them away. I know that nothing will come from them, but sometimes they are so overwhelming that I don’t know how to hold them all in.”

Karson lowered his head daring not to look in to those eyes that saw everything.

“Who asked you to push your feelings away. I told you I wanted a real marriage. That I wanted a husband in all ways that matter. Why would that mean you needed to push aside your feelings for me.”

Karson’s mouth opened in shock.

“Don’t look so shocked have you not noticed that your feelings are returned. I can no easier push them away as you can.”

“Really?” The hope in Karson’s voice almost broke her. He believed no one could ever feel anything for him, but she planned to prove him wrong. 

“Really. We will figure things out together ok? Just don’t hide from me, and we will find away to work through it. Your weakness are not something to be ashamed of, not with me.”

Karson smiled, and brought his arms around Lena’s waist. They sat for a few minutes together letting the dust settle over the day.

“Please will you call it a day, I know there is work to be done, but today has been so full already.”

Karson nodded and got to his feet, and gently pulled Lena to hers. They stood together under the shade of the oak. Each held in the others gaze. The wind blew Lena’s hair back from from her face, and Karson pulled her tightly into his chest. 

“Thank you for forcing that out of me. It felt like it was pulling me under, but I didn’t know how to let it go.”

Lena squeezed him as tightly as she could, and pulled away slowly. 

“I will always be here for you Karson.”

She leaned up on her toes and brought their lips together in a gentle kiss. The feel of them pressed together was of comfort instead of passion. Of belonging and promises for the future filled with many more.

When Lena pulled away Karson’s eyes were closed. She rested her for head against his jaw, and both allowed the feeling of happy contentment to heal old wounds.


	13. Settling in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly fluff to smooth over the previous chapter

The ride back to the house was slow. Riding a horse was uncomfortable for Lena, and Karson tried not to feel guilt for her coming out to find him. The conversation between them had been needed, and the more Karson thought about it the more grateful she was that Lena pushed him into it. 

When they finally reached the house Karson dismounted and helped Lena out of the saddle. Lena went into the house to start dinner while he moved off into the barn.

Once the horses were taken care of Karson walked towards the river. The steep hill was covered in tall green grass, and he lowered his hands to feel the cool blades against his fingers. 

When he reached the river he stripped and waded in allowing the cool water to soak away the day. The dirt and the heat flowed away quickly, but the tension that he had carried all day had knotted up his muscles making every joint hurt. Leaning back and floating in the water letting the sounds of the world fade, and the muffled movement of the water engulf his senses he thought about everything that Lena had said. 

Karson knew he had always felt responsible for not protecting his mother. It had been a pain that had always been present, but never dealt with. It was easy to fill the day with work, and the things that were necessary for every day life, to push away all of the pain, anger, and guilt. The dream the night before had taken him by surprise. It had been months since he had dreamt of his father, but the dreams had never hit so hard on so many levels.

Letting the feeling of letting his mother down go, would be hard,but he was determined to try. Letting the lessons his father taught him about being a man were different. How was he to know how to be a man if his father’s lessons were all wrong. Is that something you learn, or if you are actually born male you innately know. Is he a man because he always believed and thought of himself as one. Maybe he should ask Lena’s opinion. He sat up from the water and opened his eyes seeing the sky would darken soon, and quickly dressed. 

Before heading down the hill he visited his mother. He had not spent much time up here since she had died. At first it was because his father was at the farm and he couldn’t come, but once the farm was his.... the guilt he felt,and the grief he carried kept him away. He sat next to his mothers marker and looked down at his home that he had built he smiled. 

“I’m sorry mom that I don’t visit often I will try to do better. My wife is trying to convince me that you are here because of dad and not because I didn’t act. I hope you agree. I’m happier then I have ever been. I have a daughter. She is so bright and funny I think you would have loved her. We have another child on the way, and everyday I grow more excited to meet them. Lena is chipping away at all of the baggage I carry I hope that what is left in the end is enough. I love you mom.”

Karson stood, and with one final look at his mothers marker started back to the house.

______________________________________

The sounds of laughter was what met Karson’s ears as he walked up the front porch steps. When he opened the door Charlotte went running by screaming as Alex chased her. He couldn’t help, but to smile at the two of them. 

Walking into the kitchen Karson saw Lena standing over the stove his mouth moved into a small smile and he decided that maybe he could let some of his father’s words go if it gave him a better chance with the woman in front of him. 

Taking a deep breath he moved forward and wrapped his arms around Lena from behind. She jumped at first, but then relaxed into his chest. 

“Hey there!” Lena said with a smile. Glad he was making a few small steps forward and not pushing his affection for her away.

“Hey... that smells good.” He held tight around her waist, and smiled at Lena’s obvious enjoyment of his new affection. 

“It’s almost done do you want to grab Alex and Charlotte?”

Karson hummed his answer next to her ear and kissed the soft skin behind her jaw, and pulled away from his wife. He missed the blush and shiver that Lena felt in his absence.

 

Karson followed the giggles to the parlor where he found Alex tickling Charlotte on the couch. 

“Hey you two break it up its time for dinner.”

Karson’s serious tone was ruined by the wide smile that had found its way on to his face. 

Charlotte came running forward, and he knelt down to pick her up. “Save me! lex bad!” Charlotte dramatically hid in his arms. 

“Don’t worry baby your safe from mean old Aunt Alex.” Karson winked at the older woman, and Alex just let a air of indignation settle in.

“Charlotte started it!”

“Did not!” Charlotte answered back with a large grin.

“Now children let’s stop this foolishness.” Karson scolded playfully causing both to laugh. 

They headed into the kitchen where Lena was finishing setting the table. All three new comers were directed to wash their hands, and they quickly hurried to obey. Karson helped Charlotte and then washed his own hands. When he turned he saw Lena lifting something heavy out of the oven. 

“Lena wait! Let me help you.” 

Lena lowered the large pot back down, and gratefully waited for help. It seemed that she was getting noticeably bigger everyday now, and finding herself struggling with things she would normally have no trouble with. Once dinner was on the table Lena patted Karson cheek in thanks and went to sit down. The table was lively with conversation, and the last of the shadow that hung over Karson seemed to disappear.

_______________________________________

The kitchen was cleaned quickly, and Alex retreated up stairs to sleep. Working on the farm took more energy then she was use to expending. 

Charlotte sat on the floor playing, and Karson sat with her. Lena watched them play together from the love seat and read a book. 

Soon Karson sprawled out on the floor next to Charlotte and then soon enough he fell asleep. Charlotte noticed his shut eyes and got up and moved over to sit next to her mother.

“Daddy sleeping.”

Lena looked up and laughed. “Yeah baby he is. Let’s go get you put to bed, and then I will come get daddy.”

Charlotte nodded, and walked over quietly to kiss him on the cheek, and then walked to her room. Lena followed her with a smile on her face. Charlotte was a daddies girl, and Lena could not be more happy about it.

It didn’t take long for Charlotte to go to sleep, Lena made her way back down stairs. She chuckled to herself when she saw that Karson had not moved. She stood over him a minute she wanted to kneel down and wake him nicely, but was afraid she wouldn’t be able to get back up.

“Karson, wake up.” She gently nudged him with her foot. 

Karson blinked his eyes open and a confused scowl settled on his face. 

“You fell asleep playing with Charlotte. Let’s head to bed.” Lena wiggled her fingers down at him and he gently reached for them he stood with very little help from her not wanting her to really have to pull his full weight up.

Lena smiled up at him when he was finally on his feet. “I think you have been pushing yourself a little to hard love.”

Karson blushed and nodded at her, and let Lena lead the way up the stairs. They both made quick work of getting dressed for bed, and Karson groaned in relief when his body lay comfortably in his bed. 

Lena propped herself up against the head board and pulled out her book. “Well are you coming over to listen tonight?”

Karson smiled brightly and scooted over to lean against Lena’s side. Lena wrapped her arm around his shoulders and squeezed him into her. Her soft voice was soothing, and Karson closed his eyes to enjoy the sound. He felt a small kick against him, and his calm contentment grew. Instead of opening his eyes he reached over and gently stroked the round belly trying to lull the little one to sleep so Lena could rest too. 

Lena’s voice paused for a moment as she looked down and watched Karson rub her stomach, and then continued to read quietly until he passed out. 

Lena put her book down, but did not move. She trailed her hand up and down Karson’s back enjoying the feel of him sleeping against her. His hand still rested on her stomach and Lena brought her free hand down to cover his. It wouldn’t be much longer until they had another child keeping them busy. 

Lena smiled to herself, before Charlotte the idea of having her was terrifying. This time she was starting to become excited. She wanted to see how Karson would react to a new little one, and was excited to see how this one turned out. She needed to start getting diapers and clothes ready. 

 

Eventually her eyes grew heavy and she started to settle herself lower on the bed, but soon realized sleeping on her back was not going to be comfortable. “Karson roll over for me.” Karson complied without waking up, and Lena moved to rest her leg and stomach on his long form. She had discovered that if she could sleep in this position when she woke up her back would hurt less. She felt a strong arm come around her back and soon fell asleep tucked against a warm body.

_______________________________________

The orchard was planted. Each tree was marked, and now all that needed to be done was to work on the irrigation so each tree would receive plenty of water. It was not a viable plan to water each tree by hand every day. With the river close by it was an easy proposition to run a channel down to the trees, but he would need to build troughs to send the water down to each tree. He hooked up the wagon and went driving off into the near by tree line. He needed long slender trees that he could hollow out and notch together. 

_____________________________________

Lena sat in the porch with Charlotte. She was forcing herself to sow, but she never really enjoyed it. Alex had left for town early in the day, and Karson was working in the far orchard. It had been a quiet week since they had returned from National City. Even with bumpy beginnings Lena was happy to be home. Karson while he had always been kind, and politely affectionate before had suddenly become a little bolder with his affections. 

Lena had hated that Karson was so upset, but because of their forced conversation they had both come to the conclusion that the other was happy for more then they had. Cheek and top of the head kisses that they had always exchanged had turned into long embraces and light kisses against lips.   
A laugh bubbled out of Lena’s chest as the memory of Karson’s reaction to his first kiss goodbye.

It was the morning after their forced conversation, and Lena had made breakfast early knowing Karson would want to finish his planting. He had come down the stairs with a happy smile, and had eaten quickly. Lena heard Alex stirring around above her and so had started to make eggs for her. 

Karson picked up after his breakfast and moved to say goodbye to Lena, and he leaned down to peck her cheek, only to find soft lips instead. He pulled away shocked at hitting lips instead of skin. His blush was bright and he was going to apologize, but Lena reached for his hand. Pulling him back to her. She leaned up on her toes, and brought their lips together again. When he pulled away from her slowly, they both smiled happily at the other.

“Have a good day. Please don’t work too hard.” Karson nodded, and to Lena’s surprise and delight leaned forward for one more quick brush of lips, and turned to leave. 

Lena sat back in her chair at the memory, gently running her fingers over her lips. Kissing Karson has been new and exciting for her. Even though they were only gentle brushes of lips it still was a step towards more intimate things. She had not read much more of the book that Cat had given her. Her days had been filled with getting ready for the new baby, playing with Charlotte who was unhappy for being cooped up, and not in the fields with her father, and every day chores. she hoped she could get a few private minutes soon, and could read a little further.

Lena wanted to move forward to more things with Karson, but knew that they were moving slowly, and didn’t know exactly what forward she wanted yet.

A dust trail up near the front gate drew her attention, and Lena stood and squinted trying to see who was coming. 

The wagon holding Cat Grant pulled up in front of the house. 

“Cat!!!” Charlotte ran up to the older woman who had just climbed out of the wagon. 

“Hello angel. I missed you.” Cat hugged the little girl, and then smiled up to Lena. 

“Cat it’s wonderful to see you. What brings you all the way out here?”

Lena hugged the small woman and they both sat on the front porch chairs. Cat looked at all the small clothes that were in the process of being made. 

“I missed you, and this little one, and decided to come for a visit.” Cat hugged the little girl who she had placed on her lap.   
Lena smiled at Cat and felt her chest squeeze at having a mother figure close by. 

The morning passed quickly, and the three women talked excitedly. Charlotte soon started to get sleepy and leaned back into Cat falling asleep against her shoulder. Cat looked down at the sleeping toddler with a warm happy look. 

______________________________________

Karson pulled up in front of the barn his wagon loaded down with trees. Seeing another wagon parked near by he looked up to the porch and smiled seeing Cat sitting with his wife. He moved up the front steps.

“Hey Cat.”

“Karson it’s good to see you. How’s the orchard going?”

“It’s going well working on getting the trees watered. What brings you out?”

“Came to see my girls.” Cat said with a warm smile.

Karson was glad Cat had taken to his two girls. He wanted Lena to have people to talk to. “Have you two eaten?”

Lena suddenly jumped realizing she had forgotten to make lunch. “No, God Karson I’m sorry. I got caught up.”

Karson held his hand up and then gently placed his hand on her shoulder. “Wait, wait. Relax I didn’t ask so you would make something. I can handle that. I asked so I could grab something for you when I went inside.”

Lena looked stunned for a moment, but settled back into her chair, and watched Karson disappear into the house.

About twenty min later the screen door opened and Karson walked out holding a small table and placed it in front of the two women. He disappeared back into the house again and returned multiple times a tray of sliced bread and dried meat and cheese, a pitcher of water with glasses. The last time he walked out he carried his own lunch in his hand. 

“When you are finished leave the table I will carry it back in later. It was good seeing you Cat. I hope you will stay for dinner so I can see more of you.”

Cat smiled and nodded, and watched Karson lean over and gently kiss Lena as he walked away.

When Karson was out of sight Cat sat with a smug smile on her face. Lena tried to not look her friend in the face for a long few moments, but eventually sighed.

“Go ahead. I know you are dying to say something.” Lenas tone was exasperated, and she blushed when Cat laughed lightly. 

 

“I wasn’t going to say anything.” 

Lena gave Cat a skeptical look, and Cat just continued to smile.

“I’m glad you two seem to be growing more comfortable. It’s a good thing. You both seem happy.”

Lena smiled then, she was happy. “I am happy. We are moving slowly forward, I think.”

They sat and ate lunch watching Karson work in the barn, lifting trees out of the wagon, and cleaning off the branches with a hatchet, and then moving into the barn to split the trees and hollow them out. He then would brush hot tar over both sides of the tree to avoid rot, and placed the finished trees to dry.

“He never stops moving does he?” Cat finally said after an hour of watching the same process repeated.

Lena frowns for a moment, “no, he really doesn’t. I worry with how hard he pushes himself.” 

Cat turned her head to look at Lena, who’s eyed followed Karson’s every movement.

“He has always been that way. I’m not so sure he knows how to slow down. I’m sure you will eventually figure out how to manage that.”

Charlotte slowly woke up, and sleepily blinked looking around. She turned to look up at the person holding her and sleepily smiled and lay her head back down on Cat’s chest. 

“Did you have a good nap?” Cat felt the tired little nod and ran her hand gently up and down a small back. 

Lena talked the little girl into a little lunch, but soon her attention fell to the man in the barn. “Wanna go to daddy.” 

Lena was unsure if Charlotte would have a safe place around Karson at the moment, and decided a short visit couldn’t hurt. 

“We will be right back.” Cat waved them  
off and watched the two walk towards the barn hand in hand.

Karson looked up from the tree he had just split, and smiled at the two girls that walked in to the barn. “Well what do we have here?”

“Daddy! Wanna help!” Charlotte ran across the barn, and Karson lifted her up easily. He looked around for a moment deciding if their was a safe place for the little one to sit out here with him. She held him tightly and her big green eyes looked so hopeful that Karson couldn’t send her away. 

“Ok little duck you can stay and help me.”

Lena smiled and raised a quick eyebrow in question. He just winked at her letting Lena know that it was ok he would keep an eye on her. Lena walked up to her two favorite people. “Be good and listen to daddy.” Charlotte nodded excitedly. “If she gets to be too much bring her back ok?”

Karson just smiled and nodded. Lena shook her head and left the barn with a smile. When she reached the porch again Cat looked up to her with a knowing smirk.

“Has him wrapped around her finger huh?”

Lena laughed a loud happy laugh arms wrapping around her round belly. “I doubt their is anything Karson wouldn’t do for that girl. They are inseparable most of the time. The last few days have been hard because Karson didn’t want her burning in the fields, and had to leave her behind.”

They both watched as Karson continued to work, now with a little shadow who followed him everywhere chatting happily. Every time Karson moved to a new job he pointed out something he need Charlotte to do, and Charlotte would run off to comply. 

“That man was made for children. I knew he was kind, and patient, but never pictured him with children...” Cat mused our loud. “I wonder if that was because I knew what I did? But now that I see him with you two I couldn’t imagine him without having children running wild all over this farm. He just looks so happy.” Cat felt the sting of happy tears spring up unexpectedly, and quickly brushed them away. 

The more time she watched this little family grow the happier she was that she had pushed the match. She never wanted to hurt Karson or force him in a direction that wasn’t good for him. Secretly after she pushed Karson to Lena she had worried that maybe meddling was not what she should have done, it was a short moment of doubt, but now she had certainty in her decision.

Lena watched Cat observe Karson “Yeah he really is good with her. I wish that we could have some of his own. I think he would have had beautiful children.” 

Cat turned and smiled sadly at Lena “you two would make pretty children, but I doubt he could love them more then he already will.” 

“No you are absolutely right about that.”

______________________________________ 

The afternoon grew long, and Cat and Lena retreated inside to cook dinner. Alex came home shortly before dusk, and walked into the kitchen to say hello. 

“Hey Alex welcome home. Did you see if Karson and Charlotte were still in the barn when you came in?”

Alex greeted the two women in the kitchen and walked over to the sink to wash up. 

“No, they are up at the river getting cleaned up. Well really it looks like they are splashing each other more then cleaning, but I think they will head down soon.”

Lena shook her head with a happy smile and continued to work on dinner. Cat and Alex talked happily at the kitchen table, and Lena basked in the full life she had found herself apart of. 

The door burst open and the sound of little shoes running along the floor caused everyone to turn and wait for Charlotte to enter the kitchen. 

Brown wild curls slightly damp hung down on her shoulders and bright happy smile across her face. Charlotte ran to her mom, and Lena bent over and hoisted Charlotte up with a grunt. “Daddy and I went to swim. Play with fishies, and I splashed daddy!”

Charlotte quickly, and excitedly explained her time at the river, and Lena listened with a bright smile nodding and asking questions. Karson entered the room and smiled at everyone, but stayed quiet allowing the little girls to tell all about her day. Karson walked behind Lena kissing her gently on the cheek while moving to the sink to wash for dinner. On his way by he pulled loose Lena’s apron strings, and silently smiled hoping she wouldn’t notice he had done it. 

When Lena put Charlotte back on the ground, and turned to check on dinner she noticed her apron was loose, and quickly tied it back not thinking anything of it. Dinner was finished, and Karson helped bring the food to the table, and again loosened the apron strings while Lena wasn’t paying attention. Cat saw the interaction, but only smiled and winked at Karson’s playful side. 

Lena scowled when she noticed that her apron had come untied again. She tied it back, and placed a pitcher of water on the table. She then moved to the stove and closed the air duct, so the fire would burn out and the room would cool down. She passed by a seated Karson to open the back door to let air flow through the house, and noticed her apron had again come loose. She decided she was done with the stupid thing, and took it off and headed for the table. 

Cat enjoyed the family dinner, and realized how much she missed having a table full of people to eat with. Her boys had moved off to make there own way a few years before Karson had come to live with her, and she had loved his company. Now that she lived alone again she wished for more time like this dinner. 

Once dinner was over Alex agreed to ride back with Cat, and then return after she got home. Cat argued that she would be just fine, but Alex had been stubborn. Charlotte begged to go with them, and after a few minutes of pleading Lena had allowed it. 

Lena was at the sink washing the dishes while Karson stood off the the side to dry. The house was quiet, and they worked in happy silence. Karson reached down and untried the apron Lena had put back on after dinner, and when Lena turned to hand Karson a dish sighed with exasperation.

“Stupid apron.” Lena reached back and retired it with wet hands. Karson bit his lip to hold off his laughter. He untied it three more times before Lena finished the dishes, and the final time could no longer hold his laughter at bay. 

Lena looked over at Karson who was holding his sides laughing at Lenas frustration. “It’s not funny damn thing has been driving me nuts all afternoon.”  
Lena scowled at her husband’s laughter, and turned to finish putting the dishes away. Only to feel a tug on her apron strings. She then realized why Karson was laughing so hard. She pretended not to let on that she had figured out what Karson had done. She moved to the sink filling a cup with water and slowly drank it as Karson got himself under control. She moved closer to him as he leaned against a counter, and then dumped the cup of water over his head. 

Lena laughed as Karson sputtered suddenly wet when he had not expected to be. He looked up to see Lena standing a few feet away her hands on her hips smiling at him. Karson laughed then realizing he had finally been caught. 

“Oh your gonna get it now.” Karson said with a playful smile. Lena’s eyes widened and she hurried from the room knowing their was no way to out run the man behind her. Karson caught up to her quickly and lifted her into his arms. Lena squeaked at being lifted up so easily. “Put me down.” She nervously held on to Karson’s shoulders, but couldn’t wipe the smile from her face.

“Nope I think you need too cool off, it’s just too hot in that kitchen.”

Lena tried to struggle her legs free, but Karson held her tightly. “I only got you wet as pay back it is really unfair to get me back for me evening the score.” Lena tried to negotiate around being soaked. 

Karson just laughed as he made his way quickly back up the hill to the river. The moon was bright, and the night was quiet. When they reached the top of the hill Karson kicked off his boots and freed on hand to pull off Lena’s shoes. She struggled for a moment.

“Karson really that’s enough don’t throw me into the river.”

Lena looked up sweetly into her husband’s eyes trying a last ditch effort to not end up in the water. 

“Don’t worry baby I won’t throw you.” Karson said with a kind smile that turned devious as the realization on Lena’s face went from relieved to shocked. They both were submerged before Lena could argue. The cool water felt good even though Lena had been against being in the river to begin with. When they both came above water again Karson had a huge smile on his face, and even Lena’s best attempts at looking angry failed seeing Karson so happy.

“Your just mean.” Lena managed, trying to hide her smile with a pout. Karson dimmed his smile for a moment, but in the end couldn’t help but laugh at his wife. She splashed him in the face, and Karson just took it in stride. 

The ended up staying in the water for little bit. Once the shock had worn off Lena allowed herself to enjoy the swim. Lena looked over and saw Karson looking up at the sky. She moved closer and looked up. The sky was full of stars and clear so you could see thousands of them. 

“They are beautiful.” Lena whispered the words almost as if she didn’t want to break the silence of the night. 

“They really are.” Karson looked down at his wife with a soft smile. “Are you ready to head in.” 

Lena laughed at Karson’s quiet question. She had not wanted to come out, but loved that he had played with her, and she had really enjoyed the water. “Yeah I’m ready.”

They moved out of the water and Lena looked down at her dress that was heavy, and dripping. Karson stopped her movement while she was still in the water. He pulled on his boots and grabbed her discarded shoes, and handed them to her. He lifted her out of the water and carried her back down the hill the same way she had been carried up. Instead of heading into the house Karson walked over to the close line, and placed Lena down in the soft grass. He turned around and stripped all of his wet clothes leaving him only in his under shorts. When he turned around again he noticed Lena struggling with her dress. 

“May I help you?” Karson’s voice was quiet and a little shy, but Lena was grateful the dress was heavy with water and she was struggling. Karson helped undo the dresses buttons, and the pulled it gently over Lena’s head. A mostly translucent slip, and underwear were all that covered Lena then, and they blushed as they stood closely together in the yard. Lena could feel the warmth of Karson’s skin even though they were not touching. 

“Thank you for tonight it was more fun then I expected.” 

Karson smiled and raised a hand to brush a wet curl out of Lena’s face. “I had fun as well, thanks for being a good sport.”

Lena leaned up on her toes and went to brush their lips together. Warm lips met in a gentle kiss, but the warmth was inviting, and Lena felt herself lean into it more. Karson felt Lena’s wet cool slip brush against his skin, and he moved his hands to rest against her hips. When the cool fabric met warm skin Lena shivered into the heat and was pulled gently against it with Karson’s hands. The kiss was not the short brush of lips that Karson had been getting use to. 

 

The soft lips lingered, and he felt himself move his head and reposition his lips so he could taste more of the inviting soft heat. Lena nipped at his bottom lip gently and then opened her mouth and slid her tongue gently against his lips causing Karson to shiver, and pull Lena flush against his body. That small taste of Karson’s mouth was enough to send a shot of pleasure down through Lena’s body. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and pressed her mouth more firmly to Karson’s. When she finally pulled back they stayed as close to the other as they could, but Karson turned his head suddenly. Alex’s horse has coming up the road, and they both needed to head inside. Karson picked Lena up so she would not have to walk bare foot across the yard, but that motion pressed more of Lena’s body against his exposed skin. They both blushed, but were secretly thrilled with the contact. Once on the front porch they hurried upstairs Lena changed into her night clothes and a robe, and Karson into his short sleeping pants and a loose white shirt. 

Alex brought Charlotte into the house she had fallen asleep on the ride back to the house. Karson met Alex on the stairs and pulled the little girl into his arms and quietly thanked her. After putting Charlotte to bed Karson made his way back to the bedroom, and watched as Lena combed out her hair. 

Not much was said, as they both crawled under the sheets. Lena was tired, and rolled over into Karson’s body to get comfortable.

“Goodnight Lena.”

Lena looked up at Karson with a warm smile she pressed up into him and gave him a gentle kiss.

“Good night.”


	14. Ghosts?

The gentle clop of horse hooves was the only noise that Lena could hear as she drove the wagon back towards National City. The sun was still not up, and a cool breeze was constantly blowing the morning air. Lena turned around and smiled at Karson who slept in the wagon bed with Charlotte tucked into his side. The last two few weeks on the farm had been busy for her husband. He had to get the irrigation network in before they had to leave town, and he worked from sun up to sun down in order to make sure it happened.

Lena readjusted in her seat trying to find a comfortable position to sit, but unfortunately at this stage of her pregnancy their was no such place. She would most likely not be able to make another trip to the city until after the baby was born. When the sun started to finally rise Lena could see the city in the distance, and she smiled in relief. 

______________________________________

Barry stood outside of the warehouse checking in all of the supplies while the rest of the men were loading the supply trains goods into the warehouse. It was a huge order, and because of its size people from all over town were talking about the new company. He was about half way through the check list when he heard another wagon pull up to the side of the warehouse. When he looked up a big smile found its way to his face. Lena and her family were pulling up.

Lena turned around and placed her hand and Karson’s shoulder and gently shook it. 

“Darling we are here.” She gently stroked his hair while he slowly woke up. When he finally brought his blue eyes up to meet Lena’s green he smiled at her sleepily.

Karson sat up and crawled out of the wagon leaving a sleeping Charlotte in the bed. He walked around and helped lift Lena down. 

“I will stay out of the way unless you need something don’t hesitate to ask if you need me.”

Lena kissed Karson lightly, and walked over to see what was going on with the delivery. 

_____________________________________

It took a few hours to get everything unloaded and organized, especially because they had not fully decided how to use the space yet. Lena asked Karson to pull the wagon over, and started organize the supplies that had been ordered and needed to be delivered. Two wagons were filled and a list was written for each wagon to make sure each delivery was made. Barry rode out with one of the workers, and Lena rode out with the another. Karson and Charlotte decided to ride along. 

Each stop Lena had the young worker read the list and pulled out what he needed, and then walked the delivery to the store owner, and she had each person check the delivery before payment. 

Each delivery was completed, and Lena even managed to get more orders. She could not be more excited. They all rode back to the warehouse together, and when they reached it Barry and his wagon were just returning as well. Lena and Barry both started to speak excitedly about how well the delivery went, and the new orders they had received. 

Karson happily stayed out of the way while playing with Charlotte. Lena watched from the up stairs balcony as Lena worked. She was truly made for business, and it was sad that she was discounted just because she was a woman. 

It was becoming late in the day, and Karson saw how tired his wife was. She really needed to rest, but knew that she wouldn’t do so until she was ready. Charlotte on the other hand was restless for a new location, and Karson hoped that Lena could be convinced to head to the boarding house with them.

Karson walked down the stairs holding one of Charlotte’s hands as she took each stair one at a time. Karson and Lena were always trying to teach Charlotte stairs because of the stairs at the farm, they were worried she would tumble down them if she tried to climb them alone. 

“Mama!” Charlotte tugged on Lena’s skirts, and looked up with big green eyes. Lena turned and looked down at her little girl.

“Hello darling did you have a good day wait daddy?” Lena wanted to pick Charlotte up, but knew she would struggle. Karson saw the look and lifted the little girl up and handed her to her mother. Lena smiled gratefully and hugged her little girl.

“Yup we play. Can we go home now?” Her hopeful look made Lena smile.

“We are too far from home, but why don’t we go see your Aunt Iris? Would that be ok?” Charlotte happily bounced in Lena’s arms almost causing Lena to tip forward, but Karson reached out and gently steadied her girls. Lena gave Karson a relieved smile.

“Come here little duck let’s get this show on the road.” Karson plucked the little girl up and set her on his shoulders. She squealed in happiness and kicked her feet. Karson held out her hand to Lena who happily laced their fingers together, and walked out of the warehouse and towards the boarding house. 

When they walked up the front porch steps Iris came running out.

“Lena, Karson, welcome back!!” Iris pulled the shorter brunette woman in for a long hug while Karson lifted Charlotte down off his shoulders. As soon as Charlotte’s feet hit the ground she went running for Iris.

“Iris, Iris! Up please!” Charlotte was picked up and hugged fiercely.

“Oh I missed you my Angel.” Iris said with a happy face.

Karson smiled and gave Iris a one armed hug. They all wandered into the dining room, and sat to talk. Iris was so excited to hear all about the first shipment at the warehouse. It didn’t take long for Karson to get antsy with all of the talking so he leaned down, and plucked Charlotte up and decided he would go for a walk, and let the two older women enjoy their time.

Lena looked up at Karson when he moved, and saw him pull Charlotte up as well. “Where are you going darling?” 

Karson smiled and placed the little girl on his hip. “We are going out for a walk to get some energy out before dinner, and to let you two catch up. Don’t worry we will be back soon.”

Karson leaned over and lightly kissed Lena and then walked out the front door. 

Iris watched Lena for a moment. “You seem happy. How are things going back on the farm?”

“They are good he has been working to hard, but for the most part I have never been happier.”

Iris smiled at Lena happy that her friend was doing so well. 

_____________________________________

Karson walked down the boardwalk holding Charlotte’s hand listening to her ask questions. The town was lively today even in the later afternoon, and even though he preferred the quiet life still found interest in the way others lived. 

Karson heard a laugh that tickled the back of his mind, and immediately turned in the direction of the sound. He was unsure what about the sound caught his attention, but He knew he had heard it before. Shaking his head he continued to walk confused, but pushed it aside. When they reached the end of the board walk they turned around and headed back to the boarding house. 

Crossing in front of the saloon Karson picked up Charlotte so they could pass a little bit quicker. Then he heard it again... he stopped and looked into the swinging double doors and caught a glimpse of long brown hair... he shook his head she is gone, he told himself, and walked away.

_______________________________________

Lena watched Karson pick at his food, and frowned. She knew the food was wonderful, and that it wasn’t because he wasn’t hungry, that was just not possible. He was distracted, and Lena couldn’t help but to be worried. Barry and Iris has tried to pull him into conversation many times, as had Lena, but he would answer and join in for a few minutes, but drift off again a little while later. 

Charlotte was the only one that could hold his attention, and Lena had to smile at that. Every time the little girl asked Karson a question he would give his undivided attention, but Charlotte now lay curled in his lap sleepily snuggling into his chest.

“Karson will you take Charlotte up to bed please.” Lena pulled Karson’s mind back to the present again, and he smiled though it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Of course.” He stood and pulled the little girl up onto his shoulder, and worked his way upstairs. 

“What is going on with him?” Iris’s concerned voice was first to speak once Karson was out of the room. Barry frowned. “It is just so unlike him to be so distracted.”

Lena had a worried frown on her face as well. “He was fine this afternoon, but when he came back from his walk he seemed different.” They all sat in silence with concerned frowns on their faces.

“Iris will you keep an ear out for Charlotte I feel like going for a walk.” Iris smiled at Lena her eyes twinkling, and she nodded her head. If anyone could talk Karson out of his head it was Lena.

When boots were heard climbing down the stairs Lena stood and smoothed her dress. She was tired from the long day, but she worried letting Karson sleep with so much on his mind.

The two met at the bottom of the stairs, and Lena reached out and took Karson’s hand. “I’m a little too full from dinner will you walk with me for a bit.” 

Karson smiled at Lena and held her hand. She happily intertwined their fingers and they walked out the front door. The night was cooler then Lena had expected, and she let go of Karson’s hand to burrow into his side. She felt his arm pull around her shoulders, and they walked slowly down the boardwalk. When they neared the saloon Karson’s body tensed, and Lena stopped to look up at her husband. 

“What happened this afternoon Love?” Lena’s green eyes searched the shadowed blue eyes of the troubled man in front of her. He smiled down at her with a sheepish look in his eyes. 

“You always know. I don’t know how you do it.” His soft voice held a little laughter in it, and when Lena brought her hand up to smooth his brow he leaned into the touch. 

“Your going to think I’m crazy, I know I already do.” Karson said barely keeping eye contact with Lena. He knew what he saw was impossible, but it haunted him, and he had no idea what to do with the churning in his stomach. 

“Well all I can tell you is I will listen, and we can talk it out together, like we always do.” Lena still stood waiting a strong jaw still cradled in her cool fingers. 

Karson looked away from those green eyes that he swore held magic in them. The power to read him like no other on earth. He spotted a bench against the building a few feet behind them, and lead them to it. Once they had settled down he wrapped his arm around Lena tightly pulling her close to his body. 

“Today while I was walking with Charlotte I heard a laugh, and I swore I knew it, but I couldn’t figure out from where.” He looked over to Lena who was listening intently. He smiled and leaned over and lightly kissed her cheek. He didn’t know why he did it, but it comforted him, and her blush settled his stomach.

“I couldn’t see anyone I knew, and so Charlotte and I continued to walk, but on our way back....” he swallowed and his hand clenched at his knee. “It’s not even possible I know it’s not, but she looked so like her.” 

Karson squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to shake the feeling out of his mind. 

“Who was it baby?” Lena reached out and placed her hand on his chest gently rubbing trying to smooth the ache she could so clearly see.

His next words couldn’t even be considered a whisper. It was as if they had formed in his mouth, but he had no strength to speak them. 

“I couldn’t hear that love just a little louder.”  
Lena’s worry only grew with the pain that radiated from the blue eyes that had opened and looked to hers almost pleading with her to help him.

“My mother. She looked so much like her I nearly took steps to go to her, but she is gone. I know she is.” He bit his lip, and squeezed his eyes shut again. He’s head thunked against the side of the building. 

Lena sat shocked for a few moments, and had no idea what to say. The street kept moving as they sat together in silence. The sounds of the Saloon the most prevalent in the still evening air. 

“You think I’m crazy don’t you.” Karson said quietly. Not opening his eyes to see Lena’s reaction to his words. 

“No.... I don’t think your crazy. We will just have to go and find this woman tomorrow, and see what the story is.” Lena finally spoke. She hoped she had put strength into her words because she knew that he needed to believe that she believed in him.

They sat for a few minutes more, and then a gust of wind caused Lena to shiver even with her body pressed tightly against Karson’s. 

“Let’s get you back. It’s cool out tonight.”  
Karson stood and pulled Lena to her feet gently. They walked to the boarding house together both deep in thought. 

When they walked in the door Iris saw both of their troubled expressions, and worry set into her brow. Barry looked at his wife, and they both waved as their friends quietly climbed the stairs. 

They changed in silence both facing the opposite wall. Lena turned around first, and she watched Karson pull his sleep shirt over tense shoulders. She walked forward gently running her hands up his back. She rubbed his back and shoulders for a few moments and then brought her hands around his waist. She felt him relax into her and she placed her palms flat against his stomach on the outside of his shirt. She could feel the tense muscles there twitch under her fingers, but she left them their and waited for him to relax again. 

“We will figure this out baby. Please don’t worry.” Lena spoke softly and was rewarded by a long sigh that seemed to let loose a good portion of the tension the body she held against her had been carrying.

Karson turned, and Lena brought her arms around his shoulders, and he leaned down placing his face in the crook of her neck. He breathed in her scent and pulled her tightly to his body. Lena pressed herself into his chest both finding comfort in the others warm body. 

Karson felt gentle kicking against his stomach, and he started to laugh. He pulled away from Lena and knelt to the ground. Even with Lena’s night gown loosely covering her stomach Karson could see the round belly move and expand with every kick, and elbow that moved below the skin.

Karson brought up both hands and placed them on the warm belly, and felt the movement under his hands with a large smile on his face. “Were we squishing you in there.... are you all grumpy.” 

Lena looked down with a warm smile as Karson talked to their child. She reached forward and drug her fingers through his hair lightly as he interacted with the baby. 

“Your just running out of room that’s your problem.” Karson gently tapped against the skin with a few fingers hearing a hollow sound each time his fingers hit the surface. The sound almost reminded him of a watermelon when you tap it. A kick to his hand caused him to laugh, and he moved it again taping to see what would happen. Every tap was met with a kick. 

Karson looked up with a large smile on his face. His eyes crinkled at the corners with the joy of the moment. “It’s so active tonight.” Lena laughed 

“Yeah it really is. Here let me lay down so you two can play a little more.” Lena moved to the bed, and patted the place next to her. Karson climbed over her, and the sat cross legged next to her and gently pushed against the belly. He felt a push back, and he laughed.

“That was a hand.” Lena said with a smile. Karson looked up with surprise. “You can tell?”

A loud laugh escaped her, and she nodded happily. She pulled his and to her stomach, and moved it slowly, and when she felt the right spot she pushed his hand gently to her.

“That’s the head....” Karson gently stroked the head a moment, and then let his hand be moved again, “an elbow.” Lena winced when the elbow moved out to protrude the belly a little farther. She pulled her night dress tightly to her belly then so Karson could see the movement more clearly. A distinctive shape moved across her belly like a wave. “A hand.” Karson whispered excitedly.” Lena just smiled and nodded. 

“Wow that is so amazing. You have a little person in there.” Lena watched the wonder that was in Karson’s eyes and felt her chest tighten in happiness. How had she survived with out this wonderful man. She moved her hand up his arm and to his face gently guiding him forward. She felt his soft lips on hers, and she could feel his heat travel into her. She gripped the back of his neck more tightly, and he had to move closer in order to not fall on top of her. 

Karson groaned into the feel of a warm smooth tongue gently traveling across his lips. He opened his mouth and allowed Lena into it. He felt her hands tighten in his hair and the gentle pain sent heat through his body. 

When they pulled apart Lena rested her forehead against his jaw. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest and she could feel that Karson’s was doing the same. She leaned forward a bit and gently kissed his jaw. She enjoyed every moment she spent with Karson this way, but the day was catching up to her.

“Let’s lay down I’m exhausted.” 

Karson kissed her cheek and lay down on his back opening his arms for Lena to position herself against his side. When her heavy belly lay against him she sighed in relief from the ache in her lower back. 

Karson brought his arm around her shoulder and placed his hand on her lower back rubbing away the ache, and she melted into his strong fingers with a happy grown. “That feels amazing.” Karson just smiled and happily rubbed her back, until they both fell asleep.

_____________________________________

Today was one of those rare days when his father would be away for a few days to go to the city. Karson was doing his normal chores, but he was more relaxed then he normally was. He had just finished bailing hay into the stalls for the animals to eat when he heard footsteps approaching him from the entrance of the barn.

“Karson it’s hot today.” Alura smiled at her son who had his back turned to her.

“Your right about that.” Karson turned to smile at his mother. 

She walked towards him and reached for his hand. “Come on then let’s go.” 

Karson looked at her with confusion, but followed where he was led. 

“Don’t look so puzzled, we are going to have a little fun today while your father is away.” Alura smiled at her son who was far to serious for a boy his age. She dropped his hand and he continued to walk with her with a small smile on his face. She gently bumped his shoulder, and when he looked up she smiled. Karson gently bumped her back and they made their way up the hill to the river. 

When they reached the top he watched in shock as she striped down to borrowed pants and an old shirt of his father’s.

“Well strip down you can’t swim in all of that.” Alura laughed as Karson stripped quickly he was never really allowed to swim, because his father kept him busy, but when ever he was away he would sneak over to the water to cool off if he had a little time.

Alura made her way into the water and waved him in. They spent the day enjoying the water, and letting his mother teach him to swim. When they were finally tired they lay next to each other under the shade of the large tree watching the white fluffy clouds roll by in the afternoon breeze. 

“Today was fun.” Alura said quietly. With a small smile on her face. She turned to look at her son, and was met with blue eyes and a warm smile. 

“It was fun. Thanks mom.” Karson spoke quietly. 

 

_______________________________________

When Karson finally opened his eyes the next morning he swore he could still feel the sun that had warmed his skin, and the gentle touch of his mom’s hands in his own.

The bed was empty, and the sun was fully outside his window. He stiffened for a moment at the thought of over sleeping. He jumped out of bed and threw clothes on as quickly as he could, and made his way down stairs. When he reached the bottom he heard his name being called from the parlor. Lena sat with Iris and Charlotte, and all three smiled at him when he entered the room. 

“There you are. Did you sleep well?” Lena’s smile was kind and Karson relaxed realizing that their was no one that was going to punish him for a late start.

“I did thank you.” Karson walked over to Lena and sat next to her on the love seat. 

“Are you hungry I can fix you something?” Iris smiled at him, glad to see he seemed calmer today. 

“No I’m ok, but thank you.” Karson sat quietly as the women talked.

Lena placed her hand on Karson’s knee. “Are you ready to go?” Karson looked into kind green eyes, and nodded. 

Iris agreed to watch Charlotte, and the two made their way down towards the Saloon. They stood outside the swinging doors, and Karson hesitated. Lena squeezed his hand in support and pulled him through the door. It took a moment for their eyes to adjust, and then Lena looked around the room. It was mostly empty save for a bartender, and a young man sweeping the floor. 

The bartender raised his eyebrows in shock. Not many women came into the Saloon and even fewer on the arm of their husband. 

Lena walked up to the bartender, “hello, I’m Lena and this is Karson.”

The bartender blinked a few times in surprise, but soon greeted the young couple.

“Yesterday my husband was walking by with our daughter, and he thought he recognized a woman in here, and we were hoping to speak with her.”

He was not use to people asking for others he scratched his head a moment. “What did she look like.” 

Lena turned to Karson waiting for him to describe the woman. 

Karson cleared his throat “She is about as high as my shoulder. Long brown curly hair, thin, green eyes, older maybe 40’s.”

The bartender smiled in recognition. “That be the bosses wife, let me go get her.”  
He hobbled out from behind the bar, and disappeared into a back room. A few minutes later he came out.

“Have a seat she will be a minute.” 

Lena lead Karson over to a small table, and they sat quietly. Lena gripped Karson hand tightly trying to give comfort. Karson sat facing the back room door, and Lena felt Karson stiffen. She looked up at him, and his face had gone pale, and the hand in hers began to shake.

“Karson... Karson what’s wrong.” Lena tried to pull his attention to her, but he sat stunned. She turned and saw a woman walking towards them with a curious smile across her face. The woman was thin and just like Karson had described her, the only difference was a long white stripe in brown hair. 

“Mom?...” Karson’s voice came out as a croak.

The woman’s eyebrows shot up in surprise.  
“No I have no children. I’m Astra.”  
She moved around the table, and sat next to Lena. Karson sat still, watching Astra warily.

Lena finally spoke. “I’m Lena El this is my husband Karson El.”

“Karson El??” Astra said with surprise. “Are you related to Alura?” Her eyes shone with hope. She had not heard from her sister in years, but her husband had not let her go find out what had happened. 

Karson blinked out of his shock when he heard his mothers name. “I’m her son.” His voice was strained and raspy, and Astra’s smile grew wider. She reached across and gently lay her hand on his forearm.

“I’m her twin sister. I guess that makes me your Aunt.” Karson stared for a few minutes, but finally smiled. “I’m glad to meet you Aunt Astra.” 

Lena smiled at her husband who finally seemed to snap out of the shock of seeing a double of his mother. She was very pretty, and Lena could see bits of his mother in Karson’s handsome features.

“Well tell me how is your mother Karson, I have not heard from her in years.” Astra sat forward on her chair, and squeezed his arm.

Karson looked down sadly for a moment. He knew his Aunt deserved the truth, but didn’t really want to say it. “She died when I was 16.” 

Astra didn’t look shocked, only sad. Alura had always written at least once a year, she had known something had to have happened.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. I knew something had happened when she stopped writing....what happened?” 

Astra’s eyes never left her nephew, he seemed to carry a pain in him that she recognized. When Alura had written about him, she had said he was a quiet but sweet boy, and Astra had ached to know him, but her husband never allowed her to visit.

“My father was not a kind man.....” Karson began quietly eyes meeting his Aunt’s. “He beat her to death when I was in the fields. I’m so sorry Aunt Astra.” 

Astra’s eyes flashed with anger and sadness. Alura had never written about Zor-El, and Astra had never written about Non. Neither were kind men. Astra had hoped that Alura had been luckier then her, but apparently that was not the case. 

“I’m sorry Karson. I wish I could have helped, but I doubt even if I’d known she would have been better off here.” 

Karson’s brow furrowed, as he studied his Aunt. “Will you tell me about you? My mother told me very little, but I would love to know you.”

Astra sighed. She didn’t want her nephew to know what life she has been forced into, but she would not lie to him either. 

“Our father married us off quickly, and it appears neither of the men we ended up with were kind.” Astra looked away from her nephew and looked at his wife. Lena smiled at her kindly. 

“I haven’t seen your mother since I moved to National City, because my husband would not allow me to travel the short distance. This is my home, and my place of employment....” Astra let a pause answer any questions about what she had been up to. After all they were sitting in the middle of a Saloon that housed a whore house on the second floor. It had been awhile since she had to work in that way, now she was more of a manager to the women who worked for her husband. 

A slamming of a door caused all three of them to jump. Astra’s face hardened, and she turned to a short man with light brown hair, and a hard grim face. 

“Astra why are you sitting around out here, there is work to be done.” Non walked up to the table and grabbed Astra’s wrist yanking her out of her chair. 

“Take your hands off of her.” Karson’s voice was quiet, but the growl that left his throat was menacing. Lena turned and blinked at her husband she had never heard him speak that way before. Astra also looked surprised. 

“Who the hell are you?” Non asked still holding Astra roughly. 

Karson didn’t move, but the look in his eyes was pure anger. “That is my Aunt, and you will let her go now.” 

“Who do you think you are boy? This is my wife I can treat her any way that I want.” 

Astra and Lena both looked between the two men in shock. Lena had never seen Karson truly angry, and Astra had never had anyone stand up for her before. 

Karson looked over to Lena and then rose out of his chair and offered a hand to his wife. Lena rose immediately, and Karson walked Lena across the room out of the way, and Astra realized how pregnant her nephew’s wife was.

When Karson started walking back towards them Non sized up the young man in front of him. Karson didn’t stop walking until he could reach Astra. He reached out and took her other hand, and to Non’s surprise gently pulled her away from him.

“I am Karson El this is my mother’s sister, and the only family I have left, and I will not allow you to ever lay another hand on her again.”

Non’s mouth dropped open, and then his eyes slitted and he glared at the man standing in front of him.

“How do you plan to stop me boy?” Non’s voice was hard.

Karson stood his ground, and glared at the man who was technically his uncle. 

“What ever it takes.” Karson’s voice was matter of fact. Their was no threat only promise. Non was surprised not many people had ever stood up to him before, and the boy stood not more then two steps away from him with no fear in his eyes that he would lose. 

“She doesn’t even want to go boy. Did you even ask her?” Non laughed then. “What is an old whore like her going to do if she left here.” 

Astra looked down at her feet, and knew that Non was right she would have nothing if she didn’t have this. Lena watched Astra shrink into herself, and she walked forward and reached for her hand. Astra felt the touch, and looked at the young woman with surprise.

“She will come live with us if she wants to. She doesn’t have to stay here with you.” Lena spoke with conviction, and it was Karson’s turn to smirk. 

“Well she can’t go.” Non barked out. “The law stands with me boy I own her. She is mine.” 

Karson growled deep in his chest. “You don’t own anything she is a person, not one of your things. She has every right to leave you. If she chooses she will want for nothing, and never has to put up with your shit again.” 

Astra saw the vein at Non’s temple start to pulse, and she knew that he was about to lose his temper, but she wanted out, wanted her freedom. 

“I want to leave, Karson if you are sure you will have me.” Astra’s voice shook a little, but in the end she stood staring into her husband’s eyes.

“Go grab your things then, I will wait here.” Karson said not letting his eyes leave Non’s. Lena walked quickly past Karson and Non still holding tightly to Astra’s hand. Non tried to lunge for Astra, but Karson moved quicker he tackled Non at the last moment, and punched him as hard as he could. Non lay stunned on the floor, and Karson stood up over him. 

“Go and get your things. I will wait here.” Karson voice was soft and kind, and Astra and Lena left the room quickly. Returning to Non still laying on the floor with Karson standing a few steps away looking like he was ready to rain hell on him if he moved. 

_______________________________________

Lena and Astra hurried from the room both of their hands we’re shaking. Lena had been shocked at Karson’s sudden flair of temper, but not so much at his protective nature. Astra seemed to be in shock. 

“Astra where is your room?” Lena asked gently still holding the older woman’s hand in her own. 

Astra lead Lena to her room in a daze, when she had got up that morning she would have never guessed that she would have a change this big in her life. She had resigned herself to a life of selling herself or selling others as her business, and to be married to a cruel man who forced that life on her, and beat her until she complied. 

When they entered the small room she closed the door behind them with shaking hands.

“What have I done. I don’t even know you, and I have just jumped as if I knew where I will land.” Astra sat on the bed her legs would no longer hold her up. Lena stood silently for a moment, and thought of the life of the woman she had in front of her. Why should she believe in the two strangers that came off the street? Why should she trust they would care for her when she has obviously had no one in her life to do so?

Lena walked forward and sat next to Astra. 

“I know you are afraid. You have no reason to trust that you will be safe with us, but I can tell you a few things that may make you feel better.”

Astra’s green eyes left her lap, and Lena saw the fear in them when they met hers. 

“I moved across the country with my first husband, and when I got here he died. I never wanted to be married , but I ended up widowed with a small child, and this one on the way. Karson took me and my small family on, and he has been the best thing to ever happen to me. I had very few options, and I took the leap to trust him, and I have never been more surprised then to find that he is exactly who he appears to be....” Lena gripped the older woman’s hand tightly looking at her in the eyes so she could see the truth in her words.

“He is a quiet man who has never shown me anything, but kindness. We are in town because I inherited a business from my late husband, but could not run it without a new husband. Karson came out here and helped me get the business running, and has let me make the choices I needed, and has let me run it my way.”

Lena smiled at the woman sitting next to her. “I can’t promise that life will be perfect, but I will promise you that he has never hit me. That he treats my child like she is the most rare and treasured item he has ever received, and that family is the most important thing in his life.”

Astra stayed quiet listening to the woman in front of her. Her choice was simple stay and face the wrath of the man who had taken everything she had away from her, or believe this woman in front of her, and hope all she said was true. She stood then and dug under her bed for two suit cases, that had not been used since she had been married. She moved around the room and quickly started to throw things into her bags. Lena helped reorganize and fit more things in the bags, and then Astra went to a loose floorboard in the corner, and pulled out a small box and placed it right on top of her bag, and turned to Lena. “Let’s go.”

_______________________________________

Karson saw the movement out of the corner of his eye when the two women entered the main room again carrying two bags.

“Are you ready to go? Do you need anything else?” Karson waited to see what Astra wanted to do. 

“No I’m ready.” Astra said waiting for Karson. Karson nodded towards the door, and let the two women leave first, and then followed along behind them without a word to the man still laying on the floor.

When they stepped into the light Lena started to walk to the boarding house. Karson walked up to the two women. 

“Can I carry those for you?” Karson didn’t want Astra to feel like she was going to lose her possessions. Astra hesitated, but handed one of her bags to her nephew. Karson smiled, and walked quietly the rest of the way. 

Iris was surprised when Astra walked in carrying a suitcase, followed closely by her friends. Lena stepped around Astra. “Iris this is Astra, Karson’s Aunt. She will be coming home to live with us.”

Iris smiled at Astra, “I’m glad to meet you Astra.” 

Small feet were heard running around the corner. “Daddy!!!!” 

Karson smiled and knelt down to catch his daughter. Astra watched in fascination as the man who had just knocked Non flat sat on the floor laughing while a little girl talked about her day. She smiled at the sight, and when she looked up saw Lena watching the sight as well with a happy smile on her face.

Lena turned to look at Astra, and Astra realized that one of Lena’s promises was true. Karson obviously adored the small child on the floor. Maybe everything would turn out the way she had hoped.

_______________________________________

It had been a week since Astra had left her old world behind. They had stayed at the boarding house, and Astra studied the small family that had taken her in with great interest. 

She had hoped that Lena’s words were all true, but she had been grateful for the days they had stayed in National City so she could leave if it turned out Lena had been untruthful. 

Lena worked at her warehouse most days trying to get things settled in before she had her child. Astra had gone along with Lena a few times to see what business she ran. When they had entered the warehouse Lena had explained that Karson had to rebuild most of it, and that the men who worked here were those that helped him on the job. 

Astra watched with interest as Lena organized the warehouse, and how the men followed her directions. Every new account that was opened, and new order made was organized, and Astra smiled at the woman who was determined to make this a success. 

Everyday Karson would come to the warehouse with Charlotte in tow. Those two seemed to be attached at the hip, and Karson seemed to be a kind father. 

Charlotte had even taking a liking to her, which made her endlessly happy. When she had been a girl she and Alura had dreamed of a life full of children, of living near the other, and watching their children grow together. Their dream had been ripped from them, and Astra had not only lost the dream of living near her sister, but also the dream of a family. Non had forced her to sell herself for money, and the fear of becoming pregnant had been so great that she had permanently sterilized herself to prevent it.

A tug at her skirts brought her back to the present. Astra looked down out a the little girl that looked so much like her mother.

“What is it little one?” Astra smiled and lifted the child up on her hip.

Charlotte smiled at Astra. “Braid my hair? Daddy can’t do it.” The little indignant frown on the girls features caused Astra to laugh. She looked up to see a sheepish smile on her nephews face.

“No braiding skills Karson?” Astra teased.

Karson blushed. “No, I’m afraid not.” 

Astra moves the little girl over to a tall crate, and sat her down facing the wall. She drew her fingers through the long dark hair, and gently braided the curls into a beautiful braid down the side of her head.

“Astra teach me?” Astra looked down at the girl and smiled mischievously.

“Well it’s hard to teach you with your own hair. Do you think we can talk someone else into letting us practice?”

Karsons eyes widened when he realized what Astra meant. He tried to back away before Charlotte realized what she had meant.

Charlottes brows furrowed, and then green eye lit with excitement. “Daddy braid your hair?” 

Karson’s shoulders fell forward, “I think daddies hair is too short baby.” He was hopeful she would believe him, but Astra dashed those hopes.

“Nonsense it will work just fine.” Astra’s eyes sparkled and he knew he had lost. Karson pulled a low crate over to the two women, and sat in front of them facing away. Astra spent the next hour walking the young child through braiding hair. 

Karson sat quietly hoping no one would notice his hair being filled with tiny braids. Charlotte eventually started to get better, but his hair was sore from her earlier attempts. Karson looked up when he heard a familiar laugh, and he met the amused smile of his wife who stood off to the side watching.

“Well what do we have here?” Lena walked over, and stood by her daughter.

“I braid Daddy’s hair!!” Charlotte announced with pride. Astra chuckled at the little girls excitement. 

“I can see that baby. You did such a good job, but maybe we should unbraid some of this so we can leave and go back to see Aunt Iris.” Lena could see Karson’s shoulders relax minutely at her suggestion. 

Charlotte pouted, but helped undo the braids in Karson’s hair. They all made their way back to the boarding house, and happily washed up for dinner. 

_____________________________________ 

The next morning they all loaded into the wagon to head back to the farm. Astra sat in the back of the wagon with Charlotte asleep in her lap. She was watching the city she had spent most of her life in fade slowly into the distance. She felt a mix of emotions, but she mostly felt excitement at the future life she was slowly allowing herself to hope for. Karson looked back at his Aunt and his sleeping daughter. 

“If you ever want to come back all you have to do is ask.” Karson looked his Aunt in the eye and she nodded to him with a slight smile. 

It was mid morning when they pulled up to a beautiful house on a well kept farm. 

Astra hopped out of the wagon looking around at the farm that her nephew had built. When she turned around she saw him lifting his wife down out of the wagon seat. 

“This is a beautiful home Karson thank you for allowing me to stay with you.” 

Karson smiled and walked towards her grabbing the bags out of the back of the wagon. “I’m so happy to have you Aunt Astra you will always have a place here if you want it.” 

Karson lead Astra into the house, and moved to an empty room on the bottom floor. It wasn’t large, but it had a window, and was clean and quiet. 

“I will build you a bed and some furniture, don’t hesitate to ask for something if you need it. I will do my best to get it for you.” 

Astra looked around the room that would be hers, in the house that she was welcomed in and felt her chest tighten. “Thank you Karson.” Astra said quietly and pulled him into their first hug. Karson stiffened for a moment, but soon melted into the embrace that felt familiar in some ways, but different in others.

When they pulled apart he cleared his throat, and looked out the window to put his feeling back in place. 

“Would you like to visit my mother? I know she would be happy you have come home.”

Karson’s question caught her off guard, but she nodded, and followed Karson out the front porch, and up a hill to the edge of a river, and under a tall tree. There a grave marker stood.

“Hey mom. You will never guess who I found when I was in the city. Aunt Astra has come home to live with us. I hope that brings you peace I know you missed her. I’ll leave you two to catch up. I love you mom.”

Astra stood still looking down at her sister’s grave. She felt a squeeze on her shoulder as Karson walked back down the hill.

Astra sunk to her knees. She felt an ache in her chest for her lost sister. She felt tears stream down her face. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, God I’ve missed you.” Astra sat in silence letting her grief flow out of her while looking over the farm her sisters son had built.


	15. Settling in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, but here is a new chapter justbfor you. I’m in the middle of deciding Alex’s future love interest if you want input now is the time. I have story lines for all of my choices. Maggie, Sam, Astra, Kelly? If you feel strongly let me know if not I’ll decide and it will be a surprise. Anyway happy reading.... oh and yay USA women’s soccer!!!!!

Astra could not remember the last time that she had so much freedom. She had been living with her nephew, and his family for a week, and the only negative she could find was that her sister was not around to enjoy it with her. Karson worked tirelessly to make sure the farm was successful, and the house had everything it needed. Lena worked too hard around the house, considering her condition, but Astra was determined to step in to help. 

Alex had been a surprise to Astra. She was not technically family, but she fit into the household, and the days she was at the farm were happy ones.

Astra walked into the kitchen in the early hours, and found Lena sitting drinking tea, and reading a book. 

“Good morning.” 

Lena looked up from her book and smiled at the older woman, “Good morning Astra can I make you some breakfast.” 

Astra just shook her head, “no child I can handle breakfast. You should rest while you can.”

Lena only smiled and rubbed a gentle hand over her ever growing stomach. Astra turned to the stove and started to pull items together for breakfast. The sound of heavy boots announced the arrival of Karson, who walked over and gently kissed Lena on the head, and then started moving around the kitchen to get his morning medicine together.

“Good morning Aunt Astra.”

Karson gently squeezed Astra’s shoulder as he poured hot water over his tea. Astra greeted her nephew, but eyed his drink before turning back to the stove. 

Karson grimaced as he finished off his tea, and rinsed the cup out to refill it with what he actually wanted to drink. Astra wondered what Karson was taking, but didn’t ask.

Karson sat next to Lena, and reached for her free hand. “What are you reading baby?”

Lena looked up at her husband with a smile, “finishing up great expectations. It’s a little dry but over all the story was good.”

Lena closed her book to give Karson her attention. “What are you working on today?” 

Karson scratched his jaw, “I’m going to check the wheat fields to see how much longer they need, then work in the small garden a bit,and then start on the new cellar that I wanted to build.”

Lena frowned for a moment, “that is a lot please don’t over do it Karson.”

Karson just squeezed her hand and nodded. Astra turned and brought a pair of plates over and sat at the table, and smiled at Karson when he thanked her for cooking.

“Did you need any help with the work today?”

Karson looked up from his plate, “actually I was hoping you might not mind running into town with Lena for some supplies, and so Cat can get her weekly dose of Charlotte.”

Lena laughed “Cat would love that, do you mind going with me Astra,I know that she would love to meet you she was Alura’s best friend.”

Astra looked down at her plate for a moment, and then nodded. “I’d love to meet her, but I think you should warn her before she sees me I wouldn’t want to do what I did to Karson.”

Karson grimaced, but then soon shook it off. “That’s probably not a bad plan.”

Karson stood and took his plate to the sink, and then walked over to Lena. “Let me know when you are ready to go into town I will hitch up the wagon for you.” He leaned down and brushed his lips over his wife’s, and then rested his cheek against hers for a brief moment before he left.

Lena looked up to find Astra studying her with a kind smile. “You make him happy. I’m glad to see that.” 

Lena lightly blushed, and whispered a quiet thank you.  
________________________________________

Alex found Karson in the middle of the family garden weeding out the plants. 

“Karson, I’m going to town with the rest of the group do you need us to bring you anything?”

Karson got up from the ground and wiped his hands on his pants. “Not that I can think of.”

Alex walked to the barn next to Karson, and helped to hitch up the team. 

“We need to start making plans for when Lena’s ready to give birth.” 

Karson stopped moving and turned to face Alex. “I’ll do whatever you need me to, but you should probably do the planning with Lena. She’s the one going to be doing the work.”

Alex nodded at Karson’s words, and followed the wagon out of the barn. Lena and Charlotte were sitting on the porch. Charlotte’s eyes lit up, and she went running to meet her father. “Daddy!!”

“Hey little one did you sleep well?” 

Charlotte held tight to Karson as she chatted happily about her morning, and Karson turned to listen to everything she said. When they reached the porch together Lena smiled at them.

“You two are like magnets always coming together no matter how far apart you are.”

Karson just smiled and hugged his daughter tightly “can’t help it she’s too cute to stay away from. Much like her mother.” Karson stepped forward and kissed Lena lightly on the mouth enjoying the blush he had created. 

“Smooth talker all of a sudden huh. I’ll have too keep my eyes on you now.” Lena winked and Karson blushed. Astra walked out on to the porch and they all loaded into the wagon. 

“I’ll see you all later. Please be safe.” Karson waves at the four women as they rode off, and went back to work.

______________________________________

Lena pulled up in front of Cat’s store after dropping Alex off in front of the clinic.

“Wait here while we go tell Cat your here, and we will come get you.”

Astra helped Lena steady herself as she came down from the wagon, and then helped Charlotte climb down. Charlotte immediately ran into the store to see Cat. 

Cat turned at the sound of the door opening and a large happy smile “oh come here I’ve missed you.” 

Cat scooped up Charlotte and hugged her tightly. “Hi gran!” Cat smiled brightly at the new name Charlotte had called her, and squeezed the small girl tighter into her arms.

Cat turned and wrapped a free arm around Lena’s shoulder “I’m so glad you are home I missed you both.” Lena smiled and tightened her arm around Cat.

“I have to tell you something about our trip to National City.” Lena didn’t know how Cat would react to meeting Astra, but she didn’t want Cat to be blind sided.

“What happened?” Cat looked at Lena concerned.

“We ran into Karson’s Aunt, who looks.... apparently she looks exactly like her sister Alura.”

Cat’s mouth dropped open. She had known that Alura had a sister, but was unaware of them being identical twins. “How did Karson handle that?” 

Lena sighed, “it was a bit of a shock, and he was thrown for a little while, but now she has come to live with us, and I thought you two might want to meet. She is in the wagon outside.”

Cat turned to look at the door, and then walked over and headed for the wagon outside, when there eyes met Cat caught her breath in her chest. Astra looked so much like Alura that she was staggered.

Astra stepped off the wagon, and walked over to the stunned short blond woman, and held out her hand, “I’m Astra”

Cat reached forward and shook Astra’s hand, “Cat Grant. It’s nice to meet you, please come in.”

Astra followed Cat into the store and and smiled when she saw Lena and Charlotte playing at a small table across the room. She went to sit by Lena who smiled as she sat across from her.

Cat was still in shock, but still came over to sit with the other women. “I bet Karson was shocked when he met you.”

Astra winced, but nodded, “honestly he looked like he had seen a ghost. I felt so bad for him.”

Cat only nodded, “I’m glad you finally came to town,but what what made you finally leave National City.”

Astra gripped her hands together, and took a moment to decide what she wanted to say. “Karson and Lena helped me get away from my husband, and were nice enough to take me in.”

Lena reached across to the older woman and squeezed her hand, and then whispered to Charlotte who walked around the table to sit in Astra’s Lap. Astra hugged the little girl to her chest, and smiled brightly.

“Your sister was a friend of mine, and I cared for her a great deal, if you need anything please don’t hesitate to ask me.”

Astra looked at the small blond woman and couldn’t help but feel grateful that her sister had someone that cared for her. 

Lena stood, “I’m going to go talk to Alex about what we will need to bring this little one into the world, would you two mind keeping an eye on Charlotte while I’m gone?”

Cat nodded with a smile on her face, “you know I always want Charlotte, take your time we will wait here.”

Lena left the two older women, she knew Astra had questions about her sisters life, and wanted her to be able to ask them without an audience. She walked down the board walk towards the clinic, and when she entered she was greeted by both Danvers.

“Lena come have a seat let’s talk about what we are going to do about birthing this baby.”

_______________________________________

Small talk was not something that either woman preferred so eventually Cat just started telling Astra about Karson and Alura.

The more Astra heard the more angry she became, but she listened to every word that Cat had to say. When Cat had finally come to the present, Astra sat in silence until she had absorbed all of the information Cat had given her. 

“I hate that they were trapped with that awful man.” Astra grit the words out of her mouth, and Cat only nodded her agreement.

“Karson is so kind I’m not sure how he isn’t more angry then he is.” 

Cat stood and walked to get something for both of them to drink, and to get a new piece of brown paper for Charlotte to draw on.

“He has always been a kind soul, Alura loved him with everything she had, and we can thank God that he took after her instead of him.”

Astra chewed on he lip a minute, trying to decide if she wanted to ask the question that had been on her mind, but in the end she decided that If Alura had trusted Cat, then she could too.

“What is the medicine that Karson drinks every morning. Is he sick?”

Cat was bringing a mug to her mouth, and her movement faltered for a moment, but she hid her surprise at the question and slowly sipped her drink.

“That’s not something for me to answer, and I doubt the answer will be forthcoming if asked at the moment. Give it some time, and if you truly need the answer then ask it once you and Karson know each other well enough for you to ask.”

Astra frowned at the answer, but couldn’t fault Cat for being protective of Karson’s privacy. So she agreed and told Cat she would wait.

“So Astra, tell me about you.”

_______________________________________

Karson stood in the barn, and took the clamps off the bassinet he was building. He had multiple furniture projects in different stages of being complete, but the baby’s furniture was what he was concentrating on. Lena was due soon, and Karson wanted to make sure that they both had everything that was needed. 

He took a mixture of wax and oil, and slowly started to work it into the wood to give it a smooth finish, the wood was a beautiful color on its own, and once the wood was conditioned would be ready for the future baby. 

Karson smiled at the little furniture that he was making. He never thought that he would have children to build things for. Lena had already given him the greatest gift with Charlotte, but now he would have a second child as well. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve this change in fortune to be a husband and father, but he was going to cherish every moment he had. 

The first coat on the bassinet was drying, so he moved over to the toys that he was making for both children. The little one would not need much to start, but Charlotte could use a few things to play with. She was so well behaved, but Karson wanted her to have things that she loved and made her happy.

He had made blocks with letters and numbers carved into the sides to help her learn, and was working on a few carved horses so she could have her own horses to play with. When Karson heard the wagon pulling up in front of the barn he moved quickly to greet his family. When Lena turned and met his eyes he smiled brightly at his wife.

“Welcome back, How was Cat?”

Lena smiled and looped her arms around Karson as he lifted her down from the wagon. 

“She was great. I think Astra enjoyed speaking to her.” 

Karson placed a quick kiss on Lena’s cheek, and then moved to take Charlotte down from Astra, and then help lift Astra down as well. 

“I’m glad you and Cat got along.” Karson smiled to Astra as he helped her down.

Charlotte followed behind Karson as he unloaded the wagon. Lena had stopped and sat on the porch looking tired and sore. 

“Lena do you want me to take you up to the river a bit? I bet the water will make you feel better.”

Lena sat for a few minutes thinking it over, but finally nodded. The cool water and the weightlessness would help her sore body relax. 

“That would be wonderful.”

“Astra do you mind watching Charlotte for a bit while I take Lena to the river to cool down?”

Astra just picked the little girl up who promptly lay her head on her shoulder. “She seems to be tired out I’ll put her down for a nap. You two take your time.” Astra turned and walked into the house taking her little one with her.

Karson told her to wait for a few minuets while he grabbed a few things. After a few trips in and out of the house, he helped Lena back into the wagon, and drove her up the hill. 

When she was on the bank she watched as he unloaded a chair from the porch, and a few towels, an old pair of his pants and a loose shirt, some food, and a book. Lena just watched as he set up a spot for her under the shade of the tree. 

“You didn’t have to do all of that Karson.”

Karson stopped moving, and turned, a serious set to his face. “I know that you are uncomfortable at the moment, and there is little I can do to change that, but if there is any comfort I can give you I will do it in a heart beat. You are giving me a great gift, and I would like to at least try to make it easier for you.”

Lena could feel her eyes well with tears, and knew in her mind that her body was reeking havoc on her emotions, but she couldn’t contain the grateful tears that trailed down her face. She had felt so alone the first time around, and the more time and care Karson showed her the happier she was that she had found the man that stood in front of her.

When Karson saw the tears he immediately went to apologize. “I’m sorry Lena, please don’t cry. I just wanted to take care of you.”

Lena held out her hand to stop Karson from finishing his apology. “No, they are happy tears. I’m just so happy to have you in my life.” 

Karson could feel the blush, and the relief wash over him. He had never wanted to make Lena cry, but he guessed happy tears could be the exception. 

“Do you want help into my old clothes so you don’t ruin your dress?”

Lena only nodded, and Karson moved to help unlace Lena’s dress. They had come to the conclusion over the last few days that Lena dressing herself was a challenge that she didn’t need to over come alone. Karson still blushed heavily when he helped, but it was well worth the embarrassment to make Lena’s life easier.

When Lena stood in her shift she shivered as a cool breeze was felt against her over heated skin. Karson grabbed the pants and came to kneel down in front of Lena. 

“Just put your hands on my shoulders and lift one foot at a time I’ll do the rest.”

Lena did as she was told, and felt the worn soft fabric slide up each leg. When the fabric came up to sit low on her hips Karson had to press close to her in order to button the pants. 

When Karson finally looked up he was only inches from Lena’s face. He brought his calloused hand up to gently stroke over Lena’s smooth cheek. Lena’s eyes fluttered closed at the gentle touch, and she leaned into his hand. 

“You are beautiful you know.” Karson’s words were barely spoken aloud, but Lena heard them and blushed. “Thank you.”

Lena opened her eyes and moved her arms up so they would encircle Karson’s broad shoulders. She leaned forward and brought her lips to meet Karson’s. The kiss was sweet, and short, but warmed them both. When Karson pulled back he smiled at his wife. 

“Let’s get you in this shirt so you can cool off and rest a bit.”

Karson walked around Lena so he was at her back as she lifted her shift off, and stood bare from the waist up. Karson moved to pull her shirt down over her head, but couldn’t stop his eyes from roaming over the pale beautiful skin of Lena’s exposed back. When he helped smooth her shirt down, he let his fingers gently brush down the smooth skin, and they both shivered at the feel of the other. 

“Do you want to stay and swim with me?”

Lena turned to look at Karson, who’s face was red, but it looked to be more from heat then from embarrassment.

“I don’t want intrude on your time.”

Lena just shook her head. “I like spending time with you. If you would like to stay, I would like your company.”

Karson beamed at Lena. Spending time with his wife was something he enjoyed, but rarely got to indulge in. Work on the farm, or at Lena’s business always seemed to pull them in separate directions. 

“I would love to spend time with you.”

Lena moved to wade into the water, and Karson stripped down to his under shorts then moved to follow Lena.

Lena felt the weight of her belly disappear and groaned at the relief that her back felt without the extra stress. The cool water helped sooth aches and pains from all over her body, and the heat of the day melted away with the slowly moving water. This was Heaven.

Karson watched as Lena’s eyes closed, and all of the stress she had been holding melted from her face and body. She was truly a beautiful woman, and Karson felt himself drift into happy contentment to be in the presence of the beautiful creature that was his wife. 

When Lena opened her eyes she realized that Karson had stopped moving, and was staring at her, as if he was mesmerized. 

“What are you looking at.” Lena laughed and gently splashed some water at Karson to bring him out of his trance.

“I just....” he blushed all the way to the roots of his hair. “Your just so beautiful....” he knew he was stuttering, but could not help it the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. “I just got struck by how beautiful you are.”

Lena laughed “I’m as broad as a barn. I’m hardly beautiful at the moment.”

Karson frowned and moved forward until he stood in Lena’s space. 

“You are incredibly beautiful, and I only wish you could see yourself the way that I do.”

Lena blushed, but brought her hand up to rest on Karson’s bare shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

Karson brought his hands down and gripped Lena’s hips, and they stood silently enjoying the quiet moment between them. 

They eventually separated, and enjoyed the quiet of the day. Lena laughed when she felt the baby move inside of her. Apparently she was not the only one who liked the way the water felt. 

Lena found a submerged rock and sat letting her body fully relax in the water. She watched Karson float, and enjoyed the way the water sparkled off his tan muscular build. He was truly a beautiful sight. Her mind started to wander, and she wondered how he would feel under her hands. Ray was not near as muscular, and she had never really felt the urge to let her hands wander over his body, but Karson was a different story. His smooth firm muscles all but called to her to explore. Lena felt heat rush to her face, and down though her stomach at the thought of being able to explore Karson’s body, with her hands, with her lips. 

Karson stood up from his prone position in the water and headed for the edge of the water. He was ready to lay on the bank and watched the clouds roll by for awhile. When he turned his head to find where Lena had ended up, to make sure she didn’t need anything, he saw green eyes following his movements.

“Everything ok?”

Lena only nodded, and Karson moved to lay in the cool grass.

Lena knew that being with Karson was what she wanted, but she still had not had time to discover what being with him would be like. She also wanted to wait until she could fully enjoy the experience, and until the baby was born doubted that it was something feasible at the moment. She lifted herself out of the water and walked over to where Karson lay. She knew that if she lay next to him like she wanted that she would need help to stand again, but she knew Karson would help without making fun of her. 

When Lena lay beside him Karson turned his head and smiled. He reached his hand out and intertwined their fingers. He knew that he was supposed to be digging the new cellar, but this moment with Lena was everything that he could want, and decided to let his mind relax, and push off his responsibilities for the day. It happened so rarely that he would not allow himself to feel guilt over it. 

Lena closed her eyes and let the breeze wash over her skin, and squeezed her hand that was wrapped tightly in hers.

“Hey Lena.”

“Hmmm..”

“I think that cloud looks like a horse.”

Lena opened her green eyes and looked where Karson was pointing. She scrunched her face and frowned, “no it’s obviously a dog.”

Karson laughed, “what kind of dog has legs that long?”

“Apparently that kind of dog.” Lena said while closing her eyes again.

Karson leaned up on one elbow and looked down at Lena. “Maybe we should get you inside the Sun is obviously getting to you if you think that’s a dog.”

Lena laughed, and ignored Karson’s teasing. Karson not one to be ignored poked the prone woman in the side, causing her to laugh and squirm away from the touch. He grinned “Are you ticklish?”

Lena’s eyes snapped open, and a look of panic was quickly hidden with a serious expression. “No, not even remotely.”

Karson smiled mischievously, “ok, so this wouldn’t bother you.” He brought his hands to her ribs and started tickling up her sides.  
Lena squealed and tried to bat the offending hands away.

“Please..... no!!! Please....” Lena couldn’t help the laughter that was bubbling up in her chest. Karson finally took pity on his wife, but still leaned over her body looking down at her. Lena glared playfully at him.

“It’s mean to tickle a defenseless pregnant woman.” 

Karson couldn’t help it he just smiled down at her, and then gently brushed some hair out of her face.

“I will try to remember that in the future.” His voice barely hid his laughter, and Lena just reached up and gently smacked his arm. Lena pulled Karson down to lay next to her again, and then decided she prefers to lay on him, and rolled to put her head on his shoulder.

With a contented sigh, “Much better. You are a very good pillow husband.”

Karson reached around and let his fingers drag down her hair. “Only for you wife.” 

Lena snuggled a bit closer, and felt herself be pulled tighter into his body. Her eyes soon felt heavy, and began to droop. The fingers running through her hair were relaxing her into a afternoon nap, and she didn’t have the will to fight it. She soon felt her eyes close, and fell asleep against the comfortable body that held her so tight.


	16. A stork would be simpler

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well it’s baby time. I hope you enjoy it.

Pain... constant uncomfortable, and frustrating pain. Lena sat on the front porch chair trying to find somewhere, anywhere where she could get comfortable . If it wasn’t so bloody hot maybe the aches and pains wouldn’t be so bad. 

To make matters worse she was snapping at everyone. Lena sighed she hated being the grumpy mean woman that she had been over the last few days. Poor Karson had been wonderful, and attentive, but at the moment he could do nothing right. 

Astra walked out to the porch and handed Lena a cup of water. Lena thanked her quietly, and sat sipping from her cup. 

“I’m sorry your uncomfortable Lena. You know it’s normal to be emotional right now. You should not beat yourself up.”

Lena felt her eyes begin to mist. Ugh why couldn’t she just control one feeling at a time. Astra walked over and gently ran her fingers through Lena’s hair. “It’s ok... it will all work it self out soon.” 

Lena was never one for a good cry, but apparently it’s what she needed at the time. Eventually Astra sat on the arm of the chair Lena was sitting in, and allowed Lena to rest her head against her side. Astra had been around many pregnant women. Unfortunately in her old line of work it was a common problem, and the end was the hardest part. 

Little feet coming up quietly finally stopped Lena’s tears. “Mama ok?” Charlotte asked looking concerned, and stared up at Lena with wide green eyes. Lena did her best to smile at her daughter. “Yes baby mama is fine. I’m just tired.”

Charlotte pulled her hand out from behind her back, and produced slightly mangled flowers handing them to her mother with a big smile. 

“Wow baby these are pretty. Thank you so much.” Lena leaned over and hugged her little girl the best that she could, and Charlotte happily held on to her. When Charlotte let go she ran to the edge of the porch and yelled over the side. “Mama loved flowers!!”

Lena and Astra both chuckled at the little girl, and Karson stuck his head around the side of the porch with a little wave he picked up Charlotte to go up to the river. 

“Karson wait!!” Lena called stopping Karson’s movement away from her. He slowly turned around and walked back up the steps to the porch, and gave Lena a hesitant smile.

“Thank you for the flowers. They mean a lot to me.” 

Karson have her a bright smile, and a quick kiss on the cheek. “Your welcome. If you need me let me know.” 

Lena watched as Karson and Charlotte walked up the hill, and disappeared into the river. 

“He is a good man.” Astra said quietly.

“He really is.” Lena answered smiling to herself.

_______________________________________

The water was cool, and the sun was shining down on the young father and daughter. Charlotte seemed to love the water as much as Karson, and Karson was happy to take the little girl swimming most days after his work was complete. Lena had been on edge the last few days and Karson soon realized that distance might be the smarter option for him and Charlotte. 

The duo made their way to the bank to rest, and Charlotte snuggled up to Karson’s side. 

“You know baby your going to be a big sister soon.” 

Charlotte looked up with bright green eyes and nodded at her father. 

“Are you excited to have a brother or a sister?” 

Charlotte sat for a few seconds with out answering, and eventually shrugged her shoulders. 

“You know that you mom and I will still love you just as much even with a new baby right?”

Charlotte bit her lip, but didn’t even try to hide tears falling down her face. Karson lifted the girl up and pulled her into his chest. 

“Please don’t be sad baby. It’s going to be alright. You will always be my first baby, and that’s a very special thing, no one can take that place.”

“I’m special?” Charlotte stares up at him with shining green eyes.

“The most special.”

Charlotte held onto Karson tighter, and soon she settled down into his lap. 

“Did you know that daddy never thought he would be lucky enough to have a daughter?”

Charlotte looked up again with wide eyes. “Why?”

“I just didn’t. The day you and your mama walked into my life made me so happy. I don’t know what I would do with you you baby.” Karson smiled down at his little girl who beamed up at him, and kissed his cheek with a wet messy smack.

It was late afternoon and Karson picked Charlotte up and placed her on his shoulders, and began to walk back down the hill to their house. Lena was no where to be found, but Astra was in the kitchen. 

“Hey Aunt Astra.” Karson smiled at his aunt as he swung Charlotte down off his shoulders. 

“Hello Karson....”Astra bent down and picked up Charlotte, “Hello little one. Did you have fun swimming with your dad?”

“We swam, and looked for fishes. Daddy says I’m special.”

Astra looked up and smiled at her Nephew. “Well he is absolutely right about that. You are the most special little girl I have ever met.”

Charlotte smiled brightly, and hugged Astra hard around her neck.

Astra looked up to Karson. “Why don’t you leave this little angel with me, and go check on your wife. She went upstairs to rest.”

Karson nodded and kissed Charlotte on top of the head, and then turned to walk up the stairs.

When he entered the bedroom Lena was pacing back and forth hands pressed tightly to her back. 

“You back bothering you.”

Lena looked up and glared at the question, but swallowed the snarky comment. “Yes it is really uncomfortable.”

Karson reached out and pulled Lena over to the nearest wall. “Put your hands on the wall for support let me try to make you feel better.” Lena did as she was told, and rested her upper body against the smooth cool wood. Karson started to kneed his hands into her lower back. Lena groaned at the relief in the pressure. 

For a few blessed moments all pain in her back left with Karson’s firm touch, but then a new ripple of pain made itself known. 

“Karson I don’t think this is just back pain.”

Lena said finally giving up on the idea that today was not the day to have this baby.

“What do you mean, what else is it?”

Lena turned her head and looked over her shoulder. “I think I’m in labor.”

Karson’s eyes widened, and then he heard a flood of water. It was as if Lena’s body was waiting for her to admit that she was in labor for her to let go, and then her water broke all over the floor.

“Well shit.” Lena looked down at the huge mess. 

“Well I guess your right as always. Let’s get you cleaned up, and then I’ll ride out to get Alex.”

Lena leaned her head against the wall and quietly nodded her head. Karson walked over to the chest on the far wall and grabbed a few towels and wiped up the floor. Saving a few for later. 

“Let’s get this dress off. Do you want a night gown or one of my old shirts to change into? My shirt might be more comfortable because it will be shorter.”

“Your shirt please.” 

Karson pulled the soiled dress over Lena’s head carful to keep the wet fabric away from her skin. He walked over to the wash basin and wet a small cloth. He walked back to Lena, and knelt down.

“When he looked up again Lena met his gaze. “Do you mind if I clean you up a bit? I promise not to look.”

Lena just laughed, Karson being shy right now was the last thing she expected. 

“It’s ok. Thank you for your help.”

Karson only smiled and schooled his features as he slowly stripped Lena the rest of the way. True to his word he averted his eyes, and once she was stripped of all of the dirty clothes gently washed legs and upper thighs with a wet cloth. When Lena was clean he turned and dug through his clothes and found one of his most worn shirts and unbuttoned it. When he turned around he kept his gaze on the floor and circled around Lena until he was behind her. He helped her into the shirt, and once she was covered came around again to help button the shirt. 

Karson could not help the blush he found on his face as he buttoned up the large shirt. Lena’s smooth pale skin was peaking through the unbuttoned shirt, and his knuckles accidentally blushed skin more then once. When Lena was finally dressed Karson looked up to meet her gaze.

“I’ll put some more cloth on the bed then we will get you as comfortable as we can.”

Karson hurried away to do just that. When the bed was made he scooped Lena up in his arms, and carried Lena over to the bed settling her into the middle of the bed. Karson kissed Lena on top of the head, and then sat next to her for a moment.

“I know I won’t be much help, but I’ll be here if you need me to be.” 

A contraction hit suddenly, and Lena squeezed his hand hard. “Ouch ouch ouch.”  
Lena whispered, and tried to take deep breaths. Karson sat quietly and held her hand waiting for the pain to pass. 

Lena finally started to relax again “for now will you go get Alex?”

“Of course baby. I will be back soon.” He stood and gently kissed Lena. He bent down and kissed her slightly less round belly. “Don’t give your mom too hard of a time while I’m gone. I can’t wait to meat you little one.” He stood and hurried from the room, and down the stairs.

Astra was still in the kitchen with Charlotte.

“Astra, I’m running into town to get Alex and Jeremiah.”

Astra turned to look at Karson their eyes met, and Astra nodded. 

“I’ll check on her while your gone.”

“Thanks!”

Karson ran out to the barn and saddled up his horse in record time, and rode hard all the way to town. When he reached the clinic he ran in the door. 

“Alex!!”

Alex hurried around the corner and looked at Karson.

“It’s time?”

Karson nodded.

“Ok we will get our things and Eliza and head out. You grab Cat and we will meet you there.”

Karson was out the door again, and rode down to Cat’s.

When he pulled up in front of the store his feet had barely hit the ground when Cat hurried out the door. 

“I’ll get my horse.” Cat was already hurrying towards the stables. 

Karson smiled with relief that Cat was already watching for him. It took very little time to head back towards the farm. Cat kept up with Karson’s pace and when they reached the farm Cat hopped down off her horse and hurried inside, and Karson unsaddled the horses. By the time he was heading out of the barn the Danvers were pulling up in their wagon. 

“Karson will you deal with the wagon while we check on Lena?”

Jeremiah was already headed into the house, when Karson answered Alex’s question. “Sure.”

Karson helped Eliza down from the wagon, and the moved it into the barn.  
Eliza waited for Karson and walked into the house with him. Astra sat in the parlor with Charlotte, and Eliza stopped suddenly in shock. 

“Eliza this is my mother’s twin sister Astra. Astra this is Eliza Alex’s mother.”

Eliza shook off the shock, and walked forward to shake Astra’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you Astra.”

Astra smiled and greeted Eliza, and they both sat down to wait. Karson turned to walk up the stairs, but he felt a tug on his pants. 

“Daddy where’s mama?”

Karson knelt down and pushed dark hair out of Charlottes face. “You remember when we were talking about you being a big sister?”

Charlotte nodded her head.

“Well your mama is upstairs getting ready to have a baby.”

“Mama be ok?”

Karson pulled Charlotte into his chest for a big hug. “Yes baby she will be fine. Will you help daddy?”

Charlotte smiles and looked excitedly up it her father. “Will you make mama a pretty picture to help her feel better, and then we can give it to her when she is done upstairs.”

Charlotte smiled widely. “I make pwetty picture for mama.”

“That’s my girl! Thank you baby.”

Charlotte turned and ran over to Astra to ask for help drawing a picture, and once Charlotte was taken care of hurried up the stairs to check on Lena.

When he opened the bedroom door his gaze was immediately met by Lena’s. Her hair was slick down to her face, and her normally pale skin was flushed. Cat sat on her left hand side, and Alex and Jeremiah were standing at the end of the bed.

Karson walked to Lena’s right side, and wrapped her hand in his. “Hey baby, can I get you anything? Maybe some water?”

Lena just gripped Karson’s hand tight as a contraction racked her body. 

“Breath Lena... that’s it.”Cat’s soothing voice was what Lena concentrated on. When the contraction stopped Lena melted back into the pillows. 

“Water would be nice.”

Karson got up and walked down the stairs and then brought up a pitcher, and a cup. He poured a glass and brought it over to his wife. 

Lena sipped the water slowly, and then handed it back to Karson with a weak smile. “Thanks Karson.”

“Anything you need Lena.l will do it.”

Lena smiled, and then struggled to sit up. Karson hurried to help. 

“Rub my back it hurts terribly.”

Karson removed the pillows behind Lena’s back, and then sat behind her letting his hands rub knotted up muscles. Lena drew her knees up and rested her head down on them, and relaxed into the touch. The next few contractions came more quickly then the last, and Alex stepped forward.

“Lena do you mind if I take a look, and see how your progressing.”

Lena moved to lean farther back, but ran into Karson.

“Let me move out of the way.”

“No please stay I want to lean against you.”

Karson quickly removes his boots and sat against the headboard, and Lena leaned back into the vee of his legs. The heat of Karson’s body, while a little overwhelming with the heat in the room helped her coiled muscles to relax. Alex lifted the sheet that covered Lena’s lower half, and after a few minutes looked up to Lena.

“You are moving quite fast. You are almost ready to push.”

Lena bit her lip and squeezed Cat’s hand as another contraction moved through.

“Your doing so great Lena just a little bit more.”

Lena leaned back into Karson and rested her head on his shoulder. Lena found Karson’s hand and linked their fingers. 

“I’m so tired.” Lena’s voice was full of fatigue.

“I know, but you are almost done. I know you can do it baby. I’m so proud of you, you have been so strong.” Karson spoke quietly just for Lena to hear. 

Lena felt tears come to her eyes, but she moved up the bed a little in order to get leverage to dig her feet into the bed. 

Cat squeezed her hand. “You can do this it’s almost over.”

When the next contraction hit Alex moved forward and instructed Lena to push. Each push hurt horribly, and Lena pressed tightly against Karson’s chest. After the contraction passed she only had a few moments before the next one started. 

“Ok Lena just one more push.” Jeremiah stood next to Alex holding a clean cloth ready to catch the baby when it was fully out.

Lena grit her teeth and pushed, and soon the pain was over, and a wailing, wiggly baby was being pulled away from the bed by Jeremiah.

“Oh aren’t you a healthy one. Listen to those lungs. Good boy!” Jeremiah smiled down at the small baby he was wiping off. 

Lena had closed her eyes and slumped against Karson’s chest. Cat leaned over and kissed the top of Lena’s head. “You did it. Congratulations Lena.”

Lena opened her eyes and smiled tiredly at Cat. “What is it? Is it ok?”

Cat smiled and watched Jeremiah hand the baby over to Alex who smiled down at the small child.

“Hey there little one lets go meet your mama....” Alex walked over and handed Lena her baby, “Lena you have a beautiful, healthy son.”

Karson looked over Lena’s shoulder and smiled brightly they had a boy.

“Look what you did! He’s perfect.”

Lena laughed, and leaned down to kiss the dark hair on to of their new child. 

Cat smiled and squeezed Lena’s shoulder, “I’m going to go down and tell everyone the good news, and give you two a few minutes.”

Lena looked up to the older woman. “Thank you for being here for me Cat.....” Lena’s voice hitched a moment, “I can never repay that kindness.”

“Nonsense, you are as good as a daughter now Lena, there is nowhere in the world I would rather be.” Cat kissed Lena on the head and wiped a few stray tears off Lena’s smiling face, and left the room.

Jeremiah, and Alex finished taking care of Lena, and then quickly left to give the two new parents some space. 

“Karson come around here and hold your son.”

Lena sat up, and allowed Karson to stand up. He placed the pillows back behind his wife, when he came around Lena lifted the baby up and Karson hesitated a moment.

“I’ve never held a baby before.” 

Lena smiled warmly at her husband. “You will be fine just support his head.”

Lena watched as Karson gently cradled the infant against his chest. Karson used his free hand, and lowered the cloth a little more so he could get a good look. The small face was red, and scrunched up, dark hair covered the small head, and bright blue eyes stared up at him. A small hand twitched out of the blanket and Karson instinctively reached out to hold it. Five small fingers gripped the tip of Karson’s finger tightly. Karson smiled widely, and then felt the moisture running down his face. 

He was crying. 

Karson quickly wiped the tears from his face, but his smile didn’t falter. He had a son.... a beautiful, perfect, healthy son. Zor-El’s words about crying didn’t even enter his mind. His life had been so wonderful the last few months, but this.... this moment was more then he could have ever imagined. His small family has grown by one. A perfect little one.

Karson looked up to meet Lena’s eyes. She looked at him with a warm tired smile. 

“He is perfect Lena. You did so well. We have a son.”

Lena reached out her hand to pull Karson closer, and he moved to sit on the bed next to his wife.

“We do.” Lena lifted her hand and gently wiped the tears that still rolled down Karson’s face. “You are such a good father baby.”

Karson leaned over to kiss Lena lightly. 

“Do you think you can help me change into clean clothes again I’m so tired, but I don’t think I can sleep this way.”

Karson stood, and handed the baby back to his mother. He lifted Lena out of the bed, and put her down in the chair Cat had been sitting in. He quickly stripped the bed, and remade it with clean sheets, and then lay some dry cloth down on the lower half, just in case. He picked up his son, and then lay him gently on the bed. His blue eyes had closed, and he seemed to be sleeping happily. 

Lena stood stiffly, and Karson steadied her with gentle hands. When she was firmly on her feet Karson pulled her into a light hug, “thank you Lena.... thank you for such a wonderful family. I didn’t think I would ever have one, and then you came with Charlotte. I thought my life was perfect in that moment, but this one just proves that everyday I have you my life gets better.” Lena heard Karson’s quiet words and brought her hands up to cup his back at his shoulder blades. 

“I’m glad your happy baby, because you make me happy everyday as well. This family wouldn’t be complete with out you.”

Karson pulled back from his hug, and gently brought their lips together. When he pulled away he want to the wash basin, and wet a few towels. He handed them to Lena and slowly unbuttoned her shirt. Lena cleaned her top half, while Karson cleaned her legs and back. When Karson moved away to get a clean shirt for Lena, she cleaned the rest of herself gently. 

Karson dressed Lena, and then went to the bed, and lifted their son, and handed him to Lena. Once Lena had the baby Karson lifted them both and placed them back in bed. Little blue eyes opened sleepily and then scrunched up in a grumpy frown. A small wale came out of him, and Lena just laughed. 

“Are you hungry baby? Hmm...?” She started to unbutton Karson’s shirt. Karson realized what the baby needed and turned to give Lena privacy. 

“Darling I appreciate you trying to protect my decency, but you might need to get use to seeing me feed our son, it will be happening a lot, and I might need help eventually.”

Karson turned and watched as Lena guided the small boy to eat from her. Karson blushed, but didn’t turn around again. 

“Come sit with us. It’s the best way to bond with him. If you feed him he will feel safe with you.” 

Karson sat near the small babies head and gently ran his fingers over the soft hair.

“He looks like you.” Karson studied his son. Smiling at the dark hair that had just a little wave to it. His eye shape was the same as Lena’s as well.

Lena repositioned the small head, and tickled his chin to get him to open his mouth, and continue to eat. 

Lena looked up, and studied Karson’s face. The love Karson had for the infant in her arms was obvious, and she smiled at the memory of happy tears shed freely when Karson had first held their boy. Lena leaned over and brushed her lips over Karson’s jaw.

Karson looked up and met Lena’s eyes, and they both smiled at each other.

“What should we name him?” Lena asked quietly. 

Karson furrowed his brow. He had never even considered that he would be in charge of something so important. How do you pick a name for another person. It shapes who you will become. 

“I don’t know Lena, honestly I didn’t even think about having to name him.” 

Lena laughed and lay her head on his shoulder. “Well what names do you like?” 

Karson’s mind went blank for a few moments. 

“What about Conner?”

Lena blinked up at Karson for a minute, and then smiled. “I like it. Now for a middle name.” 

Karson blanched at that. “It’s your turn.”

Lena chuckled as she started to string names together in her mind. Conner.... Conner....

“What about Grant?”

“Grant?”

“Yeah, Cat has been a mother to us both, and she has brought us together. I just thought it would be a nice name. What do you think?”

Karson brought his lips down to the top of Lena’s head and rested his chin on top. “I like it. Are you fine with my last name, or do you want him to be Palmer, or Luthor?”

Lena sat up fully then, and turned to study her husband. 

“This is your son Karson... Yours.... just like Charlotte’s name will be El, and just like mine. We are your family, and have taken your name willingly. Conner Grant El. Your son Karson.”

Karson felt his eyes sting, and Lena leaned forward kissing him hard on the mouth. When they pulled apart, Karson leaned his head on Lena’s shoulder. 

“Thank you Lena.”

“Always”

_______________________________________

Karson walked down the stairs, and found his friends and family sitting talking happily in the parlor. Charlotte looked up with a large smile. “Daddy!!” 

Karson picked up his little girl giving her a big hug. “Hey there pretty girl. Did you get that picture ready for you mom?”

“Yes!! It’s pwetty.”

“Good, you mom has missed you, and we both want you to meet your little brother.”

Charlotte smiled , and wiggled down to pick up her picture, and then allowed herself to be carried back up the stairs.

When they entered the bedroom Lena smiled sleepily at he little girl. “Hey baby come see me!”

Charlotte crawled on the bed slowly, and hugged her mother around the neck. “I make pwetty picture.”

“Oh let me see...” Lena grabbed the paper gently , and smiled at the scribbled lines all over the paper. “This is beautiful. Did you draw it for me?”

Charlotte quickly nodded her head with a giant smile on her face. 

“Thank you baby.” Lena pulled her oldest child to her tightly with one arm. Charlotte settles into Lena’s side, and finally looked down at the small baby wrapped up in Lena’s arm.

“This is Conner. He is your little brother. What do you think?”

Charlotte moved forward slowly, and studied the small creature laying in her mother’s arms. 

“Pwetty..” Charlotte whispered, just like her daddy had taught her when she spoke to horses.

Lena smiled and tightened her grip around her child’s waist. 

“Do you want to touch him.” Lena asked waiting to see what Charlotte thought.

Charlotte looked up with excitement in her big green eyes. Lena reached under the piece of cloth Conner was swaddled in, and fished out a little fist. 

“Take his hand baby.”

Charlotte gently held the little hand, and little fingers squeezed around Charlottes small hand. Her green eyes widened in surprise, and she looked down in awe at her little brother. 

Lena looked up and smiled at her husband who stood at the foot of the bed with the biggest grin sitting on his face. 

“If anyone else wants to visit now is the time, then I want to sleep.”

Karson nodded and left to tell everyone they could come up a couple of people at a time. 

When he reached the bottom of the stairs he was handed a plate of food by his Aunt, and he gratefully accepted it. He had not even realized he was hungry. 

“Lena said you all can come visit if you want.”

“Why don’t Cat and Astra go up first, and then we will go up next.” Eliza spoke with a smile on her face. 

Astra turned to the blond Danvers, with shock written on her face. She had not expected to be accepted so quickly by the people in Karson’s life. 

“Go on, we will be up soon.” Eliza said and patted the stunned brunette’s shoulder.  
Cat reached out and pulled Astra up the stairs by her hand. When they reached the landing, Cat realized what she had done and blushed lightly, and Astra looked down at their joined hands with a small smile. When they let go they quietly moved into the master bedroom.

Lena was sitting with both of her children in her arms, and both older women smiled brightly at the picture. 

“Why don’t you two come closer and meet your grandson. This is Conner Grant El.”

Cat stopped when she heard the middle name, and tears fell from her eyes. “Grant?”

“Yes, you may not be either of our biological mothers, but without you we wouldn’t have the family we have now.”

Lena lifted the small bundle up, and Cat took him gently. She walked over to Astra who had stood awkwardly to the side. 

“Look at our grand baby.” Cat said quietly, and leaned close to Astra so she could see the small boy in Cat’s arms. Astra felt tears well up in her eyes. Alura would have had a Grandson, but now Astra would have this wonderful little boy to spoil. 

“Hello handsome. You are so loved. Your Gran and I will love you everyday for the rest of our lives.” Astra’s words were choked, but the bright smile on her face meant everything. 

Cat looked at the brunette woman that looked so much like her best friend, and smiled. They were different in many ways, but the love of their family was so obvious.

Cat eventually handed the small bundle over to Astra, and she held the small boy to her chest. When Eliza and the rest of the Danvers made their way into the room Astra handed the baby to Eliza. 

The Danvers all took turns holding the newest member of the El family. Karson came and sat next to Lena giving her a small plate of food to eat. Lena whispered to Karson, and Karson smiled and nodded. 

Alex held Conner in her arms. A large smile on her face. She had always wanted children, but knew that it was not in her future. 

“Alex..” Lena called out to the youngest Danvers.

Alex turned and looked at the small family sitting on the bed. Lena smiled and waved Alex closer.

“Do you want to be Conner’s God mother?”

Alex’s face went for curious to shocked quickly. “Do you mean it?” 

Karson got up from his seated position on the bed, and wrapped an arm around Alex’s shoulders. “Of course we mean it. Who could be better then you to be his god parent?”

Alex smiled brightly and then turned to give Karson a one armed hug, and then moved over to the bed to do the same to Lena. 

“Nothing would make me happier then to be his God Mother. Thank you... both of you.”

Once Lena finished her food, Karson took the plate down stairs, and grabbed Alex leading her to the barn. 

“What are we doing out here?” Alex asked confused.

“I need to move Conners furniture up. Will you help me?” 

Alex laughed and helped Karson by picking up the bedding, while Karson carried the bassinet into the house. When they entered the room Lena was surrounded by Cat, Astra, and Eliza. They were all speaking quietly until they noticed the new bassinet being carried into the room. 

“Oh Karson it’s beautiful.” Lena spoke quietly, and marveled at the beautiful furniture that he had made.

Karson blushed, and put the bassinet at the foot of the bed. Alex followed along behind, and placed the small mattress down. Lena told Karson where to find the small linens she had made for Conner, and soon the bassinet was ready. 

Cat lifted the sleeping infant, and Lena gingerly stepped out of bed, and then took Conner back so she could tuck him in to his new bed. Once he was settled she looked over the beautiful work carved into the wood, and then turned and wrapped her arms around Karson.

“Thank you for making this it’s beautiful.”

A blush roses to tan cheeks, but also a happy grin that he had made something that Lena liked for their son. 

Charlotte yawned loudly, and Karson walked around the bed and picked her up. 

“Say goodnight to your mama little one.” 

“Night mama.” Charlotte kissed her mom’s cheek, and Karson carried her out of the room to tuck her in.

When Karson came back into the room it was empty save for Lena who was coming in from the bathroom.

“Where did everyone go?”

“They went home, but they will be back tomorrow. Don’t worry.” 

Lena was walking slowly towards the bed, and Karson moved to help her walk. Lena held his hand tightly, and slowly hobbled to the side of the bed, and climbed in. Karson tucked her in, and then moved over to the wash basin to clean up, and change for bed. 

When he climbed in Lena was already dosing. Karson leaned over and kissed Lena lightly on the forehead.

“Good night Lena.”

“Mmm night.”

Karson rolled over and turned down the lamp. He listened first to Lena’s even breathing, slow and steady, and then he heard the slightly quicker breathing of his son, and smiled. His life was so full at the moment he didn’t think there could be anything that could top this day. When he closed his eyes willing sleep to take his exhausted body under, he soon slept with a smile still firmly set on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charlotte’s name is giving people trouble so a quick update to help smooth out people’s concern. In the 1800 filing paper work on children being born, or being adopted and name changes was rare if not almost non existent. The census is one of the only meathods to really help follow people and their names. Eventually in the late 1800 laws were passed to have children registered at birth, and adoption laws were passed to keep people from adopting just for labor and abuse. But even then legally changing a name was rare. It really was more of a 1900 thing to file the paper work. I had Lena change Charlotte’s name because her character sees Karson as more of a father figure then Ray was. It was not unusual for the time, to change a name for a step parent. It truly sucks when you try to research family trees pre 1900 because of all the fun name changes and lack of oversight in paperwork!! All this being said I hope you enjoyed the chapter :)


	17. Sleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a new chapter for you, I hope you will enjoy it. Sorry for the longer wait summer it seems is far more busy then the school year for me. I enjoyed all of your comments on the previous chapter. Thank you for taking the time to tell me what you think.

A noise Karson had never heard before woke him out of a dead sleep. He looked around confused for a moment before he realized what it was. Conner, his son. He stood and walked to the end of the bed and picked the fretting infant up out of his bed, and gently tucked him into his chest. Karson could feel the damp fabric that needed to be changed, and moved to walk down the stairs.

Conner had quieted down once Karson had picked him up, but that changed when Karson put him on a table to study how diapers worked. He took the soiled cloth off slowly so he could look to see how it had been put together, but as soon as air hit Conners exposed skin Karson found himself soaked. 

“What the hell?” Karson exclaims in surprise.

A deep throaty laugh erupted from behind him and Astra walked into the room.

“Boys are sensitive to cold, you have to keep them covered up or you will get peed on every time.” Astra walked over to Karson with a large smile on her face and leaned over to smile down at the blue eyes of her grandson. 

“Looks like you taught your daddy an important lesson. Didn’t you handsome?”

Karson smiled at his aunt, and then stripped his dirty shirt off. 

“Will you show me how to change his diaper. I want to help, but I’m not sure exactly how.”

Astra pulled a clean cloth off the pile, and helped Karson fold it around his son. When it was secured Astra swaddled the infant, and kissed the dark head of hair. 

“He will be hungry, it’s probably time to wake Lena.” 

Karson put his arm around his Aunt while he cradled his son in the other. He squeezed her to him and dropped a kiss to the top of her head.

“I’m so glad your here. Thank you for helping me.”

Astra leaned into her Nephew, and patted his stomach with her hand.

“Anytime.” 

The baby started to fuss again, and Astra gently pushed Karson to the stairs.

“The next lesson are babies are not patient, don’t keep them waiting or you will regret it.”

Karson laughed, and hurried up the stairs to Lena. When he opened the door he walked quickly over to Lena’s side of the bed, and turned up the lamp to dimly light the room.

“Lena....” Karson gently shook her shoulder. Karson’s attempt to gently wake Lena was interrupted by a loud grumpy cry, and Lena’s eyes shot wide. When Lena realized Karson was sitting next to her holding their son, she propped herself up on the headboard with a slight wince. She was sore, but her face smiled tiredly.

“He’s hungry?”

Karson smiled and handed the new addition to his wife. “So I’ve been told.”

Lena quickly unbuttoned the top buttons of Karson’s borrowed shirt, and started to feed the grumpy infant. At least he took to feeding better the Charlotte that had been a nightmare. Lena looked up, and frowned a moment.

“What happened to your night shirt?”

Karson chuckled, and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand.

“Apparently boys will pee on you if they get cold.”

Lena bit her lip trying to keep her laughter at bay. “Thank you for changing him, I’m sorry I didn’t warn you.”

Karson only smiled and leaned forward to kiss Lena gently on the lips. He stood and found a new shirt, and then returned to his place by Lena.

“You didn’t have to put on a shirt if you didn’t want to, I was just curious.”

Karson only shrugged, and sat quietly while his son finished eating. When he was finished Lena handed Conner back to Karson while she buttoned her shirt.

“Put him on your shoulder and pat his back. He will get sick if he has too much air in his stomach.”

Karson looked alarmed for a moment, but moved to put the sleepy infant on his shoulder. He was unsure, and looked up to his wife. 

“Come here I’ll show you.”

Karson allowed Lena to readjust Conner. It only took a few minutes to settle Conners stomach, but in the end another one of Karson’s shirts ended up dirty.

“Looks like having a baby is hard on your clothes.”

Karson settled the now sleeping infant in his bed and stripped his shirt again. Lena just chuckled sleepily, and maneuvered gingerly back down in the bed, and was asleep again quickly. Karson decided to forgo another shirt and went back to sleep. 

It had seemed like his eyes had barely closed, when Conner woke again. Lena started to stir, but Karson put a hand on her shoulder. “Sleep a little longer I’ll get him clean and bring him back.”

Diaper changing was still difficult, but he managed to not get peed on again, and then woke his wife with a slightly less disgruntled baby then the previous time. 

When dawn broke Conner again woke up, and Karson tiredly started to push himself back up to care for his son. Lena was fully awake this time, and was slowly walking from the bathroom. She moved over to the bassinet, and picked Conner up. 

“Well I guess you are going to be an early riser huh?” Lena tickled her sons exposed belly, and the newborn twitched at the gentle tickle of Lena’s fingernails. 

Karson sat up and smiled at the pair standing at the end of the bed. 

“Do you want me to change him?”

“If you brought up a table and some supplies I could do it.”

Lena looked up and smiled at her husband. She was tired and sore, but not nearly as bad as she was with Charlotte. Lena was sure that Ray had never changed a diaper, or got up for a feeding. Karson had allowed her to sleep as much as was possible, and she was so grateful.

“Or if you could help me dress and head down the stairs we could have breakfast.”

Karson got up from bed, and pulled out some of his sleeping trousers, and another old shirt. Lena looked at him with confusion.

“I thought it would be better to dress more comfortably in clothes that don’t matter until you heal a little more.” Karson blushed, “unless you want something different?”

Lena walked a few steps forward, and leaned up on her toes, and kissed soft lips.

“That will be perfect thank you.”

Karson was about to help Lena put on pants when she faltered a moment. 

“I need some underclothes first I think if I don’t you will run out of clothes.” 

Karson walked over and pulled out some of Lena’s underwear, and frowned as Lena handed him a folded piece of cloth.

“What’s that for?”

Lena blushed a moment, and then Karson’s brain kicked in “oh”.

He helped pull up the underwear, and was careful not to displace the extra cloth in them, and then moved to pull up the loose pants. Neither Lena or Karson looked at each other. Their boundaries were expanding quite a lot, and the birth of their son had made things that would normally be handled by Lena a group project. Karson had not complained or shown any aversion to helping with slightly embarrassing situations. His only outward sign was blushing cheeks.

Lena put her own shirt on while Karson held Conner. He was getting more vocal about being hungry, and Karson looked nervous about how to console the upset child.

Once Lena was dressed Karson went to hand the child back to his mother. Instead Lena smiled and shook her head.

“Spread your feet a bit.” 

Karson looked up confused, but did as he was told. Lena smiled and moved to his side, and put her hands on his waist.

“Now rock back and forth from foot to foot, and bounce him a little.”

Karson slowly started to move the way he was instructed, and to his surprise, Conner seemed to sooth.

“Wow it worked.” Karson beamed at his wife. Lena laughed and kissed his cheek. 

“It doesn’t always, sometimes babies just cry, but it can buy you time in a pinch.”

Karson handed Conner to Lena and then picked Lena up. She was surprised by the movement, but then looped her free arm around his shoulders. When they reached the bottom of the stairs Karson put Lena down on the couch in the parlor, and then took Conner to get him clean. 

Astra must have heard the movement because she quietly walked into the parlor. 

“Good morning everyone. Lena it’s good to see you up and about.”

Lena smiled at Karson’s Aunt, “I’m glad to be up, I’ve never been one to stay in bed, even when I’m sick.” 

Astra looked over Karson’s shoulder and smiled at the sleepy infant. 

“You have picked that up quick, do you guys want some breakfast?”

“You don’t have to do that I will make something after I finish with Conner.” Lena took her son from Karson and slowly started to unbutton her shirt.

“You are eventually going to have to learn that you have help if you want it. I’ll make breakfast please rest.”

Lena blushed a little bit. “Thank you Astra.”

Astra just waved off the thank you and walked into the kitchen. 

“I’m going to go get dressed for the day, do you need anything.”

Lena shook her head, and watched as Karson climbed the stairs to their room.

_______________________________________

The day seemed to last forever. Karson was hip deep in a hole that would eventually be the new storage area for excess dry goods and cured meat. He had not wanted to work today. He felt the pull of staying with Lena to help with the baby, and Charlotte, but in the end the voice in his head had been too loud, and the list of things that needed to be done that day was far too long. 

Karson was thankful that it was almost lunch time, and he could take a break, and visit his family. At the sound of his name being called he jammed the shovel into the dirt pile and climbed out of the hole. When he reached the porch he pealed off his boots so he would not track mud through the house, and quietly climbed the stairs to enter the house. 

The kitchen was full when he walked in. Lena was sitting at the table, with Charlotte in her lap. Astra was standing at the stove making lunch, while Cat and Eliza held the baby. Soft footsteps behind him brought Alex who wrapped a hand around his waist and leaned against him slightly. 

“Your family’s growing everyday, did you ever think this house would be full of such life?”

Karson draped an arm over Alex’s shoulders and spoke softly. “I never thought I would have anything like this. Its truly is perfect.”

Alex squeezed Karson’s hip before she pulled away. “All right you selfish grandparent figures let’s give the boy to his dad a minute.”

Everyone turned to see Karson leaning against the door frame, and Cat happily walked the small infant over to Karson.

Charlotte got off Lena’s lap and walked slowly over to her father, and pulled on his pant leg. Karson looked down at his daughter with a bright smile.

“Well there is my favorite daughter, I’ve missed you today. I expected help digging my hole.”

Charlotte had been a little subdued that day. A little jealous over not being the center of attention, but her father never made her feel that way. 

“Daddy up!!” Karson stopped to pick up his daughter in his spare arm and situated her in his hip. “Wanna help dig!”

“Well if it’s fine with your mama you can come get dirty with me after lunch.”

Charlotte turned her head and gave her mother pleading eyes. There was no place on this earth she wanted to be more then digging with her daddy.

“You can go for a little while baby, but then we have to put you down for a nap.” Lena smiled at how happy Karson made her little girl. She had tried to give Charlotte her undivided attention since all of the grandparents were passing the baby around, but Charlotte had still seemed sad.

“Let’s get started on lunch” Astra pulled everyone’s attention to her, and motioned to the table. Karson sat awkwardly with both his arms full, but soon positioned Charlotte on his lap, and rested Conner in the crook of his elbow that rested on the table. He leaned down and kissed the top of Charlottes head, and pulled her closer into his chest. He never wanted his baby girl to feel like she had been replaced by her little brother. 

Conner seemed to enjoy the warmth of Karson’s body, because when Eliza took Connor so Karson could have a free hand to eat, he scrunched up his face, and began to cry. 

“Now, now little one. It will be ok. You can go back to your daddy soon enough.” Eliza slowly rocked the baby until he fell back to sleep. 

Lunch was full of excited chatter about the new addition to the family, and Karson sat quietly content to eat, and listen. Charlotte was snuggled into his body and happily ate now that she had Karson’s full attention. 

When his plate was cleared Karson stood up and walked Charlotte outside with him so they could get back to work. On the way back to his hole, he looked in the giant pot in the front yard to see if the water was boiling yet. With all that had happened yesterday their was an enormous amount of laundry, and Karson figured Lena may want a bath later that evening.

The water was steaming, but was not boiling, so he continued to walk around the side of the house. Charlotte had spent a few short minutes helping Karson dig, but soon lost interest, and instead sat on the edge of the hole kicking her feet.

Lena walked around the house to find Charlotte. If she was going to nap today then it needed to be soon. It had barely been 24 hours since the last time she had been outside, but she had missed it, the sun felt good against her skin, and the cool breeze helped cool the warm temperature. Walking wasn’t completely comfortable, but it seemed the more she moved the happier her muscles became. 

When Charlotte spotted her mother her face pulled into a frown. 

“Don’t wanna nap!”

Lena raised her eyebrows at the pouting, grumpy face, and the crossed arms sitting over the little chest. 

Karson squats down and makes eye contact with his daughter.

“What’s the matter Charlotte. Why don’t you want a nap?”

“Wanna dig the hole.”

Karson briefly let a small smile cross his tan face. “Well good news for you is this hole is going to take longer then your nap. Do you want me to take you and put you down?”

Charlotte nodded her head quickly, and Karson plucked the little girl up placing her on his hip. He winked at Lena as he walked by, and blushed when Lena quietly thanked him, and squeezed his arm as he walked by. 

Karson put Charlotte down in her room, and then gathered all of the soiled clothes that needed to be washed. If he finished washing the clothes they would most likely be fully dry before dinner.

Lena was standing at the bottom of the stairs, she looked happy but also tired. Karson could hear the women in the parlor. They seemed happy to watch the baby, and let the two parents have a break.

“I’ll do the laundry darling you have plenty of other things to do.”

Karson reached the bottom of the stairs “you look exhausted Lena why don’t you take nap?”

A tired chuckle left Lena, “I am tired, but if I don’t take things off your plate you will work yourself into the ground.”

Lena followed Karson out into the yard, and watched as he dumped the dirty laundry into an empty was tub. 

“If I promise to call it a day early will you go rest? You still need to heal Lena.” 

Karson wrapped his arms around Lena’s waist and enjoyed the feeling of Lena tiredly resting against him. Lena’s tired nod was the only answer she received.

She felt her feet leave the ground and her body pulled tightly to Karson’s, and was carried up to their bedroom and tucked in. 

“Sleep as much as you can beautiful.” Karson left a gentle kiss on Lena’s forehead, and headed down the stairs. 

 

When he walked out the front door his eyebrows rose in surprise. Alex and Eliza were washing the clothes he had just brought down. 

“You don’t have to do that.”

Eliza turned and gave Karson a soft smile. 

“We are not only here to hold your son Karson. We are also here to help take care of you and the rest of your family. Having a baby is one of the most exhausting experiences you will ever have. Head right back up those stairs and lay down with Lena.”

Karson’s brow furrowed in confusion. A hand on his shoulder and a gentle voice in his ear caused his head to turn.

“Listen to Eliza, Karson. A nap isn’t a bad thing.” Cat spoke quietly knowing Karson had probably taken few naps on a work day.

He looked between the three women, and eventually gave in to their demands and walked back up the stairs to his room. He striped down to his undershorts because his clothes were dirty, and promptly fell asleep.

_______________________________________

Light fingers combing through his hair drew him out of a dead sleep. When he blinked his eyes open, he found himself curled into Lena’s side with a arm thrown low over her waist. 

Lena felt Karson stir, and smiled down at his sleeping form. She had been surprised to find him asleep next to her when she had been awoken to feed Conner, but she was happy that he was getting some rest. He pushed himself far to hard. 

Karson raised his head to look up to Lena’s face. “Time iszit.”

“Late afternoon. Did you sleep well?” 

He rolled over and stretched out his body feeling a few pops of his joints in the process. “Yeah I think I was more tired then I thought. Where are the kids?”

Lena smiled down at him. “They are being looked after by someone don’t worry.”

They lay next to each other in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, and then both decided that it was time to head down the stairs. Karson stood first and Lena’s eyes widened. He normally wore a lot more clothing to bed, but she could not complain about the view. 

“Is that what you would be sleeping in if I wasn’t here?”

Karson frowned a moment and then looked down realizing how little he was wearing. It had not even occurred to him to put more clothes on before he had fallen into bed.

“I just stripped my dirty work clothes off before getting into bed. I’m sorry I didn’t think.”

“Don’t be sorry. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable when you sleep.”

Lena left the bed slowly walked over to him. She lifted up on her toes, and kissed him lightly. “I’m glad you are growing more comfortable with me.”

Karson wrapped his arms around Lena’s waist, and pulled her tightly into his body. This hug felt so different then the hugs they had shared in the past. Lena’s full form was pressed tightly into his, and there was no longer a hard belly pressed tightly into him.   
He had never minded the pregnant belly, but he was enjoying having little space between himself and Lena.

“There is no one else that I am more comfortable with then you Lena.”

Karson’s words were spoken quietly into Lena’s ear, and they warmed her from head to toe. When they stepped away from each other they looked at each other with a warm fondness that seemed to be all consuming.

“I’m going to take Charlotte for a swim, but then I will come back and bring the extra hot water up for you so you can get cleaned up. Do you need anything else in the mean time?”

Lena brought her hand up to his face and gently stroked his jaw. “That sounds perfect. Thank you for showing Charlotte so much attention, I think she is struggling a little, and the only person that she seems to be happy with at the moment is you.”

Karson placed his calloused hand over Lena’s on his jaw , and drew the hand away only to kiss the palm of the smooth hand. 

“I love spending time with Charlotte. I know it must be rough for things to change so much for her.”

Lena closed her eyes at the feel of Karson’s lips on her palm. He was growing more comfortable with easy affections, and she loved every new facet of their relationship.

“Lets head down.” Karson picked Lena up and slowly carried her down the stairs.

“I will have to walk them eventually.” Lena laughed as she hung her arms around the strong shoulders carrying her.

“Eventually you might, but at the moment you will just have to endure me taking care of you.” Karson smiled down at the woman in his arms, and laughed at the happy smile that played across her beautiful features. 

“If that is my plight I guess I will endure it.”  
Lena said dramatically with a large sigh. 

When they reached the bottoms of the stairs they were both laughing, and Karson placed her gently on the floor, only to be almost tackled by a small body.

“Daddy up from nap?”

Karson looked down into hopeful green eyes. “Yes baby I’m up. Do you wanna go for a swim before dinner? Just you and me?”

Charlotte nodded with such energy that Karson worried she would scramble her little brains. With a happy laugh he picked the little girl up and placed her on his shoulders, “then let’s get wet little duck!”

Karson leaned over and kissed Lena’s cheek, and the ducked out the front door headed for the river.

_______________________________________

The sun had long since fallen beyond the horizon, and the house had become quiet now that all of the activities from the day were finished. Charlotte was asleep, and Lena was in the bath, enjoying the warm water on her abused body. 

Karson sat on the porch off their bedroom gently rocking Conner in his arms. The baby was fed and clean, but did not seem to be overly tired. Karson looked down at the small child in his arms, and studied his features. His skin was pale just like his mother, and sister. He had dark thick hair on his head, and Karson could not believe how incredibly soft it was, in fact everything about his son was soft....Skin, hair, hands. He was just so delicate. 

The eyes were a surprise however. Karson had expected the same beautiful green that the women in his life shared, but instead, he was met with blue eyes. Karson reached out and gently stroked down a soft cheek with the knuckle of his bent pointer finger. He was truly perfect. 

He didn’t know how anyone could hold a child this small, and helpless, and feel anything but the need to protect, and love it with every breath they took. He had a greater understanding now for how desperate his mother had been to keep him alive, when he had been born. Karson had never felt anger at his mother for her choice, but some days he had felt so angry with his father it almost consumed him. 

Now that he held Conner in his arms he knew there was no danger on this earth he would not stand in front of to keep his son safe. Karson would do whatever it took to have his son grow up to be happy and healthy.

Lena watched Karson study their son from the door way. She watched him study the small hands, and feet. She watched as he ran his fingers through dark hair, and down a smooth cheek. She loved how much Karson cared for their children. She soon walked out and sat on the chair next to her husband who’s blue eyes drew themselves away from the gift in his arms to meet hers. 

“He is truly perfect in every way Lena.”

Lena smiled and wrapped her hand around Karson’s arm and squeezed lightly. “He truly is.”

Karson looked back down, but a small frown crossed his face. Lena cocked her head to the side, and squeezed Karson’s arm again to get his attention. “What has you frowning.”

Karson again looked away from his son. “Do you think I will be able to teach him every thing he will need to know?”

Lena realized immediately what the question truly was. Do you think he will be able to raise a man, when he isn’t truly a man.

“I think you are an amazing father. Since you have come into our lives Charlotte has been so incredibly happy. Conner is going to be just the same. You are one of the best men I have ever come across, don’t doubt who you are.”

Karson looked up his doubt still clearly showed in his trouble eyes. 

“What traits do you see when you look at other men?” Lena asked quietly. “I don’t want to hear your father’s words, I want to hear what you have observed yourself.”

Karson thought for a moment. “Strong, hardworking, protective of their families. But men can also be arrogant, selfish, hot headed, and close minded.”

Lena felt a laugh erupt from her chest, and she closed her eyes as she laughed at Karson’s description. “Well that’s a spot on description if I ever heard one.” Lena spoke through her laughter, and wiped a tear from her cheek. She didn’t know why it had made her laugh, but she liked that Karson had included negative traits as well as the positive ones.

Karson waited for Lena to calm down, and when she finally looked at him again her smile was still firmly on her face.

“So tell me Karson, do you work hard to take care of this family?”

Karson frowned, but answered “I do the best I can.”

“Would you protect me, and our children if we were threatened?”

Karson face grew hard and determined, “of course I would.”

“So by your own description you are hardworking, you protect, and provide for your family. I don’t really see you as being arrogant, or selfish. You are definitely one of the most open minded people I have ever met. I have no doubt that if you were pushed far enough that you could have a healthy temper. So in total you have all of the wonderful traits that make men who they are, but very few of the negative ones.”

Karson looked stunned.

“Karson you are a wonderful man. I like the things that make you different from other men. I have every hope that our son will grow up to be the man that you are.” 

Karson shut his eyes tightly for a long moment. Lena’s faith in him always staggered him, and her desire for Conner to take after him was everything that he wanted. Karson had not heard Lena stand, but when he opened his eyes she stood in front of him with her hand extended.

“Take us to bed darling it’s late.”

Karson stood, and looked down at the now sleeping infant. He put his hand in Lena’s and followed her to the bassinet. They both tucked in there son, and climbed into bed.  
Karson met Lena in the middle of the bed, and pulled her into his body to sleep. Lena no longer had to rest herself against Karson, but now that she had spent weeks laying against him, she no longer wanted to sleep any other way. 

 

“Thank you for helping me tonight. I sometimes struggle to see the bigger picture.”

Lena raised her head from Karson’s chest, and brought her hand up to his face. “I’m glad you spoke to me about what worried you. We can get through most anything if we do it together.”

Karson lowered his head and kissed Lena lightly on the mouth. “Night.”

“Goodnight.”


	18. Heat

“We have to stop meeting like this little man.” Karson’s tired voice tried to sooth the cries of the small child in his arms. 

Karson was pacing up and down the outside porch gently bouncing the grumpy boy. Conner was a little over 3 weeks old, and he was becoming more active every day. Karson knew that Conner wasn’t hungry or dirty, but he still was upset. 

Lena had tried to let Karson sleep, and walk with Conner herself, but Lena had taken the previous night shift, and Karson knew she was exhausted. 

Walking was obviously not working, so Karson sat in his rocking chair, and placed Conner on his shoulder. He felt his eyes sting with fatigue, and his body felt heavy, but he would not trade a full nights sleep for any of the moments he had with his son. As a last ditch effort to calm the fussing baby, Karson started to hum. The tune was one he remembered at the edge of his brain, but it seemed the more notes that left him the more he remembered. Conner slowly began to quiet. The rumbling of Karson’s chest below his ear, and the warmth of the body under him were to much to fight. 

______________________________________

Lena blinked open her eyes, and furrowed her brow when she realized that her husband was not in bed with her. She sat up and looked around the dimly lit room that would only get brighter with the rising of the sun. The balcony door was open, which was not uncommon with how warm the summer had been, but she slowly pulled on her robe, and tied it in at her waist, and walked to the porch to look for her boys. 

There in the rocking chair was Karson sound asleep with Conner tucked tightly into his chest. Lena felt such love for the man who slept in front of her. Lena who had just taken a step forward stopped at her earlier thought. “Love?” When had it moved to that point. She knew that Karson made her happy, and that their friendship was the most important one she had ever had, but had it really turned into “Love?”

Lena shook the thought aside, and moved to gently run her fingers through his thick wavy hair. It was time to trim his hair again, maybe she could talk him into a trim this evening. 

Karson could feel fingers moving through his hair, and smiled knowing that when he woke up Lena would be next to him. Eager to see the woman who had so changed his life he forced his eyes open. Just like he had hoped when his tired eyes opened his gaze was filled with his wife, and the fields in front of his house?  
He sat up slowly and looked around until he realized that he had fallen asleep on the porch, and nestled in his arms was a happily sleeping Conner.

“Good morning. Long night?” Lena’s amused tone pulled Karson’s attention back to his wife.

“He didn’t want to sleep after he ate, but I didn’t mean to fall asleep out here.” 

Lena offered a hand, and Karson was pulled to his feet. Lena stood close to her boys and leaned down to kiss the soft hair on Conner’s head, and then moved a hand to rest against Karson’s neck to slightly pull him down to kiss his soft lips. 

“Looks like he is happily sleeping to me.”

Karson’s tired eyes had fluttered shut when Lena had brushed their lips together, and a contented smile slowly grew on his face when he listened to her soft voice. 

Lena drew her hand away from Karson’s neck, and let her fingers lightly trace the tired lines of her husband’s face.

“You look so tired baby, why don’t you lay down for a bit and see if you can sleep a little longer.” 

Karson wanted to lay down and sleep more then almost anything, but he had promised to go and help another farmer with some of his harvest. Karson’s wheat still needed a couple weeks, but you have to harvest when the crop is ready. 

“I can’t today, even though I wish I could. I promised to help harvest the crops for the Smith farm today.” Karson’s last words were muffled with a yawn that was barely covered by a calloused hand.

Lena sighed in frustration, “I wish you would rest more. I know you are exhausted.” 

“I know. I am regretting agreeing to help more and more the longer I am awake.”

Another yawn rose out of Karson’s chest, and he slowly pulled away from the soft fingers that had been stroking his face, and gently handed Conner to his mother so he could dress for the day. 

“Do you want me to hitch up the team so you can spend some time in town with Cat.”

Lena sat on the edge of the bed and smiled down at the bundle in her arms. “That would be nice, it’s been a few days since Cat has come out, and I know she misses the children.”

Lena looked up and watched Karson slowly finish getting dressed. He had a hunch to his shoulders that he normally didn’t have, and he moved more sluggishly then normal. She needed to talk to Astra and Cat, and come up with a way to force him to rest for a little bit.

“Before you head downstairs can you move the bassinet down for me?”

Karson smiled and nodded, and picked up the tiny furniture, and carried it down the stairs to place it in the parlor. He was in the middle of making a crib for the down stairs so Lena could have her hands free more of the afternoons, but he didn’t have as much time as he would like to finish the project. 

Noise from the kitchen meant that Astra was up and making breakfast. He loved having his Aunt around. She was constantly stepping in to help around the house, and to give Lena a break with both of the children, and both Conner and Charlotte adore her. 

“Good Morning.”

Astra turned and smiled at her Nephew, and motioned for him to sit for the breakfast she was making. She quickly put a steaming cup of water in front of him along with the tin he kept his tea in. Karson’s eyebrows rose, but he quickly made his morning tea, and forced it down with a grimace. Karson had not realized that Astra had noticed his early morning ritual, but apparently she had. For a few moments he worried that he would need to explain himself to her, but Astra had just turned and went back to work at the stove. Karson scratched his jaw and decided he would speak to Lena about Astra, and let her help him decide if they needed to have a conversation. It wasn’t only his secret any longer.

By the time that breakfast was ready Lena had come and sat quietly next to Karson, and Conner had gone back to sleep in his bassinet in the parlor. Three plates were delivered to the table, and Astra was thanked by the tired couple who in front of her. 

“You two look exhausted.”

Lena smiled up at Astra as she sipped her tea. “I’m less tired then Karson. Apparently Conner was up most of the night.”  
Lena reached out and pushed hair out of Karson’s face and was rewarded with a tired smile. 

“I figured on going into town today with the children, would you like to come?” Lena looked up to address Astra.

“I’d love to.” Astra smiled, and slowly continued to eat. Over the past few weeks she had developed a friendship with Cat, and she really enjoyed the small woman’s company. 

Karson finished his food and took his plate to the sink. “I will most likely be late this evening. Do you need me to do anything before I leave?”

Lena and Astra both shook their heads, and Karson headed out to the barn. 

“I’ll be right back.” Lena said after a few moments, and followed Karson out.

“I’ll keep an ear out for the little ones. Take your time.”

Lena smiled at Astra and hurried from the room.

Karson was busy hitching up the wagon when Lena made her way into the barn. 

“Karson?” 

Karson had not expected to have company, and jumped knocking his head into the foot board of the wagon. “Ouch!”

Lena hurried over to Karson, and pulled him lightly to a stool a few steps away. “I’m sorry... I didn’t mean to startle you, let me see it.”

Karson slowly rubbed his head a frown etched on his face as he allowed himself to be pulled to a stool. Lena’s cool fingers inspected the small bump on his head, and the ache slowly dissipated. “It’s fine really.” 

“Oh hush and let me look.” 

Lena pressed a light kiss to the injury, and then moved to sit in Karson’s lap.

“Did you decide you needed something after all?” Karson moved his arms around Lena’s waist and pulled her tighter into his body.

“No. I just have missed you with as much as you have been working, and had hoped you would make time to maybe go for a swim with me later this evening after dinner?”

Lena was desperate to get Karson to slow down a little, and she knew no better way then to ask for a favor for herself. 

A happy blush worked its way across Karson’s face and down his neck. “I’d love to spend some time with you. I’ll do my best to make it back in time to take you for a swim.”

Lena put Karson’s wide brimmed hat back on his head, and kissed him hard on the mouth. His mouth moved slowly against hers and heat seemed to grow in her belly with the slow pressure of lips and a gentle stroke of his tongue. When she pulled away, she saw the same heat reflected in blue eyes that stared into hers. 

“Thank you Karson. I’ll see you tonight.” 

Lena quickly left the barn, and when she was out of sight of her husband she slowly fanned her face that had turned red with the heat of the moment. It might be time to read more of the book that Cat had given her.

_______________________________________

Cat made tea, while she listened to Charlotte chatter on the counter next to her. She had been surprised when Lena, and Astra had walked into her store, but she could not say she was not extremely happy to have the company. 

Lena, and her two children were fast becoming one of the best things in her life, and Astra was becoming a fast friend. Cat had missed Alura everyday since she had died, and had never really met anyone else that had interested her quite as much until Astra had walked into her life. 

“Charlotte I ordered you something special so you had things to play with while you were here. Do you want to see it.”

Charlottes eyes lit up, and she happily bounced on the counter with grabby hands. “I wanna see, I wanna see!!”

Cat reached under the counter and pulled out a white box, and placed it in front of the excited little girl. Charlotte fumbled with the lid, but eventually uncovered a toy doll, with brown curly hair and a beautiful blue dress. Charlotte eyes lit up and she pulled the doll up to hug it tightly to her chest. “Pwetty!” Charlotte rocked the doll back in forth as she held it tightly against herself. “Show mama?!?”

Cat helped lift the little girl down to the floor with a bright smile, and watched as she ran around the counter to find her mother. 

Lena heard Charlotte running behind her while calling out to her, and turned to give her daughter her attention.

“Mama look! Gran gave me! Pwetty!”

Lena picked Charlotte up and put her on her lap, and looked at the doll in her child’s arms. “Wow baby she is beautiful. She looks like a little you!” 

Charlotte looked down at the doll with a happy smile. 

“Did you tell your Gran thank you?”

Charlottes eyes widened and she hopped off Lena’s lap, and ran to hug around Cats legs. Everyone laughed at the little girls excitement, and watched her sit on the floor and talk to her new doll. 

“How is Karson doing with the new addition to your family?” Cat asked as she sat at the small table with the other two women. 

Astra furrowed her brow, but didn’t say anything, but Lena sighed in frustration. 

“What?” Cat asked looking between the two women.

“He is working himself to death. He works all day, and then stays up most of the night with Conner, and he keeps adding more to his already busy schedule. I’m worried about him.” Lena finally blurted out. Cat looked over to Astra and she nodded in agreement. 

“Any idea why he is pushing so hard?” Cat asked.

“I don’t even know if it’s a new development or if he has always pushed hisself like this, but the addition of all of us has just made it more then he can handle.” Lenas voice was quiet and Cat could tell how worried she was for Karson. 

“He has always pushed himself far to hard and rested to little. We just have to show him how to pull back a little is all. Charlotte already helps with that. He stops working to take her swimming a couple of days a week.”

“Maybe your right. He never neglects time with us, maybe we just need to give him reasons to spend time resting.” Lena said with a small smile growing on her face. 

The day past slowly, but the women all enjoyed the quiet conversation. Both of the children were resting, and Lena decided she would send her brother a message telling him about the birth of his Nephew.

“Do you two mind keeping an ear out for the kids I want to run over to Winn’s and send Lex a message, and maybe one to Barry and Iris to check on the business in National City.”

“Go on child. The kids will be just fine.”

Lena hugs both older women, and walked out into the sun. She slowly walked down the boardwalk, and was pleased to greet the people who passed by her. When she walked into Winn’s telegraph office, Winn was elbow deep in a project on the counter. 

“Hello Winn, How are you?”

Winn startled when he heard Lena speak to him, but soon smiled warmly at the pretty Irish woman. 

“Lena, it’s good to see you. How have you been?” 

Lena gave Winn a quick run down on their life at the farm, and was surprised when she received a happy hug when she told him about Conner. 

“I’m so glad you two have a son. I know Karson must be excited.” 

Lena smiled brightly, “he really is, and he is so good with him.” 

Winn smiled “I never doubted it he was always so gentle and kind he was meant to be a father.” 

Lena couldn’t help but to agree. Eventually Lena managed to send her telegraphs to Lex and Barry, and made her way back to the General Store.  
_______________________________________

Cat sat across from Astra, and happily played a game of cards. Rummy was a game she had enjoyed, but didn’t generally get to play it. Astra was a cunning player, and Cat liked that her face seemed to be unreadable. 

Astra reminded her a lot of Alura, but the more time they spent together, Cat could see how different their personalities were. While Alura was quiet and subdued with a dry wit, Astra was feisty, and loved to laugh when you finally got to know her well enough. 

“Come now Cat you can’t be that stumped.”  
Astra teased Cat out of her head, and Cat suddenly realized she had been staring off into space.

“Oh I’m sorry, I got lost there for a moment.”

Astra only smiled and cocked her head, “What had you off in your own little world.”  
Cat instantly blushed, and then grimaced. She was not normally so easily flustered, but it seemed Astra had her number.

“Nothing of note.” Cat answered back and quickly played her card. She was happy when Astra didn’t push, but still felt the heat in her cheeks.

“Gin!” Astra announced with a happy laugh. Cat groaned “ugh sometimes the cards just don’t fall the right way.”

Astra only shrugged, and started to gather the cards back together into a neat pile, and began to shuffle. 

“I know you said you have a couple of son’s where do they live?”

Cat smiled sadly, “they both moved closer to their wives families. Adam lives in Missouri with his wife on her father’s old plantation. Carter is in New York working as a banker, for his father in law.”

Astra could see that Cat was sad that her boys had moved so far away. “How did they end up meeting women so far away.”

“Carter met his wife while he went to college, I really liked her family, and he seems really happy with his work. I hear from him often, because of the telegraph.  
Adam met his father in Law while he was traveling, and he agreed to marry his daughter for the promise of inheriting his plantation. I was surprised he agreed especially because his wife was so much younger then him. I don’t hear from him very often, and I miss him very much.”

Astra put the cards on the table, and reached across to pull Cats hands into hers. “I’m sorry you don’t get to see your boys. I know how much you love your children.”

Cat swiped a stray tear off her cheek, and cleared her throat. “Thank you Astra.”

Astra squeezed the hand she held, and smiled kindly. Neither woman moved to separate their hands.

________________________________________

Karson wiped his brow with his bandana, and put his hat back on his head, and retired the wet cloth around his neck. The sun was brutal, and the heat was oppressive. They were making quite a bit of progress clearing the wheat field, but he was quickly running low on energy.

The wagon holding the bundles of wheat was full again, and Karson hurried to volunteer to go empty it. Getting a few minutes to sit down, and get under the shade of the barn was worth having to unload the wagon by himself. He drove the team to the barn, and sighed in relief to feel the sun leave his shoulders. He allowed himself to sit for a few minutes, and let the heat on his skin dissipate. When he finally jumped down from the wagon he immediately started to unload the crop.

“It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you around here.” Karson’s shoulders stiffened when he heard the voice of Soibhan Smith. She had never taken a hint when he told her that they had no future together. He turned and forced a smile on her face. 

“It has been awhile.” Karson turned back to his work hoping she would take the hint. Karson didn’t hear her moving closer to him, and the next thing he felt was arms snake around his waist.

“Hey there?” A low flirty voice whispered in his ear.

Karson stiffened, and then forcibly pushed the arms away from his body. When he turned to face Soibhan his eyes were angry, but she didn’t seem to notice. 

“Don’t be like that baby. I can give you more then that Irish whore that you married.”

Karson stepped forward anger dripping from his every pore. 

“Now you listen to me. You will never talk about my wife like that ever again. There is nothing between us. There has never been any chance of you and I every being together.... not now not ever, and if you ever touch me again you will regret it.”

Soibhan sneered at Karson “Is that what you really believe? We will see what happens in the future. Do you think your wife would believe you if I told her all of the things that you and I have done together? One way or another I will get what I want. I wonder what would cause her to leave faster you straying away from her when she thinks your working in the fields, or that you came and took what you wanted, you brute!!....” Soibhan laughed and slowly started to move towards Karson again. “Just like dear old dad, taking advantage of women, beating children. It won’t take long after she is gone for you to be forced into a marriage with me. I will get exactly what I want.”

Karson gripped his hands in tight fists. He had never wanted to hit someone more in his life. Karson suddenly realized who the voice in his head was. “Put her in her place.”  
“Don’t let this bitch talk to you that way!” “Women should know their place!”

Karson took more steps away, and turned to jump on the wagon. From the top of the pile he walked forward and sat in the drivers seat and pulled back into the sun. He drove the partially full wagon back out to the men that were working and parked.

When he jumped from the wagon he walked up to Soibhan’s father.

“Can I talk to you a minute in private Sir?”

Mr. Smith looked at Karson confused, but moved away from the other men. He had always liked the young man, he had been disappointed when Karson had shown no interest in his daughter,but in the end he was a hard working young man who he respected.

“What’s the matter Karson.”

“Mr. Smith, you have always been a kind man who helped me immensely when I first moved away from home, but I don’t think it would be wise for me to continue to come to your farm.”

“Karson what’s going on?”

“I have never raised my hand to a woman, nor have I ever led one on to believe my affections were anything but friendly. I have never felt anything for your daughter, and I believe that she has ill intentions towards me and my family.”

“What are you talking about.” Smith’s anger was starting to rise.

“Soibhan just trapped me in the barn and tried to seduce me and when I turned her down she threatened to tell everyone including my wife of us having a relationship behind her back. On top of that she said that everyone would believe that I took what I wanted, because of who my father was that everyone would believe it. As much as I have respect for you, I can’t put my family or my reputation on the line and continue to come here to work. I truly wish it was different.”

Smith stood there with his mouth hanging open. Karson wasn’t the type to lie or to spread rumors. He had known that his daughter was upset that Karson had chosen some other woman over her, but could she really say those things.

“Karson I don’t know what to say.”

“I don’t expect you to say anything, and the last thing I want is to hurt you or anyone’s reputation, but my family comes first. I will not say anything to anyone, and as long as this situation stops here I will never speak of this to anyone other then my wife. If anyone asks about what happened today I will tell them I felt unwell, and had to leave early. Please handle your side of things, because to be honest this set of rumors will hurt not only me but you as well, and I don’t want that.” 

Smith scratched his jaw and nodded his head. “I will speak to my daughter. Thank you for your discretion.” Smith put out his hand, and Karson took it, and then walked to his horse and rode home.

_______________________________________

Lena had just finished feeding Conner, and packing what they would need for their evening swim in a basket, when Karson rode into the barn. A large smile grew on her face when she realized how much earlier Karson was then she had expected.   
She walked to the barn, but realized that the happy tired husband she had expected was not home. Instead Karson looked like he was about to punch the next thing that stepped in his way. 

Karson was still incredibly angry. On top of the anger was a bone deep fear of the thoughts he had to fight off when he had wanted to “teach that woman where she belonged.” . A cold sliver of fear raced up his spine again, he would not turn into that hateful man he wouldn’t.

“Karson?” Lena’s voice was hesitant.

Karson turned on his heal, and faced his wife, and felt some of his anger dissipate with the soft concerned expression on his wife’s face. Lena could almost see his anger ratchet down a few notches, and she was glad that he realized he was safe with her.

“What happened?”

Karson turned back to finish unsaddling his horse, and took a few more deep breaths trying to settle enough to tell Lena. He wouldn’t hide this from her, she had every right to know what was said. He soon found the stool that they had shared earlier in the day, and sat. 

“Before you came to town I was sought after by most of the single women in the area.”

Lena moved closer and pulled up another stool to sit in front of her husband.

“I was aware of that fact.” Lena said with a small smile. “Who really could have blamed them.”

Karson saw the teasing smirk flit across Lena’s face, and a small bashful smile threatened his frown for a moment.

“One of the most persistent of the women was a woman named Soibhan Smith. She is the only daughter of the man I went to work for today. Mr. Smith had always been kind to me. He gave me work when ever I needed it.”

Lena reached forward and took Karson’s hands and to her delight felt him grip them tightly in his.

“When we got married I didn’t really think of how the women in town would feel when I had turned them all down, only to turnaround and marry you. To be honest I didn’t really care about anyone enough to care what they thought.”

Karson frowned, but the frown didn’t last long, Lena brought up one of her hands and smoothed away the furrow in his brow. 

“That makes since, has something changed?”

“No, to be honest no other woman has ever mattered to me more then you, and I doubt that will ever change.”

Lena leaned forward and kissed his cheek. “Tell me what happened.”

“I was in the barn unloading the wagon when Soibhan came in and tried to seduce me. When I told her to keep her hands to herself she got pissed and started to speak unfairly about you. I told her not to speak of you the way she was, and instead of backing off she threatened me.”

Lena’s eyes turned to stone. “Seduce you how?”

“She didn’t get far, don’t worry. As soon as she touched me I removed her hands, from me.”

Lena grit her teeth, “what happened after you pushed her hands off of you, and you told her off?” 

Karson looked at Lena who now looked as mad as he had felt. 

“She told me that she would tell you and everyone else that we had been sleeping together for awhile, and that you would leave me over it. When that didn’t get the reaction she wanted she said that she would tell everyone that I had taken her against her will, and that because of who my father is that everyone would believe that I was violent with her, and that you would take the children and leave because you were afraid of me.” Karson’s eyes fell to the floor.

“That evil bitch I will kill her.”

Lena stood and stocked across the room, Karson didn’t move he sat still looking at the floor. 

Lena finally looked back at Karson, and forced herself to sit again, “was there more?”

Karson’s hands started to shake, “I almost lost my temper... like really lost it Lena.”

Lena looked confused, “of course you lost your temper who wouldn’t? Honestly Karson I want to ride over there and beat her into the ground.”

Karson winced at the phrasing, and Lena realized what she had said, and reached forward to pull Karson’s hands into hers. 

“I’m sorry that was a poor choice of words. I am just really angry.” Lena squeezed Karson’s hands again hoping to draw him back into a conversation. 

“In that moment when I stood facing her, all I could hear was my father’s voice telling me to “put her in her place!” “Don’t let her talk to you that way!”

Karson had lowered his voice and growled out his father’s voice, and Lena shuddered at the sound. A voice she had never heard, but knew Karson heard daily. 

“I have never wanted to listen to his voice more than I did today. I wanted to beat her bloody for threatening me. For trying to hurt my family, to hurt you.....”

Karson finally looked up into Lena’s eyes again. “I wanted to give into it so badly. Now I’m afraid what if she was right what if he really is in there waiting for me to loose my temper, what if I can’t fight him off then.... what if...” Karson’s eyes started to loose their focus, and he started to retreat into himself.

“No!!” Lena raised her voice, and moved to sit in Karson’s lap. “You will not let those poisonous words from that awful woman make you believe that about yourself.”

Lena grabbed Karson’s hands that had not yet moved around her waist, and forced him to hold onto her. “There is no person on this earth that knows you better then I do. I know your secrets, and know what you fight off everyday. I married you fully aware of who you were, I gave you both of my children, with no hesitation. If I was worried about the man that you were, I would never have given you the two things that I love most in this world. I would not have trusted you to care for all three of us. I would not have allowed my feelings for you to move beyond our friendship.”

Lena moved her hands up to Karson’s face and brought his chin up so he would look her in the eyes.

“You are the man I care for most in this world. I would never have opened myself up to you if I saw any of your father in you. You mean so much to me darling, please trust my words on who you are, and not that horrible woman’s. Definitely not your father’s. You were pissed, and no one could blame you, but you walked away. Did your father ever once walk away from the easier choice to use his fists?”

Karson shook his head. 

“You walked away, you made the harder choice, and if for a second you believe that you could turn into your father, then look me in the eye and tell me you could ever be angry enough to hit me.... or Charlotte.... could you hit Conner?”

Karson shook his head in horror, he couldn’t ever bring himself to hit his family, and with that realization his shoulders finally slumped. All tension and fear he carried melted from his shoulders. Lena was looking at him with a small smile. He believe her, and the most important thing he found faith in himself again. 

“Thank you Lena.”

“Anytime... so how did the situation end?”

“I went and pulled aside her father, and explained the situation. I told him I would not spread rumors or hurt his or her reputation, but I expected him to handle his side of things, and then I left.”

Lena grit her teeth she still felt the need to find that vile woman and put her into the ground. 

Karson could see the tension radiating from Lena’s back and shoulders so he started to slowly rub up and down her spine. The feel of Karson’s strong hands caused Lena to groan. She slowly relaxed into his touch, and turned to thank him, but when she turned was met with lips. 

Karson had watched Lena’s eyes close as he rubbed her back. The groan she had let out had sent shock waves of arousal through his system. When she turned her head he couldn’t help, but to take her perfect lips with his own. The kiss was more heated then he intended, but when he slid his tongue across her lips the taste of her made him yearn for more. 

As if knowing what Karson needed Lena opened her mouth and let him explore, to taste, to take possession of her. Karson wanted to be closer and used his arms to pull Lena tighter into his body, but with her sitting sideways on his lap he couldn’t move much closer. Without thinking he shifted his arms and picked her up one hand under her legs the other behind her back and moved her to his work bench. 

Lena was shocked by suddenly being picked up, and pulled her lips away to see what Karson intended, but with Lena’s lips no longer available Karson moved to the exposed neck above the high color of Lena’s dress. 

Lena felt the warm lips drag across her neck and she felt arousal pool in her belly. She had never felt a need like this before, and when she landed on the work bench, automatically opened her legs to pull Karson closer to her.

Karson’s mouth never stopped his exploration of Lena’s neck. She tasted wonderful, and something about having his mouth on her skin, being able to feel her heart beating with his lips made him want to sink his teeth into her. 

Lena felt the gentle scrape of teeth, and a soothing swipe of a tongue, and she shivered with the sensation. She needed more friction, the ache between her legs was driving her to distraction, and she gripped both of Karson’s hips pulling him  
tightly into her with a loud groan.

Karson pulled away from Lena’s neck to look her in the eyes, both of their chests were heaving with exertion, and eyes full of hunger. 

Lena brought one of her hands up to tangle in the short blond hair at the back of Karson’s neck, when Alex rode into the barn. Karson jumped away from Lena, and Lena quickly slid off the table she was on to the floor. 

Alex quickly realized what she had interrupted, and blushed just as red as the couple in front of her.

“God guys I’m sorry.”

“I’ll take care of the horse Alex.” Karson said quickly moving to have something to do to push past this moment.

“Um... thanks, I’ll just... go.” Alex moved out of the barn quickly still feeling heat on her cheeks, and down her neck. When she walked into the house she was met with Astra, who studied her closely. 

“What’s got your cheeks all red?”

It was as if she knew Alex thought. “Nothing just got hot out.” Alex could hear how high pitched her voice was, and knew she had not lied well when Astra started to laugh.

“Hmmm hot out? Or hot in the barn?”

Alex couldn’t believe her face could be anymore red then it had when she had left the barn, but she was wrong. 

“I’m.. I’m just going to...” without finishing the sentence Alex retreated at a run up the stairs, while listening to Astra laugh behind her.

Karson quickly started to unsaddle Alex’s horse, and purposely avoided Lena’s gaze. Lena watched Karson move around the barn for a minute. Yes, Alex coming in had been embarrassing, but it wasn’t the end of the world. 

“Karson? Come back over here will ya.”

Karson knew he was out of time, and slowly made his way back towards the work bench Lena was leaning against. 

“I’m sorry Lena I got carried...”

Lena pressed her fingers against his lips to stop the apology. “I was not complaining Karson. I had no problem with the direction we were headed. I’m sorry that we were caught in an embarrassing position.”

Karson met Lena’s eyes, and felt the arousal that had been banked slowly grow again in his belly.

“So to double check, your not upset about what we were doing, about the things I did?”

Lena saw the hunger start to grow again in the blue eyes of her husband, and smiled. “I really enjoyed our time together Karson, nothing you did was unwelcome.”

Karson took a step towards his wife, and placed on hand on her hip, and slowly drew her into him. Lena went willingly into his body, and moved up on her toes to kiss the lips she wanted so badly.

“HEY YOU TWO!! DINNER IS READY!” Astra called out from the front porch, and Lena dropped down from her toes and groaned in frustration while she rested her forehead on Karson’s chest. 

“She knows what we’re up to doesn’t she?”  
Karson asked quietly.

“Undoubtedly, between her and Cat I doubt we will ever get away with anything.” Lena’s voice was muffled, but Karson could hear Lena’s gentle laugh through the words.

Lena stepped away from Karson’s arms and started to smooth out her appearance. “Do I look like we were up to something?”

Karson slowly dragged his eyes up and down Lena’s form, taking his time now that he had permission to look. Lena felt Karson’s eyes move over her, and she fought off the desire to squirm under the heated look.

“You look perfect.”

Lena stepped forward and patted his cheek.  
“See there you go being far to charming again.”

Karson watched Lena walk a few steps away from him.

“Well are you coming?”

He laughed and ran to catch up. Lena took his hand, and they walked into the house together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the new chapter. I have been told repeatedly recently that my stories are suffering from my spelling and grammar issues. I’m sorry for that it is a weakness I am aware of. I’m not sure if I want a beta reader, or even how to go about getting one. If you have advice on how a beta would work so I can think about it let me know.


	19. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has a bit of everything. So I hope you enjoy it;)

Karson refused to look at anyone, but his children. Between Astra’s teasing smile, and Alex’s embarrassed smile it was safer just to look at his plate, and talk to Charlotte. 

Lena laughed to herself at how embarrassed Alex and Karson seemed, and if she was more comfortable with Astra might have teased them a little. 

“Daddy swim after dinner?” Charlotte looked hopefully at her father.

Karson looked up to Lena for a moment knowing she had asked to spend time with him, but was unsure if it was time alone or family time. Lena seemed to be stuck on the same question, because she looked unsure as well. 

“Charlotte I was hoping you would help me sew a new dress for your doll tonight. Do you think you can put off your swim until tomorrow?” Astra looked up at Karson and winked at him.

Karson blushed, but Charlotte seemed to be happy to stay behind with Astra. When dinner was done Karson cleared the table, and Lena started to clean the dishes, and they made fast work of putting the kitchen back together. 

“I need to feed Conner, but then I will be ready to go.” Lena smiled and squeezed Karson’s hand as she went to find Conner who had been stolen by Alex, as soon as dinner was over.

Karson spotted Astra and Charlotte digging through a old chest filled with scrap material. He sat quietly watching as the two tried to pick out something pretty for Charlotte’s doll. Sitting still made all of the fatigue, and soreness from the day abundantly clear. He could feel how stiff his back was, and his shoulders felt like they couldn’t lift a glass to his mouth even if he was dying of thirst. His eyes felt scratchy, and closing them seemed to be the best plan that he could come up with. 

When Lena walked into the room again having fed Conner, she spotted Karson asleep in his chair, and smiled. She hesitated for a moment before she walked over to him. She loved how soft and thick his hair was. She slowly moved her fingers through the blond waves, and when she felt Karson being drawn out of his nap smiled down at him when she finally spotted his blue eyes.

“Do you want to head to bed early instead of going to the river?”

Karson blinked the sleepyness out of his eyes and shook his head, “I’m still ready to go, I was just resting my eyes for a moment.”

Lena gave him a skeptical smile, but pulled her husband to his feet. “Then let’s head out.” Lena kissed Charlottes head, and quietly thanked Astra for watching their daughter.

Karson was pulled into a giant hug by the little girl, and both older women smiled at the girl who obviously adored her father. When they finally made their way outside, Karson reached over and intertwined his hand with Lena’s, and put the basket Lena had packed on his other hip as they walked. 

Summer was almost over, and Lena mused about all of the changes that had happened over the last few months. Widowed and married again, starting a new business, and having another child. Her life was so different then it had been even half a year earlier. She was so much happier now, and most of that happiness was brought about by the quiet man who’s hand she held.

When they finally made it to the river they made quick work of unpacking the basket. A blanket was smoothed out over the cool grass, and soap with wash rags was placed near the waters edge, with sleep clothes laid out neatly, for after their swim.

Karson watched as Lena stood looking out over the water as she slowly pulled her hair down, and ran long fingers through the dark strands to straiten them out. He felt the air being sucked out of his lungs, as he studied her. Sometimes he couldn’t help but be mesmerized by how incredibly beautiful she was. 

Lena turned, and smirked at the look on Karson’s face, and when he realized that she had caught him staring had blushed, while she smiled widely at him. “Will you come help me out of this dress?”

No words would leave his throat, but he quietly moved forward to help her with the buttons down the back of the dress Lena wore. When the fabric slowly loosened away from Lena’s body he turned to allow her to finish undressing without an audience. He made quick work of his own clothes, and entered the water with a contended sigh. Taking a deep breath he submerged completely letting the water leach all of the heat out of his slightly burned skin. When he finally came up out of the water he left his eyes closed and tilted his head back letting the rivulets of water run down his skin.

“Feels great doesn’t it.” Lena said as she enjoyed the cool water flowing around her. 

“Mmm hmm,” Karson’s hummed reply just cementing Lena’s resolve to make sure Karson found more time to rest.  
Lena watched as he soon started to float on his back, and admired the way he instinctively moved with the current to stay afloat. 

Karson finally brought his body out of the water, and brought his attention to Lena. “Thank you for this, it was a great idea. I didn’t realize how tired I was.”

Lena moved closer and reached for his hand. “I worry with how hard you have been pushing yourself lately. But to be honest coming out here to swim with you is such a wonderful respite, that thanking me is hardly necessary.” She stepped forward kissing him lightly.

“I’m going to get cleaned up, and lay out on the blanket for awhile.” Lena moved to the edge of the water, and pulled the soap and a rag into her hands. 

Karson watched Lena struggle with washing around her long shift, “Why don’t you take that off it would make it easier to wash.”  
Karson blushed through his suggestion, but knew that it was ridiculous to struggle when there was no need for it.

Lena raised an eyebrow for a moment, she had not expected Karson to be comfortable with that suggestion. Lena nodded her head and started to take off the long wet fabric, and when she finally managed to strip it from herself, found relief in the freedom of not being encumbered by the fabric in the water. When she looked up to Karson he was floating again with his eyes firmly closed. She took her time scrubbing her skin, and enjoying the cool water, but finally climbed out, and quickly dried, and dressed in her night clothes and a thin robe. 

Karson opened his eyes and stared up at the slowly fading light. The water had felt nice, but he was ready to rest. Slowly he used the soap to clean tired muscles and burned skin, and then made his way out of the water. Lena was sitting on the blanket already dressed and reading a book. When Lena heard Karson leaving the water it took ever once of will power not to look up at him. 

Karson joined Lena on the blanket slowly laying down on the soft material with a contented sigh. He had been working more then was probably wise for the amount of sleep he was getting, and if he was honest with himself he was not spending as much time with his family as he wanted. Maybe he could take some time off and spend the day with his kids. 

Lena looked down at Karson’s closed eyes as he lay on his back next to her. His hair was wet and standing on end because of him roughly scrubbing it to get it dry. She scooted forward and drug her hand through the wet spikes, and laughed when the hair stubbornly fought being put back into place. 

Karson opened his eyes to see what Lena was laughing at, and reflexively smiled at the happy look on her face. 

“You got some sun today.” Lena smiled down at Karson as she continued to run her hand slowly through his hair. 

“Yeah I did. I should have worn longer sleeves, and buttoned my shirt up to the collar.” 

Lena hummed in response, and watched Karson’s eyes flutter shut again. 

“You look tired do you want to head back to the house?” 

“No just a few more minutes. I like the time we spend together, even if we aren’t saying anything.”

Karson scooted closer to Lena resting his temple against her leg, and making it easier for her to rub his head. Lena chuckled at him, but happily continued to play with his hair. It didn’t take long for sleep to again overtake Karson’s tired body, and Lena decided to let him sleep while she read her book. When the light was gone, and the words on her pages were no longer visible, she put her book down beside her. She maneuvered herself down so she was laying by her sleeping husband and looked up at the sky. She felt Karson shift next to her, and an arm tossed across her waist. It was time to head inside. She knew Conner would be hungry soon, and Karson needed a full night sleep in a bed. 

She rolled over to her side, and kissed Karson lightly on the forehead. “Darling, wake up. It’s time to go home.” 

Karson grumbled obviously still asleep, and refused to open his eyes. 

“Wake up baby, you can go right back to sleep when we get home.” 

Karson’s only response was to bury his head into her chest. Lena looked down as Karson’s head nestled between her breasts, and the warmth from earlier in the day grew again in her stomach. The head stopped moving, and a happy sigh left the still sleeping man, now comfortably resting on her chest. Lena brought her arms up for a moment and pulled Karson tighter to herself. She loved the feel of him, but she needed to move. As much as she wanted things to escalate between the two of them she was still unsure of the next step they needed to take, and she was still not completely healed from giving birth to Conner. 

Lena rolled Karson onto his back and laughed when he grumbled about loosing his comfortable pillow. She shook him a little more forcibly, and was finally rewarded with tired blue eyes opening.

“Let’s go home, and put you to bed.” 

Karson rolled onto his knees and help load everything into the basket. His was barely awake, and Lena helped to steer him back to the house. When they reached the front porch, Lena pointed Karson up to their room, and went in search of Astra and Alex for her son.

________________________________________

 

When Lena finally walked into her bedroom, with Conner sleeping happily in her arms she found Karson face down in the mattress, blanket haphazardly rumpled, but not covering him. She lay Conner in his bed and covered him up, and then moved to Karson and tucked him in as well with a smile at his sleeping form. 

She was heading to bed when she realized that with Karson being so tired now might be the time to read the book Cat had given her. She had been wanting to pick the book up again, but finding time alone, had been difficult. She walked to her dressing table and opened the top drawer, and dug down to the bottom below all of the things she had stacked on top of it. 

The black leather bound book seemed heavier today then when she had placed it into the drawer. She felt guilty for hiding the book, but didn’t want the embarrassment of having to explain what she was reading. 

She crawled into bed slowly not wanting to wake Karson, but the movement didn’t even stir her sleeping partner. She opened the book and picked up where she left off. The woman in the book was a prostitute, and her life was hard, but the people that she met were all very colorful. 

Lena read about each lover the woman took, but was confused with why Cat had given her the book, because most of her early encounters were men. She knew Karson was mostly male, but in the end she needed to know what to do with the parts of him that were female. 

A Lady who was in an unhappy marriage soon approached her for a companion. Lena found herself engrossed in their early relationship. Every interaction bringing them closer together. She couldn’t help, but laugh at the confusion of the prostitute when the Lady did not immediately seek out pleasure, and instead got to know the woman that would soon share her bed.

Each kiss, and touch seemed to be described differently then the others in the book, and Lena understood why. Kissing Ray had not been unpleasant, but he had always had a goal in mind, and it was obvious that the end result was the only result that really mattered. Kissing Karson was completely different. Karson’s sole focus when they kissed was Lena. Her mouth, her lips, the heat between them, not the destination, but the moment they were in. The author understood in a way Lena had not realized. Being with someone who was interested in the journey not only the destination. 

Lena read about the slow seduction the Lady had with the young protagonist. Every physical encounter lead to a knew discovery, new sensations to enjoy. Lena felt the heat linger under her skin as the two women in the book explored each other. Lena could not help but picture Karson’s hands undressing her slowly finding skin with his hands and his lips. 

Lena clenched her legs together as the Lady explored the other woman’s chest, and Lena remembered Karson’s face nuzzling into her chest earlier on the hill. Her hand slowly tracing her own chest imagining it being Karson’s calloused hands, and a curious mouth. She had to stifle a moan, as her arousal grew.

When the young Aristocrat used talented fingers and a eager tongue to take the young woman over the edge, Lena felt a fire shoot south, and she could no longer hold back her own fingers from trying to find relief. 

She darted a quick look to make sure Karson was still sleeping soundly, and when she found him still asleep facing away from her, lowered her hand down from her chest, and under her night dress. She had never really explored herself before, but the heat has unbearable now. With clumsy searching fingers, and explicit directions on how to pleasure a woman in her mind Lena let her fingers trail through her own slick heat. When she found a hard nub that sent sparks of pleasure though her she concentrated her movements, and soon found the wonderful release she had never found before. Her body shook with each jolt of pleasure. Her hips moved slowly with the movement of her hand, and jerked uncontrollably as her toes curled and her breath caught in her throat. She bit her lip to stifle the groan of pleasure that threatened to rip itself from her chest, and when the feeling finally faded she melted back into the bed. Her skin slick with sweat, and body shaking from stimulation. 

She opened her eyes and turned to check to see if Karson still slept, and Lena was grateful that she didn’t have to explain what she had just done. She felt heavy, and her muscles were loose, and she couldn’t believe what she had thought sex was supposed to feel like. She had always believed that sex was only something men enjoyed, but even with no one else but herself touching her she felt more then every time Ray had touched her. 

The heat that she and Karson had started in the day had been all consuming, and Lena couldn’t help but feel excitement for her future with Karson.   
______________________________________

Dawn had come and gone, and Karson still slept. Lena and Astra were washing clothes in the front yard while Charlotte sat under the shade of a tree playing with her doll, and Conner slept on a palette next to her. 

Charlotte was finally settling into her new position of big sister, and was hopeful that she would soon have a playmate. 

Astra looked up at the house as she pushed stray hair out of her face. “He must have been tired if he has slept all of this time.”

Lena looked up at the sun noting how late in the morning it had become. “He could barely keep his eyes open last night, and when I finally managed to come to bed he slept so soundly, he didn’t even move when I lay next to him.”

“Well I’m glad. He is a hard worker, but there is no reason to push as hard as he has been.” 

Astra rang out a sheet and moved over to the clothes line to hang it to dry.   
“Why did he come home so early yesterday? I expected him to stay out at least until dinner?”

Lena’s happy smile melted away from her face. “The daughter of the farmer he went to help tried to trap him into sleeping with her, and when he refused threatened to spread rumors about him around town.”

Astra’s body stilled, and her face hardened. “What did he do about it.” 

“He talked to the girls father. He has been friendly with him for a long time, and told him he would no longer be able to work for him, and that he would not ruin her reputation if he handled the situation.” Lena’s clipped words showed how angry she still was about the situation.

“Girls like that make it harder for everyone else. Good men who treat women with respect, and don’t try to push boundaries are so hard to come by especially this far west. To try and trap a man that way just makes men feel like women don’t need to be treated kindly.”

Lena could only nod her head. She still wanted to find that woman, and give her a piece of her mind. “To make matters worse she pushed all of Karson’s buttons, about his father, and his upbringing,and made himself doubt his own mind. Made him believe he was more like his father then he thought. I could kill her for that.”

Astra frowned “that boy doesn’t have an ounce of mean in him. Is he protective yes, but mean, or cruel, No. That girl should be strung up for treating him that way.” Astra’s anger was making its way to the surface, when the screen door slammed open and a harried Karson ran into the porch, half dressed, and wild eyed. 

“Jesus, I’m sorry I over slept.” Karson all but ran over to the two women. 

“Hey... hey slow down it’s alright.” Lena tried to sooth him. “You needed the sleep relax.”

Karson had never slept so late in all of his life and he felt the unbridled fear of the repercussions of his actions crawling up his throat. Lena walked over and put both hands on his shoulders.

“Breath baby, no one is going to punish you for sleeping in. Just relax.” 

Karson closed his eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath. His father wasn’t here he was going to be fine. “Thank you.” Karson’s voice came out with a low rasp. 

“Anytime.” Lena spoke quietly as she rolled up on her toes and kissed him lightly. 

“Go inside and drink your tea, and eat a little, ok?”

Karson nodded and headed back into the house.

“What was that all about?” Astra asked completely confused as to why Karson had been so crazy about sleeping in.

“It’s just another wonderful gift from his father. He rarely speaks of what happened to him, but when he had a nightmare awhile back he told me about being beaten for over sleeping. His father’s lessons are something he will have to overcome as time passes.”

“If that man wasn’t already dead...” Astra let her words hang out into the open without need of finishing the sentence. 

“I can’t tell you how often I have thought the same thing.” Lena answers back quietly.

“That tea Karson drinks is he healthy, should I worry, and before you answer I was told not to ask specifics by Cat, and if Karson wanted me to know he would tell me, but I just worry for him.”

Lena bit her lip she knew that Astra had noticed, but she was unsure of what to say. “He is plenty healthy please don’t worry for him. I can’t tell you more then that. I’m sorry.”

Astra shook her head, “ I don’t expect his secrets, I have just grown to care for him a great deal, and didn’t want to be caught unaware if there was a bigger problem.”

Lena nodded happy for Astra’s understanding, and hoped that when she was finally told the truth that she would be like Cat, and see the situation for what it was. 

_____________________________________

Charlotte’s toys were almost finished. The last coat was drying on them so he would most likely be able to give them to her the next day. He had taken a lazy day and spent the majority of his time working on his furniture for the house, and he had accomplished a lot. 

He was still shocked that he had slept as late as he had, and was relieved that Lena had managed to calm him down before he had truly worked himself up. It was hard to forget the lessons that were drilled into him as a child, but it seemed the more time he spent with Lena the less fear he carried. 

“Karson.”

Karson turned and faced his wife who walked into the barn. 

“Hey What brings you out here?” Karson asked cheerfully.

“Checking on you.” Lena wrapped her arm around his waist, and pulled him tightly against her, and smiled when his arm came around her.

“Are these for Charlotte?” Lena studied the small toys with a happy smile. Each toy was perfect. The blocks were colorful, and perfectly carved. The toy horse was beautiful, and so detailed. 

“Yup, they are almost done.” Karson couldn’t hide his smile, he was so excited to give them to her. 

“They are beautifully made Karson truly. I know she will love them.” Lena felt a kiss being pressed into her hair, and smiled down at the wonderful toys on the table.

“I was talking to Astra earlier, about your tea.” Lena felt Karson stiffen for a moment, but he quickly relaxed when she ran her hand up and down his back.

“I have noticed she was curious about the tea I drink, but when she didn’t bring it up I figured she wouldn’t ask.”

“I don’t think she will ask. Cat and her apparently had a conversation about it, and Cat asked that she not push you to speak about it. I think she is just worried for your health.” Lena watched as Karson mentally processed the information. 

“Do you think I should talk to her about it?”  
Karson turned and looked down at the woman pressed into his side.

Lena took a deep breath, and let it out. She had been debating her answer to this question all day. “I don’t really know Karson. I am torn.”

“I have been considering it, but to be honest didn’t know what I wanted to do about it.” Karson pulled Lena into him just a little tighter. 

“I’m afraid of how she will react. I don’t want to loose her. I have grown accustom to her being here, and worry if she reacted badly, what she would say to others. I don’t what to loose you or the kids. Or make your lives harder.”

Lena reached up and rested her hand on Karson’s jaw, “there is nothing in this world that would make you lose me, or the kids. We are not going anywhere. I doubt that she would try to cause you any trouble, but it is always a concern.” 

“Would you tell her? If it were you.” Karson lowered his head and spoke very quietly.

“I don’t come at it from the same perspective as you do, Karson. I have never been afraid of your secret. Now that we are married even if a rumor started, I add legitimacy to the fact that you are male. Your secret is more safe because of me. I can’t tell you what to do, I can only support your choices.”

Karson nodded, “ I will think about it.”

_______________________________________

That night a dinner Alex had a deep frown on her face, and seemed to be lost in thought.

“Alex are you ok?” Karson asked quietly after Alex again pushed her food around her plate without eating. 

“There was news from town today. Most of the southern states are threatening to leave the Union. I think war will be upon us by the end of the year, and a letter came in from Jeremiah’s medical school asking for doctors to volunteer for the Army.”  
Alex spoke quietly.

“Is he going to go?” Karson asked worry creasing his features. 

“I don’t know. It seemed like he was considering it, but who really knows what’s going to happen.” Alex seemed to grow more worried the more they spoke. Alex suddenly brought her hands to her pockets , looking for something. “Lena I forgot... Winn gave me two telegrams for you.”

Lena smiled, and took the paper form Alex. She read them both carefully, and smiled.

“Lex says that he is happy our son is healthy, and that he misses me and Charlotte. Barry said that the second shipment should be arriving soon, and that he is getting more orders every day. Iris and him are looking forward to seeing us all again soon.”

Karson smiled at Lena’s news, he knew that Lena missed her brother. “Do you want to make a trip out to National city?”

Lena looked up at her husband, “I will need to soon, but you have a harvest coming up, and will need help.” 

Karson scratched his jaw a moment, “I have another couple of weeks before we can harvest it if you want to make a trip.”

I will send Barry a message back asking when he expects the shipment, and we will see.”

“Astra do you want to come back to the city with us?” Karson asked looking over to his Aunt. 

She sat quietly for a moment thinking, “I will think about it.” She finally said.

Karson only nodded, and finished his dinner. 

_______________________________________

Karson had thought all day about the conversation that Lena had brought up in the barn. He knew that no one was owed his secret, but he hated feeling like he was lying to his Aunt. His father’s words about hiding who he truly was were always his first thought, but did hiding from the people he trusted make him any more safe. Cat had known about his secret all of his life. Her knowing his secret was what saved him from his father. Alex knowing his secret hadn’t changed how she had felt, and he gained a confidante. Someone he knew would always stand by him, and help him when he fell to far into his own head.

Lena.... Telling Lena had been the best decision he had ever made. He had no secrets from his wife, and she excepted him exactly the way he was. She had made him feel more safe, and comfortable in his own skin then anyone he had ever come across. Telling her had brought a wife, and two children into his life. Things that he had never expected to have, but could scarcely imagine his life without. He knew that this secret could not be told to everyone in his life, but maybe Astra could be another person to help him carry the weight. Mind made up he found Astra sitting on a rocking chair on the porch. 

“Do you feel like taking a walk with me?” Karson asked quietly, his tone uncertain.

Astra smiled trying to reassure her nephew, “of course I will.” 

Karson linked his arm with his Aunt and they slowly made their way up the hill. It seemed this conversation would be between Astra , Karson, and Alura.

When they sat on the grass that covered the hill next to Alura’s head stone, Karson grew quiet, and Astra sat patiently waiting to hear what Karson had to say. They had, had very few serious conversations, but Astra knew Karson would open up when he was ready. 

“Lena told me about your conversation earlier today, and I realized that I had a choice to make.”

Astra’s brows furrowed but she said nothing.

“I have a secret that my life has been built on, and only a handful of people know.”

“You don’t have to tell me your secrets Karson, everyone has them and yours isn’t owed to me or anyone else.”

Karson took a deep breath, and let it out. “I feel like keeping this from you is unnecessary, and hope that when you hear all I have to say you will not look at me differently, and will help me keep my secret.”

Astra only nodded. “When I was growing up my father was a very strict man. I can’t remember a time before I moved away from the farm that he wasn’t trying to mold me into who he thought I should become. He kept me isolated from everyone for the majority of my life, and by the time I finally left the farm and moved in with Cat I had probably only been to town a hand full of times in 16 years.”

Astra sat and listened unsure where the conversation was heading, but was content to let her Nephew speak.

“My mother fought as much as she could to give me a normal life, to give me the things that other children had. She paid for every argument, and liberty that I had, with bruises, and pain. She had very few choices, and when she had to make one was always left with the best of bad choices.”

Karson looked over at his mothers marker with a sad smile. He missed her everyday. More now that he wished she could see how his life was turning out. 

“She was my best friend, and the best thing in my life. When I was told my secret I was thirteen. At that point in my life I had never left the farm, other then to have my arm reset after he had broken it when I forgot to close the barn door, and the animals escaped. The life on this farm was all I knew, and the only reality I had ever had.” 

Astra’s jaw had tightened, at hearing about Karson’s arm, and how Alura and him had lived.

“I was sitting at breakfast on my thirteenth birthday the day my life changed. My father walked in and sat down, and my mother looked so afraid, but later I would find out that her fear was not of my father, which was so often the case, but instead that I would hate her for the choices that she had made.”

“What choice Karson?” Astra finally spoke worry clear on her face.

“When my mother was pregnant with me she was warned that their was only one option for her, give birth to a son. When she had finally finished having her first child she was faced with a choice. Let me live a lie, but be allowed to live, or to let my father kill me, and try to have more children. She chose for me to live.”

“I don’t understand.” Astra finally spoke.

“I was born Kara Zor-El, but my father didn’t want a daughter, he took me from my mother directly from her giving birth to me, and was going to kill me immediately. She couldn’t stand to let him do it so she talked him into raising me as a son. The tea I drink...”

Astra interrupted “helped you develop into a man instead of a woman.”

Karson nodded his head. Astra sat in stunned silence. She would have never guessed. 

“When I was told I had no idea I wasn’t a boy, I had never met another child my age, and could tell no difference between me and my father. I was told that my secret would be kept or I would die for letting it slip, and so I kept it. Mom didn’t keep it however, and with her telling it to Cat saved me when I turned sixteen. Cat stepped in after mom died and protected me from my father and blackmailed him into letting me come live with her. Each person that knows my secret has been for a reason.”

Astra just stared at Karson unspeaking, and Karson decided to finish the rest of his story.

“When I was finally free of my father and living with Cat I knew that I would not have a future, other then to work, and live a solitary life. I never expected to have a wife or children, how could I?”

“I never gave any girl a second look really. I knew that I was not going to marry, and it was unfair to give anyone false hope of a future with me. I ran into Lena outside of Cat’s store. She had just arrived into town, and I was stunned by her. I had never even entertained the idea of ever finding anyone who I could tell my secret to, let alone someone willing to put up with that secret to make a life with me. Meeting Lena was the first time that my future became a burden to me. The first time I realized what was taken.”

Astra sat engrossed in Karson’s story, never expecting what she heard, but unable to stop her interest.

“It seemed as soon as Lena walked into town her life turned upside down, and she went from married with Charlotte, and a future child on the way to widowed in less time then it has taken to tell you this story. After a few days Cat came to me and told me Lena needed help. She needed a husband to help raise her children, and to allow her to inherit the business that would have been rightfully hers if she had not been a woman.” 

Karson picked at the tall grass and started to tear the blades into smaller pieces. 

“I was so afraid of the future Cat gave me a glimpse of. It was everything I knew I could never have. A wife, children.... so I went to my best friend Alex who had never expected anything from me, but friendship. She was the only girl in town like that.” 

“That’s probably because she prefers women.” Astra said flippantly.

Karson’s eyes widened, but thankfully Astra was not looking at him. That was not his secret to tell, and Karson had no interest in confirming Astra’s suspicions. 

“Alex sat and listened to my story, and gave me advice. She was the first person I ever told about myself. She helped me decide what to do, and listened without judgement. It was the first time in my life that what I was afraid of didn’t come true. The first time my father’s words were not the words that helped me make a choice.”

Astra reached over and placed her hand on Karson’s arm gently squeezing it to offer comfort.

 

“When I approached Lena to ask her to consider a future with me I had never been so afraid. I knew she needed help, but knew she couldn’t accept my help without knowing the truth. I told her everything from the beginning, and I sat waiting for her to decide if she would marry me, or if she would take my secret, and bring all of my fears to life.”

“It seems to have worked out for you.” Astra said softly.

“Better then I ever could have imagined. She agreed to marry me, give me a family, and the life I never expected to have. She also gave me acceptance, and a partnership I never expected. She has never held back from me, and has excepted me for exactly what I am. So now I’m telling you.....everything. “

“And what do you expect from me?” Astra finally asked.

Karson bit his lip and gripped his hands together tightly.

“To love me anyway. To know everything and still want to be my Aunt, and the grandparent to my children, and the friend of my wife.” Karson’s voice shook, he knew that it would hurt to be turned away by his Aunt, but he had already taken the leap to trust her, and now the choice was hers.

“Did you know your mother always loved the names Kara and Karson . From the time that we were little until the day we were separated all I heard about when it came to children was what she would name her children. All she ever wanted was to be a mother, all she wanted was you.” Astra’s voice trailed off pain evident in her deep tones.

“She loved you more then anything on this earth, and I know that if we had been luckier that you would have grown up with lots of siblings and cousins around you. You would have grown up knowing your Aunt, knowing my love for you all of your life. I have never been happier then when you and your wife brought me home with you. Let me have a life getting to be part of your family, getting to know the son my sister loved, and raised. We might not have had the life together that your mom and I dreamed of, but I love you with all my heart. Wether your name is Kara or Karson you are my world, and I will love you with all I have.” Astra’s voice wavered, but she looked up to meet Karson’s eyes. She saw the struggle of hiding his happiness at her words. She saw the struggle to hold back the tears that threatened to fall when the fear of being rejected finally left. 

She moved closer and wrapped her arms around strong shoulders that had to hold so much weight all his life and pulled her Nephew to her. Karson melted against her he bit his lip as he was held. He couldn’t believe how much Astra’s words had meant to him. Her love and kindness meant everything, and he allowed himself to be comforted by the woman that looked so much like his mother.


	20. Fun in the sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. This chapter was a bit of a struggle. I couldn’t find a good stopping spot, and I bounced between pushing the physical relationship forward or waiting a bit. In the end it is what it is. I hope you enjoy the chapter it is a bit longer then normal so maybe that will make up for the wait.

Lena walked out to the barn one arm filled with a sleeping infant the other holding the hand of and excited little girl. Karson and Lena had decided to spend a day at the beach, and then travel to National City. They both were excited to decompress and not worry about the farm or any other responsibilities. 

Karson stood in the hay loft finishing the last bit of work that had to be done before they could relax. 

“Daddy we ready!!!” Charlotte called up to her father.

Karson stuck his head over the rail, and smiled down at his family. “Are you sure your ready little one?” Karson teased. He slowly climbed down the ladder, and listened to Charlotte jump up and down, and yell “yes!” Over and over.

“Well if your sure I guess we should get moving.” Karson picked Charlotte up and hugged her tightly, and then moved over to kiss Lena. 

“Are you ready as well wife?” Karson smiled down into green eyes. 

“Yes darling I’m ready.” Lena squeezed Karson’s arm with her free hand. 

Karson loaded up each person into the wagon, and then drove quickly out of the barn. It was still very early in the morning, and they had at least and hour before they reached their destination.

“Daddy where we going?” Charlotte asked as she leaned into his side.

“We are going to see the ocean baby.” Karson smiled down at curious green eyes. 

Charlottes brow furrowed, and Karson only laughed. “It’s a bunch of water, baby. We’re going swimming, if the waters not to cold.” Charlotte’s eye lit up and she excitedly bounced in her seat. Karson’s eyes met Lena’s and they both smiled at there excited little girl. 

________________________________________

The beach was completely empty, as Karson pulled the wagon directly on to the sand. The air was cool coming off of the water, and the breeze held the smell of salt. Neither of his girls had seen the Pacific Ocean before, and he loved the look of awe that crossed their features. 

“It’s beautiful out here.” Lena said quietly. The view from the port in National City barely allowed you to see water this sight was amazing.

“It really is. I’ve only been here once, but it’s beauty has stuck with me.” Karson said with a smile. 

Karson jumped down from the wagon, and helped to lift his small family down into the sand. Charlotte was ready to bolt off, but Karson called out to her. 

“Charlotte.... come here a minute.” Charlotte turned and walked back to her daddy, and looked up at him. Karson knelt down, “the ocean has the same rules as the river. Don’t go in the water without your mother or me. Do you understand baby?” Charlotte nodded her head quickly. Karson leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Go play.” Charlotte turned and started to explore the sand. 

Lena watched Karson and Charlotte interact, and smiled at her husband. Some days she marveled at how easily he had taken to being a parent. 

Karson unhitched the horses and started to unpack the wagon. He used tall polls and old canvas to set up a make shit tent off the side of the wagon so that they could have shade away from the water. Large blankets were placed over the sand and tacked down by rocks on each corner. The food that was packed was placed in the shade under the wagon. Lena moved to take off her shoes, and sit in the shade with Conner. 

“This is wonderful” Lena leaned against the side of the wagon wheel and put Conner down on his stomach so he could practice holding his head up. 

Karson smiled and stripped to longer sleep shorts throwing his clean pants into the back of the wagon with his boots. “It really is , I haven’t spent as much time as I have wanted with all of you lately.” 

“Charlotte come here baby let’s get you changed.” 

Charlotte walked up to Karson and he pulled out one of his old short sleeved shirts. He made quick work of stripping down the wiggly little girl and the tugged his shirt over her head. It swallowed her, and father and daughter giggled. “It’s a little big huh baby.” Charlotte nodded her head. 

“Lena hand me my knife please.” Karson called from over his shoulder, and Lena leaned up and grabbed the knife from under the wagons seat.

The sleeves would be fine, and help protect fair skin from the sun, but the   
length and width would be the problem. Karson took the knife and trimmed the shirt so it would hang just about to Charlotte’s knees, and then used the excess fabric to tie the shirt in at the waist. “That should do. What do you think?” Charlotte looked down and laughed, but nodded her head. 

“Well that is a look.” Lena teased Karson’s make shift swimming suit. 

“I don’t know why you are teasing Lena I have an old shirt, and some shorts for you too. Lena’s eyes widened for a moment, but soon just laughed and shook her head. 

“And what about Conner, do you have an old shirt for him as well?” 

Karson leaned back and scooped Conner up in his arms resting him on his chest. “Nope Conner here can go naked if he wants to swim. Isn’t that right big guy?” Conner was lifting his head to look up at his father, but only stared in response. Lena laughed and lightly smacked Karson’s shoulder. She loved his playful side. Lena pulled Charlotte over to her and quickly braided and tied up her hair to keep it out of her face. Charlotte wiggled, and constantly tried to escape, but in the end Lena managed to finish with the long brown hair. 

“Daddy play?” Charlotte finally manages to leave the shade of the tent, and almost vibrates in excitement as she waited for her father’s response. 

Karson smiled at the little girls excitement, and place a gentle kiss on Conners head. He lifts Conner up and puts him back on his tummy, and crawled out until he was out from under the canvas. 

“Let’s go get wet little duck.” Charlotte happily laughed and ran out towards the water with her father. Lena smiled and watched the two play in the waves, the loud crys of “Cold!!” When the water hit warm skin. Eventually they moved to dig on the wet beach. Lena laughed when Charlotte managed to tumble Karson over into wet sand, and Karson picked up her little girl to plunge them both into a wave. 

Karson soon noticed Charlottes skin starting to color in the sun, so he rinsed all the sand off of her, and carried her back to the blanket.

“Back so soon?” Lena looked up from her book, and smiled. 

“She needs the shade for a bit.” Karson said stripping Charlotte out of her wet clothes, and rinsing her off with some fresh water in the back of the wagon. 

“Mama I swim with fishes, and buried daddy’s feet in sand.” Charlotte snuggled down into Lena’s side and animatedly explained all the fun she had. 

Karson crouched down and smiled at his family. “I’m going to take Conner down to the water a bit, maybe fish for some dinner.” Lena smiled and nodded while handing Conner over to Karson.

Karson put his big brimmed hat over Conners head it swallowed him, but his skin was fully in shade. Cradling the small boy in one arm he grabbed a fishing pole out of the back of the wagon, and headed towards the water. It was tricky to bate and cast the pole with Conner in one arm, but after a bit of juggling he managed to sink his baited pole in the sand so he could play with Conner. 

Karson sat right on the edge of the wet sand where the water would just lick his feet. He placed Conner between his legs and rested his small body back into him, and held up the little torso with one big hand.

Karson waited and after a few minutes noticed Conner kicking his feet when the water would lap over his toes. He smiled to himself and bent over to tickle the feet as they kicked.

“Look at you kicking your feet. Your growing so fast little man.” 

Karson knew that Conner was still a little small to really enjoy the water, but he loved spending time with his son. 

The day was getting too hot to keep Conner out much longer, and it would soon be time to feed the growing infant.

“What did he think?” Lena looked up at the boys as they approached the tent.

“A little to young to appreciate it I think, but he did kick his feet when the water lapped over his toes.” Karson smiled and handed his son to his mother. 

“I’m going to check my fishing pole and get some wood for a fire tonight, but then we can eat some lunch. “ 

“Sounds good baby.” 

Lena watched Karson walk back down the beach, and check his fishing pole. She had never spent time on the beach, but the cool breeze coming off the water, and the shade of the canvas made the day so pleasant. She looked down at her two kids who seemed to be content to lay on the big blanket. 

Karson never seemed to stop moving, Lena mused to herself. She was shocked when he had decided to bring them to the beach as a side trip to heading to National City. Astra and Alex had decided to stay behind, and watch the farm. Lena frowned for a moment thinking of Astra. Astra had said she had wanted to stay home, because she had things to do, but Lena thought it had more to do with how people treated her, knowing she had been a prostitute. As if she had chosen to live that way. 

Alex was still worried about her father. The more Alex spoke, the more it seemed that Jeremiah would leave and help the war effort. Alex and Eliza were both beside themselves with worry and frustration, but in the end no one knew what Jeremiah would do. 

Conners grumpy cry tore Lena from her internal thoughts, and soon maneuvered him so that he could eat. 

________________________________________

The sun was high in the sky, when the small family settled down after lunch. Karson lay flat on his back in only his under shorts, with Conner sleeping happily on his chest. Lena could see his blue eyes slowly start to grow heavy, as the magic of a sleeping child seeped into her husband. It took less then ten minutes before both her boys were fast asleep. Charlotte was restless, and needed to go down for a nap, but Lena figured a short walk to burn the last of the little girls energy out wouldn’t hurt.

“Come on baby let’s go for a short walk before nap.” Lena pulled the little girl into her arms and carried her across the hot sand until they reached the waters edge. Lena wore Karson’s wide brimmed hat to protect her skin, and had changed into Karson’s old clothes after she had fed Conner lunch. 

“Mama look!” 

Lena bent down to see a small crab walking across the sand. “It’s a crab baby!” 

Charlotte squatted down and went to poke the small creature. 

“No baby don’t touch him, we don’t want to hurt him do we?” 

Charlotte shook her head quickly and pulled her hand back but slowly followed the crab until a wave swept him away. 

As they walked up the beach Lena would point out little shells, and Charlotte would run and pick them up. By the time they returned to camp Lena’s hands were full of “Pwetty shells”, and Charlotte was excited to show her father all they had found. 

Lena saw that her two boys were still asleep, and made quick work of cleaning Charlottes feet. “Baby go lay down with your daddy, and after your nap you can show him your shells.”

Charlotte crawled over to her father and lay against his side. Karson instinctively wrapped his arm around the small girl, and pulled her close. Charlotte soon fell asleep with a happy sigh. Lena found herself studying the trio as they slept. Her life was full of such wonderful things, and she was excited to see what her future held.   
________________________________________

The fire crackled to life, and Lena worked quickly to put together a small dinner for her family. Karson had taken both kids out for a walk after there nap, and had not come back yet. The sun would soon set, and the temperature of the day was slowly dropping. The breeze that had kept them cool for the day would soon be too cool to be comfortable without more clothes. 

When she looked up she saw Karson carrying Charlotte on his shoulders, and Conner in one arm. Karson and Charlotte had wide smiles, and it seemed Conner was content to just be carried. 

“Wow baby dinner smells great.” Karson handed Conner to his wife and then knelt down so Charlotte could climb down to the sand. 

Lena smiled when Karson kissed her, “Thank you, it should be ready soon.” 

Karson settled Charlotte down on a log near the fire, after putting her in sleep clothes. Lena fed Conner, and then fixed plates for everyone. She watched as Charlotte slowly started to get sleepy as she ate her dinner. All of the activity of the day had worn the little girl out even with a long nap. They had all gotten a little bit too much sun, and Lena winced when she spotted the red cheeks on her little girl. 

Karson ate quietly, and watched the sun slip below the horizon. Today had been perfect. He had spent the day with both of his children, and had so much fun. Charlotte had such personality, and he loved to hear how she saw the world. It made him excited to see who Conner would become. Already their personalities seemed to be so different. Charlotte was energetic and curious, while Conner seemed to be more laid back and willing to observe. He wondered if Conner would keep those traits when he got older. 

“Darling??” Lena tried to pull Karson out of his thoughts. “Karson??”

Karson blinked up when he finally heard Lena calling out to him. “Will you b put Charlotte down for the night while I change, and feed Conner?” 

Karson leaned the few inches towards Lena and kissed her cheek, whispering a quiet “of course” into her ear.

Karson pulled all the blankets that had sat in the sand all day up and carried them away from their camp and shook them out. After smoothing them out again he picked Charlotte up, and cradled her to his chest.

“Are you ready for bed baby?” Karson spoke quietly hopping to sooth Charlotte to sleep quickly. He slowly rocked back and forth between his feet gently bouncing the small child. Charlotte lay her head in the crook of Karson’s neck, and closed her eyes. 

Karson would normally just lay the little girl down and tuck her in, but tonight felt the urge to hold her for a little while longer. Charlotte was wrapped tightly around his neck and chest, and he squeezed his arms more tightly happy to hold his baby in his arms. When he felt even breathing against his neck he kneeled down and tucked Charlotte in, and kissed her forehead. “I love you baby.” Whispered quietly.

When Karson turned around he saw Lena studying him, and he blushed. Lena walked forward slowly and handed her husband his other child. “He is ready for you too baby.” Once Karson had the sleepy infant, Lena rose to her toes and kissed Karson’s cheek. He rocked his son for a few moments, and like Charlotte watched as his breathing and heavy eyes pulled Conner under.

Karson lay Conner down away from Charlotte so he wouldn’t be kicked in his sleep, and made his way back to the fire where Lena had finished cleaning up after dinner. He held his hand out, and Lena slipped her hand into his. She found herself being pulled to her feet, and into a strong body. 

Karson wanted nothing more then to have Lena pulled tightly into his body. Today had been wonderful, but he had not spent much time with his wife. Lena rested her head against Karson’s chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart. His body was warm, and she burrowed deeper into his embrace to hide from the cool wind. 

“Today was perfect. Thank you for bringing us here.” Lena spoke the words into Karson’s chest, and even though the words were muffled Karson still could hear them.

“Will you come watch the stars with me for a bit?” Karson kissed the top of Lena’s head and rubbed his face into her wind swept hair. 

“Of course.” 

Karson pulled away and found another blanket in the back of the wagon and then reached out to intertwine his hand with Lena’s. They only moved a little ways away from their camp, so they could still hear their children, but we’re out of the glow from the camp fire. Karson spread the blanket out on the cooling sand, and then lay down holding his arms open for Lena to join him. 

Lena crawled into the blanket, and lay her head on Karson shoulder and looked up at the sky. It seemed like the night was so full of stars that there were more stars then empty space.

“How many stars do you think are up there?” Karson asked quietly as he gazed at the heavens.

“Mmm more then anyone could ever imagine I’d guess.” Lena answered while moving tighter into Karson’s side. 

“Today was so much fun.” Karson spoke again a few minutes later. “I love spending time together as a family.” 

Lena turned her head, and pressed a kiss under Karson’s jaw. “I love it too.” 

Karson turned and looked down into Lena’s shadow darkened features. “This life that you have given me fills me up so full I sometimes feel like I’m overflowing with it. I can’t tell you how happy you all make me.” 

Lena leaned up on her elbow, and brought her hand up to slowly caress his strong jaw. “I’m glad your happy love, surly you know how full you have made our lives as well.” 

Karson leaned his head into Lena’s touch and smiled up at his wife. He moved his hand up to cup Lena’s cheek, and slowly drug his thumb across her cheek. The silence was comfortable, but the longer they stared at the other the more the air became charged with need to be closer. 

Karson moved his hand until his fingers curled around the back of Lena’s neck. He put pressure on his fingertips and slowly pulled Lena down so he could taste Lena’s lips. Lena allowed Karson to pull her down and slotted her lips against his. Slow lingering kisses were traded. Lena felt warm lips press into hers, and reveled in the heat that slowly grew in her belly. Karson pressed his tongue into Lena’s mouth, and slowly drew patterns into her mouth. With every stroke of his tongue, he grew more eager to taste more of his wife. 

Lena felt herself being flipped onto her back and Karson’s warm body hover over her. She ran one hand up his back and tangled her fingers into blond waves. The other hand rested against Karson’s chest,and soon found itself twisted in the fabric of his shirt. 

With every brush of lips, and swipe of a tongue the heat grew between the pair. Lena could feel all of her senses becoming consumed by the man that hovered over her. The soft feel of lips that were stoking the fire low in her belly. The heat radiating from a body that was not yet pressed into her like she would like. The flex of muscles under her hands as they strained to stay perched above her. Lena needed air, her lungs were burning with the need to take a deeper breath, and she forced their lips apart. 

Karson pulled back chest heaving and looked down into Lena’s flushed face. Lena used her blunt nails and scratched through the short hair at the back of Karson’s neck, while the other ran slowly up and down a muscular back. Karson felt goosebumps raise on his skin as Lena scratched the back of his neck. His body was smoldering from Lena’s attention, and his muscles were vibrating with tension. Karson’s arms started to tremble from holding himself above Lena’s body. He had never felt the heat.... the need for some unknown goal so acutely before. It was almost all consuming.

“Come down here baby you don’t have to hold yourself up.” Lena moved her hand down to his lower back and gently guided his body down on hers. 

Karson felt their bodies press together, and felt heat surge under his skin. He knew Lena made him feel things he had never felt before, but this need that was thrumming under his skin was like a fire that was untamable, and was threatening to consume him. He shut his eyes tightly trying to rein himself in. Losing control of himself was truly frightening. Never in his life had he let himself truly let himself be consumed by anything. Control of himself was always expected, but Lena was slowly ripping down all of his carefully placed barriers to self control. 

Lena watched Karson shut his eyes tightly, as his trembling body lowered to lay flush with hers. She wanted to push forward, to press beyond the things they had done together, and truly know Karson in every way she could. She wanted to touch his skin with her hands. Wanted to taste the salt off his shoulders. She wanted to draw that amazing release she felt out of Karson, and see how he would react to her touch. 

When blue eyes finally opened Lena saw a mixture of feelings swirling in Karson’s gaze. There was the heat that had bloomed between them, but there also seemed to be apprehension. Lena pulled her hand from the back of his neck, and cupped his face.

“What’s the matter darling.” Lena asked with a small smile.

Karson grit his teeth, and swallowed thickly. He still felt a war within himself. He desperately wanted to continue to explore the beautiful woman below him, but there was so many things that he was unsure of. She had more experience then him, and with a man that actually had the parts they should have. He had no idea how to continue, and if he could give Lena what she desired. How was he supposed to explain what he was feeling to Lena.

Instead of speaking he leaned back down to kiss Lena’s lips again. His kiss was gentle, and slow. He explored the slightly swollen lips of his wife. Let his tongue taste and enjoy the willing mouth below him. 

Lena’s eyes fluttered shut when Karson’s mouth again took hers. His gentle assault was stealing her breath away. Each time his teeth nipped her lip, her heart beat faster. When their tongues met a shot of arousal coiled under her skin. 

Karson felt again like he was spinning out of control and pulled his mouth away. He lowered his head until it rested on Lena’s shoulder. She instinctively moved a hand to slowly stroke the back of his head, and ran soothing circles along his spine.

“Are you ok baby?”

Karson nodded his head but didn’t pull away from her shoulder. Lena couldn’t quite figure out why Karson pulled away from what they were doing. They lay together in silence for a few minutes. Karson laying on top, and Lena gently soothing him. 

When Karson slowly pulled away he looked down at Lena. He saw the concern and the confusion in Lena’s gaze, but had no way to assuage her. 

“I’m sorry...” Kara’s voice was full of gravel.

“What are you sorry for?” Lena’s brow furrowed with confusion. 

“I’m just not sure how to do this?.... All of this. I’m not quite sure.... I just feel so much.” 

If it were lighter Lena would have seen a deep blush on Karson’s face, but when his eyes moved away from hers she could tell he was uncomfortable. Lena could feel how taught and tense Karson was against her. She knew it wasn’t lack of want that was holding him back, but she was still didn’t fully understand what he felt.

“It’s ok Karson. We can stop here.” Lena continued to try to rub her hands over him soothingly. Lena expected her words to bring comfort, but only saw frustration and conflict flickering across his face. 

Karson was torn with wanting to continue, and with being unable to because of who he was. How would he ever be able to be what Lena needed this way. Karson rolled off Lena and stared up at the sky. He hated that he felt so inadequate in this moment. Lena had never made him feel that way, and obviously she wanted him like he wanted her. But now the doubt had set in, and the uncertainty about how to move forward was too loud in his head. Karson shut his eyes and tried to push away all thought clear his mind, but every doubt was too loud. Every her emotion he felt was to pronounced, to be silenced. 

Lena missed Karson’s weight the second he rolled away. She rolled to her side to look at Karson, and found him laying on his back eyes squeezed shut body coiled tightly. Concern rolled through her and she sat up moving closer. She reached out and pulled his hand off his chest and squeezed his fingers tightly. 

“Karson, talk to me what’s the matter?” Lena waited for him to open his eyes and turn his head to look at her. 

Karson looked guilty when he finally looked at her, but he had no words to speak. Instead he opened his arms hoping she would crawl in them so he could ground himself. Lena didn’t hesitate, and moved to lay against Karson’s body. Karson felt himself relax with Lena pressed to him.

“I don’t know how to explain what just happened, but if you could just give me a bit of time I will figure it out and explain it when I can.” His words were quiet, and Lena knew it was a step further for them. For Karson to not pull away when he was afraid or to be upset, but to tell her he needed time and then they would speak.

“I’ll be here when your ready.” Lena finally answered. “Do you want to go to bed?” 

Karson squeezed her tighter to him. “In just a minute. I love being this close to you.” 

Lena smiled and nuzzled into Karson’s chest tighter. They would work through what ever this was later. For now she would be happy with what she had.

_______________________________________

Lena woke before the sun, and shivered with the wind coming off the ocean. She slowly sat up looked around, and smiled. Karson was curled up beside her with Conner tucked into his chest, and Charlotte was sprawled out on her other side arms thrown out wide, and hair in a tangled mess. 

She crawled out of there make shift bed, and went to the fire pit from the night before and managed to coax a fire to grow despite the wind. She started breakfast, knowing they would need to get moving towards National city soon. When the water in the kettle started to boil she made tea and slowly drank it as the sun began to rise over the water. She watched the colors bloom with the birth of a new day, and silently watched the world come to life around her. 

Karson slowly woke, and maneuvered Conner off his chest onto the blanket next to him. When he crawled out from under the canvas he smiled. Lena sat watching the sun rise. He walked over and sat next to her and slung his arm over her shoulder. To his delight she moved and arm around his waist and snuggled into his side. 

“Morning.” Karson said as he kissed Lena’s temple.

“Morning.” Smiling Lena leaned her head against Karson’s Jaw. She handed her drink to Karson so he could share with her. Karson took the drink happily and took a small sip enjoying the heat of the glass in his hands. 

“It’s beautiful watching the sunrise here.” Lena said quietly. Karson hummed in response and pulled Lena just a little closer. 

“Do you want some breakfast before the kids wake up?” 

“Please.” Lena started to move, but Karson didn’t. “Just one more minute?” Karson turned to look at Lena a small smile on his face. “Just one more minute.” Lena repeated with a smile. 

Karson smiled brightly at his wife, and leaned in bringing there lips together. The kiss was easy, and playful, and when they pulled away from each other both had happy smiles on their faces. The previous night didn’t hang in the back ground like a specter waiting for there guard to drop, it was there but when it was time it would be delt with. Now they would return to their lives, and move forward. 

“Let’s get moving.” Lena finally spoke, and moved to get the day started.

_______________________________________

National City was always full of life. Karson drove through the city streets towards the boarding house. The day was still relatively cool, and he was ready to be out of the wagon. 

When they pulled up outside of the boarding house Charlotte squealed with excitement, and bounced in her seat until Karson helped her down, and let her run into the house. He was still unloading Lena and Conner when Iris came out of the front door with a happily chatting Charlotte on her hip. 

“Welcome back guys I’ve missed you.” Iris moved forward bringing Lena into her arms for a tight hug, and then moving to hug Karson as well. 

Iris soon noticed the small bundle wrapped up in Lena’s arms and smiled brightly. “Well let me see the little new addition.” 

Lena walked forward and let Iris see Conners face. He was awake and his blue eyes blinked up at Iris. 

“Well isn’t he just the cutest thing.” Iris said as she slowly stroked her fingers down the smooth warm cheek.

Iris turned to the little girl in her arms, “I bet you are a great big sister. Conner is lucky to have a big sister like you.” 

Charlotte smiled widely, and happily talked to Iris all about being a big sister, and Iris moved to head back into the house. Lena smiled and shook her head at the pair moving into the house.

“I’ll get them settled, and then we can head to the warehouse?” Lena said as she smiled up at Karson.

“Sounds great.” Karson said, and he moved to unload their belongings. 

It didn’t take long for Lena to find out that Iris wanted to keep Charlotte with her, and so they made there way to her business. 

Barry was loading wagons for delivery when they walked into the large building. Lena looked around a moment and smiled. It seemed that the new delivery was already unloaded, and organized. 

“Barry it looks wonderful in here.” Lena happily called out to her manager.

Barry turned at hearing Lena’s happy voice and a smile bloomed on his face. “Lena, Karson Your here!” Barry moves up and hugged his friends.

“It’s really come together. This shipment was so big we broke the delivery into two days. We are about to leave with the last delivery.” 

Lena smiled brightly at the news, and moved with Barry to look at the order sheets, and financials.

Karson watched as the two animatedly talked over the business. “Your mama is a smart lady. This business is going to be amazing.” Karson let his eyes fall to his son who was happily being carried through the warehouse. 

Lena let Barry go back to loading the wagons, and was seated at the counter looking over all the progress in the business.

“Well Lee this place seems to be doing well.” 

Lena stiffened for a moment when she heard the voice, and then looked up with excitement.

“Lex?!” 

Lex smiled and opened his arms, and soon had Lena wrapped tightly to him.

“I missed you Lee.” Lex said quietly while squeezing Lena to him.

“I missed you to.” Lena said letting a few happy tears fall down her face. 

Karson watched as Lena ran to a tall bald man in the entrance of the warehouse, and smiled although he was confused about who the man was. Lena turned with a bright smile and waved him forward. 

“Karson come here I want you to meet my brother.” Lena was so excited for her two favorite men to meet each other.

Karson was surprised to hear that the man who stood next to his wife was her brother, but was happy for Lena, he knew she missed him terribly.

Karson held out his free hand, “I’m Karson it’s nice to finally meet you.” 

Lex took Karson’s hand, and shook it with a tentative smile.

“Lex this is my husband Karson and my son Conner.” Lena finally explained realizing Lex didn’t know her new husbands name. Lex’s smiled warmed up and he realized who the man was standing in front of him. 

“It’s nice to meet you too.” 

Lena took Conner from Karson’s arms with and excited smile, and handed the small baby to her brother. “Conner this is your uncle Lex.” Lex held Conner close to him looking down at the his blue eyes, and smiled. 

“He’s perfect Lee. Where is my little Duck?” Lex looked around hoping to see the toddler. 

“She is staying with Iris at the boarding house today.” Lena said smiling. Lex looked sad for a moment, but soon regained his smile. “We can go see her in a bit. Show me around Lee.”

Karson went to leave the warehouse, happy to let Lena and her brother spend time together. Lena was moving into the warehouse when she realized Karson wasn’t following, and turned back to him. 

“Are you ok?” Lena asked quietly.

“I’m fine Lena...” Karson smiled widely at her. “I’m just letting you spend some time together.” Lena leaned up and kissed his cheek. 

“Thank you darling.” 

“Do you want me to take Conner.” Lena looked back at her brother who held their son with a large smile on his face.

“No it’s ok.”   
________________________________________

Lex and Lena walked around the warehouse, and then talked to Barry before they left to make deliveries. 

“So catch me up Lena how have you been.” Lex sat and watched Lena rock Conner until he fell asleep.

“I’ve been great Lex.” Lena looked up and smiled at her brother.

Lex’s eyebrows rose in surprise. Lex had rarely seen Lena smile since she had left Ireland, but she was practically beaming at him. 

“Really? I was worried when I heard about Ray. I know you didn’t care for him, but I didn’t expect for you to be so happy. Especially when you had to remarry so soon.”

Lena frowned for a moment, “it wasn’t that I didn’t care for him Lex. I just didn’t love him, and to be honest he ignored me for the most part. I was grateful for that then, but now that I know better I would have been so much more unhappy.”

“What do you mean you know better?” Lex asked with confusion. 

“You know I never wanted to be married in the first place, but when Ray died I didn’t have a choice. God Lex I was so pissed, I didn’t want to marry again. But then a friend of mine brought me to Karson.” Lena smiled warmly thinking of how her and Karson got together, and how far they had come.

“He seemed like a nice enough guy.” Lex said still studying his sister with confusion. 

“He is one of the best people I have ever met. I didn’t want to be married, but he has been so wonderful. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else.” 

Lex truly looked shocked. He never expected Lena to be happy like this. He had always been sad knowing that Lena had been so unhappy. He hated that she had been married off so young by their parents, and when he had seen her last, he had been so angry at how unhappy she had seemed. When he heard that Ray died and that she would have to remarry his heart had hurt for her choices, and when his schedule had freed up enough to come visit this was the last thing he had expected to find. 

“Are you sure your happy Lena?” 

“Yeah Lex I really am.”

_______________________________________

Karson walked along the board walk enjoying the weather. Lex being in town had been a surprise, but not a bad one. Lena had looked so happy to see him, and that’s all that really mattered. Lena had had a choice to stay and marry him or to move home and live with Lex. Karson was so glad that she had chosen him. It was funny how life turned out. How one man’s bad fortune could bring such wonderful fortune to another. Ray’s lack of care for Lena’s future had brought him everything. Karson stopped in his tracks. Ray had not planned for Lena’s future, and had taken away all of her choices. 

Karson had made no plans for Lena’s future either. If something happened to him they would all be in trouble, and it would be him that had taken no care. That idea scared him more then he cared to admit. Decision made he moved with purpose to find someone to help protect Lena’s future.

When he talked to a few people in town he was pointed to a small law office in the middle of town. When he walked in he was greeted by a small round woman, with a serious face. 

“How May I help you?” 

“My name is Karson El, and I need some form of documents to make sure my family is taken care of if I am no longer living, but I’m not sure exactly what I would need. 

The woman briefly smiled, and motioned for him to take a seat, and disappeared into the back office. It didn’t take long for a elderly man in a trim suit to come forward to get him.

Karson looked around the man’s office for a brief moment, until the Lawyer sat behind his desk. 

“I understand that you need a will.” 

“Yes sir if that’s what documents are needed to protect my families interests after I’m gone.” 

“What assists are you trying to pass on and to whom.” 

Karson hated how cold the lawyer seemed, but he still answered. 

“I have a wife and two children, I owned our farm before we were married, but she inherited a business from her first husband. I just want to make sure no one can take anything away from them if I die, and I don’t want my wife to be forced into another marriage in order to protect our family.”

 

“It’s not unusual for women to remarry for that reason.” The lawyer spoke as if it truly didn’t matter if Lena had to remarry or not.

“No it’s not, but if she doesn’t wish to remarry then I don’t want her to be forced to, in order for her to be able to keep our home or her business.” Karson tried to stay calm, but the man’s attitude was rubbing him wrong.

“Her business? If you are married wouldn’t it be yours?” The lawyer looked up surprise written on his features.

“No it’s her business, she inherited it from her husband when he died, but was forced into a marriage in order to inherit the property.”

“Be that as it may it would still be yours, and would need to be in the will.” The lawyer sat with a furrowed brow. 

“Is there anything else you need to know. Or that I need to do to make sure that this is taken care of.” Karson grit his jaw to maintain his growing temper.

“Are either of your children male?” The lawyer asked.

“Yes the youngest is male.” Karson answered.

“Do you want to leave the properties to him instead. It’s uncommon for women to own property, and your wife could stay executor until he is old enough to inherit.”

“No, my wife will inherit from me, but if she is gone as well then I would like to split my property equally between both my children.”

“You want to leave your daughter land?” The shock in the lawyers voice dripped with distaste for the idea. 

“They are both of my children, and I want them to share in what I own. My daughter is no less deserving of an inheritance then my son because of her gender.” Karson’s words were clipped, and his frustration was evident.

“That’s not the common place Mr. El” 

“However uncommon it may be it is my wish. Are you willing to draw up my will or not.” Karson asked with frustration.

“Of course I will. Come around again tomorrow about this time, and read over everything if it suits you we will sign it and get your papers filed.”

Karson stood and nodded his head and left the office quickly. When he walked back into the boardwalk he stood still closing his eyes and took a few deep breaths to calm his anger that had moved to the surface. The man was so short sighted for someone so educated. 

Karson no longer felt the need to be around people, and started to move towards the boarding house. The house was quiet when he walked in, and soon he saw why. Charlotte was asleep on the sofa, and Iris was sitting near by reading a book. 

Iris looked up surprised to see Karson standing in the door way.

“I didn’t expect to see you so soon. Did Lena stay behind with Barry?”

Karson moved into the room and sat in a chair across from Iris. “No. Lena’s brother came for a surprise visit, and I let them to get caught up.” 

Iris smiled even though she was surprised, “Well that’s wonderful. Does he need a room?” 

The screen door slammed shut and Lena and Lex’s voice flowed into the room. The two siblings came around the corner arm and arm. Lena’s smile was more then enough to be happy Lex had visited. Conner seemed to be quite content in his uncles spare arm. 

Charlotte got up quickly and squealed, “wex!!”

Lex unhooked his arm from Lena’s and bent down “my word little duck you have grown.” Lex hugged his niece with one arm. 

Karson bent over, “I’ll take him if you want.” Lex happily handed over the infant so he could really hug his niece. 

“Iris, do you have anymore space for my brother?” Lena asked as she moved around the room to loop her arm through her friend. 

“Of course I do.” Iris said with a wide smile. 

“Thank you I didn’t want to stay at the whore house.” Lex smiled up at Iris with a kind smile. 

________________________________________

Dinner was a lively affair. The two siblings spoke animatedly about growing up in Ireland, and all of the trouble that they had gotten themselves into. Karson listened with rapt attention laughing when Lena had taught a older boy his place after he had tried his hand at getting a kiss. 

“I think he was so afraid of her after that that he crossed the street when he saw her.” Lex laughed and wiped a tear off his cheek.

“That is untrue brother....” Lena said with a grin, “he would turn and run the other way.” Lena laughed and leaned into Lex’s side. 

Barry and Iris laughed at the two siblings and happily listened to all the stories they had. 

Karson stood up with Charlotte sleeping in his arms. “I’m going to put her to bed I’ll be back.” Karson stopped so Lena could kiss the sleeping girl lightly on the head and whispered a “thank you” to her husband.

Lex furrowed his eyebrows for a moment unused to someone other then Lena caring for Charlotte. It seemed he needed to get to know his brother in law. He had never bothered with Ray.

_______________________________________

It was late when Lena and Karson made their way to bed. The evening had been a lot of fun, and Karson enjoyed hearing about Lena when she was a child. It seemed that Charlotte was like her mother in more was then just looks. 

“Lena...” 

Lena turned while she was lacing up the front of her night gown. “Hmmm?”

“If you wouldn’t mind I need you for a bit tomorrow before lunch?”

Lena furrowed her brow a moment, “of course. What do you have planned?”

Karson sat on the bed and rubbed his neck. “I realized today that I was no better then Ray when it comes to caring for you, and I plan to fix that.”

Lena moved to sit down next to Karson, “what do you mean? You do a fine job taking care of me.”

Karson took Lena’s hand and squeezed it. “If I died like Ray did you would be in the same boat you were in when we met. I should have taken steps sooner. I’m sorry Lena.”

Realization dawned and Lena, and she could have smacked herself, for not taking the steps herself. She had been so caught up in their life she had not thought of it, and considering that she would be the one to pay the price it was a stupid mistake.

“I can’t believe I didn’t think of it either. I must be a glutton for punishment.” Lena’s exasperated tone filled the air. 

“So you will go so you can read over the paper work. I just want to make sure it’s all right before I sign it.”

“Of course I will come. Thank you for thinking of it. You can’t know how much it means to me.” Lena leaned over and kissed Karson, and then both maneuvered into the bed to sleep.

_____________________________________

The next morning was quiet, and Iris and Lex agreed to watch the children while Lena and Karson went to the Lawyers office.

When they entered the short round woman escorted them back to the Lawyers office. He looked surprised to see Lena, and covered his distaste for her being involved poorly.

“Read over the will, if we need changes let me know.” The Lawyers left the room to the couple.

Karson picked up the document and without reading it passed it over to Lena. Lena spent the next few minutes reading the document.

Lena was happy to see that Karson had managed to include the farm and her business. She was unsurprised to find that in the event of her death that the estate would be split between both of their children. 

“We need to name an executor if we die before our children are old enough to take the property, and we also need to name someone to care for them.” Lena finally said as she put the papers down. 

Karson furrowed his brow he hated the idea of leaving his children behind for someone else to raise. “Well there is always Cat, Astra or Alex.” Karson finally spoke. As if remembering something, “or Lex if you wanted.” 

Lena didn’t know who to choose to raise their kids. The idea of anyone doing so with out her left a hole in her heart she didn’t know how to fill. 

“As much as I love Lex and know he would love our kids, I don’t want them to be moved across the country away from their home.” Lena bit her lip in concentration. 

Karson frowned “I’m not sure that Alex or Astra would be able to run the farm long term, and I would worry for them trying to support the kids.” Karson stood and ran his hands through his hair while he walked to the near by window. “This is so hard. I don’t want anyone else raising our kids.” 

Lena agreed with Karson she hated this. “What about Cat? Between Alex, Astra, and Cat I think they would be ok. Even if it’s not ideal.” 

Karson turned from the window and nodded. The Lawyer made his way back into the room, and sat behind his desk. Karson moved to sit beside Lena. “We need to make an addition.” Karson stated quietly.

“If we are both dead, but our children are not old enough to care for themselves, we need an executor of our estate, and a person named to care for our children.”  
Lena spoke, and reached out to pull Karson’s hand into hers.

“Very well... who would you name executor?” The Lawyer asked immediately.

“My brother Alexander Luthor will take control over my shipping business, until the children are old enough.” 

“My Aunt Astra, and Alexandra Danvers will take over the Farm.” Karson added quietly. 

“Cat Grant will be in charge of our children until they are old enough to care for themselves.”

“I will make these additions, if you would step outside a moment, then we can get this filed.” The Lawyer dismisses the couple, and hurried to finish the work.

Lena and Karson sat on a bench outside the dark office, and waited. Their minds filled with melancholy thoughts of leaving their children behind. That eventuality had never been a thought. All dreams for the future had included them all, and regardless of the fact that loss was inevitable neither of them had allowed the thought to enter their minds. 

Karson squeezed Lena’s hand tightly. “I’ve decided. I’m not going anywhere. I’m not missing out on our lives together. Will be damned. It won’t be needed. It’s just a back up plan.”

Lena laughed at the stubborn set to Karson’s jaw, “I agree. We are not going anywhere. This is just a precaution.” Lena leaned into Karson’s side tighter. The dark thoughts of the future pushed away by hopes for a happy future where everyone was together.


	21. Miscommunication

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey surprise!!!! I felt bad about how long I kept you guys waiting for the last chapter so I put out this one!!! So it’s a mixed bag yay new chapter, but oh no!!! Is that some angst???? Dun dun da!!!! Hopefully it wont last long, but who knows ;) enjoy the chapter everyone.

Lex was surprised with how different the east coast was to the west coast. The city was big, but it seemed like there was so much more space to move around. He walked up and down the board walk with Charlotte propped up on his shoulders. 

Every street he walked down had little shops run buy small families, and the streets seemed to bustle with movement. The biggest difference he could tell was the amount of people. National City seemed far less full the the east coast. 

Karson and Lena had gone to the Lawyers office early in the day, and Lex had decided that it was the perfect opportunity to spend some one on one time with his niece. Him and Lena had always been so close, and he always assumed that when they had children they would grow up together, but it was apparently not going to be the case. 

Lex’s future was obviously on the east coast, and from what he could tell Lena was making a success of living out here on the west coast. He would not get to spend the time he would like with his niece, and he doubted he would get the time he wanted with his nephew. 

“Hey little duck are you getting hungry?” Lex asked while looking up trying to get a glimpse of the girl on his shoulders.

“Hungry Wex!” Charlotte said loudly as she bounced up and down. 

“Ok then let’s head back to the boarding house and see what Ms. Iris has ready for lunch.” 

Iris was working happily in the kitchen with Conner laying on a blanket on the floor kicking his feet in the air. 

Charlotte ran into the kitchen and jumped into Iris’s arms. “Iris I’m hungry.” Big green eyes shined happily, but a devilish pout hid behind a pretty face.

“Your hungry?...... are you sure?” Iris looked down in Charlottes face with a teasing grin, and then smiled at Lex as he entered the small kitchen. 

“Yes I’m hungry Iris.” Charlotte announce with a firm shake of her little head. 

“Well I guess we can’t have that. I need to make biscuits to go with the soup we are having for lunch do you want to help me?” 

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Charlotte jumped up and down in Iris’s arms. 

“Why don’t we switch I’ll take little man and you take little duck and we will meet at the lunch table. What do you say?” Lex smiled widely at Iris.

“Sounds like a plan!” Iris was already moving a stool up to the counter top, and she watched as Lex sat on the floor next to Conner who was happily trying to figure out what the things were that were kicking in the air. 

“Are you trying to catch your feet little man?” Lex pulled a small foot down to Conner so could inspect his toes a little closer. With his fingers Lex quickly tickled the other kicking foot causing the little boy to squirm and kick out his foot in reflex. He had not been around an infant before. Charlotte was walking the first time that Lex saw her, and she had been the only child that he had ever been around. Conner was truly marvelous. Although he was small Conner’s personality was already developing, and Lex was so happy for the few moments he would have.   
______________________________________

Lena walked arm in arm with Karson back towards the boarding house. The legal papers were signed, and a copy would be mailed to their home in a few weeks. The morning was emotionally draining, but under all of the fatigue and sadness relief was present. Her future was set, and she would never have to remarry again. 

Lena looked up at Karson then. He was looking in shop windows, but obviously had little interest in what he was looking at. It’s true that she never wanted to remarry, but the reasons had changed. No she still didn’t want to marry a stranger who could run her life as they pleased, and take what they wanted from her. 

Now however it was deeper then that. The idea of not being Karson’s, of anyone other then him being with her in any way broke her heart. She was not sure when it had happened, but Karson filled her heart completely. She had been content, loving her children, had felt full enough with her love of Charlotte, and Conner even when she had not known who Conner would be. The day she had stepped out of the stage and realized this was her new life, she had been content, even with Ray. 

A small smile bloomed on Lena’s face, as she thought of the first time she had seen her husband. He was so kind even though he seemed flustered, now that she thought back on it. She didn’t know it then, how he would change her life, she had just marveled at his kindness, and if she was honest with herself, with how incredibly good looking he was. 

“What’s got you smiling?” Lena startled at the words and blushed brightly. Karson had stopped walking and studied Lena’s face with a curious smile. 

Lena felt how hot her face was, but she could not fight the blush that had risen to her cheeks. “Nothing, I’m just happy.” 

Karson smiled, he always wanted Lena to be happy, but that’s not what this was. “Are you sure?.... Because I rarely blush when I’m asked a simple question.” Karson’s teasing tone was not missed by his wife, whose face seemed to grow impossibly more red. 

“It is unkind to tease your wife, husband....” Lena tried to divert the conversation, but with the look on Karson’s face knew it would be a difficult task. 

“Well perhaps I would not tease my wife if she would answer her husbands questions.” 

Lena huffed out a breath and bumped Karson’s side as she started to walk forward trying to leave the conversation behind. Karson’s quiet chuckles next to her made her smile just a little. She loved his laugh, and seeing him so care free, especially after this mornings meeting.

They walked in silence for a few minutes happy to be with the other. Lena decided that there would be no harm in telling Karson what she had been thinking.

“I was thinking how relieved I was that I would never have to remarry.” Lena said quietly.

Karson turned and looked down at Lena with a small smile. “I’m glad this morning has given you some peace.” Karson said with a kind smile.

“I am glad for the peace, but it’s not really that I was thinking about.” Lena finally said.

Karson saw a bench that sat under a tree near the church and pulled Lena gently until they sat under the shade. “If not that then what?” Karson’s question held only curiosity.

Lena took Karson’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “I was thinking that you were the only person that I could picture my life with. The only person I would ever want to be married to. The only person who could make me happy.” 

Karson sat in stunned silence. He had known that Lena was happy. You could see the way she had bloomed when she had been given her freedom. He had always just assumed that she had settled, and that she had made peace with the life she had made, and her happiness had grown from that. Sure he had known that they had a strong friendship, and she was the best partner that he could ever have. She had made it clear that she cared for him emotionally as well, their was no other he trusted more then her. They had grown into a more physical relationship as of late, but he had assumed it was just one of the needs she needed met, and if he was honest he was enjoying the new dynamic between them, even if he was still unsure of how to proceed. 

Lena watched the myriad of emotions play across his face. “Why does that shock you?” Lena finally asked. 

Karson’s attention was immediately drawn back to their conversation. “I’m just surprised that’s all.” 

Lena frowned. Had he really not figured it out. Could he really not tell. She had made no secret of her growing affection for him. They were closer to each other then anyone she had ever had in her life. Lena could not figure out what else she needed to say, she had spent months being as honest and open as possible, and he still couldn’t tell how much she cared. 

“Let’s go back to the boarding house I’m sure that Conner is getting hungry.” Lena stood quickly, and Karson reflexively stood as well. He was confused why Lena seemed to be upset, but looped their arms together and escorted her back to their home. 

_______________________________________

When the couple arrived back at the boarding house Iris was just finishing setting the table.

“Perfect timing you two. Are you hungry?” 

“Starving.” Lena smiled at her friend and walked into the kitchen to find her daughter standing at the sink with Lex washing up for a meal, and Conner happily playing with his feet. Lena bent down and picked Conner up.

“I’m going to feed him first, you can get started without me.” Lena moved up the stairs quickly, and settled in to feed her son. 

Conner seemed to be excited to eat, and Lena laughed at his waving hands and feet as he watched her position them for his feeding.

“Relax... relax I’m moving as fast as I can.” 

Conner started to eat quickly, and Lena smiled down at him. She ran her fingers lightly through his dark hair, that seemed to have some curl, once it got long enough it would probably wave and curl around his ears like Karson’s did. 

Lena marveled at how smooth his skin was. Charlottes had been the same, but there was nothing quite like an infants skin. Conner seemed to be more aware of his body lately, because he was practicing movements with his hands and feet. Lena watched him curl and uncurl his hands, while he ate. She rested her fingers near his small fist, and smiled when a strong grip reached out and squeezed onto her finger. 

Lena felt her frustration slowly ebb the longer she watched her son eat. She was unsure why Karson’s confusion at her remarks frustrated her, but they did. How could he truly not know how much he was cared for. For God sakes they were rolling around in the sand not two days ago. 

Even without all of the physical affection Lena had been there for him through every emotional problem he had encountered. She had leaned on him more then anyone else in her life. They shared everything together, even if they had not taken the final step physically. 

Lena’s brow furrowed again. He had still not opened up to her about that. She let out a sigh. He asked for time, and she would give it, but why had he pulled away from her. She could tell he was conflicted about it. She had seen the lust for her in his gaze.

Lena was confident that if Karson had not pulled away that they would not have stopped the other night. Did he pull away because he was unsure of her feelings for him. Is that why he was so confused earlier today, why was he so conflicted that night. Maybe he needed to hear the words, but she had never said them to anyone other then her parents, Lex or the children. She knows she feels them, but saying them was daunting. Sure she had called him “love” as a term of endearment, but never those particular three words. 

Conner finally let go, and seemed to be sated for the moment. Lena cleaned herself back up, and closed her dress. She placed Conner on her shoulder, and gently patted him, as she slowly walked towards the stairs. She pushed her troubled thoughts away, and went to join everyone at lunch.

__________________________________

Charlotte sat happily on Karson’s lap, and Karson fed them both lunch. Lex watched on as the two interacted, and smiled at the obvious bond the two shared. 

When Lena walked into the room Lex held his hands out for his Nephew. “Give him here, and eat.” 

Lena smiled and handed the boy to his uncle and squeezed her brothers shoulder. “Thanks Lex.” He just winked at her and continued to eat with one hand as the other was now full. 

“So how did the morning go?” Lex asked happily.

Lena smiled, “it went fine. The Lawyer was an unpleasant man, but the paperwork is all signed.” 

Lex smiled, he was happy that Karson seemed to be caring for his sister, and their children far better the Ray had. 

“How long are you going to be staying on the west coast?” Karson looked up at his brother-in-law.

“I figured on staying a few weeks. I wanted to spend time with Lena and the kids.” Lex smiled and bounced the little boy in his lap.

“That’s wonderful Lex. We are probably only staying until tomorrow because Karson has a crop almost ready to harvest, but you can come stay at the farm.” Lena smiled at her brother. 

Lex’s eyebrows rose he had never really spent time on a farm, but it could be an interesting experience, and it would be nice to see where Lena lived. 

“Sounds like a plan, but if we are leaving tomorrow I want a more in-depth look at the business this afternoon.” 

While Lena and Lex made plans, Karson watched on quietly from his chair. He liked how happy Lena was when Lex was here, and was happy that she would get some time with her brother. Karson still felt like something had been left unsaid earlier in the day, but maybe he was just reading to much into Lena’s mood. It had been a stressful morning.

_______________________________________

Karson agreed to take both children so Lena and Lex could work. Lena was unsurprised, but Lex couldn’t say the same.

“Does he always take such a big roll with the kids?”

“He is a very attentive father. They both adore him, and there is not much he wouldn’t do for them. He tends to work a little to much, and sometimes that can get in the way of him spending time with them, but he is better with the children then most fathers out there.”

Lex absorbs what Lena said, “Well I guess that’s all you can ask.” Lena frowned for a moment, but then nodded.

“Is everything ok Lee? You seem a bit off this afternoon.” Lex turned his head and studied his sister.

“I’m fine Lex, this morning was just stressful.”

When they reached the warehouse they combed through the books, and order sheets. Lex was pleasantly surprised with how well everything was set up. When he had taken over on the east coast the paperwork was a mess. 

Lena brought Barry into the conversation and they all worked through ideas on how to expand the two businesses. Many of the vendors in National city were excited about expanding their businesses east, and were ready to start pushing orders out.

“The railroad should be here in the next three months, so it would just be a matter of getting the catalog printed cheaply. Do we give it to people or go we make them pay for it?” Lex asked absently obviously still stuck in his own thoughts. 

“I say we give it to vendors who have purchased things from us, to the different general stores, and telegraph offices. Then we can put a few in each place. But then when people order something we send them a catalogue with their order.” Lena sounded excited, and grew more excited when Lex agreed. 

They looked through the different designs for the catalog, and reworked the layouts. Lena and Lex agreed to send finished pages for the different items for sale back and forth, until they had a solid idea.

When they finally left the warehouse they were excited for the new growth potential for their companies.

_______________________________________

Dinner was more subdued that evening. Iris and Barry were sad that their friends could not stay longer. They loved spending time with the young couple and there children, and the addition of Lex had been a nice surprise. 

Karson had put both children to bed like he did the day before, and when Lena made her way to their bedroom, was not surprised to see Karson reading quietly waiting up for her. 

“Did Charlotte go to sleep ok?”

“She was a little wound up tonight, but she went to bed with little fuss.” Karson answered with a small smile for the sleeping girl. 

“Did you and Lex get a lot of work done this afternoon?” Karson asked trying to pull Lena into a conversation. She had been quiet with him most of the evening. 

“Yeah we are making a lot of progress.” Lena turned her back and started to strip into her night clothes. 

When she turned around Karson had turned his back to offer privacy. Lena felt her frustration rise. Normally she would be grateful that he respected her privacy, but tonight it was grating on her nerves. She took a deep breath and climbed into bed. She didn’t read tonight. Didn’t feel like being held, but in the end arms came around her and a strong body pressed to her back. With out her minds permission she relaxed and her body recognized the place she felt safest. Sleep came, and it was a welcome relief. 

Karson felt Lena stiffen before she fell asleep. She had never stiffened at his touch, but tonight had been different. Today had been different, if he was honest. He wasn’t sure how he had irritated his wife, but it was clear she was upset. He had almost pulled away when she had stiffened, but in the end she had relaxed and found comfort with him, and that’s all that mattered.  
________________________________________

Packing up to leave took very little time. Lex wasn’t a morning person, but he managed to get into the wagon by the time everyone else was ready. Charlotte ended up snuggled up to her uncle, and asleep again before they had reached the city limits. Karson drove quietly while Lena held Conners sleeping body. 

Not much was said in the early morning hours, and when they came closer to the farm, Karson could feel the tension between them that he had never felt before. 

“Lena are you ok?” Karson asked knowing the answer, but hoped that a little push was all she needed to open up to him. 

“I’m fine Karson.” Lena answered. It wasn’t a cold response, but it held none of the warmth he was used to. 

Lena heard the tone in her voice, and she almost winced. She was hurt that he was still unsure of their relationship. Now she was second guessing more then she would like. 

“Are you sure Lena? If I have upset you, or have done something wrong please tell me so I can fix it.” Karson’s voice was quiet and uncertain. Lena had never shut him out before and he had no idea what he should do. 

Lena watched as the farm came into view, and sighed in relief. She was not ready to pour herself out at Karson’s feet if he was still unsure about who they were. 

As if the world was giving her a reprieve the wagon jostled violently, and Lex was jostled awake, with Charlotte.

“Wow! Now that’s a beautiful house.” Lex spoke when he looked ahead.

Karson grit his teeth. He had hoped for an answer from Lena, but now he would not receive one. “Thank you.”

“This is yours?” Lex said with surprise.

“Ours but yes.” Karson said with a small smile of pride that his brother in law was happy with the home he provided. Lena smiled at Karson’s correction, and felt some of her feathers settle down.

“He build it from the ground up Lex wait until you see the inside.” Lena said with pride in her voice. Regardless of the strain that was suddenly felt between her and Karson, she was still very proud of his accomplishments.

“You built it? By yourself?” Lex asked with surprise. 

Karson only nodded his head, and pulled up in front of the barn.

He helped Lena and Charlotte down, and waited for Lex to hop out of the back. He pulled the wagon and the horses into the barn, and then unloaded all of there things. 

Lena smiled when Astra walked into the porch. 

Astra leaned over and plucked Charlotte off the ground and hugged her tight. “I missed you little one.” Charlotte was already chatting happily about their trip, and all the older woman could do was smile.

“Astra this is my brother Lex. He came in for a visit.” Lena pointed out her brother, and smiled when they shook hands.

“Welcome, I’ve heard so much about you.” Astra said with a smile. 

“I’ll show you around Lex.” Lena smiled and pulled Lex in the house, and Astra waited to see her Nephew. It didn’t take long for him to come out lugging his old cot.

“Well don’t leave me hanging son. Come give me a hug. I missed you.” Astra said with a large smile. 

Karson immediately put down the cot, and hugged his Aunt tightly. “I missed you too.”

“So where are we putting your brother in law?” Astra asked with curiosity. “I figured the screened in porch would offer the most privacy.” Karson said while lifting the cot again and making his way through the house. 

Karson nearly walked right into Lena as he passed and they both fumbled around the other. Astra furrowed her brow at the interaction. They were normally so in sync that to see them act so different was a surprise. 

“I’m going to check the fields, I’ll be back by dinner.” Karson said as he walked out of the house, both Lena and Astra watched him go with concern. 

“What was that about?” Astra asked with confusion. Lena looked concerned, but said nothing. Lex didn’t think the interaction seemed unusual, and continued to look around the incredible house.

“This place is truly amazing. Karson is so talented.” Lex spoke while being dragged up the large stairs to look at Charlottes room.

Astra decided to leave it alone for now, and went to start lunch.

________________________________________

Karson wiped sweat from his brow as he bundled another load of wheat into the wagon. The sun was starting to sink in the sky, and his body was tired. He had worked straight through the day, and knew it would be days of work to finish his harvest. 

The interaction between him and Lena still ate at him, but the work had been a good distraction. 

Karson stepped up onto the wagon, and moved back towards the barn. It didn’t take long for him to unload the bundles of wheat but it was heavy work. 

“Well now I see what you’ve been up too all day.” 

Karson turned and smiled at Alex. “Yup it’s time for harvest.” 

“You missed dinner.” Alex said with a concerned frown on her face. 

“I just wanted to finish the wagon load, and it took me longer then I expected.” Karson said wiping the dirt of his hands on his pant legs. 

“Well are you hungry?” Alex asked

“I will be. I’m just going to go get cleaned up first.” Alex followed Karson into the house, and split off and headed into the parlor, where everyone else was.

“He got caught up, but will be back after he gets clean.” 

_______________________________________

Karson pulled his tired body out of the river, and dried off. Once his pants were on he walked over to the large tree and sat against the trunk. The sun had set, and the cool evening breeze felt good against his slightly damp skin. 

A lone figure was walking up the hill to meet him, and by the outline it was his aunt that had come to find him. 

Astra saw Karson leaning against the tree and sunk down to joint him. She handed him a plate, and returned his smile when he hungrily started to eat. Astra let him finish eating before she spoke.

“So what was the fight about.” 

Karson sighed, and leaned his head back against the sturdy tree. “I don’t even know what I did.” 

Astra nodded. “Well I wish I could say that it wasn’t normal for men to be clueless, but it is.” 

Karson laughed, and bumped his Aunts side, and felt some of the weight in his chest shift. 

“Did something change between you two, or did you notice a change in her behavior towards you?” 

Astra saw a deep blush creep up his neck, but waited for him to speak.

“Well she seemed to be fine until after we went to the Lawyer, but then we starting talking on our way back to the boarding house, and then it all seemed to change.”

“What were you talking about?” 

“We had a Will made out for me so that she and the kids would be taken care of, it was a terrible conversation trying to figure out what would happen to everyone once I was dead.”

Astra nodded her understanding.

“We were walking, and she got this smile on her face. I teased her about it and when she finally told me what had caused the smile I was confused.”

Karson bit his lip, replaying the conversation in his mind. 

“Well what did she say?”

“She said, that I was the only person that she could picture her life with, the only person she would ever want to be married to, the only person who could make her happy.” Karson repeated Lena’s words still looking confused. 

Astra frowned “why did that confuse you. That was all but telling you that she loves you.” 

Karson furrowed his brow again, and studied the ground. That couldn’t be right, at least not the way Astra meant it. 

Astra studies Karson’s reaction, and knew at least a little what the problem was, but it wasn’t all of it. 

“What else happened while you were away. I know that blush from earlier wasn’t because of the Lawyers office.”

Karson’s face started to heat again. “That was... we.... I don’t think that’s a good conversation for us to have.” Karson managed to stutter around the answer. 

“Well I’d guess it has something to do with sex, by the way you are acting.” Astra decided to be blunt, in order to push past the embarrassment that Karson was feeling.

Karson only turned more red, and stayed silent. 

“Who else are you going to talk about this with Karson. I might not be perfect, but I doubt you will meet anyone with more experience.” Astra added with only a little bit of self deprecation. 

Karson let out a big sigh, and struggled with his blush. 

“Come on Karson I’m not going to judge you. Let me help.” Astras voice was soothing, and Karson eventually nodded.

“Well you know I’ve never... Well with the way that I grew up it wasn’t...” Karson grit his teeth, and stopped talking.

“You’ve never been with anyone, that’s really not a surprise with your situation. Have you every tried to figure out how to take care of yourself?” Astra spoke quietly afraid to push Karson to far.

Karson’s eyes widened, and as impossible at it seemed his blush deepened.

“No.. I’ve never done that either.” Karson’s voice was strained.

“So tell me about you and Lena.” Astra spoke.

“Well before we married I told her about me... I never expected any type of physical relationship. Why would she want that with me.” Karson finally met Astras gaze almost asking her for her understanding, but she remained silent.

 

“It has started slow, hand holding, hugging, a kiss on the cheek. She would let me hold her at night, or let me snuggle into her side while we were falling asleep. It was nice I have never had affection like that before.”

Astra reached over and gripped Karson’s hand. 

“I had a nightmare, and it forced me to open up about feeling more for her then I meant to, and she surprised me by returning my feelings. I just assumed that she would only ever feel friendship. It started to change then.”

Astra smiled, and squeezed Karson hand tighter. 

“Lately we have moved closer to being more...... intimate, but the other night was the closest we have come.”

 

“Well who stopped it from going further?”

Karson blush that was finally fading came back in full force. “I did.”

“Did you not want to move forward?” Astra asked quietly.

“Of course I did.” Karson answered immediately.

“Ok....so why did you stop.”

“It wasn’t one thing, it was..... I was just a little overwhelmed. I didn’t know what I was doing, and there was so much going on that I started to feel unsure of myself.”

Karson took both hands and rubbed them over his burning face. 

“I didn’t want to disappoint her. She has been with someone before, someone who worked the way they are supposed to. I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

Now that the words we’re out of his mouth Karson felt all of the anxiety he had that night resurface. He never wanted to disappoint Lena, but how could he not.

“How did Lena react to you stopping.”

Karson bit his lip in concentration, he had been so overwhelmed at the time that he didn’t pay as close attention to Lena’s reaction as he should have. He closed his eyes and pictured Lena laying under him. She felt her hands soothing him, and her voice telling him it was ok.

“She tried to help me calm down, tried to make me feel better.”

“Did you tell her what happened, why you stopped?”

“No I was embarrassed. I asked for more time to explain myself, and she agreed.”

“Well have you explained it yet?” 

“No... we haven’t really had a lot of time together.”

Astra finally understood the whole picture.

“It wasn’t just one thing that you have done to upset her. She was vulnerable when you pulled away from her, and probably didn’t understand why. She probably could have pushed off feeling like you and her were not on the same page, but when she talked to you about you making her happy, and never wanting anyone else, you looked confused.” 

Karson still frowned in confusion. 

“She all but told you she loves you Karson... she is in Love with you, wants to be with you and when she put herself out there you turned her down twice. You might have had your reasons, but she doesn’t know what they are. You hurt her feelings baby.”

Karson’s stomach clinched. He had never wanted to hurt Lena. 

“What do I do?” 

Astra knew it wasn’t just a matter of saying that he is sorry, he needed to change the way he thought. This was all because he had no confidence in himself, and if he didn’t find a way to at least believe in what Lena sees then this will always be a problem.

“What is it you see when you look at me Karson?” 

Karson furrowed his brow in confusion.

“Do you see a used up old whore, who has been used and abused by every man she has ever met?”

Karson looked at his aunt in shock, and in anger. “Of course not!” 

“What do you believe? Do you believe that people are who others make them, or are people who they choose to be?” 

Karson didn’t answer for a moment. “People should be judged for there own choices and actions.” 

“If I had not looked like your mother when you first saw me who would I have been to you? Would I be the person of little choices or would I be the person I appeared to be.”

“Why are you asking me these questions?”

“Karson you have been given a great gift by Lena. She has never judged you by what choices where made for you, or the things that have been done to you. She has continually seen you for exactly who you betray yourself as.”

Astra gripped both of Karson’s hands and squeezed tightly to make sure she had his attention.

“Lena saw who you are based on your choices and your actions. She saw a man, because that is who you told her you were. She took you as her husband, and gave you her two children because she saw the man you were. The father you could become. She saw the man who rebuilt his life from horrible beginnings, but was still kind. She saw the man who looked at her as if she was worth more then what the rest of the world told her she is. You made her believe that she could be who she wanted, and that was not because of your promises, but because of your actions.”

Karson looked down, but Astra loosened the grip on one of her hands, and lifted his chin.

“Lena has taken you for everything you choose to be, and everything you portray to the world. With that she has given you her understanding, her patience, her care, now she has tried to give you everything that she is including her body, and her heart. To see yourself as any less then what she sees is to throw those gifts in her face. She saw confusion in your eyes when she tried to tell you she loved you. She didn’t she that you can’t understand how anyone can love you. She saw that you doubted her care for you. All of the gifts she has given, all of the ways she has opened herself to you to show her love of you, and you can’t see how she could love you?”

Karson felt his stomach turn. Of course that was what she saw. Not his insecurities, but her inability to show me love. 

“I know that you believe that she shouldn’t feel love for you, that you are not worth it, but you need to put that shit away, because that is what it is. You need to believe in the man she sees when she looks at you, or at least believe that she believes it, because if you can’t at least believe in what she believes then you will never stop hurting her.” 

“How?” Karson’s voice was thick with doubt. 

“You need to decide who you are son..... are you what Zor-El created or are you what you appear to be to everyone who loves you. Because that answer is the answer that is going to make or break you.” 

Karson met Astras eyes and her gaze stripped him bare. 

“So I ask you again Karson. Am I the old whore Non made me into, or am I your Aunt who loves you and your family, because that is who I choose to be.”

Karson felt all of Astras words settle into him. He was still allowing Zor-El to dictate who he is even without realizing it. He needed to make some changes. 

Astra saw Karson‘s decision in his eyes when he made it, and she felt pride fill her chest. He was stronger then he believed, and he would be the man she knew he was. 

“Now for the other problem.” Astra said with a wide smile.

Karson looked at her with confusion.

“The thing about pleasuring women is.....”

______________________________________


	22. Reaping what we sow

Lena sat at her vanity brushing out her long hair. She had just put Conner down for the night, and was putting off heading for bed. 

Karson had been out all day. From the moment they had returned to the farm, and he was still out now. Lena knew that they needed to have another conversation, but to be honest she wasn’t ready to push for it yet. 

She put her brush down and started to idly braid her hair. She knew that Karson had not meant to hurt her feelings, and that he wasn’t fully aware of why she was hurt, but she didn’t know what to do with how she felt. 

Lena was upset, but she also felt guilty. She knew Karson didn’t always understand other people’s emotions very well, and Lena couldn’t punish him for having a missed step. But how was she suppose to reconcile her own feelings when his seemed to be so stunted. When after all her efforts he could still not understand how she felt.

Lena heard the sounds of Karson’s boots coming up the stairs, and she took a deep breath and waited for him to enter their room.

When the door opened Lena saw the exhaustion on Karson’s features, but also something more. Lena couldn’t quite figure out the look, but regardless she stood to greet her husband.

“You look like you are dead on your feet. Let’s get you put to bed.” Lena quietly moved into Karson’s space and pushed him to sit down on the edge of the bed, and went to work to pull off his boots.

Karson fought back a yawn that was threatening to escape his chest. “Lena can we talk a minute.” 

Lena looked up from where she had successfully pulled off one of her husband’s boots, and went to work on the other. 

“Karson it’s late, and your tired. Why don’t we just go to bed tonight.” Lena pulled the other boot off and moved to walk and put the boots in there place, when a large calloused hand wrapped around her forearm.

“Lena please. I don’t like being at odds with you. Please come talk to me.” Karson tried to meet Lena’s eyes which still looked anywhere, but at him. When Lena finally met his blue eyes she saw the worry, they held, and she put the boots on the floor and sat next to him on the bed with a sigh.

“What do you want to talk about?” Lena asked as she turned and crossed her legs in front of her body causing her night gown to cover her like a large blanket. 

“Well I .... you see I ...” Karson tried to find a good place to start for a moment. He had not expected to struggle so much talking to Lena. He never struggled this much.

Lena sat quietly watching Karson struggle to get started, and soon she reached forward reflexively offering comfort by twinning their fingers together.

Karson let out a harsh sigh of frustration. “Why am I struggling so badly.” Karson took his free hand and drug it through his hair. 

“If you need more time to think we can pick this up tomorrow.” Lena said quietly, and hopefully suggested. She wasn’t fully prepared for the conversation they needed. She started to move to rise off the bed, but Karson’s hand held tight keeping her in place.

“No.. please don’t go. I’m just nervous.” Karson spoke quickly hoping to stave off Lena’s departure.

Lena maintained her seat with a quiet sigh and looked up to meet Karson’s flustered gaze.

“I didn’t realize how many times I have hurt you over the past few days, and I wanted to apologize, and maybe explain my actions.” 

Lena let a small kind smile cross her face hoping to encourage Karson to continue. 

“When we were on the bench yesterday, I didn’t fully realize what you were trying to tell me, and I hurt you without knowing why.” Karson squeezed Lena’s hand and then brought it up to his lips for a gentle kiss. 

“When we were agreeing to marry I never expected our relationship to grow beyond friendship. I....” Karson lowered his head for a moment, but then brought his gaze back up to meet Lena’s.

“I never let myself hope that you would ever feel anything other then friendship. When we spoke about us moving forward together I still expected to feel more for you then you could ever feel for me..... I mean how could I not? You have come into my life and given me everything I could have ever dreamed of, and regardless all of the ways you have assured me differently I couldn’t imagine why you would grow to care more.”

Karson moved one hand and gently brushed a stray hair that had not been pulled into Lena’s braid behind her ear. Lena smiled at the gesture and sat silently waiting for Karson to continue. 

“I have really only known the Love of my mother, and never expected for anyone to see anything in me that they could love. Even with the few relationships I have like with Alex or Cat.... I didn’t expect for it to be more then them caring for me as a friend.”

Karson squeezed Lena’s had a little tighter.

“You have never held back your thoughts or your feelings for me, and have shown me everyday that you care, but I have brushed the idea that you could love me away, because I never thought anyone could love me. That their was something worthy of the Love you have shown me.” 

Lena opened her mouth to argue, but was silenced by a pleading look from her husband.

“Please let me finish.” 

Lena nodded her heard and stayed silent, even though she wanted to shake the stupid notion out of his head.

“Astra came and spoke to me today, and she helped me see that my self doubt, has hurt you, and was a disservice to the Love you have given. I might not feel worthy of you, or your love for me, but you have still given it to me freely, and to not believe or accept your feelings that you have given so readily was to disregard and disrespect how you felt........”

Lena felt tears pool in her eyes, and she tried to keep them from falling, but all efforts were in vain. Two twin tracks of hot tears rained down the smooth pale skin, and Karson brought up his hand to wipe them away. 

“God Lena I’m sorry. You have never made me feel like my feelings were anything but valid, and the first time that you express yours to me, I bumbled them. I’m so sorry.” Karson’s voice was raspy his obvious attempt at holding in his tears evident.

Lena’s tears continued to fall, and Karson lifted Lena up placing her in his lap so he could pull her tightly to his chest. Lena wrapped her arms around him tightly and buried her face into his neck. 

“I might not feel like I’m worthy of your love, but I will accept it gratefully. I’m so sorry I made you feel like you were not accepted for how you feel. There is no greater gift to me then what you have given me, and I will work hard to be worthy of such a gift. God Lena, I love you please forgive me.”

Lena pulled back at Karson’s final words with a smile somewhat marred by the tears that still clung to her cheeks. “I forgive you Karson.”

Lena was pulled back into Karson’s body tightly, and Lena felt the stiffness in both their bodies relax.

“I’ll do better Lena, I’m so sorry for hurting you.” Karson spoke into Lena’s shoulder, and felt Lena tighten her arms around him. 

They stayed wrapped around each other enjoying the press of the others body. It had only been a day of being separate, but the rift was tangible. Every moment spent together felt like a cooling balm to a sore body.

When they finally separated a yawn was finally surrendered, and Karson’s fatigue was slowly winning. 

“Let’s go to bed baby. Your exhausted.” Lena ran her fingers through Karson’s hair with a fond smile. 

“But there was more I wanted to say.” Karson yawned through the words, and used a free hand to rub tired eyes. 

“We can talk about the rest later. You are tired, and for now we are just fine to wait.” Lena said while unbuttoning Karson’s shirt. She pealed it from his body, and then pulled him to his feet. She undid the belt, and then the buttons that held his pants up and pulled them down and off one leg at a time. 

Karson watched Lena undress him and then felt the push as she pushed him into the bed, and covered him with a thin quilt. Lena moved to lower the lamps and bathed the room in darkness. When the bed dipped Karson reached for Lena, and pulled her body tight against his chest. They both let out a sigh of contentment, and all too soon Lena felt Karson’s breathing slow.

When she knew he was asleep she snuggled back into him a little tighter, and allowed Karson’s words to flow back through her mind. She would need to thank Astra, she had been able to explain her feelings to Karson, but also help put Lena’s feelings into focus as well. Lena had known she was hurt, but the full extent of her feelings had escaped her. Karson apology and acknowledgment of his mistake had put her feelings into focus and allowed her to see what had caused the hurt to begin with. 

Tomorrow they could start fresh, and continue with their normal lives. Lena closed her eyes and allowed sleep to come.

________________________________________

Lena woke to light footsteps in the dark. She rolled over to an empty bed but warm sheets. She rolled back towards the lamp and relit the wick, and turned up the oil. Karson was half dressed, and pulling on his boots. It was far to early to be up, even for Lena’s standard.

“Karson why are you up it’s still very early?” Lena asked voice low with sleep.

“It’s harvest time baby. I will be keeping long hours until the crops are in.” Karson whispered in hopes that Lena would go back to sleep for a few hours.

Lena lay back in bed against her pillow, but didn’t turn down the lamp. “Please be careful. Don’t work too hard.” Lena said voice full of concern.

“I will be, go back to sleep.” Karson rounded the bed and turned the lamp back down, and leaned over to kiss Lena lightly on the mouth. 

“What can we do to help?” Lena asked voice sounding slightly more awake. 

“Go to sleep. When your up, and I make a trip back to the barn I will find you to talk about what you can do.” Karson walked to the the bassinet and kissed Conner gently pulled his covers up over his shoulders, before quietly walking out the door. 

Lena rolled over and pulled Karson’s pillow into her chest, and fell back to sleep. 

When the sun rose Lena made her way down stairs with Conner sleeping in her arms. Astra was already in the kitchen, and had Lena’s tea steeping in her mug. Lena lay Conner down, and walked over to Astra and hugged her tightly. “Thank you for your help. I’m not sure how long it would have taken for us to talk it through with out you.” 

Astra hugged Lena back, and whispered a quiet “your welcome.”

Breakfast was quiet, until Charlotte, Lex, and Alex made their way to the table. They quickly began to talk animatedly to each other. Lena smiled at her brother and daughter while she sipped her tea. Alex was dressed to work with Karson and ate quickly in order to go and meet him in the fields. No one heard the screen door open and close and Karson entered the kitchen with a tired smile. 

“Morning”

Charlotte was the first to move and ran to her father. “Daddy!” Karson picked her up and hugged her tightly. 

“Good morning Charlotte. Did you sleep well?”

The little girl nodded her head and her messy curls bounced with each bob.

“Morning Karson, did you eat yet?” Astra asked with a small smile for the pair standing in the door way. 

“Not yet.” Karson answered as he sat Charlotte back by her uncle, and then leaned down to kiss Lena. “Morning Love.” 

Lena smiled into the kiss, and moved to fix Karson his tea. “Morning, sit down and eat something.” 

Karson sat in his usual chair and smiled at Alex. “You coming to work today? I thought you wanted to spend more time in town.”

Alex furrowed her brow, “I’ll help you bring in the crops.” 

Lena sat the mug of Karson’s tea in front of him and he grimaced, but drank it anyway. Once he was finished Astra put a plate in front of him and a new drink. Lena sat back down in her seat.

“What can we do to help Karson?” Lena asked while she watched him slowly work through his plate.

“I think the field work would be too much, but you can get the wheat ready to take to the mill if you want.”

Lex tilted his head. “What needs to be done?” 

______________________________________

Lena was grateful that she had help. Separating the tops of the wheat from their stocks was time consuming, and her hands were going to be sore. Astra sat across from her stripping the wheat, and they both watched Charlotte while she played near by in the hay. 

A wagon pulled up outside the barn and Lena stood to see who it was. When Lena stepped into the sun she smiled up at Cat.

“Cat! What brings you out?” Lena was quickly hugged once Cat jumped down from the wagon. 

“GRAN!!” Charlotte almost tackled the thin woman, but cat only laughed and pulled the little girl into her arms. Astra smiled at her friend and was soon pulled into a one armed hug. 

“I’ve miss you all it’s been a while since you have come into town.” Cat smiled at her friends as they moved back into the barn. “And now I see why. How’s the harvest going?” Cat immediately sat down next to the other two women with Charlotte happily sitting in her lap.

“Karson only started the harvest yesterday, so we haven’t been busy long.” Lena pulled a new bundle of wheat over and started to shuck the stocks.

Cat sat quietly in thought for a few moments. Lena and Astra looked at each other a moment, “Cat are you ok?”

Cat took a deep breath. “I need a favor, and it’s a big one.” 

Lena and Astra both sat forward. “Whatever you need Cat, what’s going on?”

Cats face held more worry then Lena had ever seen from the older woman. “I received a letter from my son Adam. Well really it was from his wife. He...” Cat stood and placed Charlotte on the ground and moved to walk a few feet away, as if the distance would help the conversation.

“He recently took over his father in Laws plantation, but is talking about joining the Southern war effort.”

Lena gripped her hands together tightly, “What do you need from us Cat, you know we will help you.”

“I need to go visit my son, try to reason with him, but that means I need to leave for a few months, and with the store...”

Astra stood and moved closer to her friend, and pulled her into a tight hug. “We will help you run your store in your absence. Go see to your son.” 

Cat all but collapsed in relief against the taller woman’s sturdy form. Cat had not realized how much she had needed to lean on someone until she felt the sturdy body take some weight off her shoulders. 

“Thank you Astra.” Cat quietly spoke into her friends shoulder. 

A wagon pulling up outside of the barn drew everyone’s attention Alex and Lex rode in the seat, and Karson sat on top of the high tower of wheat. 

Lena smiled unconsciously at her husband her brother, and a woman that was becoming more and more like a sister. 

“Wow you guys have been busy.” Lena walked forward to wrap her arm around Karson’s waist after he jumped down.

“I’m filthy Lena.” Kara said quietly trying to pull away from his wife. 

“I don’t care.” Lena whispered back and squeezed his hip a bit tighter.

“So how’s working in the fields Lex?” Lena turned to give her brother her attention.

“I like my job better.” Lex said with a smile. he took off his hat that he had borrowed from Karson, and wiped the sweat off his smooth head. 

“Oh Lex this is Cat Grant.” Lena said pointing out the older blond woman who stood near Astra.

Lex stepped forward with a wide smile and held out his hand to the older woman. “Mrs. Grant, its so nice to meet you. Thank you for taking such good care of my sister and her family.”

Cat took Lex’s hand and smiled brightly at him. “They truly are a joy to have in my life no need to thank me.” 

Alex and Karson started to unload the cart. The bundles were stacked up almost to the rafters. When the cart was unloaded Karson used his shirt tail to dry his face. 

“Do you need some help shearing the tops off?” Karson turned to look down at Lena.

“We are making progress, but if you have any tricks I’d love to hear them.” 

Karson moved over to an old water trough that no longer was in use and pulled the knife out of his boot and sheered the tops of a whole bundle in a few swipes.

“Well that was easier then what we were trying to do.” Lena said with a little frustration.

“How were you doing it?” Karson studied the women in front of him.

“With our hands.” Lena showed Karson what they had been doing all morning, and he frowned. 

“Lena I’m sorry...” he stepped forward and took the small hands into his calloused ones and examined them. “I should have given you more direction. Wheat can tear up your skin. 

The rest of the patrons of the barn all watched Karson fuss over Lena’s hands with small smiles on their faces. Cat finally spoke up. “Well how about a family dinner tonight and catch up.”

Lena and Karson pulled away from each other, but only to wrap an arm around the others waist. 

“That sounds great.” Karson said with a wide smile, and moved to help with the work.

____________________________________

Cat chose to cook dinner, and went inside in the late afternoon. After Karson had showed everyone the best way to deal with the wheat, the bundles dwindled quickly, and Karson went back to the fields. 

When the sun hung low in the sky the group of three headed back and Karson sent Alex and Lex to get clean up while he finished unloading the wagon. 

By the time the table was set and everyone was clean and seated the sun was long since gone.

“When do you need to leave Cat.” Astra finally brought the subject up from earlier in the day.

Karson looked up from his plate in concern. “Leaving? Where are you going?”

Cat reached out and patted his forearm. “Adam is making an unwise choice, and I’m hoping to talk him down.” Cat turned her attention away from Karson and focused on Astra. “I need to show you and Lena what I need done, but then I can get going.”

Surprisingly Lex spoke next. “If this trip can wait until the end of the month I will happily travel with you for a bit.” 

Cat smiled kindly at the young Luther and nodded her head. “Thank you. I think I will take you up on that offer.” 

Lena was sad that Lex was planning on leaving, but was happy that Cat would have someone watching out for her for the majority of the trip.

Dinner had barely left everyone’s plates when the fatigue of the day finally caught up. Lex and Alex looked like they would fall out of their chairs, and the two children were well on their way to being asleep at the table. “Why don’t you all go to bed. I will clean up and escort Cat back to town. “ Astra spoke with finality.

“Nonsense I don’t need an escort.” Cat argued.

“You shouldn’t have to clean by yourself either” Lena spoke quietly.

 

“How about Lena and I clean. Astra goes to town and takes Cat, and we all get some sleep.” Karson tried to find a compromise before an argument could be made.

The nod of everyone’s head soon ended the conversation.

When Karson and Lena finally made it to bed sleep was the only thing found on their minds. Clothes were changed and lights were snuffed. Two tired bodies found their way into the center of the bed. Sleep came quickly.

_______________________________________

It had been more then a week of non stop work, and Lena was exhausted. She knew farmers worked hard, but she had a new respect for everything Karson did. She was thankful that fall was coming, and the weather had taken a cooler turn. 

The last of the wheat had been harvested and all of the tops had been bagged and were ready to take to the mill. 

Astra had spent the majority of the week learning what Cat needed in town, and Lena had missed her quiet presence. However she had enjoyed spending more time with Lex who had decided that field work was not his favorite thing, and had decided to stay with Lena in the barn. 

Cooking breakfast was something she enjoyed, but not something she did very often any more. Astra had taken a lot of the daily tasks when she had moved in with them because of her pregnancy, but once Conner was born she had kept most of the same jobs she had taken over. Conner was getting so big. He was now able to sit up on his own for short periods of time, and Charlotte was becoming so grown up. Every day she said more, and Lena found herself surprised at her daughter’s quick whit. Charlotte would be three soon, and Lena needed to start thinking about something to give her little girl.

The familiar boot steps pulled Lena out of her musings, and she looked up into the tired but bright blue eyes of her husband.   
Lena moved to stand and help Karson with his tea and breakfast, but a warm hand pressed down on her shoulder. 

“Stay put. I know your tired. I can fix my own breakfast today.” Karson leaned down and kissed the top of Lena’s head and started to move slowly around the kitchen. 

“What are your plans for today?” Lena asked while drinking her tea.

“I figured on taking a day off, after checking out the orchard.” Karson shot back his tea with a grimace and then refilled his cup, and sat down with his plate.

“Do you want to spend some time together today. I have something I wanted to talk to you about.” His voice was unsure, but full of hope.

“I would love to spend time with you today. Maybe we can ask Lex to watch the children, for a little bit.” 

Karson lip quirked up a little in a small smile, and started to work through his breakfast.

______________________________________

Cat Grant had never met anyone quite like Astra. She was strong and smart, and had a wicked sense of humor. Alura had been kind and sweet, but Zor-el had beaten her down so much that she was almost unrecognizable. Astra had lived a hard life, but seemed to have grown stronger instead of weaker. 

Astra was learning quickly, and Cat knew that when she left her store would be well tended. She was only apprehensive about leaving her family behind. She loved seeing her grand children so often, and Lena and Karson made her life so full. Adam had always been a stubborn child, and now her only hope was that he would listen to reason.

Astra watched Cat from her place behind the counter. Cats normally relaxed confident face was creased with worry, and Astra hated that she felt so burdened.

“Cat? Are you ok?” Astra spoke gently, but her words startled Cat out of her thoughts.

“Not really. I don’t want to leave my family behind, but I know Adam needs to hear reason. There is no winning where he wants to go, and I am so afraid for him.” Cat gripped her hands tightly in front of her where they rested on the counter. 

Astra walked forward and gripped Cats hands. “I won’t lie and tell you that everything always works out the way that we want, but if anyone can make your son see reason it will be you.” 

Cat felt her eyes mist over a moment, but then stiffened her resolve. She would not fail her son. “Thank you Astra. You truly are exactly what I need.” 

Astra felt a small blush cross her cheeks, but smiled at her friend anyway.

______________________________________

Lex had been more then happy to watch the kids for a few hours, and watched as his sister and her husband walked to a near by river. Charlotte was more then happy to spend the day following her uncle around, and Conner was just happy to be held. 

The more Lex got to know his brother in Law the more he liked him. Lena seemed legitimately happy, and the kids seemed to be loved and cared for. He didn’t know how anyone could choose to be a farmer, but Karson seemed to enjoy the work, and he worked hard to take care of his family.

Hearing Charlotte call out for him made him turn and go back into the house. 

______________________________________

 

A small picnic was set up under the shade of the tree next to the river. It was cool out, and Lena had no desire to swim, but the day was beautiful, sunny and perfect for a quiet afternoon.

Karson removed his boots and lay down on the blanket with his hands behind his head. The harvest had been tough, but better then it had been in years. Alex had been a wonderful help, and Lex had been fun to tease. Karson loved having his farm so full of people. Harvest had always been a struggle to do on his own, but he had not wanted to pay for help. Now he had a family, who halved his load, and life couldn’t be any better.

Lena heard a contented sigh leave Karson as he lay down. “Nice to rest?” Lena sat against the tree with a book. 

“It is wonderful. It was a long harvest, but so much better then it was in the past.” Karson kept his eyes closed and enjoyed the cool breeze as it blew through the leaves. 

“How so?” Lena asked curiously.

“I’ve never had help before....... well at least not since I was a child.” Karson answered back.

Lena hummed in response and let a comfortable silence fall between them. She picked up her book, and found herself lost in the pages. 

Karson finally sat up awhile later and slowly started to nibble on the food that Lena had packed. “Do you want me to fix you anything?” 

“Hmmm?”

“Lena do you want food?” 

Lena finally pulled her eyes away from the pages, and blinked in confusion, she had obviously not heard what Karson had asked. “What?” 

“Do you want anything?” Karson asked with an amused smile, as he gestured down to the basket holding the food.

Lena almost said no so that she could return to her book, but her stomach growled, and she put her book away to help gather food. Eventually they sat across from each other happily eating from their plates. 

“So you said you wanted to talk to me about something.” Lena looked up and smiled at Karson.

Karson blushed a little, and put his plate down in front of him. “Well the other night we didn’t really cover everything that I wanted to talk to you about.”

A crease grew between Lena’s brows, “What was left unsaid. I thought the conversation went well?”

“It did go well, but to be honest it only covered me hurting your feelings, not the other thing.” Karson rubbed the back of his head trying to stave off his bashfulness, about the conversation they needed to have.

“Other thing?” Lena was getting more confused, and couldn’t figure out why Karson was getting more embarrassed by the moment. Then it dawned on her .....

The beach. He wanted to talk about the beach. Lena’s face then flushed with recognition. She had mostly forgotten about how close they had come to being fully intimate under the stars. 

“Oh... did you finally feel comfortable enough to talk about it. We can wait if your not ready.” Lena tried to smooth out the nervous energy that seemed palatable in the air between them.

“To be honest I’m not sure how comfortable I’ll ever be with talking about it, but you deserve to know what happened.” Karson answered unable to fully look Lena in the eyes. His mind was screaming at him for his weakness, but his heart was slowly drowning out the noise. 

“You don’t owe me anything, if your not ready Karson.” Lena moved closer to her husband and intertwined their fingers. 

 

Karson only nodded his understanding of Lena’s words, but in the end the only way for them to move forward was for her to understand what had happened. 

“You know I’ve never been with anyone..... I’ve never had any kind of physical.....” Karson paused looking for the right word. “interaction before you?” He frowned not liking the word choice, but it would at least move them forward. 

Lena nodded her head. Of course she knew, with the way Karson had been raised, and the secrets he had to keep. 

“When I’m with you I feel so much all the time. Even when we are not touching, you make me feel like my skin is on fire just by looking at me from across the room.....” Karson’s face starts to turn red at the admission, but with the embarrassment his eyes also showed heat. 

Lena blushed at Karson words too but also smiled. She wanted to be the person to make Karson feel heat deep in his belly, because Karson absolutely stirred every lustful thought in Lena’s mind. 

Karson felt relief when he saw the look of acceptance and happiness wash over Lena’s beautiful features. It gave him confidence to continue.

“That night was wonderful in so many ways. I have never felt so much want, or need for anything before. Every taste of you from my lips was enough to make me want to never stop consuming you. Every brush of my hands against your body bred madness into my mind that drove me forward to seek more.” 

Karson’s hands began to shake with the memory of what Lena felt like under him. Pliant under his hands that reveled in the exploration of her body. 

Lena could see the need growing in Karson’s eyes and her body began to hum with pleasure. The lust that was slowly crawling up Karson’s skin was obvious, and Lena wanted Karson to finally give into it. The way he looked at her barely restrained was intoxicating.

“Then why did you stop.” Lena’s voice was deeper then normal, and her normal lilting voice seems rough, and strained.

The first flicker of doubt came back to Karson, but he had vowed to himself that he would tell Lena the truth. All of it, just like he always had. It was the only way. 

He swallowed heavily trying to push back the lust that was clawing at his throat, and find the words to explain. 

“At first it was just a little overwhelming. All of the new sensations, and the way my body seemed to crave more. I pulled away just to try to pull myself together. Loosing control of my emotions is never easy for me.” 

Karson looked up to Lena’s green eyes then, and saw understanding, but also need. Lena wanted him as much as he wanted her. It was no surprise really. Or at least it shouldn’t be. She had been just as involved at the beach as he had been. 

“But when I pulled away and let my mind catch up with my body...... I panicked. Self doubt started to crawl into my mind. I tried to push past the thoughts that started to poison what we were doing. What I desperately wanted....Want.” Karson’s eyes tracked down to Lena’s lips, but soon tracked back up her face again. “But the more I tried to push through it the more negative thoughts flooded my system, that was already really overwhelmed.”

Karson stopped speaking, and tried to not relive the overwhelming ache he had felt in that moment. Need to push forward to take what was being given, what was desperately wanted, but instead being overwhelmed with uncertainty and feelings of inadequacy.

“What thoughts Karson?” Lena squeezed Karson’s hands tightly trying to anchor him, and pull him away from the negative thoughts trying to pull him away from her again.

“I have never been with anyone before. I didn’t know the first thing about what to do if we kept moving forward. I know you have more experience, and that you would know exactly what you were missing being with me. Instead of a fully functioning man.” Karson spoke the words quickly almost purging them from his chest. The weight of those feelings were so heavy, he didn’t know he had been carrying the weight until he unloaded it.

Lena sat wide eyed for a few moments fully processing what Karson had just blurted out. Karson’s eyes had moved away from her again, and Lena wanted them back on her. She moved forward a bit and pulled a hand away from Karson’s to lift his chin with her fingers. 

“I understand why you were afraid, and I won’t judge you for it.” Lena began with a low soothing voice. “The first time I.... “ Lena stopped a moment uncomfortable speaking on this subject, but knew it was needed. “Was intimate with Ray was miserable. I was barely sixteen, and had no idea what to expect. It was uncomfortable, embarrassing, and truly one of the most overwhelming experiences in my life.” Lena felt her hands shake a moment, but they were soon enveloped in Karson’s. His strong nature soothed her as it always did.

Lena took a deep breath, but quickly continued. “I never expected to feel anything when it came to intimacy. I was informed it was a necessity for a marriage. I endured it more then I ever enjoyed it.” 

Karson grit his teeth he didn’t like the idea of Lena being forced to share herself if it wasn’t what she had truly wanted. 

“Everything about being with you is different. Marriage wasn’t something that made me happy, but then you came and showed me how happy I could be. Kissing wasn’t something I sought out before you, but that is different too. I might know what it is like to be with a fully functioning man, but that does not mean that what we have together is something less then that just because you don’t have all of the same parts.”

Lena leaned forward and kissed Karson, and when she pulled away smiled at him to try to reassure him of how she felt. 

“I just don’t want you to be disappointed. Or finally get what you wanted only to discover it’s not what you want anymore.” Karson’s voice was barely audible, but he still voiced his concerns. Lena needed to know how he felt. He needed to be brave enough to be honest. 

Lena decided words were not enough, he needed to feel the truth as well. Lena moved closer to Karson and pulled up her skirts so she could straddle his outstretched legs. She smiled to herself when she saw blue eyes widen in surprise. She moved her hands up his shoulders and around his neck. 

“There is something that you should consider. There are no secrets between us. I have always known what to expect from you. From this... I might have experience with Ray, but I have no experience with you. You are different in every way, and I have loved all of your differences. Those differences are what has attracted me most. This can be something that we learn together. “

When she brought her mouth down to capture his, her lips were anything but gentle. Teeth nipped and a warm tongue took possession. Lena wanted Karson to turn his brain off. To feel her want for him.

Strong arms wrapped around a slim waist and their bodies became flush. 

Lena finally pulled away from Karson’s lips, and looked down into a dazed smiling face. 

“Was there anything else you wanted to say?” Lena rested both hands on Karson’s chest and waited with a small smirk for Karson’s eyes to clear enough to answer her question. 

Karson eventually cleared his throat, and blinked the haze that had settled out of his eyes. “I’m always willing to learn something new!” Karson blushed but pulled Lena down to reconnect their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this chapter was hard for me. I’ve had 90% written for over a week, and couldn’t figure out the ending. As you can see I left it open and will work on the next fun activities for our main characters. To be honest the next step for them was not coming smoothly. Smut is hard for me and I think it would take away from the story to skip over it, but I also worry about writing it, because I’m not that great at it. I also don’t want to mess with the delicate balance between who Karson is and what he would be comfortable with. I can’t imagine it being easy for Karson to be straddling the line between who he knows himself to be and who he is in the situation to come. advice is always welcome. Maybe I’m over thinking it...... regardless I will figure it out. Sorry for the wait I hope you enjoyed the chapter.


	23. Things heat up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well it’s been a few minutes. I could give you a hundred excuses... and some of them would be true, but to be honest I just had the I don’t want toos when I managed to find the time to write. It happens... I promise I won’t abandon my work so fear not. Anyway enjoy the chapter I hope it was worth the wait.

Hot water steamed in curling patterns into the quiet wash room. Lena sat in the large tub head tilted back eyes closed, and the quiet night allowed her mind to wander. A small smile pulled at her lips as she remembered the afternoon spent by the river.

——————————————————

Lena sat straddling Karson’s outstretched legs, with her hands gripping at his short hair. Their mouths worked together feverishly, and every nip of teeth and swipe of tongue stoked the fire raging beneath their skin. 

Lena pulled away from Karson’s mouth. Her lungs burned with exertion. Her chest heaved in excitement. She looked down into blue eyes that held so much desire in them she could drown in the obvious want of her. 

She brought her hand forward and cradled his jaw. “Are you ok?”

Karson could feel Lena’s eyes searching for answers in his, but could only manage a small nod in affirmation. 

A small smile quirked across Lena’s face, and Karson tightened his hands around her hips.

“Can I take this off?” Lena gently tugged at the collar of Karson old button down. She just wanted to feel a little of his warm skin. 

Karson couldn’t help, but to feel excitement race down his spine at the idea of Lena’s hands roaming down his chest. 

“Yes..” Karson’s hoarse answer caused Lena’s eyes to search his. 

“If you want to stop, or start feeling overwhelmed just talk to me ok. We don’t have to do anything today.” Lena’s face flushed but she didn’t look away from the familiar blue eyes she loved, she wanted to put her husband at ease, make him feel safe .

She had helped undress Karson many times, but this time was different. With slightly shaking hands each button was slowly undone. Every inch of skin revealed skin she wanted to explore. When the old shirt finally gaped open Lena brought her eyes back up to Karson who’s gaze was intently watching her every move. Lena took a deep breath trying to dispel her own nerves, and then moved both hands to tug the material away from tan smooth skin. 

Karson could feel the tension that flowed between them, but decided that he wouldn’t let it bother him. Instead he took Lena’s hands in hers and smiled when deep green eyes immediately shot up to look up at him. He brought the hands to his lips and gently kissed them before he put the palms flat against his chest, and slowly lay back against the quilt. 

Lena was left straddling Karson’s prone body, hands firmly pressed into warm skin. She sat for a long moment, but soon let her hands slowly drag against broad shoulders, and down a muscular chest. Long fingers found tense abdominal muscles, that flexed under the light touch.

Karson could feel his skin tingle with each new inch of skin the Lena discovered. Her hands were tentative, but determined, and he smiled at the intense look of concentration that covered his wife’s expressive face.

Lena felt tight hands grip her hips and she finally lowered herself so that she could take Karson’s mouth with hers again. Karson’s hands finally strayed from hips and slid up Lena’s sides to cup around the edges of her rib cage. He could feel each ragged intake of breath, and hitched exhale when their tongues came together. He wanted to explore to feel everything Lena was offering. Heat grew in his stomach and excitement flowed under his skin with each quick beat of his heart. His hands were itching to wander, to feel the smooth skin that he knew hid under yards of fabric, but everywhere they could touch was covered in a thick layer of clothing that seemed to taunt his very existence. A frustrated growl left his chest.

Lena slowly pulled away and sat back up. Lena smiled when she realized the growl of frustration was not because they were moving to fast, but instead that he wanted more. 

“Can I take this off?” Lena brought her hands up to the buttons of her own dress, and watched as Karson’s eyes widened. Lena’s stomach tightened in anticipation, but also with nerves. She had always felt self conscious about being undressed around Ray, but Karson looked at her with such heat, this time would be different, she was sure of it.

Of corse he had seen Lena in her underclothes before, but this was everything he could want in this moment. 

“Please..” 

Lena smiled and started to pull the fastenings loose. When her bodice was open she began to pull the fabric over her head, and laughed when she felt Karson sit up below her and help lift the dress over her head. The dress was thrown gently to the side, and Lena found herself face to face with her husband. The thin shift she wore under her dress left little between herself and the warmth of Karson’s chest. Strong arms pulled her into him and then rolled until Lena felt her back rest against the blanket, and a warm body settle in between her legs. 

Karson felt the warmth, and the soft curves that made up Lena’s beautiful form under the thin material, and the heat in his belly throbbed with every beat of his heart. His hands moved without his permission and slowly drug up the thin fabric finally finding the smooth skin of Lena’s sides. The warm body under him seemed to press into his touch, as he lowered fully into a welcoming embrace. 

She was on fire every new touch lit new sensations that threatened to engulf her. Karson had never been with anyone intimately, but his natural curiosity, and excitement were sending spikes of pleasure with every new conquered inch of skin he discovered. Short blond hair was pulled between desperate hands and Lena felt her self rocking into hard muscular hips. 

A loud groan deep from within Lena’s chest pulled Karson away from a long expanse of smooth skin along Lena’s throat that was lightly dotted with freckles that he longed to kiss. 

“Are you ok?” 

Lena smiled at the concern that swirled overshadowing the arousal that was also evident in dark blue eyes.

“I’m fine baby. “ Lena answered back slightly breathless. 

Karson smiled and lowered his head to slowly kiss and lick the smooth skin he had pulled himself away from. The noise Lena had made had sent shivers down his spine and he felt pride that he had helped draw it from her. 

Lena felt like her skin would melt if she didn’t find some friction soon. Karson’s lips on her neck were sending waves of pleasure through her and all she wanted was to pull his hips tighter into her and find some relief for the constant ache that pulsed under her skin. The first grind of her hips into the hips above her sent a wave of pure excitement through her, but it also pulled Karson’s mouth away from her neck. A surprised look on his face. 

“I’m sorry is that too fast?” Lena tried to blink the lust back. Tried to hide the worry that Karson would want to stop. 

“No... it’s fine. I just thought maybe my pants were making you uncomfortable.”   
Karson could have kicked himself and immediately blushed at his suggestion. Taking off his pants would be the thing that would most express his difference, and even with Lena’s reassurances the fear was still in the back of his mind. 

Lena’s green eyes widened in surprise at the suggestion, and a bright smile followed. 

“Are you ok taking them off. I don’t want to rush you.” Lena was going to be careful now. She knew how big a step it would be, and wanted to move slowly. Make it about him being confident not about her desire to move forward.

Karson bit his lip and looked down into the face of his wife. He didn’t find revulsion or apprehension. He found excitement, and need hidden behind her gentle patience she always had for him. 

In answer he sat up and brought his hands to the buttons on his fly, and slowly undid each button then stood to lower the pants and kick them to the side. Lena lay unmoving, but her eyes couldn’t help but to rake over his lithe form and take in every rippling muscle and every inch of tan skin. 

Karson saw Lena’s eyes study him, and his blush grew.

“You truly are so handsome.” Lena finally spoke, while Karson kneeled down between Lena’s legs again. Lena sat up and bunched up her shift and slowly lifted it over her head. 

Karson could not help, but to study Lena’s now almost fully naked body that lay back down in front of him. 

Lena felt apprehensive at first, but then could only smile at the look of awe and stunned happiness that seemed to have struck her husband dumb. She leaned forward and grabbed his hand and pulled him gently until he blinked out of his surprise and lowered back down. The only thing separating them now was Lena’s bloomers and Karson under shorts, and the sensation of naked chests pressing together was what almost threw Karson over the edge of whatever sensation that had been clawing over his skin. 

Lena felt Karson stiffen and shake above her and she stared into his eyes. She grew worried for a moment, but she didn’t see fear, just overwhelming need. 

“It’s ok love just take a deep breath. I’m here. Tell me what your feeling.” Lena wanted to help him whatever he decided.

“I’ve never felt anything like it. It’s like I’m fit to burst wide open.” Karson’s voice shook, his body was a tingling mess.

Lena blushed with his words, and brought her hand up to his face.

“That just means your excited baby, their is nothing wrong. You are supposed to feel that way, I feel it too.” Lena tried to sooth the worry she saw, by moving her hands down his back, but he was so sensitive he groaned at the feel of her hand running down his spine.

“Can I touch you?” The question was quiet, but Lena nodded vigorously watching his eyes lower to her chest. 

“Of course you can. Anywhere you want love.”

Karson’s looked back up into green eyes and nodded at the small smile he found, he lifted one calloused hand and slowly ran it over a smooth shoulder. Fingertips dragging against smooth pale skin the seemed to shift and move under his gentle touch. Lena watched as his fingers toured over her skin, and then lower until he reached the tops of her breasts. 

“It’s ok” she whispered 

Karson then drew his hand a little lower until he held her fully, and then gently used his thumb to caress the light pink center that immediately stiffened under his touch. Lena’s eyes fluttered shut, for a moment and she bit her lip at the sensation he elicited, and then to her surprise he lowered his mouth to take her in.

Much to Karson’s embarrassment Astra had been very explicit in her explanation on how to please a woman, but now it seemed he was grateful for her advice, when his tongue caused Lena to arch into his mouth and let out a truly loud groan of encouragement.

Encouraged he lowered back down to rest his body against Lena’s so he could use both hands to explore her lovely chest. He kissed and squeezed her gently between his hands and felt her hips start to grind into him again. He felt a warm heat start to slick his skin, and realized that he had caused that reaction. That he had made Lena’s body excited like his was for her. Green eyes were watching him with want and need, and her body was showing every sign of wanting his every touch. Maybe he could give her everything she wanted.

“Tell me what you need. I want to make you happy.” Karson leaned back on his heals and finally spoke looking down into Lena’s desperate eyes. 

Lena almost laughed she felt it bubble up in her chest. He didn’t need instruction her body was singing for him in every way. She just needed a gentle push and she would reach a hight she had never found before.

She sat up and removed her final piece of clothing, and lay back. She pulled his hand forward and kissed his calloused palm. She curled her hand around his until only two of his fingers were left standing and slowly slipped them into her mouth to wet them. She saw his eyes close and his hips jut forward, and knew he liked what he felt. Her tongue laved over his skin until she slowly pulled them from her mouth. 

“I just need you to touch me baby. You have me so worked up. It won’t take much.”

Karson watched as Lena guided his and lower between her legs. Her other hand helping him find the right spot. 

Karson was on fire, at the first touch of the slick heat he found between Lena’s legs. When he found her opening he looked up into Lena’s face, and she nodded. He slowly pushed forward until he could push no further knuckles hindering his forward progress. Lena tightened around him trying to pull him deeper, and a loud happy exaltation drew itself from Lena’s chest.

“God that feels so good baby. It’s never felt like this before.” Lena was trembling below him, and he remembered this was new for her too. He left his fingers where they were but lowered himself down to her gently.

Lena brought her hands to his back to hold him tighter into her. She was getting overwhelmed, but she was so happy for the new feeling of being full but aroused. Karson’s gentle kisses refocused her, and she looked up into his face.

“Will you move a little? I’m so close.”

Close to what Karson was unsure, but in that moment he would do anything for the woman below him. He rocked his hips into her as slowly withdrew his hand and then pushed it forward into her again. Lena moved with him. Every stroke, every press of hips was mirrored by her, she was building up so much faster then she thought possible. When she finally released, she cried out in pleasure and arched into the tight body above her. Her eyes tightly closed, toes curled tightly body shaking with release.

 

When Lena finally stilled Karson still hovered over her looking down at her with love, and a little apprehension. He didn’t dare move until he was sure Lena wanted him to.

“Are you ok?” His voice unsure.

Lena blinked her eyes open to look up at him. She was still slightly dazed, and out of breath but she gave him a soft smile anyway. “I’m perfect you did so well Karson. Thank you.” 

They both blushed, and he shifted slightly causing lena to gasp with being over sensitive. Karson stilled immediately.

“It’s ok. Just pull out slowly.” Lena said quietly, and felt Karson leave her.

Karson rolled to the side and offered his arms for Lena to climb into, which she did gratefully She burrowed into his side and buried her face in his shoulder for a few moments. 

She eventually sat up and looked down at Karson who smiled up at her. 

“Would you be ok if we continued? I just want to make you feel as good as you made me feel?” Lena’s question was quiet. She wanted to know him fully. Wanted to give him everything she could. Karson gaze was worried, and Lena reached down and cupped his jaw.

“You are perfect the way you are, and if you are not ready I will wait until you are, I just want you to know I want you. Their is nothing about you that I don’t want.”

Karson looked up into Lena’s face seeing only truth in her words. The feel of her hand gently stroking his cheek grounded him in a way nothing else in the world ever had. He wanted to give himself to his wife. Wanted to end the ache that had been throbbing under his skin for what felt like an eternity. He took a deep breath, and closed his eyes a moment. When he opened them again he nodded his head. He wanted to let Lena in all the way. Trust her with everything he was. 

“Are you sure?” Lena asked still waiting for him to be comfortable.

“Yes. I’m sure.” His voice was shaky, but sure.

Lena smiled brightly and threw her leg over him and his hands found her hips. She brought he mouth down to kiss his lips wanting him to work back to here he was earlier, and to be so lost in her touch that he was unafraid of the next step. Karson marveled at the warm wet heat that painted his stomach. Lena rained kisses down on his mouth, his neck. Her hands roamed his chest, and stomach. 

Their was no where that he didn’t feel her, and the ache grew.

Lena wanted to strip him bare discover every inch to see all that was hidden, but as she lowered her hand and edges around the last barrier between them, she felt him stiffen. She looked up into his eyes, and knew today would not be the day to push for everything. She moved back up his body, and kissed him gently. 

“We can leave them on, wait until you are ready.” Lena spoke quietly afraid to spook him.

He nodded his head. “We can keep going...” he sounded unsure but wanted to push forward anyway, and pulled the last barrier away.

Lena nodded and brought their mouths together for a long few moments. Waiting for him to relax under her touch again. When her hand finally found the slick heat she had caused she reveled in the feel of him. His hips stuttered into her hand as she rubbed him gently with her fingers. 

Karson’s whole body tightened further and further with each gentle swipe of fingers. His body pulsing with need, but fear of the unknown niggled in the back of his mind.

“It’s ok baby. Just let go. Let me take care of you. Your safe with me.” Lena’s voice soothed and then his body tightened and bowed. 

Karson finally let go, let Lena take care of him, and the sweet knot that had tied in his stomach released and pulled him under. He had never felt anything like the rush that Lena’s touch released in him. His body never felt so good as it did in that long moment. When he finally came back to himself Lena was placing gentle kisses across his brow, and ran her clean hand through his hair.

Karson looked up into loving eyes and smiled. Lena rolled off and pulled him with her until his head was resting on her chest. Happy when his arm tightly wrapped around her. 

“I’ve never felt anything like that before.” Karson whispered into her chest. His body relaxed and sated in a way it had never been before. He squeezed a little bit tighter.

“Thank you, for being so careful with me.” Lena heard the words and her eyes stung with tears.

“Always my love.” 

________________________________________

Lena stood in the tub letting the water run down her body in rivulets. She pulled her hair tightly to wring out the excess water, and the stepped out of the tub to wrap a cloth around her body, it ached a little but in the most satisfying way as she walked into the bed room. 

There sitting on the bed was Karson dressed only in his undershorts cradling their son trying to put him to bed. 

“Conner giving you trouble?” Lena asked as she made her way to the dresser to grab a night gown. 

Karson looked up briefly and smiled. “Astra said his teeth are bothering him, might be a rough few days.” He stood and gently bounced while rocking from foot to foot, and Lena smiled when Conner seemed to calm with the motion. Karson was a wonderful father. 

Lena sat at the vanity and slowly combed through her dark hair. She watched as Karson lay their son down, and walked up behind her. His warm hands found her shoulders, and then gently ran though her wet hair. 

“Have I ever told you how pretty your hair is? It’s always so soft.” 

Lena leaned back into his touch and smiled at how openly affectionate he was being. 

“I’m not sure that is something you’ve said before, but I’m glad you think so.” She closed her eyes and let strong fingers run though her hair a few more moments.

Karson leaned down and placed a quick kiss on the crown of Lena’s head and then stepped back to get into bed. 

Lena braided the still damp hair into a tight tail down her back and then followed Karson to bed. When she was pulled right into his body that night, she knew that nothing could feel more right then them finally being together.

_______________________________________

The wagon was loaded down, and Karson had his horse saddled to ride. The mill was a few hour ride, and they would be taking Cat and Lex to the train on the way to the mill. 

Karson walked back up the stairs to the house to load the rest of the bags under the rumble seat. The trip to town would be tight and uncomfortable. 

Lena walked down the stairs holding Conner in one arm and holding Charlotte’s hand in the other. She knew today would come, but she could not help but feel the sadness of knowing it would be months if not years until she would see her brother again. 

“Why the long face Lee?”

Lex came walking from the back of the house with a small smile on his face. 

Charlotte let go of her mothers hand and launched herself at her uncle “Wex!!!” 

Lex laughed and hugged his niece close to him. Even with all of his bravado he knew why Lena was sad. Leaving his family here was gutting him. He loved the way the little girl in his arms was a little copy of his sister, and so smart. She would grow more everyday and he would miss it all. He moved forward to wrap his spare arm around Lena’s waist. 

“It won’t be forever Lena, I will come back to visit soon.” Lex spoke softly hoping to not tip Charlotte off on what was to come. 

Lena tipped her head and rested it on his shoulder “I know.... I’ve just loved seeing you.” Lena answered holding back the sting of tears.

Karson walked back into the house and saw the two siblings standing sadly at the base of the stairs.

“Charlotte come help daddy load up our horse.” Karson walked forward and plucked a happy wiggling Charlotte away for Lex with a understanding smile, and moved over to Conner “you too little man.”

Both children happily went off with their father leaving Lena to fully wrap her arms around her brother in a tight embrace. When they pulled apart both seemed sad, but they appreciated the moment Karson had given them. 

“He really is a good man Lee, you chose well.” Lex said trying to brighten the mood.

“He chose me actually, but I can’t say I didn’t choose him back.” Lena said with a bright smile.

When they walked outside they saw Karson chasing Charlotte with Conner outstretched in his arms all three laughing loudly.

______________________________________

The road to the mill was busy. Karson was ready to be done with the harvest, and was happy to off load all his wheat, and leave the mill as fast as possible. 

Cat drove her wagon with Charlotte happily sitting next to her, following the now empty cart that held Lena and Lex. The train station was just in the next small town, and it seemed like they were moving towards it faster then they actually were. 

The train whistle could be heard for miles, and Lena knew that the train was at the station getting geared up to head back east. 

Karson helped Cat and Lex get there bags on the train with a happily jumping Charlotte excited to explore the train.

When they stepped back to the platform Karson turned to Cat and pulled her into a hug. “I’m going to miss you.” Karson whispered quietly while holding the older woman tightly. 

Cat buried her head against Karson’s shoulder. He was her son in every way but blood. “I will miss you too.” She pulled away and looked into his blue eyes. “Take care of your family and I will be home soon.” Karson nodded and pulled her into one more tight hug. 

Cat left to hug her grand babies, and Karson watched as Lena said goodbye to her brother. 

When the train pulled away from the station Lena leaned into Karson’s shoulder trying to find strength in his steady warmth, and Karson stood holding both his girls while they cried. Lucky for Karson Conner was fast asleep.


	24. Saving Sam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a few minutes but fear not it’s not in my nature to give up on a story still got a few more ideas on where this will go so no worries there. Sorry for the long update times life is full of wonderful things but also very time consuming. I haven’t forgotten my other story if you are reading that one. I just figured I would finish one and then go back to the other since I was struggling to find time to write. Introducing a new character this chapter I hope you like her. As always feel free to give me your thoughts or ideas. Please enjoy the chapter.

The weather had tuned colder, in the months following Cat’s and Lex’s departure. Southern California was never very cold but winter storms were a constant struggle. Lena sat in a chair looking out into the rain as she listened to Charlotte and Karson playing on the floor with Conner. 

The toys that littered the floor were things that Karson had made for their children for Christmas, and Lena couldn’t help but to smile remembering the first Christmas they had spent together. Karson had been so excited to give the toys to the children, and Lena had been happy to see Karson happy. 

It had taken a lot of time to fully get used to the fact that Cat was gone, and everyone was hoping to hear word that she would return soon. Lena had not expected Alex back today because of the weather but a soaking wet figure rode into the barn.

“Karson grab a towel I think Alex decided to ride home.”

Karson frowned but immediately got to his feet and hustled up the stairs. He was just reaching the bottom landing when the front door all but flew open, and a soaking wet Alex stood in the door way. Her dress sticking to her, hair dripping down her back. She had already removed her muddy boots, but gratefully accepted the towel that Karson held out.

“Alex why on earth would you ride home in this mess?” Karson admonished the soaking wet woman. 

The look on Alex’s face was worried.

“What happened?” Karson asked worry creeping into his gut.

“Let me change I have a lot to say.” Alex moved past Karson and took the stairs quickly.

Karson walked back into the parlor and Lena looked up from her book. “Is everything ok?” 

“I don’t know yet. Alex said she had news, but wanted to change before sharing it.” 

Lena didn’t like the concerned look that had settled of Karson’s expressive face, but knew their was nothing to do but sit and wait. 

The few minutes that Alex was upstairs seemed to take an eternity, but when quiet footsteps were heard coming down the stairs Karson sat forward in his chair. 

“We got word from Cat. The war has started on the east Coast.” Alex said somberly.

Karson and Lena sat in shock for a few long moments. When no one made a move to speak Alex told them of the attack on Fort Sumpter. 

“Did she say anything else?” Karson asked stomach in knots with worry.

“She needs us to come get her Karson. She said she would explain when we got there but she asked for you and I to come.” 

Karson set his jaw. Cat wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. Cat never really asked anything for herself. He turned his head and Lena was already looking at him.

“When do you leave?” 

Of course that would be what she would say. Karson thought with a small smile. Lena loved Cat just like he did.

“Tomorrow.” Karson answered back, and stood to go pack a duffle.

______________________________________

Lena stood in the doorway watching Karson shove clothes in a bag. 

“It’s colder the father east you go. You will need to stop and grab some warmer clothes along the way.” Lena’s voice was quiet, and sad even though she knew that Karson had to go. 

Karson stood and held out his hand for his wife, and Lena slowly crossed the room to take it. She was happy to feel the hand pull, and her body was pulled tightly into the larger frame of the man she loved. 

“I don’t want to go.” His voice was raspy with hidden worry. “But I know she wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”

Lena only nodded into Karson’s shoulder.

“Are you going to stay in town with Astra while I’m gone?” 

Lena leaned back and the furrow in her brow was evident. “No I’ll stay where I am. You should only be gone a few weeks. Right?”

Karson frowned he hated the idea of leaving Lena and the children alone for any amount of time, but he knew that their was no choice.

“I will do my best to make it quick.” Karson finally answered. When they went to bed that night they held each other close neither finding much sleep.

_______________________________________

Two horses were packed and ready in front of the house. Lena watched as Karson slowly walked back up the porch steps towards her and their two kids. Charlotte has been out of sorts since she had found out that her dad was leaving, and Conner was grumpily hanging around Lena’s neck as if the tension in the air was enough for him to know something was wrong. 

Karson knelt down in front of his daughter.  
“Charlotte come here baby.” He opened his arms and the little girl almost flung himself into his arms.

“Daddy don’t go.” Charlotte’s pleading cry’s where muffled into his chest. Karson closed his eyes tightly against the sting of those words, and when he opened his eyes again he could see the tears that misted in bright green eyes as well. This was killing him. Never had he wanted his girls to ever cry, and this was something he couldn’t fix. 

“I have to go get your gran little duck. She needs me. You understand that right baby.”

Charlotte nodded but her little form still shook with tears. 

“I’ll be home soon. Please don’t cry. I love you so much baby.” Karson squeezed the little girl tighter. When she finally pulled away Alex picked the girl up and held her to her chest.

Karson stood and walked up to Lena and Conner. Conner reaches his chubby hands out and Karson felt his arms wrap around his neck tightly. Karson bit his lip hard to hold in the tears. When his eyes met Lena’s again she was trying to wipe a tear from her cheek without him seeing. Karson folded Lena into his arms tightly, and whispered into her ear.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can. Please don’t cry.” 

Lena held tighter until she forced herself to pull back. Lena refused to send Karson off in tears. She squared her shoulders and bit her lip. 

“I know you will. Please be careful, come home to us.” Lena wrapped her hand around the back of Karson’s neck and pulled him down to her lips. She loved the warmth of his mouth, and the way he always kissed with his full attention. A longing heat grew in her belly, but she knew she had to ignore it, no time for that now, and it would be weeks before she had him in her arms again.

Pulling Conner out of his arms was heartbreaking for everyone, but they needed to be on the road. 

When they finally separated Karson hugged his Aunt. 

“Be safe Karson I will help Lena here as much as I can.” She felt his warm hug, and squeezed him tightly. 

Alex finally handed Charlotte over to Astra, and they both mounted their horses. With a final look at their family Alex and Karson kicked their horses into motion and rode off the farm.

Lena felt Astra’s arm loop across her hip, and little arms wrap around her legs and a small face bury into her skirts. She never expected the ache in her chest, but she should have. When Karson was finally out of sight she tried to put a brave face on for her children, and took them both inside.

______________________________________

Alex and Karson rode most of the day. When they reached the closest train station they had missed the train heading back to the east, and the pushed hard to try to catch it. It took two days, but they finally managed to catch the train, and both were grateful. The weather was bitter cold the farther they traveled. Neither Karson nor Alex had warm enough clothes for the weather, and had to push through the ache the cold brought with it. When they reached the train station they had just enough time to buy some warmer clothes and blankets for their horses.

The cattle car was mostly empty, and getting their mounts into it had been difficult. The train was slower then the horses, but the train kept moving when the horses should have needed to rest. Every passenger talked about the news of the war, and many men were riding east to join in the fight. 

Alex and Karson both tried to keep to themselves, because inevitably people started to argue about the politics behind the war. Every day that they got closer to Cat tension seemed to grow. 

After two days in the train Karson looked out into the world from his window to find snow. He had never seen so much of it, and it seemed to blanket the world in a clean layer. 

“It’s beautiful.” Alex looked up from her book at his quiet words and smiled.

“It really is.” 

_____________________________________

The train came to a stop in Kansas City and the bitter cold wind cut through air like a knife.

“Well at least their isn’t any snow.” Karson said trying to find a bright spot in the cold weather.

Alex only huffed and pulled her coat on tighter. 

The ride south east was quiet. Settlements were rare, and large farms were prevalent. When they passed people some looked on with suspicion others with curiosity. 

Finding the plantation had been easy, and Karson was happy to see the farm house in the distance. Very few workers were surrounding the house.

Stepping down from his horse he wrapped the bridle around a near by post. A screen door screeched open and Karson’s eyes warmed up when he saw Cat standing a few feet away. Her face was drawn in grim lines, but the smile she had for him was nothing but welcoming.

Karson hurries onto the porch and pulled the older woman into a warm hug. “I missed you.” Whispered for only the older woman to hear. 

Cat held Karson tightly enjoying his embrace. “I missed you too son.” Her words spoken directly into his shoulder. With a final squeezes she stepped back and greeted Alex with a smaller hug.

“Thank you. Both of you for coming let’s get your horses settled, and then we can talk inside.”

Karson quickly pulled their things off the back of the two horses, and placed them on the porch. Then lead the two horses to the barn. He was intercepted by an elderly black man who tried to take the horses, but Karson just smiled and told him he would take them. The old man was surprised, but followed the horses to the barn Incase he was needed. 

_____________________________________

The plantation house had once been a stunning structure, but was obviously in need of some care. Karson itched to work the once beautiful finishes and make them shine again, but soon found himself sitting in the front parlor with Cat, Alex, and a beautiful brunette who was heavily pregnant.

“Karson please let me introduce you to my daughter in law Samantha.”

Karson walked across the room and held out his hand to the woman. Sam made to get to her feet, but was stopped by Karson’s quite words.

“Please don’t get up. If my wife is anything to go by being comfortable is rare, and if you can you shouldn’t have to move.”

Samantha laughed “thank you. Not many men would care.” 

Cat smiled fondly at her surrogate son and patted the place next to her for him to sit.

“I’m so glad that you and Alex came as quickly as you did.” Cat began more tentatively then Karson or Alex had ever heard from the brash smaller woman.

“Cat you know that their is nothing you could ask that we wouldn’t find a way to do.” Karson reaches out and gripped Cats hand tightly trying to support the older woman in whatever was troubling her.

Cat sighed and gripped Karson’s hand tightly, and drew strength from the solid kind presence sitting next to her.

“When I came here a few moths ago I had hoped to be able to talk Adam out of...” Cat’s words were choked out of her. Anger and disappointment swirled in her stomach.

Alex spoke then quietly “I take it he still joined up.” 

Cat and Samantha both nodded both women seemed defeated, and again Cat felt a squeeze to her hand and Cat couldn’t help but to scoot closer to Karson’s comfort.

“He left shortly after I arrived, and didn’t seem to care about what the consequences were or how his choices effected his family.”

Cats words were bitter. Sam looked at the older woman who sat across from her and had been a port in the storm for so many weeks.

“It’s not your fault Cat. His stubborn streak is nothing new.” Samantha spoke quietly trying to skirt manners and her true feelings of anger towards her husband. She was not angry at Cat for the actions of Adam, but she was angry.

Karson and Alex looked between the two Grant women, and neither knew what to say. 

Alex being her normal blunt self finally asked, “Cat why are we here?” 

Cat couldn’t hide the small smile for the youngest Danvers. Alex had always been one to cut through to the heart of any matter, kind of reminded Cat of herself.

“I needed you to come bring us both home.” Cat finally spoke.

Karson and Alex both looked stunned by Cat’s pronouncement. 

Alex finally broke the silence, “what why?”

Cat sighed and stood and walked to the near by window. 

“He didn’t just leave a very pregnant wife behind. He left debts and little resources to dig himself out of them. The plantation will not survive the war, and I won’t leave Samantha and my future grandchild to fight for survival, because of Adams bad choices.”

Karson looked to Samantha, “do you want to come with us?” Karson spoke softly to the young pregnant woman.” 

Samantha looked up into Karson’s kind blue eyes and then across to Cat. “Yes I’m ready to leave.”

Karson nodded in agreement he would not tell either of these women what to do. “Alex is it safe for her to travel, or do we need to wait until the baby is born?”

______________________________________

A warm dinner at a table had been a luxury Karson had not afforded himself over the past weeks away from home, but tonight he sat with three women all trying to make polite conversation. 

“This house is beautiful, did your father build it?” Karson addressed Samantha across the table. 

“No my Grandfather did, but it is fallen to ruin as of late.” Samantha smiled sadly at Karson. “Cat tells me you have a beautiful home at home that you built. I can’t wait to see it.” 

Karson beamed at her, “I’d love for you to come and see it. I know Cat has a place for you, but if you need a place you can come stay with Alex, and my family out on the farm.” 

This statement got a genuine smile from Samantha, and Cat reached up and squeezed his hand and gave him a small smile. 

Samantha turned to Alex “you live out at the farm with Karson?”

Alex felt her face flush when Samantha turned to address her but quickly covered it up by wiping her moth with a napkin. “Yes, I... moved out about a year ago, to help Karson out on the farm when he travels to National city with Lena.” 

Karson watched Alex stumble through her explanation, and looked confused at her nervousness, but Cat squeezed his hand, and when Karson turned to look at her a subtle shake of Cats head was all he received.

_______________________________________  
Karson sat on the front porch looking up at the clear sky. The cold air seemed to make the sky seem more clear. The quiet of the plantation was so much like the quiet of his farm that he could feel an ache in his chest for his family that felt to far away. 

If he were home Lena would have already helped him put down Charlotte, and Conner would be fighting to stay awake. Lena smiled at the memory of Lena slowly braiding her damp hair to keep it out of her face while she slept. Karson loved running his fingers through her hair. With a deep sigh he closed his eyes to the stars, and wished he was home. Home sick was not a concept he had ever really had, but now he understood. 

The evening had been so strange. Cat was simmering with an anger he had rarely ever seen. Really an anger he had only seen once. When she was saving him from his father. 

Alex was shyly casting glances and Samantha, and that was definitely new. Karson didn’t know what it was about the slim brunette woman, but Alex seemed to be uncharacteristically off balance with her.  
He hoped his friend would be carful he never wanted to see Alex in pain.

They would be leaving in the next few days, and Karson couldn’t wait to leave for home. Quiet footsteps alerted Karson to someone walking towards him. He turned and found Cat. He lifted his arm and was happy to find the older woman press into his side and wrap an arm around his waist.

“You doing ok?”

Cat turned her face up to look up at him and the sadness that she carried was easily seen in her unguarded look. “No, I’m really not, but not much I can do about it now.”

Karson squeezed the small woman tighter to his side. No words would make the ache she felt better, but he could be there any way he could.

“I’m ready to go home.” Cat finally said. 

“We will leave soon.” Karson answered back. 

No other words were spoken, and the quiet of the night was the only witness to the sadness that permeated the air.

______________________________________

Samantha sat around a pile of crates slowly placing each item she wanted to keep. It felt like she was packing away her whole life. She had never lived anywhere but in this house. She was born in the room down the hall. She had buried her family out in the yard. She would be the first to not live and die on the land in the last three generations, it made her heart twist in sadness.

She knew in her heart she could not sustain this land or this home, and the roving bands of looters from both sides of the fight were already taking a toll on the surrounding area. Even though she knew it wasn’t safe to stay her life would forever be changed. 

Alex stood in the doorway and knocked, pulling Samantha out of her sad thoughts. 

“Do you need any help Samantha?” Alex could see that Samantha was overwhelmed, but didn’t know what to say. 

“Please just call me Sam, my friends always have.” Sam said with a sigh. Alex nodded and came to sit on the floor across from the sad woman.

The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but Alex wanted... needed to draw the young woman into a conversation. 

“Karson has loaded up one wagon today but she found another one and is ready for more of your things when you are. Is there anything I can do to help.”

Sam smiled sadly. “I’m almost done really, it’s just hard to pack up everything and know I will never see this place again.”

Alex knew Sam would probably never see this house again, so she didn’t argue she only nodded her head in understanding. 

 

“I know leaving is going to be hard, but if you have to go at least you know you will land on your feet. Cat is one of the kindest women I’ve met. Karson,his wife Lena, Astra Karson’s Aunt, will stand by you, and you couldn’t ask for better in friends or family really, because that is who they will be to you, and so will I.” Alex blushed a little bit but looked Sam in the eyes.

“We are a family and we won’t let you down.” Alex finally spoke.

Sam’s eyes misted over, but she blinked the tears away quickly. “Thanks Alex.”

Alex stood and gave Sam a tentative smile and made her way out of the room. Her heart beating quickly in her chest. Their was something about this woman that had grabbed her by the throat, and she had no idea how to handle it. Because what would a woman like her want with someone like her.

_____________________________________

Two wagons were loaded down and horses were hitched up waiting to make the drive to the nearest train station in Kansas City. Sam stood on her porch hands shaking grief threatening to drown her. The two remaining slaves that had been on the farm she had freed and would be traveling with them until they came to a free state, and then they could choose where they wanted to go. Sam was happy that they could be safe and happy away from this life they didn’t choose. They had always been kind to her, even when they didn’t have reason to be. 

Karson stood off the the side waiting for Sam to be ready. Cat and Alex had left to give the woman some peace, and Karson stood near so he could help her into the wagon. 

Sam finally looked to Karson as if to to beg him to end this limbo for her. Karson walked up the porch stairs, and stood next to the grieving woman, and held his arm out to her. Sam warped her arm through his like the lifeline it was.

“I’m sorry about your home, I wish I could make this easier, but what I can tell you is you are strong enough to start over, and you aren’t alone in doing so.” Karson turned his head and gave Samantha a smile he hoped would reassure her. Sam squares her shoulders as best she could and let herself walk away from the life she had known, and into the unknown.

_______________________________________

Lena sat in front of the fire place watching Charlotte and Conner play on the floor. It had been weeks since Karson and Alex had left, and she missed them like crazy. Alex had become her best friend, and someone she relied on for comic relief, especially since Astra was mostly taking care of Cat’s store, and when she was home seemed tired and focused on what needed to be done.

Lena opened her book, and pulled out the telegram that she had received from Karson and reread the message again.

 

< see you soon>

Lena couldn’t help but hope that soon would be now. Not having Karson at home had put a hole in all of them. Conner had been fussy, and Charlotte had been withdrawn, and angry. Lena couldn’t blame her children she desperately missed Karson as well. She knew how much work Karson did on the farm, but all of the little things he did every day were all the more apparent when he wasn’t there. 

She missed his easy smile, and his strong presence. Karson always knew when she needed him even if it was just a hug or gentle kiss. Forget actually getting sleep. Between Charlotte refusing to lay down or Conner being fussy she had stayed up later and later. Then she would find herself awake wishing for Karson’s warm body pressed into her own.

Lena knew Cat wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t important, but she missed Karson like she would miss a limb. This house that had always felt so warm felt empty with out her husband, and that was new. She didn’t know when it had happened, but seeing Karson everyday had turned into something she wanted more then most anything. Lena frowned to herself as she thought. She had never really felt dependent on another for her to feel happiness, but Karson had just made everything different, and if she was honest with herself she wasn’t upset for the change. Because honestly who could fault her for loving someone.

The wind outside picked up and Lena could hear it whipping against the outside walls. She hoped the weather was better where ever Karson was. 

_____________________________________

The train jolted Karson out of his sleep... again. It seemed that no matter what position he sat he could only sleep for a few minutes at a time. He rubbed sleepily at his eyes that stung painfully and looked across from where he sat, and saw that Sam was shifting uncomfortably too. 

“I’m sorry this trip had to be now. If Lena was anything to go by you must be miserable.” Kara spoke quietly hoping not to wake Alex and Cat who miraculously seemed to be able to sleep anywhere.

Sam grimaced, “it is not ideal no, but it is what it is.” Sam tried to smile at Karson. 

“So how old are your children?” If she couldn’t sleep at least she could do was to get to know the people Cat saw as family. She knew more about Cat and Alex then she did about Karson. He was much quieter then the two women who traveled with them. 

Karson lit up thinking about his children and Sam couldn’t help the smile that crept on her face in reaction to Karson’s wide grin.

“My daughter, Charlotte, just turned three and she is perfect. She is funny, and stubborn looks so much like her mother. Every day I swear she gets smarter, and more outgoing.” 

Sam watched as Karson spoke about his daughter and felt a little jealous that this man seemed to love his kids so much more then the husband that had left his pregnant wife behind. She still smiled.. who could help it with how happy the man across from her was.

“Conner is half a year old, and he is so much different then his sister. Where she is outgoing he seems to study the world around him. A little bit more careful, but I bet once he decides what he wants nothing will stop him.” 

Sam closed her eyes as another bump jostled her. Thank God this train ride would be done in the morning. 

“Picked out any names for your your kid?” Karson asked curiously.

Sam rubbed her stomach absentmindedly, with a small smile. “Not yet, but I’m sure something will hit me before long.” 

_____________________________________

The train yard was bustling, and Karson was wrangling the horses, and trying to hitch them up to the wagons that he had managed to get off loaded. Sam and Alex were sitting on a near by bench and Cat was walking through the local stores looking around while stretching her legs. 

Once everything was loaded and tied down Karson helped Sam and Alex onto one wagon and Cat onto the other. Alex’s horse tied up behind the second wagon. It would take half a day of traveling, and a bit to unload the wagons, but in the end he would be home tonight, and he could not be more excited.

____________________________________

The wind was rough, and the sun was hidden in a grey sky, but the General store was finally in sight. When they pulled in front of the store Astra quickly opened the door and met Karson with a hug.

“I’m so glad your home nephew.” Astra whispered as she felt Karson wrap strong arms around her waist. Karson held on tight a long few moments and then stepped aside so Cat and Alex could both greet his aunt, and he could help Sam down from the wagon. 

“I’ll go get some water started I bet a hot bath would make you feel much better.” Karson whispered quietly, and Sam could have wept in joy at the tall man’s words. “Thank you Karson.” He tiled his hat and walked purposefully through the door. 

Astra smiled at the young woman, “I’m Astra , Karson’s Aunt, and I’m so glad to meet you Samantha. You will have a good life here if you want it.” Astra held her hand out to the young woman and smiled warmly when Sam took her hand. 

“Please call me Sam, and I hope your right.” Sam said with a small smile. Cat ushered them all into the store just in time to see Karson carry in a large bit of water. She smiled to herself, boy couldn’t help but to care for everyone around him. 

When Karson came back through, and started to unload the personal items, and carry them up to the apartment above the store. 

“Does he ever stop moving?” Sam asked almost to herself, and then startled when the other three women all laughed.

“No, he doesn’t.... much to the irritation of his wife.” Alex said with a large smile. “But in this case is is probably just excited to go home, but doesn’t want to leave work for Cat.”

Cat nodded and patted Sam’s arm, and watched Karson fondly. Alex, and Astra, stood and moved to help unload the wagon with Karson.

Cat looked over at her daughter in law and frowned. “I know this is all overwhelming, and you really don’t know any of us very well, but we will all do our best to help take care of you.” Sam nodded and hoped that this life she was now living would be all Cat had promised. 

It took nearly an hour for all of Sams things to make it into Cat’s house. Karson quickly filled a tub with hot water for Sam and then refilled the pot so Cat could get clean when Sam was finished. 

Sam smiled kindly at Karson and thanked him as he walked out the door, and felt safe when he smiled, and welcomed her home with a quiet voice. 

Alex and Astra stood on the front porch watching the wind whip through the streets. 

“I think I’m going to stay in town tonight to help Cat and Sam settle in, and I will head home in the morning.” Astra wrapped her arm around Karson’s waist and squeezed. 

Karson nodded and hugged his Aunt. “I missed you.” Astra smiled and pat his cheek and then hugged Alex on her way back into the store. 

“I’m going to stop in to see my parents, and then I’ll be home unless the weather gets lousy.” Alex finally spoke. 

Karson only nodded, and bumped his shoulder lightly against Alex’s side. “See you at home.” 

Karson climbed up on his horse and cut out of town as fast as his horse would take him.

________________________________________

The farm house came into view, and Karson felt his heart start to beat excitedly in his chest, home... there it is. His family.

He rode hard down into the little valley, and barely made it into the yard when he saw a familiar face staring wide eyed through the window. 

Karson all but leapt off his horse and was at the bottom of the stairs to the porch when a small body flew through the air. “Daddy!!” 

Karson caught his daughter and pulled her small body tightly into him. “Oh how I missed you little duck.” Karson could feel the little girls tears soak into his shirt and he felt his heart clench at how upset his daughter was. 

Lena walked into the porch and saw her husband and daughter her eyes misted at how happy the two seemed. When she finally met blue eyes it was like a magnet was pulling her forward. Karson opened his free arm and pulled Lena and Conner tightly into him. The family stood in the wind huddled together unbothered by the cold slapping of the weather. They were together again and in that moment everything was perfect.

Lena reached up with her spare hand and cupped Karson’s jaw. “I’m so glad your home.” She pulled his face down to meet hers. The kiss couldn’t be full of the longing passion she felt, but it had the warm comfort of being welcomed home, to a place that was all hers that was enough until they could be alone. 

When the couple pulled away from each other Karson beamed down at her with a wise smile. “I missed you, every day was spent missing you.” Karson’s words were raw, but his happiness at being home could not be diminished by the sadness he had felt at being apart. 

When a cold gust of wind caused Conner to shiver against his parents sides they both realized they were standing out in the cold. 

“I’ve got to put my horse away, then I will be in.” 

“I’ll make you something to eat.” Lena said quietly while leaning up to press her lips against his again. 

Karson moved to pull away from his family but stubborn arms wrapped more firmly around his neck. He got the message loud and clear.

“Charlotte do you want to come help me?” 

Charlotte still had not moved away from her place tucked tightly in her father’s shoulder. She only nodded and he smiled down at her. 

“That’s great I don’t think that I could do it with out you.” This comment brought smiles from both his girls. 

It didn’t take long to unsaddle his horse and rub it down. He took time to start a large pot of water so he could get clean. Charlotte had not moved from his side since he had come home. He knew that him disappearing was hard on her so he happily gave all the attention he could to his little shadow. 

The house was warm and Karson let a sigh of relief at finally being home. Traveling was not all that strenuous, but his body was tired anyway.

His feet found themselves standing in the entry way to the kitchen, and there stood Lena over the stove with Conner happily sitting on her hip. He smiled at the beautiful woman holding his son and walked forward to wrap his arms around her waist from behind, and rested his head on her shoulder. 

“Mmm smells good.” His smile widened when he felt her lean back into his embrace. 

“It will be a few more minutes.” Lena spoke softly, but then turned her head and kissed the side of Karson’s.

“Let me take the kids then so you can finish up.” Karson pulled away and reached out for his son who immediately climbed into his arms and settled into his shoulder. 

Karson leaned down and gently kissed Lena on the forehead and then turned and offered his hand to Charlotte and walked into the other room. 

______________________________________

 

Dinner was quiet both children cling to their father neither really needing anything more then his silent presence. Lena has asked questions about Karson’s trip, and had frowned when she had heard the man Cat’s son had turned out to be.

“I can’t believe that he would abandon her like that.” Lena spoke with barely controlled heat in her voice. 

“Cat was barely raining in her temper. All I know is Sam is here and she will need all of us to help her feel at home.” Karson squeezed Charlotte tighter to his side. He couldn’t imagine leaving his family behind to suffer, knowing that they wouldn’t be safe or able to take care with out him. It made him sick to even think about it.

“We will take care of her she couldn’t have found better then this family. I could have survived without it, but my life is so much better with it.” Lena smiled at Karson happy grin. Yes, she could have survived, but she would have missed out on all of this, and that would have been the biggest travesty.

When it was time to get Charlotte ready for bed Karson brought in hot water for her, and helped her get clean, and read to her. 

Karson could see Charlotte fighting to stay awake, but eventually her eyes fell shut, and her little body gave up the fight. Karson leaned down and kissed the dark curls and whispered “ I love you” and when he turned he saw Lena leaning on the door frame a small smile on her lips and a sleepy infant on her hip.

“She missed you very much.” Lena whispered. 

Karson walked forward and picked Conner up off of Lena’s shoulder. “I missed you all so much I’m glad that I’m home.”

Lena leaned in and hugged him tightly around the waist. 

“I just put bath water in our bathroom if you want to get clean. I’ll take care of Conner.”

Lena smiled and nodded, and walked towards their bed room. 

“Looks like it’s just you and me little man.” That got a small smile from the sleepy boy, and Karson walked to where the bathing water was that he had used on Charlotte. 

Conner was grumpy to be wet when he was so tired, but eventually he settled into the warm water, and allowed Karson to clean him with minimal splashing. 

Conner was dressed and asleep, when a Lena came out of the bath wrapped in a towel skin pink from the heat of the water. 

“Baths all yours darling.” 

Karson began to strip as he made his way to the bathroom. When he sunk into the still very hot water he let out a groan of pure enjoyment. His body was sore. He couldn’t be happier to be home. He leaned his head back against the wash tub and let his eyes fall closed. The lack of sleep from the past few days threatening to pull him under.

“Do you mind if I help you clean up?” Lena’s lilting voice came floating to him, and he smiled and opened his eyes to take in Lena’s beautiful face sitting right next to the tub. 

“Not at all.” Karson finally answered with a small contented smile.

Lena moved behind Karson and worked soap into his hair.

“You need a hair cut love.” Lena teased and gently tugged on the wet waves in her hands. 

“I really do. If you have time do you think you can cut it for me?” 

“Of course.” Lena answered a happy smile settling on her face. 

She pulled a wash rag out and rubbed dirt away from strong lean muscles, and enjoyed the soft feel of Karson’s skin under her hands. 

“This house was so empty with out you in it. I knew I loved you. I knew that this life we have built together was the most important thing I have ever done, but living with out you here just made it more apparent, of how full my life is with you in it. And just how empty it would be if you weren’t. I’m so glad your home love.” Lena voice faltered at the end, and Karson turned to take Lena’s face in his hands. His kiss was gentle, and warm.

“There is no place I’d rather be then here at home with you and our children. I love you Lena.”

Lena sat back slowly rubbing Her fingertips over bare shoulders, and waited for Karson to be done soaking in the heat of his bath. She didn’t want to be farther away from him then she had to be. When he was finally ready to leave the bath, she helped him dry and dress enjoying every moment, every touch of bare skin, and brush of fingertips. 

As they made their way to bed curled into the others body they both finally fully felt like they were home and whole.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not know anything about actual herbal medicine or any real scientific thought process for this story line to be true. It’s of my creation not intended to be something found in real life. No offense is intended to anyone of any orientation or gender identity. If it offends you you have my apologies, this story is probably not for you. If you continue to stick with this story I hope you enjoy it.


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